Thursday, 30 December 2010

Day b4 newyear

New year eve lo...2011 seems inviting but dun forget we are 365 days closer to apocalypse...let's just hope those are just false alarms la. Happy New Year to all fwens... Go find lov y'll.... give love and share loves...

Share loves and do some good deeds. The simplest thing you can do is try to go green, try to not shoo the strays and try to recycle...

The magic word here is to really TRY... Having a heart as such is good enough to prevent you to destroy mother nature, to love some animals, to love our earth. Perhaps then, we can live till beyond 2012. hahaha

30/12/2010

A fun and lovely day i had with my girls.

After long day of classes, we headed to a golf site as planned. A site for amateur, you know to learn how to hit the ball right...

HAHAHAHAHA


We were the only girl group there among all middle aged men and some kids. We were so excited, and so bad in golf at the beginning, we caught some unwanted attentions. I guess i am a fast learner. My best record was near 50m. Challengers were Kheng and Fang.



Rm5 for 100 balls shared among 6 girls...okay la. Main-main jek...

Then we went to Puri Pujangga... Whole duration in UKM, my 1st time there...
Soothing environment as only few tables were occupied. Food was worthy of price but lack specialties but the environment was a good one.
More place to explore soon with my gals...Adios.


Happy blessed New Year peeps XD

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Welcoming year 2011

This Xmas has been wonderful....

Most importantly, meaningful =)

Xmas eve, Sly, Pc and me went to Time Square to hang out. Bear came along too. Though the meet up was quite brief, it was worth it cuz i miss you guys dearly. After PT, we haven't really meet up for any activity. I don't even bump to any of you in faculty... which is a sad thing. Organize more meet up yea girls

 @ uniqlo
Dancers...
Huggable bear

Since I was back early, I called my girls out for dinner...Sushi King at Kajang. Funny how these gals make no attempt in storming the town this year despite our adventurous last Xmas eve. I guess we are all tired.. C how the age influence us... haiz. So, after some discussion, Fang, Mun, Pumpkin and me head out to Metro point.
Toilet shots... biasa la

It was really a simple gathering for a dinner at our favorite spot. But i truly enjoy it. The experience of running few times across the busy roads for the stu bus was totally insane and scary. Stupid Rapid. U, no more! I went back hometown right after dinner. On Xmas day, I was thinking I would spend the day alone at home. Ys called upon and we went to Tarrot at night. We had a great laugh reminiscing old times and I know i love this friend dearly. 

Then on the 26th/12 which was the Boxing day, a U65 gathering was planned by Mr. Wilson Lai at Kensington. If it's not for this gathering, probably i would really celebrate XMas at KL. I always look forward to U65 gathering... hardly miss any as we are basically meeting each other only every sem break. Although many are studying nearby, we don't really interrupt each other life in university and by that, i found many worthy friendships in my own university too. Surprisingly few hardly seen faces came especially Ruth, my first paulian friend. LOL. I miss having pure english conversation with friends. The gathering was a great joy and I'm happy seeing all of them healthy and looking fabulous. 

More pictures soon.... OPM ar... XD

Last Xmas was a hype celebration, this year's was more a laid back and conservative one. It taught me one thing. No fanciness and pretty surrounding can ever be compared to wonderful friends on the special days. I celebrate not just Xmas on those 3 days, I was celebrating my friendships. 

Xmas is superficial, and these days too commercialize. What really drive me to have this intention of even celebrating the spirit of Xmas is the togetherness I grab hold to. Perhaps many don't know this, i have this hobby of counting the number of besties i have...LOL... cuz i tend to have problem justifying which friends belong to which groups... U noe, groups like ~good friend gone bad, notty friends, hiao de, insane de, distance-keeping de, can't-live-without...and so the list goes on... 

Fun but Fan... XD 

Just after the university reopen, I know i need to make an effort to cut down the fats. I took in chunks of fats and lately, my appetite sorta goes against my will. I almost lose control over my consumption limit and this is depressing. Finally I jog for the 1st time in stadium. The last time I was there was during the tract competition and Larian 1 Mas. 

Refreshing... 

More craziness from my gang soon. This is our last semester and I know just how wild we can get... in a good way XD.  


Thursday, 23 December 2010

X-Mas

Christmas is here again...ho ho ho

Well, I'm not a Christian like many people thought I am. Since i was young Xmas seems like a mysterious celebration. I wasn't expose to any Xmas event and i know very little about the ritual and protocols. But i always like the tales about Santa coming to town, bringing joys to good kids and cherishing happiness. I guess deep down inside, i wish Santa would come to me and bring me some happiness too. 


