Appraisal Day

These 2 weeks, I was waiting to be called into the room for appraisal. 6 months coming, and since I postponed my resignation desire, I wanted to be confirmed.

So, last day in the branch, and I thought I would have a peaceful nice day, settle all stuffs in the pending list. Mana tau, biz manager gave me another case, incomplete documents.... > < The impatient me did what I need to do lor...Sigh. 

Around 4pm, Biz manager said Boss wanna see me in the conference room. She went in too. I just knew what was coming. A rush of excitement came. Of course, I was nervous too. How should I react to it? What would he say? What scoring will I get?

I sat slightly uncomfortable. Then he begin his speech. It's funny how he tried not to make me feel bad for some scoring he gave me. He carefully select his words as if not to make me feel belittled or something. My score is 63.33%. Which was slightly bothering really. I'm not gonna lie. As a student who always fights to win marks, not seeing at least a B made me feel sad. 

He gave me his last advices and let me signed the appraisal. I walked out with a bewildered face, not exactly knowing what kinda emotion I should be showing. I told my senior and she said it was a good scoring. Hardly anyone get 70% and above. I looked at my mentor and I told him all about it. He kept smiling. 

 @8.15pm...before I went back home for good. C the files, they were just a quarter of what I had on the table. The files were so thick n huge in volume, they surrounded me like a barrier for office cubicle and you will never able to spot me even when I'm not hiding~

Around 5.30pm, when I approached my mentor again for some questions, He asked me to look over to the CA place. 4stack of pizzas and 2 large pepsi were on the table. I was like, hey this explained why the smell. My senior told me that boss sayang you. LOL!!! What!!!

From what he witness with his duration in bank, boss hardly confirm anybody on time. And he definitely hardly initiate a small informal farewell party like what he did. And so he did, walked out from his room, he asked for everybody attention in the office. I just purred a big No from my seat.... 

After my biz manager gave a speech which was convincingly drawing tears in my eyes, I gotta do a speech myself. I wasn't prepared for this. Seriously, I was so blank, I couldn't find words to say. I end up doing phrasing error and grammatical ones as well. And I just stopped when I knew the rush of emotion came puring out form the eye corner. No! Cannot cry!! So, I stopped and the feast begun.

Very awkward moment. Very. 

I hantam 3 slices of pizzas....whoah, fattening. After much eating and chit-chatting, we all resumed work.

@8pm, when I settled all the pending work, I went into boss room to say goodbye and to final thanked him. He is definitely a great leader. I think if he could, he would wanna absorb me into the branch. Too bad. Too bad... Opportunity comes with 2 main factors. Time & Luck. 

The actual speech, if I could just prepare a little :

Thanks for all the guidance to all seniors here. You guys are thoughtful, helpful and knowledgeable in developing this new trainee and now that she has grown and is ready to be taken out as MCO. You guys are the enhancer, undeniably the one that mold me into this independent credit officer. I truly wish I'm good enough to stand alone in the new journey to many branches while meeting a whole new batch of people. 

You'll miss me when I'm gone!!! LOL!!!

I gave my boss a hand made bookmark. Macam x ngam but just a token of appreciation. The main and most important thing is not to embarrassed him in other branches. 

 I will try my best to carry myself well ya :)

Random date

 Last Wednesday night, I officially dated my workmates for a dinner, on me. 

As a gratitution for them who never fail guiding me, helping me wholeheartedly in my training. 

For that, I thank you. My mentor, Wilson, senior Louise, Cleark Alice, Fwen/Banca-ING Wendy. 

There are more seniors and people I definitely wanna invite but budgeted dinner la...so, I can only prioritized those VIPs. If i could, I would wanna invite my boss. But for sure, he would wanna settle the bill-at least, I think he would. So, no point la the treating. 

The restaurant's pastas are amazing!!! It was so delicious I almost completely forget the unforgettable nasty pasta I had last time. I'm so lured to go there again. 

Well, 5 people dining, we shared all food, RM160. XP

Worth it geh.... Half years once only le...

Darn good food there... Will definitely go again :)

Random date with dearest Jiayie on Saturday~

She is such comforter, you can fall onto her and she would make u feel just right. 

She is the only one who knows all my badass stories and she somehow witnessed a lot of my malu-fying moments. 

Driving at night in a dark alleys and unfamiliar roads got me freaked out about 2 things.

