Tuesday, 28 June 2011

I wasn't comparing, I know I wasn't the best of yours

Please don't ignore me~If I made a mistake, If I say something wrong, let me know. Tell me. I'm your friend. I thot I am. I had been betrayed, I had been hurt before by someone I trust, someone I called soul mate... Scar was never mend cuz I cannot forget once I hate. I am a sensitive freak.

It was inherited, it was built. 

Never let me feel like I'm being left out alright???

You guys spoiled me. I'm just the meow u labeled. Once you pet me, I'm yours forever. If you ever stop doing it, I feel anxious. Then I'll bite!!! LOL

Na, I'm writing shits again... insecurity sucks.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

I think I sang well tonight while jamming... But somehow something is lacking... And I don't know how to tell it out loud... Can somebody please read my mind? Ha... I think even the best psychic will die trying to figure out what is in my head. 

Why am i being so complicated? I'm a mess....

Chronic personality disorder I assumed.... Bipolar la, Depression la, OCD la... I always feel there are 3 person stuck within my body... Hahaha...does it sounds creepy already?? Joanne being the normal one...

Well, stay away from me... Or I will eat you alive!

Oh oh... Happie bday dad!!! You ain't perfect as a husband nor a father... But you did try. For that I love you.  I'm a darn great daughter of yours. Just wish to remind you of that... You will have me in your old age, you will see me when you are lonely, you will definitely be loved~

Happie Birthday Dad

Beauty of Sceince- take 2

 Chains of stars... 2 type of Calcim oxalate... Damn those pretty things

 Love the moon-like shots....

 Uric acid...

 Massive epithelial cells.... could have been infection or something

Woot~ sperms... How i wish I could do a recording of it... That day, I saw a big headed sperms where morphologically, they were abnormal. Motility and sperm count were also not normal. While inspecting them, I saw one of them clinging to a WBC. I was like... Hey, that wasn't an egg la... XD. Are you playing with it assuming it was an egg or is the WBC trying to kill you??? 


Friday, 24 June 2011

The Beauty of Science

Triple phosphate~ It was breath taking the moment I saw it... I was amazed by the act of discovery rather than really seeing an crystal in an urine sample. It was not a good sign for the patient XD

 This is Cysteine~ uric acid~

 I always have a heart for stars~ I was staring at the crystal for a very long time~ It was beautiful. By the way this is Calcium Oxalate.... not a good thing too

Ooo... Damn lotsa RBC... and a big star ~ I mean Calcium Oxalate somewhere in the middle... A quick glance of this picture looks like a planet in our universe =) A moon or something...

I used to love astronomy and all things about the universe

~ Saw a lot of stars today filling up the dark sky and they were mesmerizing. I thought to myself... hey, we ain't that far away from each other... We are under the same starry sky... Then I smile... I'm not missing you tonight =) Cuz I know you will always be there for me~

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

I feel so powerless when I'm not with my girls

My meows... in fact those stickers of cats on my phone are falling out~ ironically 
I feed on compliments to feel powerful on stage
I miss you guys dearly... 

Sigh, I feel so immobile, so trapped, still being very much pulled back from all new things in this whole internship period... Call me unappreciative, call me emo prone ~ watever la. I've just rejected another offer to help a senior to compete in a song composing competition at Singapore. Saying that No was like a deep papercut on the finger... So much Yes in heart, so much No for now... I'm bounded still... Arghhh. 
I swear I will turn things around... I swear I will walk my own pathway
I'm glad, I'm still accompanied by my hometown fwens... being very supportive in my new found stepping stone~ cafe singing gig.

Intern Report undone... dun care dy la. No mood to write~ I dun wish the supervisor to pay me a surprise visit this week...pls pls pls

Urine Station~ sucks but interesting. I just need to learn how to take in breath and at the same time filter the scent and how to sustainably use the breath~ 

Buenas noche!

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Just watch A-Lin performance at the 22nd Golden Melody award show of Taiwan. 

She was incredible!!! She sang almost flawlessly~ Live show with that high standard... She is simply inspiring!!! This is the style I wanna be~ I might not ever be as great as her, but I just wish I could be at my best at all time. I need to figure out my full voice potential. I will never give up... I will strive for it. 

The only spots that have taken the perfecto acknowledgment was the 1st song into~ too low, I barely listen to her, as though she has a little problem going deep. Another spot was when she sang the last song, a bit off pitch neh~ the part when the fireworks blast off. LOL...macam pandai dengar jek... It did happened. 
Watch it!!! Bet you'll have goosebumps!!!

BraVO A-Lin!!!

2nd Baby Step ^^

With a better condition this time, I sang better. I rocked a few songs... I murder few others. Aduhai... I'm still not in my top form. But I'm glad a few of my songs caught the customers attention. Many of them basically stop chatting and they had their eyes upon me, smiling.I already received their silence applause.