Now that im elder, old and wise (when im not blur), those tales became stories... Simply just stories as they are no longer bring wonders to me. They no longer ignite my curiosity as my perception to Santa is that he is a fake man and he don't exist. Pretty much the same perception i had on god.

So why do i make a big deal on it? Did i? Hmm... I like the merry surroundings. Bright lights and smiley faces. My last Xmas was my 1st. It was insane but still, a superb one to kick start a ritual for me. This year, I don't really wanna attempt the sotplak countdown at Bukit Bintang anymore. I guess this whole sickness brought my mood slightly off. There will be things these few days...


So, what does Xmas means to me... In malaysia, there is no such thing as snow and big man with herds of deers with darn cool reddish carriage toying around. We do have lotsa fake stuff tho... All in all, I would say Xmas is a celebration of dreams come true...  

Wanna know my dreams... it's like mountain's high, river's deep...

LOL

Merry Christmas Bloggers and Blog readers =)

ME

Me~ Me~ Me~ Me~~~ *hitting the right falsetto*

An urge to get some SS shots came... After some period of ugly faces, i finally find some joy and pictures turns out great... happy me emerged =)

Here goes stupidity of Jcdagreat... one hobby i find amusing~





and lastly my fav

i like how my lips curved when i smirk... hahaha....

hmm... just ignore me XD
It's a swollen glands which might permanently remain as a cyst but it's not malignant. Which is a good thing to know. I had the best lecture by the woman specialist... What a woman! 

I'm fine y'll... still, nobody loves having an unwelcome guest in their house right? 

I guess I still have a long way to go before i could die young and beautiful...

Ha Ha Ha~

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Not so Positve yet

I did 3 PCR for Heretemis with 3 makers. A lab full with happy people. Seniors happily singing while waiting for results and lotsa laughing. I guess I was the only sorrow gal there. While I was in lab, my dad called and told me to go for check up at seremban private hospital. GH will be slightly late. I was like, I haven't even hand in the letter to PK, maybe they can be efficient too...

I don't know why i felt so reluctant. Was I not ready to face it that fast? Was it the price that i concern? Was it because i don't wanna go home? The fact that i just came back to uni and i don't know want to always keep my mood in check or fake a relax face while i was dead worrying....I don't really know why. I just don't wanna discuss it. I was very bu suang. Then i call my mom, a regular thing i did to keep her company. I told her my dissatisfaction. And she begin crapping that it was her fault...bla bla bla...  argh! Shut!

I know how weak is my tear pores. That's y i keep avoiding direct confrontation even when i wanna state my point of view in angst. I broke down when i was arguing with her. I sorta scold her for once. I just hope you all understand what i really need at this moment. I dun need blaming, i dun need whoever hold any responsibility... i just need a pillar of strength cuz im falling hard... The hard shell i wore all the while was a fragile protection after all. I wear positivity all day long... sometimes, just sometime, let me just be me again okay... sometime alone.
You know, i felt terribly guilty when my master guider spotted me crying when i was on the phone with my mom. I think i shocked her. I do not like putting people in a position where she/he do not know how to react to my actions. I care..tat's y.

Those who know about this keep asking me to think positive and that's okay. Hmm, wasn't exactly what i wanted to hear... Jc don't go around asking for advise especially those she is proficient in... handling my positivity and composure. But, really thanks guys. And me dealing this, someone who often think to much, u bet i have the most positive thought and worst in my head. This range would perhaps save me from another breakdown. I cannot handle rejection well... so, it's better for me to be in denial still.

I don't know how many would be mad that i did not choose to tell them or how many would wanting not to be informed. I even wonder how many sensitive enough to sense something is wrong with me despite me not acting out my problem in the first place. 

We shall see what the specialist/surgeon/whoever gotta say about this... i suppose whether it's dangerous or not dangerous, it's wise to take it out. I don't think I want to endure operation at this moment. Worry, yes i am, scare? Definitely... i phobia pain, injection... I can accept blames and punishments for what i did wrong. I would be the stupid one who actually confess or even volunteer to admit to save people i care~ depends... I cannot and i don't understand why i have to suffer when i did nothing wrong... 