Will I sesat? Will I see those things? LOL

When I fetched her back to her house, I saw the similar plastic bag on the road twice....different roads nearby. I was like this time die le la.... sure kena liao.... I was half expecting to see it the 3rd time further down the road which was darker in sight... 

Fuh, selamat.... 

Dun kacau me.... I really scare of you de...

***

Last day @Seremban Branch as trainee 2morrow. Pls don't make me emotional.

Bersih 3.0

Wow.... Historical day eh.... Bersih 3.0 another yellow rally

~~~

 

Well, sorry to say that... If I were in KL, I'll probably see the whole dramatic scene from afar... But to participate, definitely a no-no. But don't get me wrong, I'm not in any sense against the whole idea of such demonstration for justice. Not at all. I wasn't there and I never once really bothered much about it. So I don't have a right to speak. What I am most concern is that, whatever aim you're going for, make sure you achieve just that and beyond, positively, be violence-free. You must stood your ground firmly. I noe how our authority has been behaving, maybe they were how exactly bad as per described. Unless it was brutal and you were in knife point situation, you should keep the chaos to its minimum. Never give a chance for the gov or the wrong party to come in and have a way to grab you by the neck and twisted the whole thing. Never let them the chance. So, you better act your part rightfully or you end up spoiling the genuine purpose of the act. 

So, from what I heard is that supposedly, nobody should try to cross over to the Dataran and as promised by the Ambiga lady too. Still, everybody was so high with adrenalin, they crossed over. That 0.2% of people was enough to destroy your act's purpose cuz that will be what exactly the gov use to manipulate the story. You can hav pictures n videos and all things in the world to show the public, but well, to make people be satisfied, convinced and admit defeat, sometimes you need to go one step further to even swipe off that bloody 0.2% hard-core fans. 

Another jerky thing I saw people complaining is the dirt and after marched consequences. You guys leave room for them to pick on your responsibility of Bersih for all the mess you guys made. Perhaps maybe just again small percentage of dirty Malaysian being a Bersih supported made them up...But, do you think those anti-bersih will think of that that way? We being the naturally educated Malaysian will never fail as a Malaysian. Mess after huge celebration/events are never cleared. 

I was slightly sad to hear that complaint by some neutral opinion of others. Now in FB, you either are a Bersih fans or a neutral viewer. Nobody daring enough to stand and say out loud that he/she is against the yellow rally. 

 What I'm curious about is how many % of the people who got there is truly for the sake of a better future? Was that a reason for you to participate?

Keep that with you. I don't wanna know. As long as you truly understand and know what you were doing and it was all worth it, I have no problem with that. 

In fact, I'm proud of you. Honestly! I am. :) The thing that moved me most was when everybody saying how united the whole crowd was.... action truly speaks louder than words. How nice if more people shut the hell up and do their part responsibly... maybe these acts wouldn't need to be repeated twice.

 I'm just so glad all my fwens who went there were back safely with only some exposure to teary gas... Hey, were u guys all in the same area? 

LOL. 

Bersih!!! Long live you!!!

Yer.... The blog changed its format and now keep asking me to change to google chrome...

I have my rights ain't I

So, let me choose la... such bully you are!

I guess the gadgets supersonically know I hate them or scare of them....

They just know way to bully me. 

At least the printer, the fax machine, the photocopy machine, the computers in my workplace will found its way on my nerves. Ass la u'll...

My window password in office is revoked. Bloody hell. The dumb ass system wouldn't give an easy way out to retrieve the password. You have to go through one big circle of people to get you a new one again n it cost a few days...

Sigh! Just 2 more days JC. 

You'll miss me when I'm gone. The branch will miss me more cuz no more extra hand for you guys to work on the AA. I hope it gets only better when I jump on the MCO position.

Ahh....that bitchy song keep repeating itself in my head....

Hey I just met you, This is KRAZY, But here's my number

So, Call me maybe....

Lai, I officially date you on NTLP 15 :)

On???

*****

Aish, I just saw something that makes me mad jealous.... LOL

Sei geboh bitch!!!! OMG!!!

 LOL

Hate you la Bitch!

Hey, bad, I'm laughing for the wrong reason again. 

Pls stop meeeee ~

Somebody that I used to know

It's funny how it ends up this way... all the time.

