Thursday, 29 October 2009


These few days, i was very reluctant to push myself hard to do my reading. I wonder y is this happening to me. Probably i'm having my elective papers 1st, then only majors and knowing that after these few subjects, the coming days would be hell.... so perhaps, my mind set was adjusted to best suit relaxation i wish to have before encountering days of doom.


2day paper.... if only... there are many if only especiaally when you come out from the exam hall... sad....haiz. yell like a mad gal...cuz i could have score one of the most satisfying question in da paper... cuz the rest answered, i wonder if they were my own theories or the theories learned...haha.

That day i had a dream about him... we made love and it seems perfect untill the dream told me that i was the 3rd party and he was my good fwen bf...watda f***... guess i day dream too much... then my roomie told me that in the morning where the dream progressed, i laughed out while i was sleeping... oh shitty...


i wonder if i really like him or probably i just wanna a life outta the singlehood. but,i did crush OD quite much untill i dump him for him.... haha... i don't deserve good guys... yadayada...negative thinker

i dun thk he noes that i like him... i don't understand why am i being such way... i'm always in hesistance and reluctance in relationship matters. guess that i don't just look old, i began to feel old and act just like one. Probably i fear rejection... so much to say...too deep... lol.

Found a white hair hanging on the top front portion of my spreads... how cum my parents's hair genes are so active huh? high expressitivity...habis la.... full white plus,baldness and osteophoresis cuming too....the latter is due caffine addiction...

so, juniors, stop guessing.... i am really still single... no lie k

a fwen, my best fwen... inviting me to go langkawi with her... i noe she wants it so much for all reasons i could possibly think of. But, i rejected her numerous time. Please dont make me do it again... i have my reason for whatever decision i make. i never know how to say no to friends... but if i can be sure to let you noe i cant and i dont wish temporily, i seriously don't want it. So, please stop making me feel so guilty but rejecting you... u noe how much i care for u, but that promise you need of is outta my comfort zone. Yes, i might be giving out stupid reasons and unacceptable self-boundaries, but this is me. don't force me to come out from my shell when i'm yet ready for a change. Not now.... i'm really sorry...probably, i'm just not the one that could be there for you regardless of whatever situation and needs...

the coming 2 majors after the suckest elective paper (perngurusan persatuan) are my favourites. These 2 subjects are the ones that make me feel that i'm not exactly 'TINTO' to choose biology as my course. 1st choice tiam...i could have get a way better appreciatable course and bla bla bla... the story goes on...

insects collections are about to be done.... checking out the names of families made me in awe with the beauty of god's creation... the art of nature... but... the smell of the preservatives was so bad that i could have faint if i were to stay there long... i was blurry for the whole days... i guess i will end up doing LI and thesis on insects as well. Better than facing and 'embracing' da microscope and checkm out DNAs... hate...

 --le fin--

Thursday, 22 October 2009

The last pt post...

our t-shirt design

i just never stop Well, i can’t get it off my head...yet! So, what else do you expect me to do?? I either boom my fb or i shout out loud in my blog la...dun mind me =P

rehersal make up...b4 n's so ah lian....shitty

As i mention up there, the last pt post. I finally find time to write out the stuff that has been dying to spit out...i was practically waiting for my lappy to get fixed so that i can upload my photos as well... haiz. The period without it was like losing a soul mate...very pityful...hence, there u go... skip all you want as this will be another lengthy piece of shit from jc-da-ah ma story teller.

our preview show

Jcdagreat’s glory...

Well, a year long waiting, finally it was time for Pesta Tanglung again. The anticipation was so strong that i drop out all the other stuff and focus only in PT as my main activity this sem. And i did no wrong as i can concentrate on it fully. Pt alone was way too hard to cope with especially during mid sem examination. After the audition, there was no turning back.

me n huang huang

The first thing people noticde was that i was the last year dancer...yea... recognition...bla bla bla. I was given comment from teachers and my dancers that i improved so much!! For your information, i was one of the lousiest dancers last year - slow and blur...paiseh is my main reason ba. Knowing that i improved tremendously, i aimed to strive and explore more in dancing.

my babes

Classes after classes, i believed i gave the teachers impression that i could be the few main dancers this time around. I hardly made mistakes, i did what they want and being experienced and working with the same teachers, i was able to help out the other inexperience dancers.
Having more dancers this year and more males makes a huge team for the main campus performer troupe. Variety of courses, years and fun they bring along. Of course having the few seniors reunion back like Arroyo, Darren, Melody, Sly gal, and Chansey was so much fun. They made my earlier journey in practices so much smoother. It was always hard for me to get close to new friends. I need time to get myself warm with others unlike the rest. So having em made me feel less alienated.

our 1st dance costumes

My senior status was shaky. The confidence i posses have been temporary and i couldn’t cope with the pressure being selected to dance all six pieces. Actually, it was a pleasure being acknowledged and selected but just after few classes missed and hip hop introduced, i started to lose focus and the yelling of the name ‘joanne’ filled up the pusanika air, again. Well, that was what the teachers do when i made mistakes. I was kinda disappointing them and myself so much so that i begin to wonder if i can really do it.