When im emo, stuff like this shit comes out... so dun bother advising... dun tell me it's gonna be okay. Nobody can tell if im gonna okay or not. And certainly IM NOT at this moment. Im a mess right now. Im bullshitting so much i might make a few enemies. Unreasonable me... hard to bear with huh? Let me...just let..

 Shhh.....

Monday, 20 December 2010

Im goNNa die Young and BeaUtiful

And so I went to the clinic again with a positive hope to get a negative result. Period was over and I shall go to see her to final confirm what the hell was that. Yes, the lump persisted, much to my annoyance, the medicine she gave earlier was not working. Since it wasn't working, it's definitely not just any period lumpiness. Heavy hearted, I walked into the clinic. Not much waiting.

Another clinical breast examination was done and yes, the lump persist. It's not any lymph node or other stuff. It was definitely a lump. I was stunned. All I can asked was is that harmful? She said she can't tell. She gave me options. I can either see a breast surgeon specialist or do mammogram scanning in hospitals. Knowing I am from UKM, she suggested me to go HUKM. So, she wrote me a reference letter so I could do directly refer to surgeon there to further diagnosis.

I was shaken... but I acted composed while my mom is trying to digest the news. I went into the car expecting my dad to ask me questions. I chocked but I forced myself not to cry in front of them. My dad kept telling me that it will be okay while I kept holding my tears back. Back at home, I tried hard not to think about it. But it broke my heart most when I saw my mom cried when she told my grandma about this over the phone. My dad acted cool but many lil things he did and reminders he told betrayed him.

I was full of disbelieve. I just couldn't believe that I'm actually dealing with this. It's like I'm having a nightmare and I'm waiting for the alarm to ring to tell me that it is just a dream. I always know I'm not a lucky gal. Sooner or later I will developed something. I just don't know what and I didn't expect it to be this soon. I don't wanna go under the knife. I dun wanna go through all this now... Y must always me the one to put in such position to remind other of awareness....

Eventually, I choose to cry alone over it... in my blog. At first I don't wanna meet anybody tonight. Two outing clashes. Girls outing and NT gathering... I scare I will either be extremely moody or I might cry out. I chose to go NT gathering as I wanted to meet Andrew and my gang. It was a huge crowd and it's not easy for us to gather like that. I have better control of myself in public places with many people. The reunion dinner made my day after a whole crappy day.

Thanks Andrew aka the GOD for the wonderful dinner... I finally know why they call you Mamie Monster...
~Sweet~

I don't know how things will go in the coming days. Suddenly my life is like totally outta my own control. I used to tell myself that I can take things one at a time. All I got is time... and BOoM. The next thing I know is that I might not have that much time after all. Wake up missy... face the reality... This thing hit me real hard! One month of guessing tortured me enough. What else challenges you wanna put me through? Bring it on...

I just wanna live my life... Y is it so hard?

Leave me alone!!!
 Leave me alone!!! 
 Leave me alone!!! 
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
Enugh of emo... after all, I'm not dying right now... my nose block is what killing me at this moment...
CAN'T BREATH!!!

I guess b4 I can diagnose what the fuck the lump is, I already died of suffocation.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

From today onwards, I will know how to differentiate the left from right *snap*

Holiday ends

Well, I’m glad this holiday didn’t last as long as it was given. MANY thanks to my FYP. Still, I managed to have some BFF time with YokeShan, a sweet small gathering with few my U65 gang, helped my mom in house cleaning and got some Thesis work done. No thanks to the dust surrounding I got myself into, and probably it was my lifestyle that took a toll on me, the allergy strike back. Similar symptoms like the one I faced in first year. I practically cannot breath. Nothing helps ease my problem. Sigh. There were quite a number of misfortunes including that. The lump I found the other day still persists. I will go for another check up and I seriously hope the woman specialist will only deliver a result I wanted to hear. Please… don’t increase the negative elements in my life… I guess I don’t really wanna die young and beautiful.

Knowing what most my friends are going through in their FYP projects, I guess I am having a smooth journey. Seriously, my supervisors are great and my master never failed to guide me the right way. She ensures that I did the right thing and we get along pretty well. I hope my crazy playful attitude did not cause her any discomfort.

Staying with my babes nearby and in the same room was fun. Still, I prefer to sleep alone in a bed. I’m not good in controlling myself sleeping in a bed with limited space. I’m slightly claustrophobic. I scare the feeling of being trapped. And when I am having so much allergy problem, I will be making lotsa noises from the duration on falling asleep to the duration I am asleep. I will snore and the most difficult problem to endure is that you will listen to my pitiful suffering noises. You will be in a very uncomfortable position.