It's either you gets me when you read me or that you were pissed off by it. Or simply avoiding me. I think I get it too. Either way, you end up being just like the rest of them. Which is disappointing. I thought you were different. Perhaps you thought I was expecting something. I didn't. Not that way. But anyhow, maybe I freaked you out. Thanks for making me feel so ridiculous. No, it's my fault. No blame game here. Emo people deals with this always, this way. Misunderstanding, misinterpretation, misleading, mis-i-don't-noe-how, mis-I-guess-im-sucks, mis-over-dramatic, mis-i-thk-better-shut-up-now.

Somebody That I Used To Know
GOTYE  (feat. Kimbra)

 

 Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

1st Full Dress Reheasal of NTLP 15

1st NTLP without me onstage.... Huhu...

Sad wei... seriously sad. If I could, I would beg for the chance to stand on that stage as NTLP singer. 

But I can't... logically not right, right? Ish. C what graduation did on me!

MR. ANDREW!!!! 

After much persuasion, Christine came with me to NTLP 1st full dress rehearsal. I don't want her to miss this. So, she will have to come. LOL!!!

& she did! :) Ur juniors and my seniors miss u la babe....

Since I haven't got a chance to hear any of the songs selected for this year performance, I was really excited about the rehearsal on Saturday night. I was expecting a good show. I remembered the exact same day I had last year. The moment I knew all my seniors were coming back on the 1st full dress, I freaked out but at the same time motivated to present greatly.

This year, the musicians stepped up. Some good guitarist were recruited. Very handsome too! Oh gosh... the new boy called Kelvin ha... XDXD. So bloody charming. I've already freak one out. I think Im gonna freak this out too!! LOL!!! 

New arrangers emerged and they injected quite a few surprising styles and specialty into the songs. The only matter now is the execution. Singers, well.... I wish I noe how to teach but I don't know how to address the problems. Those experienced one, they know how to handle it already. Minor fixation only perhaps. Those new ones... I wish I can go through every training with them. I can't.... Sigh. 

Showmanship is always my top concern. I have a list of people to fix...Hope they dun despise me for being over-caring... 

I hope by being there for them on the 2nd of May onwards will do some help. Even if I can't fix them, I know I can lend them a hand if they need me. 

My friends said Imma dedicated senior. I said I was guided by very dedicated seniors. I'm just a minor one. You haven't meet my other much dedicated fwens who love the club more than their FYP. XD.

Had a brief lunch with my bestie Joanne aka roomie nearby ukm. 

I said it once, I'm going to say it forever. Roomie could understand a friend much better than a bestfriend can do. And she being my roomie turned bestie... I guess she truly has a special place in my heart. 

***

Watching my juniors jamming and performing made me more convinced that music is what I truly want to do in life. 

***

The reason why I feel insecure and unsatisfied with what I'm doing now is because nobody knows me. It scares me. 

The fact that I've been so used to being known for what I can do and what I'm good at even though they don't know who I am socially. I don't know how to explain this... It's complicated. I am complicated.

What a mad sickness eh?

I can't wait for this NTLP 15!!!

I'm expecting an amazing weekend too....

Don't disappoint me fellow juniors... :) I have faith in you! I meant it!

Dream Hunter @Singapore- Last day

Sunday Morning 15/4/2012

I noe, one week already and I'm still not over it... Cuz I can't finnish blogging on time...

Scott Cheng came to us at 9am to have breakfast with us. It was a yucky dry noodle and I dun like it at all...

We took MRT then LRT to Sentosa. 

Another hot tourism spot in SG

Knowing that we will have to walk quite a lot, we found ourselves a locker to keep the luggage. But the lockers were so small, and my bloody luggage was damn huge. My gentlemen tried their very best to fit my bag into the dumb steel but to no avail. They just didn't meant to fit together...Lol. 

So, after much fuss and time being wasted, I decided to just put the stupid bag above the locker hoping that the reachable height wouldn't draw any devil curiosity to intentionally steal my stuff. Of course the not so important stuff but were anyway my belonging watsoever were dump into the locker la. From there we took off and the journey started. 

It was hot, but I don't mind being dark. I just hope the skin dun cracks.

From one coloured bus line to another, we then reached the overrated-much hyped about-a must visit-globe @ SG. 

I enjoy seeing how these stuffs being put together...the mist and the whole structured design being wisely constructed. Hmm....nice concrete jungle you have SG.