colour coordination ....38 we all

There was once i break down and i so needed a fwen to console me that i messaged my desperation to haha.... i really dunno who else to find. The slimy mushy reply from got me thru the day. The few gals who was also dancing six pieces was very focus and i really admire their memory and stamina. That was what i lack of but i was really trying so hard, or was i?

afternoon time on da big day...these two hiao things steal our

The performance day was the real deal. Having a sucks final rehearsal bring down everyone else confidence. Everyone cried the day before... rather than anticipating the big nite, we were basically breathing just guilt and pain, physically and emotionally. Sleeping was the injection of strength we beg for. But miracle happens when u hardly expect it. All the fatigues somehow turned to energy and we perform once more on the stage. There were sights of relieve from the teachers in the morning of the performance day and this was a powerful source of stamina boost for every dancers.

me n yah yuan

Fake eye lashes were shitty-ly annoying and i dun like my make up too. Then came performance, 1st dance was really nerve breaking. My adrenalin pumps were outta control. Chansey, my partner was with me all along. We were holding hand and i felt strong. This was it! Time to turn all hardship@work into glory!!!

me n darren...the leo-rians

We give all out for one last time. The rest of the dances fly by pretty fast. No more time to worry and nervous about the next dance cuz by the moment i was done with dressing, i need to get ready for the next dance. The moment on stage was great!! The impact was so strong even with smaller crowd. Practically every dance received applause of appreciation. The finale, the last bow was touching! It was the more pt, no more dancing.... but that wasn’t what i really want.... as i know so well life after PT is a real challenge. It was already 3 weeks coming after that beautiful night, yet, i’m writing this post that eat up my revision time..aiyayai... still, am very glad that the reviews and comment were wonderful and extreamly positives.

lol...i can be bitchy too k

fine lo...she wins

I consider myself lucky for i have joined pt-29 when i was in 1st year. Pt-29 marked the impact of Pt-30 should have. Now that i have achieved my performing desire in pt-30 and shared the limelight and glory of Pt-30 bday with all my 21 beloved dancers, i am looking forward to start a new decade of Pt-31st, to strive another great journey.

the four that dances 6 pieces

our finalle bow

the first dance...i was being lifted at the back

Those who have came support me and wished me well in the whole performance, those who enjoy it and those who witnessed, and of course, the dancers...the ones that shared all pains and tears.... i thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for the most amazing 2 months that we shared. Such exciting journey such high ride, so much memories and stories cherished.

the 2nd dance shot... shots...

Jcdagreat felt loved and blessed.

Tho i couldn’t say i did well, but i think i didn’t disappoint as well. I am still awaiting jcdagreat, the alter ego joanne to emerge fully. By then, will you still be there to witness me shine on stage as a real performer?

the pain during final rehersal... never been so hurt b4

Thursday, 15 October 2009

kong- k with pt buddies

i dumped my never touched group report at all and rush like shit for the nite k with my budd's.
so so worth it.... it has been too long.... b4 the nite, i was at zaba catchimg insects....
never in my life i see so many caterpilars every where in the surrounding...
so GELI!!!!
the next thing u noe is that i act like a sissy n ran away yelling chung chung ar...
so paiseh u tau boh....
i wanna make it the last trip dy, so was working hard n focus... gone dark in a blink of an eye...
suan le, never been fair pun
saying no to k is a crime to me.... esp wen i wanna be with my fav peoples currently...
it was totally insane!!!!
i never sing a song outta tune so greatly b4...
i dun wanna miss a thing
me, xuanie and darren the stu trio were inpersonating steven tyler... imagine that...
i try so hard not to laugh out but fail. gosh... i dunno wat to say. sing till half way, nose allergy attacked. laugh so hard, cold environment then not enough air gua.... suddenly during high part it came kacau....ish. hate it....
i really am easily atrracted by tall guys. with porpotional body size...awh.
haha, got kaitan de... eh, maybe not... ignore me pls, this is the real joanne u r reading yea... blur maximally n indecisive...haiz
tho that nite only composed of 6 ppls but, quite fun also. all close pals....
close meh...haha.... erm, i wan it be ba... oh, singing bom bom pow was the funniest de.... hiaoing with xuannie is damn fun. best k pal... she sing me fav song la... wohoo....
will head back home on sat after newtune audition... miss my bed n the smell of my dog after bath...hahaha
n im pretty ready for brain cramming already... after friday la... will do well.
thanks benjamin for doing da anova 4 me... he suddenly look like a saviour. sickly disgusted by da ento report... stu biometri. guess i will do badly for the exam next sem...
computer application + mathematics....
praise the lord... bless ukm, bless me...... ady mau pengsan

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

...miss blogging...