I’m finally back as NewTuner. NT family never fail to impress and with many best buddies are there, fun times never ends. I guess my song will eventually turns into an aca-pella. At first, I have this idea of the song turning into a full band song, jazzy feel with some saxophone and trumpets and whatever la. Ala-ala Vegas performance la….  With lotsa hioaness and bum swinging~

Hmm. “> <  But when I was discussing with Siewin and Kiwi, they thought this song is suitable for acapella. I was like… hey, why not? Having the right amount of people with right arrangement, they can play the similar effects I had on my mind and I can already imagine how it could potentially turns out great. We can add some funny or bizarre effect, we can play with lotsa voice arrangement and some dance or quirky steps. So, I leave the job for you lo, Kiwi. U betta be good! =) And make sure Christine approve ya ~

I don’t think I can have a wild night spend in KL city this Xmas and Newyear. U65 having a Xmas gathering in Seremban on the 26th of no more changes made. Then, 2nd of January is my eldest cousin big day. Hmm, inescapable… tho I was really trill with the news. He has been with her girlfriend for a very long time and even lives in the house they bought together already. Marriage is just a formal step they postponed. I’m happy for them.

You… Argh… Jc! Control!! Best fwen nia… maybe not even tim… I like you a lot…. Erm, probably just the attention… So you don’t worry… It will fade and you better pray it would. Or I will make you suffer badly- I swear….


Friday, 17 December 2010

NT JiXUn

Best of luck ya guys... You guys are working hard for the preparation. I'm surprised by the efficiency... LOL. Arrangement for songs are out...ha how bout tat~ geng lo.


Sad that I can't fully be committed being there with u guys till the end of JiXun. 
 C you all very soon =)

N my gals... tho we never were complete as 5 peeps during holiday, my fault I know... but sharing room like this is fun... I can imagine us all 5 being at SauKheng room and terrorize whole KKM... Then her felo come in and shout... XD

KFC really ada sundae de... Cis, you all doubted me. I'm not that blur la...><
Thank Ben =)

Ha, I blah back hometown... 

Im HAPPY CUZ....

HOLIDAY IS OVER!!!

Thursday, 16 December 2010

The Miao Family

After Sansit told me yesterday that he finally handed in the Thesis and is officially a free man, I was slightly touched. Having involved in all the Thesis workload, I totally felt the difficulties they were enduring and how much they suffered. We sorta came up with a plan to do a gathering and celebrate. 

I went to bandroom finally to support the Jixun as my lab work was cancelled. A pre-NTLP camping. I didn't confirm myself as a participant cuz I cannot be sure of my time table in laboratory. The bandroom brought back lotsa memories. I saw many new members includes few drummer, new special voices and some old men. XD

I love the environment. But hor, all the time I kena bomb de lo... bully-able huh? Esp itu Evil-moon.

Then as planned, the few K kaki came as planned to the band room before heading out. I thought it would be the perfect place to gather and at the same time, those old seniors can visit the Jixun. Sadly, Siewin and Leng Leng cannot make it. I wish to call upon more... But they have got responsibility there... solute you guys...

Gayao ya~

Singing k with 3 boys... yay~ odies... I love being with seniors sometime... At least I feel young. Singing with music pro guys sounded fun too... We all had fun... lotsa funny moments from 
Mr. Sansit lo... touch my body~ ouch...swt giler man...

thanks ya grandpa miao Sansit, papa miao Sooyung, and koko miao Sam (triple S)

Next time we form complete group k... + twin sis miao Siewin and didi miao Kimleng.

Can I bring another hiao miao Edmund

I realised how much this nose allergy caused my singing ability. I dun just have nosy vocal, the biggest concern is that I would not have enough breath I need for some songs... Mid way thru the season, allergy strike, then some spray and it goes away....temporarily. 

It hope it would not affect my bloody good voice (lack techniques) in the future...

Shall fix my nose...respiratory failure..

You noe, if you are allergy to certain food, u can dun eat it

If you're allergy to air, particles or dust in air... can you don't breathe???

I can't carry an oxygen tank around uc...  

LOL

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Recently

 This design work sum up my life in UKM... 

 Fashion design is in my blood...

 While about to do closing, inspiration kinda lacking but eventually
......

 Tadaa.... this is the second art work as such i produced. The 1st was a gift i did for my U65rians... 