Another Merlion stature here.... We went into it for SG 10 dollor and had ourselves a mini history movie describing why Merlion is a Merlion...well... Then we headed to the highest level of the stature which was the head and then to the mouth where there was a cheap photographer taking pictures for tourists. Aiyer... Kacau le... She spoiled my mood to take pictures there.

Since Siewin & Emily went back early, I joined these men on the road trip. Of course I came with a certain amount of trouble but they have no choice but to take me along XDXD.  Thanks ar bros....

Here, there are varieties of games. I so so wanted to try this I-fly indoor sky diving. I so so wanted to jump in and registered my name until I noted the price and the fact that you will need to have a basic training before going in the tunnel....so it would required extra times and we don't have it. Haiz... Then Fai told me Genting also have one of this.... Hmm, Genting then....

Another one that caught my attention was 450m Megazip flying fox facility. I tried this flying fox once at PLKN and I fell in love with it, against my fear of height. Not phobia yet, slightly afraid. While I was in the bus, I was seeking for the ticket booth and the area where the facility was located. But, I guess I wasn't really motivated enough to try it alone. No companion. Time was ticking fast, and I lost my desire to continue searching.

Sg no nice beach....  :( 

Bitches alot la... XD

Around 3pm, we finally came back to the beach and I found my bag in its place where it belong. Nobody touches it to my disbelieve. I was like, hey, security here so good eh... Nobody steal it. They were like here no security la. I said, I know... but I'm saying SG is a safe place and then they shoot me back saying nobody would even bother to steal a cheap thing in SG...

 >. <''' Ok la.... U win!!! 

That bloody luggage isn't very expensive. Discounted price of 70% @ universal traveler for RM120++ which was bought bigger than I needed to facilitate my next travel to Bali which hopefully will be materialized in this august. 

That's why that shyte was this big!!!

There you go. One rush & happy 1st oversea so-called vacation. 

This trip also wraps up this year final audition try out. I don't think there are more coming until the same list of audition for those competition repeat themselves next year.

Hence, I'm left with half a year to fix/ master my vocal and to indulge myself to my long un-touch talent training courses maybe some dance class or watever la. 

The dream hunting came to a pause now while I nurture them slowly but hopefully this time effectively. :)

 Till then... 

Part 2 continues…

Marina Bay Sands…. It was the dock-like environment that truly wins my heart over. The construction was amazing.  Their daring touch of innovation is simply mind-blowing. Well, at least if I were to compared with Mas, hands down Mas is going to bite the dust, 9miles away….if u get what I mean…

And SG Public transportation services....double thumbs up... Seriously, they have all the rights to totally look down on Mas Gov. Shame on us... Look at our KTM... bullshit wei.... Bullshit!

The whole locality of the area is meant for tourism. From the elevated ship with the coolest latest sharing on FB showing the pool on the sky to the helix bridge, the LV island, the art science gallery which failed the appearance of a lotus all the way to the Merlion statue… That was the whole journey of the night. All the way to the Merlion statue… LOL. They told me that it spit rainbow….Ish. I was imagining lighting effect where the water will seriously be in colours…. Rupa-rupanya the natural rainbow which occurs only in the morning…. You guys are bitchy you know that? XD

I was like a kid being thrown into a play ground with lotsa fancy new games I never try before… Excuse my synonym-ism.  Excuse my overly excited character too. Thankfully we had a faithful tour guide aka Scott Cheng introducing us places and pointing us roads.  Our plan was disrupted by the draggy audition. Hence, we truly have no time spared to be wasted getting lost in SG.

It was dizzling @ Singapore....

We bumped to a live band called Crazy Elephant @esplanade (theaters on the bay) formed by a dysfunctional looking band mates but the hell, they were so brilliant I got hooked from the moments I heard them from afar. In fact, I fell in love with the guitarist. God knows how pathetic he looks but his skill on his instruments was too distracting. He was basically making love with his babe live rocking the stage in his lost world. His solos….U gotta hear it to feel me…  For once, I was distracted by a Chinese man even though there was a white man just 100 cm away from him.  His name is John Wong I think…Hey I remember his name still…. Check em out here: http://www.crazyelephant.com/

Now I noe why the Merlion is designed the way Merlion should be~ 

Isn't the night view just lovely.... 