Second time around, it was almost full house at the cafe. My Paulian geng arrived quite early. Eewen, OPM, Kayling & Bf and LokeWoon were here. I was trilled and very happy to see all of them. Then Wilson and Minwai too arrived~ but u guys were late lor. XD. It was an almost complete gathering of U65 =) Also, Thanks dear Joanne Wong... She was sick yet, she paid me a visit~ so sweet of u~

OPM curi-curi video taped my performance of the song Stand By Me. OMG... It was slightly dark, and I was damn nervous. I really wanna do it well especially in front of my dearest fwens. Thankfully, it was alright. Must thank lady boss' special drink~ a special made hot ginger honey-plumed coke. It warmed my vocal chord instantly. I would really love to have one of it every time I perform... 

This cafe singing is beneficial. I learn the importance to better prepare myself and to remember lyrics. LoL. Song selection is essential as well. Would you suggest me songs that you think are suitable for my voice? 

The lady boss actually told us that that night marked the highest business rate since its opening day a few months back. Whoah...shocking... I'm glad. Anyway, next Saturday will be my off day. There will be more time to prepare a new set of list... I promise, I will try to make it good =)))

I know it might not really a huge thing to begin with... But I'm counting steps to my big dream ahead. I'm collecting every pieces of experience and guidance I need to get there... 

Would you walk with me?

Friday, 17 June 2011

It was published XD

In The Star newspaper....

on the 16th of June.... Well, I did not win the RM50 though =( Erm, That wasn't my real intention anyway.

Among thousands, I was selected =) So, it was good. 

I was eating lunch nearby a Church where they provide free lunch for the old and needy. This man on his motorbike pulled in and walked into the place without any sense of guilt leaving this poor soul alone. Luckily the day wasn't hot but hey, he was without a badge and leash. He could be shot to death and he simply could not run away. He was down right goodie being humbly stuck inside the box and wait anxiously for his stupid master to come back. Uncle his age for sure will be there, spend his own sweet time and chat a long list of topic before leaving. My eyes were upon this poor fellow all the while I ate. I wish I could do anything... but like usual, I'm powerless.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

My First Baby Step

I have been looking forward to that day since the 1st time Alvin told me that we could collaborate as partner singing in cafe after the final semester. So we meet up, we practice from time to time just to get the right chemistry between us. Finally we agreed to meet up with the manager of the Tarot Rider Cafe for an audition.

I was very reluctant as I was still recovering from a fever. Well, nowadays fever comes with a package~ flu n cough. My vocal was badly effected. Sigh. I was being crazily uneasy the whole Saturday morning. Then Alvin called to deliver another shocking news. We were asked to perform on that night if we pass the audition. God Damn It!!! I was not sure if I can sing the whole night with this condition!!!

My team mates Alvin and Chloe kept me assured that I was alright and they will back me up. They did =) That gal was fantastic! She sang the same song that demands high quality in vocal for 3 times in a day and she sang it effortlessly. Pure good vocal. I'm seriously envy~ Well, we both have different type of vocal genre. We compliments each other quite well as we both have the same range, hers perhaps higher =)

It was our first combination on that very night with none having the experience in cafe singing yet. It was rough, raw and slightly off harmony as we were sorta tumbled here and there a little bit. But all in all we managed to pull thru. We really need to learn how to talk and sing to a crowd that are not very responsive. I'm not used to sing to a crowd that do not applause my effort. XD. I guess I'm pretty much pampered by my friends

I suppose If I could make head turns and make em stop chatting for a moment just to listen to me, that would be a silence applause I deserve =) 

I'm glad to have my few dearest there to support me that night.
EE Wen, OPM, YoKeShan, Christine... It means a lot to me. Your presence ease my nervousness for real. You guys miss out my best song though... Stand by Me XD. 

Anyway, I will be having my gig Every Saturday night from 9pm to 12 am at 

***Tarot Rider Cafe*** located at Seremban 2

 I hope to see you there

" I must take the baby step till I'm full grown, full grown"

So sing Fergie in Big girls Dun Cry

Allow me to walk my baby steps. It's a long and winding road & I dun wish to walk alone.

Thursday, 9 June 2011


My article is published.... 4th one le =)) Erm... The top part yea. Check it out @kampus

I hope it truly represent what a girl really wants

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Result !!!

Following the fever, My voice is badly affected. I lost my range and all strength. Damn it. It was so devastating!!!
I've never sing so badly for a very long time. Feel so down graded for not being able to hit the right notes. I suspected the result, but I thought I could give it a shot, just to see if I can really pull through any song when I'm sick.

I'm so bloody sucky. I will not ever risk my voice any more for I understand how important it is to me. Nobody can tell you how much it does unless you truly depend on it to survive. 

Result out jor!!! Was held by Stu Ukm earlier cuz I haven't pay the fee. I didn't know that I need to pay it so fast. U, truly blood sucker. Sigh!!! Paid this noon. So, just know I checked via SMPWeb, and tadaa... 3.33. Shud be my 2nd lowest score to date =(

Thesis = A  seriously all effort didn't go down the drain. Extremely proud!! For this six credit hours, I suffered for a very long duration, but every of the conscious minute I spent on my Thesis teaches me a life time lesson.