I'm proud of it... It tells story! Whether people see it the way i see it, is okay... I don't define myself. Everything about me do not tell you about the real me. How much people understand me and how much i let em to understand is a different matter altogether. 

Im complex~haha... you think?

 Random pic.... my B eating cakes... how greedy n gelojoh

love u

Feel like writing lotsa, but fatigue has taken control. 

2morrow den~ =)

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Freak Days


Ever since I discover a lump in my left breast, I haven’t really been able to be happy.
I am waiting for my period to come so that the chest stiffness would be gone. Then if the lump persisted, I will then go for a proper check up. I hope by then, it wouldn’t be too late. I’m trying not to think of it or be bothered by it as I don’t want to freak myself up. If I am not composed, my mom will freak out then. 
Moreover, the case is not confirmed yet. I am no doctor, so I don’t diagnose myself. I just realise how difficult it would be to tell a man how this thing is going. It’s like “Hey pa, can you take me to the hospital to see the woman specialist?” he would surely asked “Why? Anything wrong?” “Well, because I think I felt a lump in my left breast.” How awkward! I won’t let it happen. I shall just go GH with my mom or with my friend. Sigh. Why is this happening? Why me? Why now? What I did wrong?
Well, enough of self misery. I watched Rapunzel, A Tangled Tale today. It was one of the joy I had in some days. Thanks Yoke Shan. Pascal and Maximus is both such darling to watch. It’s not just any movie. It’s a Disney’s movie!
Today is actually my bro birthday. My family don’t really that kind that celebrate bday or do surprises. I planned to just send him a message but his stupid temper totally put me off. It's ur choice to shut down communication so don’t you blame us for being ignoring. Arrghhhh….
You’re such jerk!
What if the lump is really a benign or cyst but poses no threat? What if it’s cancerous? Can it be just a mistake altogether? Can it? I haven’t really achieved freedom and you are taking away my health? Why must you hate me so much? Am I sinful to not to believe you? Just so that I don’t hate you? I’m trying so hard to be strong… but you keep me drown every time I resurface. I’m so tired….Of all the good deeds I did is never enough to spare me a moment free of misery. 

*
*
*
And so it turns out I am not at all able to withstand such pressure. I confirm myself at night that I would like to see the doctor in the morning. And I told my dad! He fetched me and my mom to a woman specialist Clinic Sidhu in Seremban. The doctor asked me to come again after period and said that it would probably not dangerous. She asked me not to worry as she believe it's just pre-period form of lumpy. Such huge relieve! I just hope I'm not the rare case. 
Tho I wasn't really bothered by the touching...but I can't get it off my mind that

.....
I WAS LEGALLED MOLESTED!!!
Haha.... it's not funny...really ><

Sunday, 5 December 2010

I was browsing through the photos of the biology family. 
Wow… 2 years and a half had passed. We have come so far dear babes… Those pictures captured our memories, the journey that we have been through and the foundation we have built for our friendships. I was most touched when I clicked into my birthday album. It was a warm evening filled with surprises by all members in bio family. I truly appreciate their affections. 
In the same semester, Pauline, Syndy and Jayne birthday were celebrated. Unfortunately, both Jayne and Syndy Bday fallen on weekend and I was away. I did my part in their lil Slide show and presented them with some choco sweetness the day after. I knew they had fun with housemates which they truly deserved. This pair of sweeties is such darling to many of us. 
I remember me being in so many lil different groups since Year 1 in university. From the KKM gang, I was translocated to the Hi5 group with lil secret only 5 of us know. Once it was exposed, Hi5 group was defunct and bio family was united as one for good when we were in Year 2. Then with the presence of Narimah, we created the Zero Pong! Even non genetic members joined our unity. Together we laughed our heads off with jokes Narimah taught. 
Then after sometime, we slowly broke off the huge unity to work on each other minor groups. The under Narimah’s claw group comprises of MeeTeng, Syndy, Pauline and Jayne. 
The abnormal combination of animal and insect’s group are filled by Lalat SauKheng, Tikus Fang, Ketam LayMei, Labu@ Termite Pumpkin, and me, Wasp JC. 
Then there is another strong Zaba team which includes HuiLee, YiQian, and YinFong. 
Last but not least, the two invisible not quite invincible hunks of biology, Fred and Jason. 
Along the way as we built the foundation for these lil groups, we still managed to be in huge family gathering whenever summoned. I dunno about you guys, I miss everyone. I can’t wait to see us all together again, as a big family.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

1st of December… OPM’s birthday.