We reached back Bugis at around 10pm… superb tired and I stink. But before that, I gotta meet up with my dearest Pumpkin who is now working in SG.  We had a brief meet up as she needa catch her last MRT back to her house. Gosh… I don’t like having such limited with u guys. If I can’t get enough of you in 3 years time, one hour alone cannot satisfy me one bit. LOL. I tried my very best not to sound so gayish… but I just miss you dearly. 

Aish…. Come back to Mas la Pumpkin… Here in ur home country got NasiLemak, got more greens and I. There in SG oni got better public transport nia…  

 ***

 ***

I applied 3 days leave on NTLP week… which translates a one week off from work.  2nd of May should be my 1st day reporting as MCO at Regional Office at Melaka Raya. There they will let me noe what’s my job scope, where do I go from there. Since I will be RM’s staff by then, hence RM is the approving authority for my leave.  At first they try to complicate the matter for me asking me to give reason on the remark column and if they feel that it’s important, they will grant me. Even my CA felt they were bullying a new gal cuz oni emergency or short notice leave needa give reason. I felt so down knowing I had 50% chance that my will could be rejected. Yea, over-worried like always…

Eventually, they called back saying RM manager has already approved my leaves. So, I shall report myself on the 7th. Whoah…I can’t imagine the days after that….

***Wanna noe what lame reason I put on my remark???

Such big fat lie I made just for NTLP 15. You made me tell such sinful lie…. You gotta bear the whole consequences if you fail me juniors.

“Internal Education Conference between Lecturers and Ex-mentees For the Coming Science Project related to my FYP”

Gulp!!! … Pls don’t do checking on me…Cuz it’s obviously a LIE! And pls don’t question me on the 7th to prompt another lie from me….

Dream Hunter @Singapore-Part2

So yea, I did try my best to fall asleep on my first night as a so-called backpacker~ langsung x serupa I know… N’way, I tried to live up with the hotel’s slogan you see.

On the 14/04/2012, I woke up at 4.45am. Yes, I was supposed to wake up even earlier to avoid fighting over the toilet. Everybody was busy preparing, dressing up and make up and so on… sharp on 5.30am, we started our walk of fame…I mean dream… O whatever…

It was still dark and I was darn sleepy. Little that I know man rules in Singapore… pedestrians is the king on the road… LOL. How crazy is that… We reached our destination at 6am ++.  While looking for the queuing spot, we saw only a few dream chasers around.  It was seriously too early but the hell, they only reserved 500 people for all die-hard singers wanna be. Came all the way from Mas & you don't get to be in the reserved 500 list?... Pls la...

Only by 8 plus in the morning, the line begins to fill up. I had a few short naps and I might end up looking pathetic in a few occasion. Medicine came knocking in…I can’t help it. 

By 10.15am, we were released into the mall for registrations. The zig zag steals they arranged for the queue was down right brainless. Seriously.... I felt insulted going thru the lines like a retarded gal... I truly wonders if that was the Singaporean's idea or the Taiwanese's. 

 Met a lovely gal who flew all the way from Sydney... She is actually a HongKonger studying abroad at Sydney... So friendly, so nice...she even look like my bestie @Hillary. Only me & Siewin felt that way... Cuz the rest cannot understand sisterhood like we do. If only Hillary was with us. Sigh!

We were asked to return to the hall at 11.30 am. Being the desperate dream chasers like we were, obligating the rules is a must. So we did. We again line up going across the ZigZag line and get ourselves prepared according to the numbers assigned. 

Eventually, we only got to sing at 1.30pm. Bloody shit. What sorta management was this? Imagine the hours we stood doing nothing on the lines.... From nervous to not nervous, from passionate to impatience... how could the function treat us like this? 

Well, it was all for the right reason. I didn't do well. I actually have no chance to not doing well. I stubbornly sang Mercy which didn't appeal to the judges and I didn't manage to last that 30 second as per given. Too bad Jc. It was speedy from then. Only certain contestant managed to sing up to 2 songs or more. 3 songs onwards you know they like you alot. 

After my whole teammate sang, we went for our lunch at Citypark food-court.I had my Japanese look-alike Korean food. Since we all decided to stay for the result, I headed to Coffee Bean for a latte. We eventually gave up waiting at around 5pm cuz there were 200++ more contestant pending on the line. The management said, if they want us they will call. Half of us knowing we already failed anyway. LOL.

From 500 people, only 7 people got chosen. 5 were girls. 

LOL. And I'm definitely no where near the 8th spot. Haha... There are times you just have to admit defeat cuz you're simply not there yet. Acknowledging weakness is actually the point where you started to collect pieces of success. Alright, enough of self-encouragement. 