Sistematic Mol. = A- (my 2nd Fav)

Genetic Resource management = B-

And My First Ever C for the entire semesters in UKM goes to :


Wahaha.... luckily X fail man. It was bloody hard cuz I was basically a blind man when I walked into the hall. Zero knowledge of the subject and I was 100% depending on the past year paper. Mana tau kena fool la...

Ha, FU AB!!! 

I dun love U!!!
Oh o.... Lastly, Spanish pass! Im super duper relieve. Audited but, I respect Dr' Leyshack so much, I don't wish to disappoint her. Well, I probably gave her a good laugh with what I wrote en la espanol examen. 

Lo siento, mi senora~ hasta pronto durante la convocation =))

Ahoi, So wanna Convo right away. Can't wait to meet all my dearests. 

 Girls, is our turn to wear purple jubah lo... my fav colour... =)

Getting that C should have trigger my emoness, but somehow I don't feel anythg unusual. Eh, I think medication is disturbing my hormone... so I should call this calmness, invalid. Hmm, ~ Now I need to fan all the bloody charges UKM is applying on us. I'm not paid yet I need to pay so much! Walou eh... 

Rules are Rules, but if it's unreasonable and unacceptable, changes ought to be made. 

I always dislike seeing animal carcass on the road. It just tells me that how clueless the animals on the road and how ignorance human being can be. There will be a day, I gain fame and fortune. That would be the day I voice out to those pitiful souls~ mark my word.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

I dun like

U always made me feel unworthy... I guess I don't mean that much to you... I don't like it when I'm ready to converse, you wave goodbye. I don't like it when I want to talk, you wish good night. Whoever it is. In whatever situation or time. I'm far better being left not responded rather than left hanging. I don't like this feeling. 

Thinking back, this is exactly what I do when I do not wish to talk to that person. That person might be either a jerk or someone I just am not compatible with. Long chat will definitely makes the relationship turn sour, so it's wise to be kept minimum. So are you doing the same to me? Keeping it minimum? To set barrier? Hey, it was tough at 1st to just keep you as best friend but i did. I just miss you as dear friend! Sigh... Why am I being so explosive is anybody guess. I think I know why. But I won't let it. 

If he comes along well, I will accept him. I will choose him over you. 

I'm sorry... Im just taking the shits outta my head. N i don't wanna be positive and giv all the right reason to give way to what you have done. For once, let me be a hard core stubborn and unreasonably ridiculous fwen of yours. Forgive my insecurity... I don't mean it.
I had my blood examine that day... I finally know my blood type. I wish I could be AB+ holder~ you know to be stingy for once. Hmm, I guess Malcolm is right alter all. I'm born to be an O+ holder... 
~Universal Doner~

Then I examined my full blood picture. WBC, RBC, PLT and all components are normal except for my hemoglobin level. I'm in the normal range but I have the average guy level. > < LOL

For those who are close to me, they knew how much I am afraid of needle... The biggest reason why I hate Dentist. But currently, I don't feel right... and since I'm "working" in Pathlab and I don't get paid at all, why don't have a free screening for myself. Oh, bad news. After the bone scan test, as expected, my calcium level is indeed lacking. I am so close to the barrier of the danger zone. Sigh... 

I was seeking for Malay songs esp those my favorites for the gig purpose. I knew those songs very well, but my guitarist might not. I seek for the lyrics as well. While going through Siti Nurhaliza lyrics, I suddenly remember a performance I did during someone else wedding. I was in standard six. My dad send my name and the song I sang in my 1st competition in school Purnama Merindu. I was called upon and so I went up the stage. Somehow, I love another upbeat song, Satu Cinta Dua Jiwa at that moment, also by Siti. So I asked for a change of song and I sang it proudly. I don't remember being terrified but my eyes were very much on the TV cuz I don't remember the lyric much. Even now~Oh well @@

I was already singing Siti before I was expose to English songs. 
She was my first love if I were to ignore Sammi Cheng cuz I can't sing Chinese for that time being. My 1st album was also Siti's~ 1st or 2nd. I remember I was drawn to the song Purnama Merindu when it was played repeatedly on TV and I actually went to the store and seek for it. 

Before I knew or I was told that I am terrific in English songs, I thought I sing Malay's best. Now I would say that I have a style. My vocal is distinctive. A little bit of soul with a heavy touch of RnB??? Do tell me please... Where do I really stand?

Thursday, 2 June 2011

5th jamming

It has been along time since I last heard a great voice... She would be an additional member in the original duo partnership. Her voice is so pure and clear... sustainably nice and full... If I ever see her in cafe singing with such vocal, it would really challenged my confidence. I would doubt myself as a good singer and if I were even close to good. Now is a different story. We are gonna sing together and this will really push me further for betterment We clicked instantly as we are both friends to Alvin and she is just nice. The last song we duet, Purest of Pain was simply amazing. We made it chinese/english version and it was fantastic. I really believe we will collaborate well and the result will be a blast!!!

Suang Dao =))))