Keen Hoong as the selected planner for this end year U65 gathering decided to have a celebration for her. He booked me for the whole day. OPM fetched me and we headed to Jusco, the hot spot of Seremban...duh. K rooms were fully booked so we gotta wait until 2pm. There I was introduce to a new fwen called CK and Wayne, JiaYie ‘s boyfriend. The rest were U65 people which includes Jiayie, Peai Mun, Keen Hoong and JienFei. K season was great! My gang said I was singing using the audio… Damn, what a compliment! 
Blush blush~
I finally found a guy who could sing Sam Lee’s songs…. Sweet! I finally hear OPM voice for the 1st time singing songs. Last time you sang too, but I can never hear voice. =)

 Pretty hor =)
two funny clowns of U65
After K season, we went to Secret Recipe for some sweet treats.  I can’t believe we celebrate bday using just 3 half eaten cakes. Lol. Funny betul la. For dinner, KH, CK, OPM and me went for dinner while the rest went home before resuming the night’s life. Vietnamese’s restaurant called Phoco. Not bad at all. I especially enjoy the Rice Biscuit. Then Justin joined in. The price was not bad and very huge portion of food. 


Then the next spot was at S11 pub located at Era Walk. Cham… I baru second time go pub. Well, the rest was history. I don’t remember how many bucket of Carlsberg they ordered but I did consume at least 3 glasses, or more, plus-minus those half glasses taken away by others. I guess they saw something was wrong with me. By the n-th sip, I got headache. As the wind blows hard and nonstop kuaci biting and more chatting going on, it got worsened. Justin never failed to impress me! I just started crushing a new guy and I thought I like him a lot. Now I don’t think so. Arghh…  LOL


Nobody can deny that like feeling I had on him is still present. I don’t even trust myself if I were to tell myself that it’s over. But, I’m moving forward. I like to miss that old feeling again but at the same time, I have already moved ahead… So, u dun need to be glad only when I found a bf yea… I just love to kacau u and see your damn big eyes sparks with shocks…XD... Sayang u o piggy sweetheart


I’m just happy seeing him and all my friends are fine and happy with their lives now. I’m most happy seeing JiaYie finally found someone to call her own. She is such great gal and she definitely deserves a good guy. Hey Wayne!!! I’m watching you… Don’t bully her ya~

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Dun Dream It's Over


There is so much I wanna achieve in my life. I wanna be a singer, a dancer, a fashion designer… things that I am good at. Since I was young, I know I love singing. Other than singing songs that I love, I also do some humming from time to time without knowing I was actually composing songs. Sadly, I never learn an instrument. I’m incapable of writing it down. 

Having exposed to the talented people in New Tune, I am inspired to try my hand on it. It will be difficult and troublesome. I will need to record it down and find someone helpful to play it, and write me a lyric. I could try writing… but I think I am more like an author than a lyricist. This time, I’m determined! I have a humming recorded. Rough! Badly and LUANly arranged. I will need to figure out the arrangement so that I will not drive my musician crazy. I think it would be a good song. Whatdaheck, it’s my first ever, finally, creation!
Thumb up JC.
 As a singer, I need more stage experience and technique class. There are still, many rooms for improvement. Fix my slight nasal problem purlese. Damn allergy… swelling in the nose cavity worsen my problem. I need to work on Mandarin songs. When will I start? Pronunciation with pinyin and song selections… I cannot just proficient in English song if I wanna broaden my horizon. I guess it has something to do with my ego. I cannot lose or be denied when that thing is something I can work on. I am lazy and I will fail to prove it…and this will blow my chance.
Wow… not a chance, again.
Performing is my love. I could do it my whole life! Is it too early for me to say it? Haha… Sue me! The fact that I am experiencing stage performing in university, I tried studio recording, jamming with fellow band mates to fine tune songs… I love those moments so much that I wanted more…. I wanted to go far, I wanna stand on bigger stage, I wanna compete in massive title and win competitions, and I wanna become a recording artist. 
Dreams… too big, too huge… I’m scare… Many boundaries, I’m not a perfect package, I do not have the support and in fact, I’m too sane to struggle fighting into the business without bringing a dime back home. Damn… my biggest concern is my family. Selfishness is not something I could carry with and so, I can only have half the effort to chase my dream. Lack of determination and disappointment, tiredness in trying, I might eventually lose all enthusiasm and the only half effort I have, all together.
Yes, I’m thinking too much too soon again. Now you know why my hairs are naturally dyed white? Half inherited, half due brain nutrient constraint! Hey, who know I could be lucky… Someone I know might introduce me to some famous composer or maybe I meet a guy who happened to be the composer’s son, or I bump to Gary Chaw and we become friends…Haha…. Now this is desperate! Na, I’m too lay back for these…
Such long piece here… If only you truly get me. I’m actually saying how much I truly appreciate all the opportunity I have been given with. I’m counting my success. I’m pretty lucky you see… so far. I performed quite a number of times, huge crowd, recorded 2 songs in studio and which are made into animated videos, 3 but coming, 4 new songs under my name.
Success?? Not much…seriously. I am good, I’m not great! I maybe shallow not quite hollow and trying too hard to boost… haha.