The funny thing was when we were being picked for an interview during the pre-show where we introduced ourselves as Malaysian and we came here to win....bla bla bla....

We officially left the whole dramatic auditon behind on 5.30pm and from there we got our asses moved to Marina Sand Bay :)

Can I keep the rest for 2morrow??.... Sleepy le...

*****

Farny things always happen in the office. Sometimes it stress me out, sometimes it cracks me off.  Today I made up my mind to buy the insurance coverage. My fwen who kept luring me from the start caught me off guard when I was busy thinking on how to spend the unspent RM which were supposed to be spent as Sing Dollor. 

Shud I cut my hair short and then straighten it? Shud I lavish myself with clothes I spotted on the day b4 Singapore trip @ Parkson? Should I save it for another trip at NTLP week? Should I donate it to NTLP fund? All sorta things crosses my mind. 

And pops, she came clashing in with the insurance. Hey, that's it. To avoid spending on the wrong things, this is the right time to buy the coverage. It's like the utmost important thing on the list but I took the longest time to decide on it. Anyhow, dream didn't came true, & I'm turning MCO very soon. I need a protection coverage. 

For goodness sake, pls love yourself more JC

I love my friends, everybody knows that which my mother is always jealous of....O well

I kinda harsh on myself which everyone too knows it too

So, there you have it, another commitment in hand and another debit in life to service...

Arghh, for all the right reason, remember that JC. 

1st step of loving myself

Don't let Jcdagreat extinct... cuz I'm so rare, you don't always spot such crazy Leo that easily in the near future. 

LOL

Nite Y'll :)

Dream Trial Part 1

Oh well, I would really wanna crap the whole thing out but the medicine might kick in fast and I might end up middle of somewhere...So, it's wise to part them up which at least it wouldn't be too lengthy to those haters who read.

1st day to SG. Packed all stuffs, medicines & passport. My thoughtful fwens are lovely enough to buy the bus ticket which will stop at Seremban's terminal and he bought my ticket too. :) 

Can't do much in bus as everybody was so busy catching some sleep. 3 hours plus and we were at Johor Larkin. There we had lunch and continue to our SG trip. Long bus journey...

Reach our budgeted stay at a backpacker hotel. Was glad it was comfortable enough with satisfactory cleanliness. Most importantly the loo must be acceptable which it scored 7/10. 

After a sweaty walk, we took a bath and had ourselves a short nap. Then we lepak at Bugis junction and had our dinner nearby. A duck meal. Not bad seriously. 

The night didn't last long cuz we were expecting a bloody long day for the audition 2morrow. It seemed everyone came unprepared with songs selection, what's more practices. I on the other hand stubbornly stick with Mercy as my selection. Stubborn! 

Part of me was worry of the audition day, the other half was anticipating. I seriously wanna get it done with fast so I could have more time to play on the next day. 

Somehow, confidence wasn't really there... the week start off rough with sickness and period came visiting on time which really sucks. 

LOL. Trust me, all these bothers. Lame reasons but they did exudes unnecessary burdens. 

To be continue..... 

**Sigh, I really wish I could have extra hours per day just solely for myself. 

& the fuck, I scratched my babe Myvi... The left side are now patterned with long horizontal lines arranged finely on the backseat door....FUCK! 

Heading to the Lion City 2morrow....

I hope I can sing my best 

That's it. So, recover in time dear voice ....

Ur nose may betray you, you throat may betray you too

But your passion will not. 

Let me Jcdagreat emerge...

She knows how to handle it....  :)

Praise By The Man

After a short briefing with BM and all credit officers, my BM asked me to go into the conference room again. Got me seated across the long table... I was like, appraisal time? No!

HR called me again. 

So fast?

Yea, I told you from the beginning. But this time, they are not gonna based you in branch, they gonna make you an MCO. I asked them to let you start on the 2nd of May. 

(Nodding my head)

I know you worked very hard. I see you as someone that could be developed. I don't normally teach so many trainee or let them come to the meeting/briefing. Here there's no vacancy.

I understand.

But who knows in the future, if there's a possibility to take you in. 

(Then he begin to tell example of how this senior was trained in Srban, became mco, then parachuted back to Srban) 

But I cannot tell, I have to be fair based on the branch needs. 

So get yourself prepared. 

:)

I don't know how many time has he been telling this to trainees, but I chose to believe him. I took credit on what I did and I'm glad he saw that.

