Monday, 30 July 2012

The Pokey Game

Mother fucker.... Pain ar!!!!! Seriously.... not really THAT pain! But I fear needle & the sting hence, it was dreadful! 

I hear that this traditional non-drug practice was pretty marvelous & it actually works on many people.
Hence, I brought my mom over there & I was pulled into it as well. I had 3 needles on my hand. One on my arm. 4 on my face!!! You mad bro!!! 4 on the face!!!!
Well, nose allergy ma~ poke mana lagi? 

U might not believe it, but I could breath easily at this hour for now. Not sure if the effect could last until tonight or hopefully it could drag a few days time. Why am I so sure about it? Could it be some mental adjustment~psychologically misleading or something? 100% No! My nose won't tell lies. It could tell the weather more accurately than the forecaster. 

Hence the stupid needle really works. For now! This kinda therapy needed long treatments & continuous trips to eventually kill the root of the problem.   

If so happen unfortunately you have oldies or parents @home who suffers some uncomfortable sickness or even for normal sicknesses, you guys can bring em over & hav a try. RM15 per season which is for around 30minutes. Worthy of a try. 

The sifu was said to have been practicing it for more than a decade @ Italy. That's all I was able to 8. Well, I don't really bother how he gets it. If he's good, no matter where he studied those tricks wouldn't be my judgment point. Let's see if I could sleep well without using spray alright. 

If yes, I will definitely come back to face the needle fear.

I had a paper cut this morning, needles poked into my flesh in the evening, & my dog scratched me so badly while we were playing at night. 

Instead of counting stars tonight, I could switch it to scars instead T.T


Good night. It has passed 12 am again!!!

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Monday Blues

My bday is coming in less than a week. 
Guess what~ I'm not excited about it at all!
Gosh. I'm so dying. What's wrong with me?

However, blessed-fully, I'm booked on Friday Nite by my BFF since form 2 carrying the same name as mine. We are so similar to each other I always called us twins. Her bufday is on the 4th of August which is merely a day later than mine & only she & I know how equally crazy we both are. 

The leval of insanity~ pfff~ Need I say more~ :)

Something triggered about my eldest daughter principal against youngest son & I was so mad I just lost my control over my temper. Do not judge on my sisterly patience anymore.
I fear problems. I fear complexity. If money & expertise could solve those problems, then it ain't a problem in the 1st place. However, I did play my part. I did whatever I could to help even though I dislike bothering others for others problem instead of mine. 

I'm not the down right spoiling younger sibling kinda sister. I don't think I'm a loving & sacrificial sister at all either. I just wish for your independence. No matter how smart u are, if you're not independent, you're hopeless. 

Sigh! Every single time these shytes happen, I'll be so knocked down. Guilt comes in even though I wanted to believe that I did nothing wrong.
So thanks for spoiling my weekend. U guys rocks man! How perfectly capable of your words & action could spoil my days. 

Next weekend mia plan X plan lagi.... >.<
I wanna go KL on Sunday... but I wonder where I would be sent on the following week~~~
Distance is a matter cuz Sunday is a traveling day~

Again, uncertainty sucks!

Know why I already hate my bday this year even b4 it arrives?

- Beach Party x jadi
- I don't felt prioritized by people that I love
- I'm still stuck here!!! Zero% musically progress  

- I lost a bestie who doesn't really need me anymore

(You know what dear, your action of ignoring me when I did nothing wrong reminds me on what my ex-bff done to me in Form6. I can't believe you could be the 2nd person who did this to me. You made me believe that all the promises & dreams we shared were simply worthless. You've hurt me! Which reminds me that I should never ever let anyone to completely into my life & owns it only to have them shatter & break my heart)

Monday @Rasah. A boring branch. I don't like being there. :(
Find me hard to please?. Pls!
I'm not just that! I'm more than that!

My attitude is depend on how worthy of you to me. 
& recently I found out that I'm limiting the number of people who could comes into my life. 
Step one is by deleting FB fwen list on their bday XDXD LOL!!!
I know, ridiculous right but that's the only way I could recall them ~ as in, who is the person anyway? or those strangers I might not even talk to before @ Uni. Maklum la... I was kinda popular in Uni for a good 3 years. 


I don't really need FB to remind me my bff bdays. Cuz I have their special days marked in my calendar & set as remainder. 

Bless you dearest :)

Monday come approaching in less than 10 minutes. 
Gotta try to embrace everyday in a more positive attitude alright. 

If nobody love you enough, you urself ought to do so. 
After all, you can't be possibly expecting that right?
Selfish is a new kinda love.

