Hi, it has been long. I miss talking to you too. Many unpost blog & many unwritten memories. I wonder how I could have actually missed doing what I favored. I used to have time to for this... a time intentionally given to voice out alphabetically. But it seems I rather sacrifice it for something else. Yet I was reluctant to sleep regardless of whether I'm spending time blogging or not. So where did my time went?
Anyway... nothing really special has
happened recently. Except for my grandpa was hospitalized for coming
3rd week already due to stroke. He is now bed ridden, however stable
with constant care with family. I am impressed & proud that all his
7 children took turn to take care for him. 3 of his sons take night
shift alternately including my dad. I'm touch to see such spirit &
I'm just glad my grandpa will not have to be alone at any moment he is
in hospital. We knew he would be scared.
At the very
same time, I have discovered my dog aged dramatically these months. His
stomach's bloat was obvious & I couldn't act like nothing has ever
happened. Sometime my only way to care less is to ignore. This is
beyond my will. He got weakened, urinated more & drank & ate
excessively. Doctor said a term I kept forgetting, then simplified it
as weakening of heart which leads to excess fluid accumulate in tummy
Every time I touch it I could feel he is suffering from
it. Not long ago, his tail bottom near anus bleed. That was the part
where I noted darkened then subsequently it swollen & bleed. Doctor
said it could be cancer/tumor. My dog is too old to go under the knife.
Old or not I wouldn't let him be operated. Selfish I might be, I would
not unless critically needed. I can't let him bare the fear.
remember vividly how the doc came to my house, ask em to wore him the
mouth shutter preventing him to bite or bark. He ask me to hold my dog
so tight that he could barely breath so doc could inject some medicine
near the buttock for the heart strengthening. Nobody could tell how
badly I felt at that moment. That injection n some pills at Raya 3rd
day cost me RM100.
People say if money could solve
the problem , then it ain't a problem. I only wish that all problem I
wanted to avoid could be solve by cash. I have very weak heart. I lost
a dog once. I will very soon be forced to face another lost. How do I
get by? I normally do it alone... But as year goes by, I don't think
I'm strong enough.
Work got me feeling like a pro at
one second, so very scare/stress at another second. Very soon I need to
check-in into bipolar rehab for sure. I doubt I could handle these much
of work pressure. I could but against my nature. Blurness &
careless, lazy & creative are my element. All these are not meant
to work well in bank.
I got very sick last wed night.
High fever. I don't normally fall sick but once it comes, it's gotta be
some strong viruses. The moment I'm in pain & ache, I pray. To whom
you ask? I wonder too! If Nsync could save me, I pray to them. If you
could save me I'd pray for u. Which is why I'm always grateful to those
who ever lend me a hand. Be it small favor or not, when I needed you,
You're always there. Well, not many. So, not quite hard to repay them.
I pretty much sum up these 2 months of griefs. Of course there are also
good news and stuff. The good ones I often share out loud. The bad ones
always end up here. Fair la... Nobody wish to share negativity &
sadness. Let them just died here & be gone.
Cried, while Emo & Hatred are all released in one shitty post. Time
to sleep & get ready to face the bloody world tomorrow. Seriously
weekend pun work? FML. I meant saturday & Sunday combined. Again, why do I work so hard for a fixed income? U tell me.