i mean i miss blogging... not s self indentification intro

my lappy is sent to the service centre...haiz. so so sad.... it feels like a fwen masuk ICU.

so lost yet i cant do anything.... being not able to say wat i wanna n intend to say at that particular moments is totally suffering n i hate it. y me? this is the last thing i thot will happen to me...gosh. ACER...arghhhhh

especially wen i started to actively blog n upload photos... beh tahan

since pt is officially over, i started to wander around for stuff to hang on to... thanks for the lousy undone assignments n the insects project, i'm quite preoccupied rather than keep refreshing da pt moments... is not that i want, but those flshbacks are outta control de. all the while, the most difficult time is not during the harsh practices, is the life after PT that sucks. i now totally understand the feeling of my fwens when they depart with their beloved. i supposed almost the same ba.

amazing high heck of a journey n im loving the whole sem... again, it's the 1st sem that bring me joy. this time, tho less activities, but whole lotta impacts... been thru so much, learned so much. what else shud i ask for... now that is reaching the end of it, the only thing left for a perfect ending/packaging is my final. scoring a dean list will be the best since i have been promising myself ever since i enter ukm. this year, with majoring begin, such great motivation induced. if this point is reached, this sem will be the greatest of all.

love life... those that i want is not responding or am i giving the wrong signal. but those im not at all thot are knocking on my door. such imperfection. so, shud i wait up or give it a try? supposed, i will just wait n giv up b4 trying n remain single till... i dunnio la. worry not mr. justin, i wun let myself end up 3-0. haha... i wun n i dun wan.... x mau cum back 4 u lar...sienz...



heard of a dance audition this morning. suddenly 'save the last dance' movie which i watched on sunday (tv la) becomes the motivation. shall go c how n what it's all about.

blogging in library with quite controlled posture n coldness suckz.... haiz.




Saturday, 3 October 2009

3/10....malam persembahan pentas PT-UKM 30

The nite before, 2nd oct
''ur performance in rehersal sucks''
''i've never teach one dance that bad''
with the teary eyed and heartache, the teachers told us that...gosh
i so so wanna cry cuz i feel extream guilty for them.
this lack of time preparation and for that, we all work so hard for the past few non stop esp the beggining of raya break.
at the end, due to hardly adaptable limited time in real stage, we screw up in final rehersal. the nite, the teachers and us stayed at dectar till almost 1am. after the tcher left, many of them cried.
every1 has their own reason of crying. i cried cuz i did not do my best too.
seeing them so guilty and i cant do anything to help make it worst.
we gathered back at dectar at 7am the next day
3rd of october
everybody with heavy heart prepared for the worst but still aiming the best. somehow miracle happen. the tchers train us again and somehow, non of us lost focus.
i remember most when we try one of the dance on stage, just after we possed at the end of the song, both our tchers were sanding smilling. one of em even showing two tumbs up. at last, i noe we finally found back the right tract.
training after training
we finally prepared for the makeup
fake eyes lashes
dont really like my make up compared to rehersal day
anyhow, after the praing ceremony, we moved on to a small brief but damn touching, heart wreaking crying section tradition.
we all gather in circle and each tcher give a lil speech. i was like oh no.... dun spoil my make up like last year. i try my best but still cry like shit when my dance tcher give speech.
i like the head of control, Milo tcher
he was so emotional and seeing all da tchers and him almost giving up on us when i thought this year should be perfect make me feel sorry.
final preparation..

first dance.
most imposrtant. then the rest are like wind blows....speedy...rushy... esp when i took part in all 6 dances...
i dun even have break much.... but the moment you step on stage, the view, the clapping, the cheering....
the most powerful sourses of energy....
tho the amount audience was less compared to last year due to the exact date of mooncake festival, but, i can seriously feel that the impact was so much better.
have blessing from few frens esp kin weng... awh... such lovely dude.
he actually call and wish me all da best. so damn encouraging.
da best moment was really during the finale, when we bow to the audience...really touching. that is the moment we fool around, no rules, no boundaries... hugs n kisses, big laugh n tears... such fantastic moments.
but, hmm... sayang le. me no congrats gift geh....
hahaha. that isn't important after all.
i still have many life science junior with me. my bau mu also very nice. gosh.... xiao xing did a fantastic job guiding them. of course la... my ah mi ma....
then cam whoring start exactly after we back on the flashing non stop...
lastly, the few of us went to the KFC24 hours at kajang.... then back to melody house to remove make up....back room on 3.300 am....
so wanna fb n blog, but guess my body no longer capable after consuming more than half a year energy just for this 2 exxagerating here k lappy got problem...u wahhhh.... cant on9 whenever i want jor...hav to use roomie de 1st....haiz
sorry many ah ma up load soon...wanna get the most ss photo of tagging not complete yet....
tee hee
thanks pt dancing troope for sharing the most amazing two months with me...
all tears and pains
isolation and pointer deduction....
u all still hutang me hai tang and karaoke yea....
^^ peace