Well, my hard works were meant for genuine purposes. But he having the heart to acknowledge a trainee who isn't the branch staff touches me. 

He is a winning BM who has vast experiences. A talk with him makes your knowledge an inch thicker. I would really wanna based in Sban branch. At least, I'm already close with the seniors and I'm warming up to them already. Sad lor...

But hell yea.... Being an MCO meaning more millage claims, more freedom, less bounded by branch, 50% workload off my shoulder especially those tedious jobs. But the only requirement is to be able to travel to the assigned branches daily. Pros n cons la...

I can learn more roads by being an MCO but my directive instinct sucks. I actually loved being owned. A sense of belonging to someone. You know what I mean.

I was trained to be vulnerable. So it will takes sometime to readjust myself back to my origin - a Leo.

But if so happen my dream came true in the middle of my mco journey, then I have a perfect reason to resign. I can always fall back to the reason of being vulnerable- can't accept the challenge of being a mobile officer...

Then at least, I don't have to disappoint my boss n seniors in front of them while serving my one month notice...

LOL.

Think of it, It's a perfect thing that could happen at this very uncertain time of mine. 

As luck always come as a special guest. You don't see it coming, but it bounds right up to you and you don't even know its existence.

A twist of faith might not be bad after all.

:) 

Internal battle External battle Physical battle.....

Im so exhausted!!! Baffled!!

& I'm so sick.... I will guai guai sleep b4 11pm tonight... pls let me recover...

Finally...

My own passport... wasn't a smooth ride but anyhow, I'm done with it. Now I can legally cross borders....

LOL

Was looking fine until the stupid arranger want me to keep my hair up so that it wouldn't cover my face > <

38 lo.... So I did... well, all my pictures which are 'legally' acknowledged by the gov n my company, the official pictures so-called are all down right ugly. So, adding this in, I have a total of 3 pictures I never wanna disclose. My Ic, My PBB ID, and now my passport too.  

Huh!

Overspent la this month.... I just shopped for some beauty products...lol...so ironic... Trust me purchasing one of the items below will take me forever to considerate... Guardian ada sales... And I thought about it for sometimes....to spend or not to spend. It has been long since I last made a decision this fast. 

Time ticking honey.... I guess it's no longer my wallet who has got the say. Now my skin and my face and every inch of my body are screaming for some attention. 

Okay lo...lavishly spend RM100 for those stuff. In comparison to many girls out there.... mine are considered nothing... but....sakit hati neh.... this month eat apa.... needa spend in SG summore....

GG liao XD

1st destination. Singapore! The next half of the year will either be Bali or Thailand :)

It's time to spend....

Lonely Friday

I don't know why everyone need to party on the Friday...

The over empowering TGIF is the norm for many youngster like me... :) Well.... but not really applicable to me at all. Maybe it's the fact that I don't get a date often on Friday or Everyday but even if I do, I'll be reluctant to go out. Only those very close or exceptional case like important gathering, then I will go. 

After a whole long week of being a slave for money, what I really need is total silence and a peace of mind. I wanna really enjoy a night being alone, not talking to anyone, facing my lappy, blogging or stuff like that. I need more time of my own. Per day, the time I own for myself is roughly after 10.30pm onwards which explains why most of the time I sleep late. Cuz I simply needed more hours before they all go wasted as sleeping hours, which I regretted in the morning cuz it was that time I realize my body cannot take much sleep debt anymore. 

So, friday will be the night I comfortably lock myself in room. Then only I will have the drive to go out in the weekends. :) My Sg trip is getting nearer... I'm so excited. I'm scoring two desire in one trip this coming friday. So finger crossed that that Friday the 13-th is gonna be a day of mercy. Be good to me. 

Coursemates...huhu.... I miss u guys so much.... still lacking 7 girls n 1 boy ....

Working in bank sucks. Well.... most of the time. The sign to resign is always in my head. The day is adventurous cuz you keep learning everything new, meeting new characters...

I don't think I love coping with pressure.... I'm so intensed I feel dizzy all the time. Face computer too long I guess...Or was it the food poisoning aftermath... I still diarrhea every morning since the eventful last Sunday. Pathetic huh?! 

But a senior message me tonight. He told me someone praised my work credibility. He didn't disclose whom but from the way he indicate, could be my boss la. Of cuz la... super rajin leh...