" Life itself is a show"~ Waters to Elephant.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012



This was me a few months back. 

That time I thought I was fat. Now I don't even dare to look into the mirror! I had the same length of hair now, but certainly not the body. Sigh! 

Urgently looking for some cruel max jerk to tell me to my face. 

Hey bitch, U're fat & ugly... please go hide at home & don't pollute the sight of a beautiful world. 
& that jerk must be down right pathetic looking with zero knowledge in music. 


Pls, I'm trying so hard to be less demanding already. Ain't it obvious?

Seriously angle problem la.... I remember I wasn't that slim though. That size M nicole's shirt felt slightly tight pun.... I'll be wearing it tomorrow though. I only hope that my tummy fats wouldn't be too hard to hide.

Time to eat right. 3 rignts!

The right portion!
The right time!
The right way!

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Happy Cat :3

 It was initially a rush to eat out alone in another hotel named Landmark. A place where you can enjoy delicious Japanese food. Blackman brought me there once. I knew I will come back specifically today cuz I had a big rush to do so. Since Blackman didn't confirmed with me on the dinner plan, I didn't update him about my sudden decision too.

Took a taxi, & off me go. Arrived & expecting the cute service boy to still be there & there he was, standing so charmingly at the bartender side. I grabbed a seat & b4 I could make up my mind on what to eat, Blackman called & asked my whereabouts. LOL!!!

Since he can't made another date on this coming week, he rushed over to me for the dinner :)

The Landmark Hotel. If you ever come to Batu Pahat, pls come over & try it out. :)

 My Unagi set :)

Isn't Blackman cute :) LOL!!! Oh dear, the service boy must has mistakenly thought he is my ahem ahem. I so wanna tell him that he is the most handsome guy in BatuPahat but I couldn't. LOL! I need to go back there next time to meet this cute boy again & for another round of Jap meal :)

This place might be Blackman official own studio @ BatuPahat. I told him I wanna sing & as promised, he brought me to this studio & we sang awhile at the room. The current boss let us do it FOC :)

I'm happy cuz I got to sing even though I sang it badly. 
Blackman tried his hand on the Slash thingy for Sweet Child O Mine~ almost there~ practice more. This song is practical & you could use it in the future. 

Seeing you achieving one dream of urs gives me pleasure. 
I know mine will one day prevailed. In one way or another. It might not get there, but I know I will have a satisfactory achievement too.

Thanks Blackman, for everything :)

You made this cat very happy tonight :)

Monday, 23 July 2012


 Not that I wanted it badly... Since Blackman tak mau come over as my movie partner, which was invited only after I bought the ticket, he declined & so that was it. I watched the ice age trilogy alone. 
I'm not sure whether I wasn't feeling the movie cuz I expect much more than it was or that I was bored cuz I watch it alone. Anyway, it was a nice silly movie to enjoy with or without a movie partner.

If I wanted something bad enough, I will achieve it one way or another. I wanna get over my suicidal mood, so I was kinda desperate to seek fun. Since I have nobody here to talk it over, I ventured into an adventure. LOL

I took a bus instead of taxi to BPmall, not knowing exactly where it was. 

I actually walked into the arcade & change RM5 tokens to play Bubleman & Car race. OMG!!!
I was alone & while I was racing, I was like WTF in every 5 minutes. Hahaha...

Funny je... If only I have the whole damn day. 

I bought myself a flame red coloured lipstick. I'm drawn to red lately. Those who know me know I hated red! A lot!
How do call this phenomenon? 
Try dying or die trying

In a small town like this, there are at least 4 big malls located just nearby. Facing PBB & just behind the hotel I'm staying located a gigantic mall called The Summit, a mall famous for suicide freaks. A number of people chose it as a jump off point & died. 

How ironic!

 BP mall is nicer in a way it feels much better as a mall. It only has 3 storeys high.

This is my 1st cover in the mag.... Reluctant to volunteer but was cornered by the editor one night >.< 
X buleh lari. Gotta do what I need to do - To voice out for the strays which was the main reason I promised to write. 
My heart ache so badly whenever I see any stray longing for food. Or those being crushed on the road. 

Haiz. It's all human's fault. 

That was me during 7.40pm last friday before leaving Seremban Branch. 
Bydaway, I looked awful really. There was no glow!

I felt like a dead corpse.

Wee... Imma fly to Langkawi in September!!! 

