I used to be very eager to participate in a gathering. I am picky toward whose gathering to go to but I never say no to those few groups which include U65, NTLP, Bio girls & PT dancer's. I'm a regular.
It seems I managed to decline all their offers this year. Sigh. Latest being tonight's.
I had a karaoke season with one of the U65's gf.
Our first duo K date. It's comfortable & voice was at its best.
Duo date to gathering, another gf whom cannot join us in karaoke initiated a yamcha gathering instead.
I for the 1st time hesitated. I don't wish to go. I'm dying to see those faces again but not now & definitely not like this.
It's awkward when everyone shares update & most awkward when people ask about my current being.
Friends who care enough will definitely avoid question like this. I really want such comfort from them but at the same time I want to avoid. The only answer I might throw out could be simply as Don't You Already Know? No? Then You might As Well Don't Ask No More.
I'm not looking forward to share my recent updates & I'm not ready to take in much information about others yet. I might really enjoy the gathering but I can't guarantee of not being restless & moody.
If I have to be on guard to how I behave even in front of my closest friends, than I think I better give it a pass.
The new year date with Kheng & Fang also not finalize thanks to my uncertainty.
I wanted to say no but I really want them to be with me in welcoming 2014.
Pls help me! Fix me! Guide me! How do I come out of this mess?!
I realized that people come to me when they have unsolved matter & sadness. Or that I will go to them.
I on the other hand often wish people will offer me comfort by figuring out that I'm in trouble.
I'm not sure why I behave the way I did. Maybe because I couldn't figure who could be the one who really stand by me in time of needs & who would be willing to listen & save me. Ego matter maybe.
Attitude problem at its worst. lol. There is no cure for this sickness. Just let me die with it.