I’m progressing slowly, but steadily. This raw talent of mine needed more salt and pepper ….
I mean seasoning XD

I have this lil much of credibility, this bitsy cool showmanship, many more lil talents aside, I have the biggest heart and willingness to learn, to gain more knowledge and skill and suck em all up! Chances will only goes to people who ready. So, be ready JC, at the same time, you ought to keep yourself grounded. Humble is the key to learn! 

My belief and God never teach me this. I still hate Him!
If You are listening, I really love singing!
Will talk about my dream on other soon, if you are reading that’s =)

U


At first, you were someone that caught me eyes. Then you were a friend. We were never close until that period. I like your company. I like having you around. It doesn’t just satisfy my eyes, but your presence lightens up the room.
The more good things I heard about you, the more I know I didn’t like the wrong guy.
That day, while I was having lunch with my girls, something I heard please me. They were fooling around with his name and joking about us being together…
Well, I don’t really see it coming. I told them that he is such great guy, he has got class. Then all three of them responded immediately, and in the same manner. They said, “You have too!” 
Something about the respond turned on my ego booster and I truly appreciate it. I mean, hey… Why should I feel intimidated falling in love with a guy I think is great? I am equally amazing as well. I shouldn’t feel powerless and nothing is impossible. Even though there is a chance my prediction is right, that there will not be possibility between us, I shouldn’t have feel weak!
Well, I am always insecure despite all the might I possess. I guess my sanity and the past experience together with my ego pulled me back so that I don’t get hurt the second time around.
I will just enjoy myself as his friend. It’s the best for all. Eventually, I just wanted everyone around me to be happy. I’m incapable to make every member in my family happy. I wish at least I could be the best for my friends.

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Holiday....not

Well....holiday sucks! Seriously! 

This pic was taken at S'Ban Station 1 cafe. Amy Wang was having an album promo tour. I know her...Astro 2nd runner up, Champ in All Chinese Singing Competition at HongKong. Still, I wasn't a huge fan. Too banana~ haha.
My senior aka bestie informed me about her coming and asked me to go support her. I thought he was a fan of hers. It didn't crossed my mind that he changed his job, now working under artist... he was part of the Amy's team that night! Shocking... more surprising is that there is internship offer under the company... I'm considering~ XD...seriously, y not...

Bored!!!
Boredom always makes me go back to reminiscing memories... 

Fully loaded days for the whole 3 past months... N I was truly living my each day!!! Now im like a dead fish~ 

Back to UKM for laboratory works. Had too much expectation and I didn't prepare myself for failure of 1st try. My heart sank when I saw no banding on the Agarose gel. 

I finally got the song Ediyan wanted to send to me. He was a composer in the making~. First reaction when I heard the song.... Damn, he did it again! Very special song! A song I can inject my style into the song~

He has his own unique style of writing the song and I'm proud to be given the change to deliver the song! I'm a learner, an amateur singer still. Hopefully I did not spoil your song bro~ You and Akhyar are superbly talented. Can't wait to see your band 1st huge gig in town!

Pls click here to check it out. Do give me some feedback... I appreciate your willingness to guide me to become a better singer~


I enjoyed the whole journey with you guys and special thanks to Siewin too. That night experience made me learn more about you. I wonder if I was being not geboh or just not caring enough of you. I always see you as a strong gal... I feel bad cuz you happen to be one of my dearest and I know so little...I guess I need to evaluate myself as a friend. =) You know how I describe someone who know me so well, without much fuss that I need to go thru to make that someone understand... I call her soul mate~

2nd day in lab was better.... at least one of the marker shows banding! What a feeling~ lol


I approached some carcinogenic chemical... Hmm, I wasn't told earlier... I now wonder how many parts of my body was exposed to it already...