August raya mia break still no plan. Yor!
Thailand trip will most probably be in Oct or Nov :(

Bday escape x jadi.... Pegi KL sudah... Since I have no where to go, attending bff performance on the 5th will be my priority. Sambil meet up with my fwens there. 
: (

Oh u noe what, BPT branch was burned twice last friday & saturday. LOL!!!!
I reached on Sunday & I thought they were having a renovation!
I noe.... bloody freako. He burned the hallway outside the branch on Friday wee's hour. 
The next day he brought it into another level- HE BURN THE ATM ROOM!!!
The funny thing was he didn't burn the machine. All he wanted was to create chaos n give warning. He drew a cirlcle on the ATM room's floor with petrol & light up the fire. As recorded by CCTV.

God knows what his intention was all about. Pls just keep attacking the bank. Be a hero. Don't be a jerk by attacking bank's staff. We all have no valueif you don't already know!

LOL!!! What a way to start a Monday with such news!


I hope u found urself a replacement. Whoever that person could be, he/she must be someone entirely better than I am :)


Oh god, if coffee is an illegal drug, I'm already overdosed & please call the authority to send me to rehab!!!

I won't say No, No, No! : 3


Sunday, 22 July 2012

Have been in Seremban for a whole good month & finally He set me back on track- Next destination, Batu Pahat. I somehow have this intuition that this Batu Pahat thing is coming. The effort He put into scheduling the destination & duration is obvious to me, at least is still favouring my condition. I thank him for that.
It feels so good to be able to return to my home branch. The sense of familiarity & belonging are so overwhelming so much so that I felt reluctant & leave tonight. I feel so sad to leave, I sniffed. LOL!!!
Darn right emotional. What in a world!

One of my colleagues is resigning. The branch will lose one of the most loved colleagues & I was shocked & sad to know that. The branch will not be the same without him. His resignation will leave a space in my home branch which means my chances to be grounded here increases. Hell, if I were to be grounded, my plan to resign by end of the year would be disrupted.
Oh gosh. 

One of my colleagues in that branch hates me. Wow! I cannot believe that! A kind & humble person like me will annoy somebody. LOL!! Well, he is someone who everyone loves to hate. He is kind to me but his character got on my nerves all times. Probably he heard me bad mouthed him. But I was only saying the truth. So he chose not to talk to me when I speak to him. A suicide choice of action! I hate unresponsive people. For me, those who unable to respond are hearing impaired & paralyzed people.  If you’re not, in whatever situation or even when you face somebody you hate, you bloody give a respond. So he chooses to ignore me. I did care. I wished he could be manly enough to speak & told me what’s wrong. If he hated the fact that I spoke something he dislikes about him, tell me to my face. I would apologize. Well, since he like it this way, like he would always say…up to you. Hence, up to you lor. U’re handsome but married. U’re tall & charming but character like sai. 

I realized that I really hate self-absorbed & stubborn people too.
 I could really make troops of enemies. XD

Saturday, 14 July 2012

I have just watched the finale of Astro Talent Quest. At least the final showdown was worthy to watch. 
One of my fav Nicol won the competition :). 

I said it there, I'm gonna say it here as well. My habit- repetitive!
Can't help it really. 
Guys fear commitment because of responsibility. Girls scare to commit cuz we fear of disappointment.
There's this huge volume of disappointment in my heart~ if I could measure it in saiz that is. It's so volatile I feel like it could burst anytime. Yes, pms has done its part in exaggerate the matter but no it isn't the root of the problem. 
Today I heard our song. It didn't give me that much impact like last time it was to me & u.  I don't think you even bother now. I reevaluate myself as friend. I wonder if you would ever do the same?
I'm just gonna lay out one simple rule to all dear fwens from now on.
Do not simply promise me anything. Cuz I will believe on everything you say. 
I would have no doubt on you.
So please don't misuse it. 
Cuz I don't allow second chance. 

Monday, 9 July 2012


Passion never die. If it dies, it's not your passion. 

Singing is my passion
Dancing is my passion
Performing is my passion
Fashion Designing is my passion
Traveling is my passion

If they die, I die too.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

1st week of July

Fwens said that I’ve changed. Maybe I did. I don’t talk very enthusiastically. I just am too tired to be the clown me. I want to feel everybody’s presence. N hears you guys out. How have you all been doing? Have life treated you guys fairly? I’m not interested to share mine. I have finalized every inch of details in my blog & those shall not be repeated through my mouth. Well, they were literary buried deep into words & will be transported to the past. Phew... Which is why no matter how suicidal I was, I didn't die eventually XD

It feels good to finally be able to go back to HOME. My own base. 2 months feels like forever. Meeting my own seniors & my branch superior are warming. I feel so at ease in my training ground. They want me back next week too but it was too late. I was again sent to Rasah when they didn't request for MCO. Changes cannot be made as the schedule manager said he has already informed the said branch. WTF him. He is indeed very pissed off of me regarding that issue. Arghhh... What's most touching was how much my superiors are willing to fight for me. Especially my boss :) Seniors often say boss sayang you. I'll brushed it off but I do noticed that. Thanks mentor. 