No, it isn't because I love my job. It was my impatient that makes me wanna do things fast. It was my ego that draws me to learn things faster. It was my nerve that got me alert on every single order given so that I don't miss out anything. 

Due this month end, I shall be appraised & confirmed, which also means I will receive cash incentive~ bonus like which also means I will be bound by the new rules where resignation will required one month notice.... diu lo.... Wat... the next thing you noe I might got stuck in the bank for the coming ten years... WTF. 

Hell to the NO!

Hey I bitch talking to myself...literary... it sounds nauty.... HAHAHAHA..... LOL.

 My Deandre is out from the competition. Well. Idol sucks without him K.... I hope he score a record deal. With just one great song, he will definitely be on top. Who needs Idol when you're that special. 

Lame huh.... Let me...

He has so many great moments in Idol...sigh. Too bad JLo couldn't save him :'( 

Anyway, going to make my passport 2morrow :)

Wee.... But I ain't looking real fine lately.... 

Hmm.... Sleep ba jiu...

 

U Know U're a Jerk To Me When....

1. Ur English level is super bad. Those who acknowledge it, u're fine. You know u're improving. Those who has no heart to improve on it then you know how awful you are. Being with an ego shit banana is already bad. The fact that I mold myself to better suit the community, still there are worst English crapper out there. 

Sometimes I truly fed up with people who don't get me at all. Then I started to query whether it was their understanding problem, their lack of language proficiency problem or it was my problem after all. I'm so done with these self-conscious thing. I don't like the blame to come back to me. It bothers me too much and it's only right that I don't communicate with you at all. Cuz u're indirectly hurting my self esteem.

2. U're making these shitty lame cold jokes to make me laugh. It wasn't funny. I can't force a chuckle. It was pathetic. Some try to do pranks. Like joking all around, trying to fool me over. If u're a lil charming angel, you might get away with it. Don't ever try when I'm in bad mood. The only time when a girl like being tease by a guy is when the girl crush on that guy. The rest of the time except for that particular reason, you're just being annoying. Trust me....don't try so hard to be funny. 

3. I came across this super fans of Malaysian great Idols. There was one day when I post a stupid link, and I scream out loud the word FUCK in bold on my FB wall. So happen this fellow came across and then pop up to my chat box. Below was the conversation of him & I

Jerk: Would u mind if i ask u about copulation? have you?

Me: errrr.....its out of my comfort zone, sorry not interested in such topic

Jerk: ok, duly noted. sorry for asking as I'm surprised that young girls love to use the fxxxing & WTF 

in many of their expressions which made we wonder whether they're involved in this area.

 Perhaps my imagination have gone haywire.

Me: na.... u're just old fashioned (WTF)

Jerk: Thanks for notifying me as I may have misunderstood

Me: we use such words doesnt mean we got involve in it in any sense

Jerk: girls are different in this 21st century

Me: but u asking such things makes me doubt ur intention (WTF)

Jerk: yeah, i've too given u the wrong impression by asking you that. 

sorry for my misdemeanour

will not ask u such question again

WTF like seriously....U thk I bothered if you ever ask again? I known U're a grown man. U be smart la hello.... Such question you can go ask some whores la... I just snapped and I close the conversation controlling my madness. 

I know my face don't match my attitude. In fact, my attitude don't match my character. 

I seriously wanna delete him directly. I sensed an alarming danger even if that was purely an innocent mistake on the choice of question. 

U're dealing with a Bitch like me, you better be smart. 

Fuck yea!!!!! 

4. The last jerk on my latest list are those I crushed on. You bloody think you can ride on me making me weak n vulnerable... Testing me in silence, leaving me cold for sometimes and then come back luring me.... possibly imagining how hyper happy I am beaming with the glory smile that you're looking for me finally....

FuCK!!! The fuck!!! 

If you feel something while reading this, then you know you're testing me this way and you too crushed on me. If you don't, pls go celebrate cuz u are confirmed in your safe zone.

Pls try not to understand me by judging. Understand me by knowing me...

Just please don't be stupid

Don't be a jerk to me. It's easy.... like reading the ABC

Im So JERK Drunk tonight WTF!!! 

SICK with my day, SICK in the night as well.... but the hell, I'm letting lose all tension on my personal blog.... Now I can sleep freely with all those bared off my chest.