Saturday, 28 March 2015

There is a lot of draf blogs unpost due to certain reason.
Sigh! These few days have been rough. Physically n emotionally. I got angry, saddened and cried.
i dont cry easily but if u make me feel betrayed, cheated, useless and accused then i would cry. And then i would miss my baby.
I always needed to take care of babies. God. I dont believe u but u dont have to torture my life so nastily like what hav u done now.
My cursed life.
When will i ever be pampered like a baby, just the way i wanted?

Sunday, 22 March 2015

A bitch U say.

Never thought a person as cool as me can be accused as a bitch. Lol. What a joke of a lifetime. A bitch. Not that i dont like being called a bitch. Depend on what make you say it. I very pantang when someone accused me, misunderstood me or mistook me for what they thought was right and doesnt clarify with me before they judge.

Ill go crazy. I can negotiate all day long with you if you ever need to clarify things with me. This is also one of the reason why i dont let many people into my life cuz i cant have people judging me unless i allow them too. If it was as simple as stranger mistaken me as a bitch i dont care. But if it affect everyone around me than you're a dead meat.

1stly i have done nothing wrong and i stuck to my kind intention which she crazily took it wrong from another mouth, someone i trust dearly. I dont know how the message got translated that she took it as a blow and blow text my boy toy who let me saw what she wrote to him. I dont blame him from letting me see those fucked off messages cuz he wanted me to prove my innocence. But he gotta learned that the severity and the consequences of that cuz i took those messages hard. A woman at her age with such high level of professionalism just tore her image disgustingly with name calling me a bitch, unethical and pariah and that she wanna fuck me. The words were so disgusting and they came from her filthy mouth.

Again as i said, maturity doesnt define by age. The worst thing was we met once before and it was during a happy gathering. Now that she created this problem of her own, i wonder how many people will get involve as we had mutual known colleague.

The problem isnt mine to begin with, i dont know how i should solve it as it never intend or has any chances of harming ones feeling except of the magical way of how she interpret my colleague message to her.
I never like drama as i had enough since young. Now you came and gave me shit. Oh you have no idea what i am capable of.

What makes me even sad was when people who i thought know me enough doesnt know how to help me. I wasnt expected him to solve it. I was expecting him to stand on my side knowing that i was innocent and clarify at least that the whole idea she had in her head was wrong about me. What had i not done enough for people to know me better? I am someone with principle and i live my whole 3.5 yrs in bank with added values and right doing.

This man i thought know and trust me suddenly do not know what to do when he was torn between 2 colleagues. I understood that he should not at all be involved. She started it and dragged him into this mess and i saw every fucking shit she said. Now that he know the truth and he dont know what he can do. My heart broken into million pieces. The feeling of entrusting will never be revived as i felt that when come times of trouble, people will just leave you. No matter who you are to them. Maybe i should have know that i was nobody. This wasnt the 1st time.

Anyway, like i have mentioned this wasnt his problem either to begin with. I pity you. Im sorry that you get involved. But i hope this will open your eyes on what kinda person you're basically dealing with every single day. The ugly truth shown when times get rough.

Ive taken this hard. Cuz i have a lot of admiration to her. Heard some good stuff about her and my bizm n sme likes her. Now this woman cruelly ruined my weekend and i wont forgive her.

Fuck u woman.

If you r reading this and do not wish to fucking create further trouble do not share and let her know that I FUCK HER BACK.

If i wanna fight with her i will show this in her face myself. But i still thank you for your kind intention. U did no wrong.

Ive never been so angry for a long time. Wat a day. Me being conscious wasnt able to let it go. I got emotional and times like this i miss my baby most. Cuz he was all i got always until he died. Now i have no one for me to hug the hell off and all i can do is just miss him. And it kills. Always. :'(

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Sugar daddy sugar baby and sugar babes....

Recently too much of sweetness. N as always they always followed with equal amount of shits. So bitter and awful. One will often rather dont taste the sweetness to understand how painful the shit tastes like. Anyway not that i could choose. Things happen and i might eventually wouldnt have power to want or not want it.

If i choose to endure the pain after the much sweetness that comes, then i only got myself to blame. At least i go through it and i have no regret.
Last wednesday EG came out. It was better than last year but many people get more than last year. I was more interested to see my appraisal letter more than my bank account. After much statutory deduction, there isnt much left.  I deserve those reward but i would much bother by how i was appraised. Also last wednesday i went through the HR interview. I gave up practising on how to sell myself. I went there alone the hard way. Was offered by k boy to send me up but i declined. Alpha female attitude. One need to insist to offer to shake me off my ego. Anyhow, i made it there safe and sound. Bought myself a new leash for the ID card holder and went to 11th floor at menara hq. I was early and Mr Soh who persuaded me to go for interview actually came out to chat with me. Surprise no. 1. Then when it was my time, i was interviewed by two person. I knew later that she was HR big person and another is Wilayah region 2 RM.

It wasnt so nerve wreaking cuz i know where i stand and where im going. Few proud moment few not so proud moment. Nway it only lasted 30 min and i got out feeling lost. Haha. Deep down i wanted to be judged and get reward out of it. However i am comfortable in where i am now and im not ready to go away any time soon. HR people say it is just an exploratory based interview. Not necessary promotional interview. Whether or not if one is shortlisted or will be transferred or not very much depends on if they want you, if they have vacancy and if you could travel. All in all i have stated my mind and there is much room for improvement.

Then at night, i spent my time eating with new boy toy and we ate alot. My fav pan mee :3
We end the night with alot of laughter with another happy group of friends. Just now only i had another date with all gals group of 27 yrs old felines. Haha.
Nice one.