Damn. Die young and beautiful ba.... haha

2morrow will be another hectic day. Hopefully I can get it right! These 2 days were crazy being with the 3 sotplak gals... pembuli tahap maximum you tau tak?


Hahaha... They are the few who dare and are allow to do so... So, do know you gals are special in my heart! Tho almost perfect crazy gal gathering tearing down the whole block with our incredible decibels and endless energy, someone was missing. Fang went to field trip! Huhu.... I promise you a day as such when you are back...

We have one more sem to cherish this dysfunctional 5-linked bonding~ If possible, biologist gather more yea... XD all of us...ALL!


Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Look me in the eyes...See how they smile in pain =)

Recap


I read an article today in The Star today from the column “But then again…” by Mary Schneider. She talks about home this time with the title “The place I call home”. This is one of my favourite columns and today it teaches me one great lesson again. She said reminiscing memories sometimes are bad…It could stops you from making any progress and move forward. Worst still, it could drag you backwards and this whole thing suddenly knocks some sense into my head. I have to admit it seriously does brings one down, makes one stop and wishing to go back to then… I am one. 
3rd year 1st semester is officially ended! Quite a long semester for me as I had it filled with thrills and fun and too much of works! I am in holiday now despite needed to go back to university for the laboratory work and continue to write THESIS. Before I could move forward, let me just recall the whole journey in this semester one last time.
The semester started greatly with me singing in the New Tune Intro concert. I sang two English songs and I redeemed myself for the poor performance I gave in NTLP 13. I truly enjoy my time with all these music lovers especially the few darlings I grew to love.

 Then determinedly, I went for the PT audition as dancer. Selected as expected and I had the time of my life from the perspective of my performance life. I never danced so happily and I totally enjoy the stage. Other than the success of the show, the experiences that I’ve gained and some flaws I yet managed to challenge, the most important thing was the friendships that I have made. I am proud of them and I love them dearly. 

Went to the pub for the first time which I mistakenly thought I was taken to the club. It was during the intro concert celebration. First time being high under beer influenced that I managed to dance along the jazz band in the pub. And my voice caused an accident, circuitously~ in a way…and I blame myself… oh my…. Sorry ed~ I hope It wasn’t my fault.

Celebrated seniors’ graduations…Many seniors!!! I was slightly broke! But I was glad that I made it to their big day. Crowded spots and overwhelming graduation coats (do you have a special name for it?) everywhere. Those days were so hot we were basically toasting under the sun!

I went for a few field trips and I most love The D-paradise eco-park. I hated the fact that I missed the one to Kuala Lompat. I really wish to go and see the woods on my own. I tried my hand on molecular, finally. All learned are eventually put into practical. Very detailed procedures…. Fussy and demanding works… but I’m practically enjoying it. Specimen type is change, hence gotta redo my introductions....believe me, not easy!

Missed Samba dancing and many others due to PT. Missed NT music camp too… Damn, I seriously wanted to go with Siewin and the gang. Watching my senior in Astro/ FB/ Youtube video battling in Million Stars in Taiwan made me so proud of her achievement. She is Lee Kah Wei, a Seremban gal too. I hope she can fight it all the way to the final! 
 Faculty night
Many freaks accidents....my toe, my leg, my shoulder, foot, nose... adoi... what else...
Academically, before I forget, I was most attracted to Conservation Biology. It was a boring subject but most valuable one. I don’t think I can score this subject well though. Sickest, jackass subject was for sure Photography. The lecturer sucks!
Outing
Had few crushes, fallen out a few too… but the right one yet to approach me…> < Dear Mr. Cupid, please don’t keep hitting on the wrong guy… do you need a new pair of glasses of a hard tight slap from me? Hmm…roll in the next Cupid will ya? Haha…Who? Don't bother... 
To fwens that I have neglected due to my busyness all through the semester, thanks for the understanding and tolerating me and my needs. I rejected many Karaoke invitation from my besties. Argh…such guilty feeling. Gotta ganti you guys next semester…I promise. 
 I had an insanely long busy stress but happie semester, in an extreme way... 
Jcdagreat's way =)
I yet to visit many places… Damn, I still live like a kampong gal in the big city…hmm....embarrassing! 
 Damn... gain weight. You shall see a new transformed JC by next semester... 
***
Lastly, NT I’m BACK!!! I’m fully yours… sweetly on call For You 24/7… 
LOL.