Friday, 6 September 2013

Hi, it has been long. I miss talking to you too. Many unpost blog & many unwritten memories. I wonder how I could have actually missed doing what I favored. I used to have time to for this... a time intentionally given to voice out alphabetically. But it seems I rather sacrifice it for something else. Yet I was reluctant to sleep regardless of whether I'm spending time blogging or not. So where did my time went?

Anyway... nothing really special has happened recently. Except for my grandpa was hospitalized for coming 3rd week already due to stroke. He is now bed ridden, however stable with constant care with family. I am impressed & proud that all his 7 children took turn to take care for him. 3 of his sons take night shift alternately including my dad. I'm touch to see such spirit & I'm just glad my grandpa will not have to be alone at any moment he is in hospital. We knew he would be scared.

At the very same time, I have discovered my dog aged dramatically these months. His stomach's bloat was obvious & I couldn't act like nothing has ever happened. Sometime my only way to care less is to ignore. This is beyond my will. He got weakened, urinated more & drank & ate excessively. Doctor said a term I kept forgetting, then simplified it as weakening of heart which leads to excess fluid accumulate in tummy area.
Every time I touch it I could feel he is suffering from it. Not long ago, his tail bottom near anus bleed. That was the part where I noted darkened then subsequently it swollen & bleed. Doctor said it could be cancer/tumor. My dog is too old to go under the knife. Old or not I wouldn't let him be operated. Selfish I might be, I would not unless critically needed. I can't let him bare the fear.

I remember vividly how the doc came to my house, ask em to wore him the mouth shutter preventing him to bite or bark. He ask me to hold my dog so tight that he could barely breath so doc could inject some medicine near the buttock for the heart strengthening. Nobody could tell how badly I felt at that moment. That injection n some pills at Raya 3rd day cost me RM100.

People say if money could solve the problem , then it ain't a problem. I only wish that all problem I wanted to avoid could be solve by cash. I have very weak heart. I lost a dog once. I will very soon be forced to face another lost. How do I get by? I normally do it alone... But as year goes by, I don't think I'm strong enough.

Work got me feeling like a pro at one second, so very scare/stress at another second. Very soon I need to check-in into bipolar rehab for sure. I doubt I could handle these much of work pressure. I could but against my nature. Blurness & careless, lazy & creative are my element. All these are not meant to work well in bank.

I got very sick last wed night. High fever. I don't normally fall sick but once it comes, it's gotta be some strong viruses. The moment I'm in pain & ache, I pray. To whom you ask? I wonder too! If Nsync could save me, I pray to them. If you could save me I'd pray for u. Which is why I'm always grateful to those who ever lend me a hand. Be it small favor or not, when I needed you, You're always there. Well, not many. So, not quite hard to repay them.

Guess I pretty much sum up these 2 months of griefs. Of course there are also good news and stuff. The good ones I often share out loud. The bad ones always end up here. Fair la... Nobody wish to share negativity & sadness. Let them just died here & be gone.

Good. Cried, while Emo & Hatred are all released in one shitty post. Time to sleep & get ready to face the bloody world tomorrow. Seriously weekend pun work? FML. I meant saturday & Sunday combined. Again, why do I work so hard for a fixed income? U tell me.