Had a lovely brief gathering with U65 mates @ Station 1 on Saturday. Close fwens accompanied with good manly singers are perfect match. Incomplete members though. Also not to forget my lovely Aries bff for years. We had a good dinner & chat on Thursday. Congrats on ur new job & the new figure too :).

My bday escapade is not finalized & I really hate this unwanted feeling. Gosh. FML. Fuck you! 
I dun noe what I want now! I just want to be away! Pls. I need a trope & a plan. That's it. Reach there, we can go separate ways. Desperate pun. I need this for a reason which I can't help it & I dislike it very much. So dun bloody ask why.

Met Christine & LokeWoon for luch today...... they actually work in the weekend. Goodness me. BP lab... Luckily I never join them the 1st time they offer me the internship place last year. Glad u're fine Christine :)

Sunday is always a sad day especially during the night. When I was in school, I will always anticipate Monday to come faster. Even up to Uni life, I have always love weekdays. Sigh. What a big change in my life. Then I realized that the day itself is not the problem. It's the work nature that's the problem. 

That won't change the fact the feeling has changed. I'm grieving over it. It will be over soon. I gotta get going. It was a clear sign & Thanks for that, sincerely :)

Another lazy week to go by....Ah, Imma come home @7pm. X care~

Monday, 2 July 2012


 @Putrajaya 02/07/2012

Sudden arrangement of date to Waterfront Putrajaya during Justin's Bday Celebration yesterday. 
Since I was on leave, another bestie also on leave & together with another 2 dearest whom are officially jobless, we decided to take a stroll on the garden. I was reluctant but the hell, go play la. Why decline right?
But it was slightly dissapointing. Maybe I was expecting more but... nice outing though especially with my dearest around.


Seeing someone else driving make me realize that I have an ill-road manner. I'm easily irritated by road bullies & life endangering jerks & also those lack of road senses drivers. I am not best driver around but if I can adhere to the laws & you making me feel threatened, I will honk you, like madly. LOL...

Or maybe I won't. I will MCB CCB & etc perhaps.
I will try to reduce that though. I promise to try.

The smile is wearing off in every counting day.
I'm trying to seek values in life, to remind me that I'm very much alive!!!
Hence please (as fast as possible) get the hell out of this miserable-me-self-sympathizing-world would you for goodness's sake!

Erm, Set a time maybe. By July 7/15 I'll be completely recovered. At least I wouldn't let this blog to continuously be poisoned by my emo posts. 
The year 2012 is still long ahead. Shall the apocalypse come, I wish to die knowing that I have lived a life with fulfillment- I did try to strive for my dreams. I did seek for opportunity. I did enjoy my life. I did gave in & gave up. I won some lucks. I failed some chances. I lost myself & I came back stronger.

I guess I have around 12 days left to be emo. Days will be much brighter then.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Happy Birthday Justin :3


My 1st crush

Still charming...Erm, cute la.... beyond words. 
I should have organize it better but well, paiseh....

It was random & too sudden. I'm glad you're in town & you can make it. Wish you have a more lavish & lovely bday celebration ahead. The last time I saw you was back in last year October. Gosh...8 months plus ago. 

All the best in your future undertaking. I'm sure you'll be okay :) 

Most importantly, (sincerely) go find the lucky girl. Seriously, if none of us could get one soon, the lame 'us' jokes will keep repeating itself no thanks to Mr. Lai Keen Hoong. LOL!!! Who's to blame again? Haha~ & hey, since this 1st crush, I have fallen out of another 3 big crushes along the years. There.... I have progressed. Move on le....this joke is already impractical anymore.

Can I make our gathering one month once basis ? Then, I wouldn't have to miss you all so much. 

Lastly, Happy Birthday the 24th dear love. 
 U're worthy of every dream comes true.
A gentle soul like yours deserve the kindest rewards. 


I told you
You're gonna look extremely good with the spectacle on.
Isn't them just gorgeous?
Pls dun hate me ....................

Demanding as usual~ But you always play along :)
Ever lovely

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said

Friends forever....

A promise I made for each individuals in U65 too :)