Then ex manager find me chat. He remember when i told him about my interview. He wished me luck and today he asked me about the process. He made me feel abit curious on the motive and if he did anything to influence HR in this interview... i hope all these are just my wild imagination. Cuz im just enjoying a new phase with new manager and different management approach. I wish to stay abit longer before anything change. At least when i am ready.

Mix feeling. In all matters. In all that matters. And i hope it matters to you.

Saturday, 14 March 2015

The Pi Day

Yes, the pi - day. Not pie. Lol. I think FB is really a cool place to hang out. U get the kraziest things people thought of. Nway, there is more things to be celebrated. Today is also my big boss bday which means some managers and credit OIC will be invited to Sunway to celebrate his bday, all expenses covered. And he gave an early surprise by releasing last year's EG early this year. Wow! The power of GST.

I dont know about his concern but it is a great news for me especially when im so poor now right after CNY. Okay. 18th march will be the interview day. I knew it on last wednesday. I had mix feeling about it. I wonder if it should be a happie news or what. But it is definitely a good experience for me. My ex boss call me on Friday and i told him about the news. As promised he gave me some clue and tips for me to endure this interview. He warned me not to speak too fast cuz i tend to do so. Hahaha. What is not to love about my ex boss? We chat like old times. Like good old friend. Much praise to this man.

Had great fun last friday. The day that reminded me that i dont need a male to make me feel equally satisfy in term of fulfilling desire to be happie. Haha. My 2 bff who then become each other bff dated me on 19th of march. But since someone ditch me, thus i suggested the date to transfer to friday instead.  And it was an immediate yes from them. We ate again at sushi king after last wed sushi bonanza. Then i forced them to watch Spongbob movie at palm mall. Haha. Despite their unwillingness they said yes to my free tickets. I was beyond excited and bought home a spongy merchandise. Which is literary a sponge with spongbob face. Haha. Both of them made each other an opposite based promise aka curse. They believed that the more u wanted something the higher the opposite desire will happen. Thus with reverse psychology, they chant the opposite so that the correct desire will happen. Hahahaha... i love them crazy. Cuz with them i somehow become perfectly normal. :D

I miss you. And i hate this feeling. I promise i will dump you and my thought. I bought another ring for a lot of unreasonable reason. 1st and foremost is to remind myself to the reasons why i hold on to my reservation. Y i dont jump into any single relationship. Y do i keep chasing after failure, men whom i like who dont see me as their partner. Y do i wait and y do i care. Im not gonna surrender to faith whats more to lust. Wait la. Something bound to happen this year... it could be good, it could be bad. But it is definitely gotta start...

Sunday, 8 March 2015

Hola. Como esta? Bien?

Sumthing that i have learnt and then had them thrown out of the window. Lol.
The fact that i have totally lost what i have learnt i shall never ever say that i know spanish not even bitsy.

I wanted to read novels. I have many pending in line. They are more like a decoration to me than some time killers. I feel like blogging more than reading at the moment. Nothing in particular really but i just wanna engaged in something. Nothing responsive for me now, thus i hope at least what i am doing now keep my head off my mind. My mind could be full of imagination and fantasy but it could also be one hell of messiness. Sumwhere i dont like to go. Thats y i need to be always be preoccupied with sumthing. I cant be chilling alone with music or lazing on bed thinking of something. That would be a suicide. I had a terrible ill function family. A terrible one! So basically time spent with them could any time spark fury. Waste of effort trying to fix them. A broken glass, shattered and mean, trying to cut anybody who go near them.

I pity them. Which of them pity me?

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

my life so far....

I told a junior today that perhaps my family and relationship affairs were not kind to me and a smooth one, thus my work's journey somehow and fortunately satisfactory. A lot of hard work wouldnt get you far enough without a pinch of luck. I am lucky.

Am still busy day in and out. Always on the call, chasing submission, approval and acceptance. Met and talked with all kind of customer, officers and sales. I feel like a professional PR now. Im apparently a salesman. Fuck! Fortunately i only sell things people ask for. So basically i am not annoying as other 'Salesman' ie insurance agents or amway distributor... etc.

Being in my position i am still subject to taking orders and do things i dislike. HR interview has yet to set date i begin to wonder that they have forgotten about this. Well, at least i dont have to worry about a shit of getting the promotion and got transferred or resign shall i decided to go against the idea of being transferred. Why am i worrying this when i wouldnt have known whether i would pass the interview or not? Well, if i want, i could hard sell myself very convincingly especially when i have 3 years plus experiences to relay on and my well spoken english compliment with my sweet talking manner... hell yea imma gonna pass the interview.


Well, dont dare me. im just as good as i wanted to be. Deep eh!

Work has taken over me completely this whole February and i guess it will last till mid of March.
Fun later. Meanwhile im enjoying new bff at work. So time at work becomes much nicer with their presence.

All 3 photos not taken by me. Just saying... T.T

CNY will be gone by another few days. Phew...
Glad for some gathering and togetherness. U65 family is the one im proudest of. 9th anniversary. I love each of them very much.

Ouch. Another silly Chinese Vday to go. Let it slip by silently and dont question me anything. Let it just be another busy day at work wokei?

My bro is having one month campus break since cny. However i thk i talk to my neighbour's dog in a day more than with my bro in a month combined. Lol.
This is how our relationship work. The moment we talk is either i need to argue with him or when he seek my help. Sigh. What a shame this happen. A sin. Unbroken curse.

Okie la. Night!

Monday, 2 March 2015