Sunday, 24 February 2013

Many wonder why I did this...or rather these? Pls don't ask as I myself have doubts in every actions that I have made. I question myself a lot & most often, regret over each step that I have taken.

As far as I'm concerned, there was logic & deep thoughts prior to any step taken. At that moment, it was the righteous thing to do. I didn't hold back & I did it. Deep down, I know why I did it.

My friend told me not to regret over stuff that I have did which has no way to undo. She asked only one simple question: Will you regret it if you didn't do what you have done?
I say I will. & So I did it. As long as you take the responsibility of the circumstances that comes along. Then why regret it?!!

I truly wonder if she should be psychologist or just continue with medicine & pick up mental specialist eventually. :) Love you Yon Lek. 

Now... What do I want? I want to follow my heart; ignoring the brain for good. Nope. Silly me... Never. 
Ikut Hati Binasa. 

I just did it that day. LOL. It sucks! It really sucks. 2 times in 2 months. Gosh. Embarrassing la Joanne. 
Seriously, I consider myself being really gutsy among my girl fwens, so gutsy it kinda verge towards silliness.
I hope his persistence last cuz I will make him see hell before getting me to change my mind. 
I could give in, but it wouldn't be easy as you keep failing me. 

I'm looking forward to March ^^ Bali on the way~~~ 

Sunday, 10 February 2013

1st CNY 2013

I guess it was a good start for the year of Snake. 
My hair was in good shape. My attire fits super well. Thanks to my new weight & controlled figure. 
No bad ass drama unfolded, yet.

It seems I could tell whether a day is good or bad by the way I manage myself in the morning. If everything goes in order & that I could look myself in the mirror feeling like a knock-out beauty, U bet I will have a fabulous day. 
This extreme confidence doesn't come everyday. So when it happens, I wouldn't waste a second to give myself several minutes of self-admiring period. 
I often remind people self assurance is very important. I live up to it. :)
You could call it a symptom of severe insecurity but yea, everybody has a way to deal with his or her problem. I consider myself pretty normal.

Sien ar... Being a good gurl is definitely not my favourite role. LOL. I can't wait for more fwens gathering in coming weekend. Night time comes unexpectedly sweet as I gathered 2 besties for a yamcha season. Random calls & dated. I have been dying to tell somebody about my current position. 
I must have done some good deeds in my past lives. Whenever I feel like clearing stuff off my chest, there is definitely someone to listen. They will not turn a deft ear or leave me unattended. 
Thank you girlfwens. Some good guy fwens are also helping me through this so I wouldn't be lured into making a wrong decision simply just because I don't wanna feel lonesome or unwanted. 
For that, I thank you. 

I could be a roaring leo feeling utmost superior handling certain issue. I could be referred to be someone people look up to when problem occurs. I could be a problem solver, advisers or ideas driven leader...I could be anybody you need but when it comes to relationship matters, I am clueless.

After some talks with my bff, I found myself terribly naive & gosh, plain stupid. Am I?
Hmmp, I'm too old to experiment it myself, so I got myself a collective sets of answers, advice & ideas regarding this issue. I kinda attended a course which for the 1st time, a number of lecturers against 1 student ratio basis. FOC lagi. What can I say? :P

Anyway, body clock readjust. The fun of staying very late at night & not sleeping... & the awfulness in waking up darn early in the morning feeling like a zombie. LOL

Priceless!!! :)

Friday, 8 February 2013

Long Break

CNY will be tiring... physically not much but emotionally, I'll be drained. 
Every family gathering comes with drama & old stories. Sigh. 
CNY is just a tradition... Angpao packets, fancy clothes, fire crackers, meeting relatives are no longer appealing to me now as I gets elder. 

Probably cuz I am always around so I kinda lost the special feeling of being crowded by these whole CNY things. Bad huh? Tho I'm not feeling it, ofcourse I'll still  provide my biggest smile to everyone I meet for these few days.

One thing I'm grateful of is this 5 days off I own. Chor 4; Wednesday onwards I will need to report myself back to duty + the most irritating routined ATM responsibility.(on call basis)

Guess I will celebrate this Valentine's Day alone; again.
Erm, someone might do something. But gah... I just made someone gave up on me.
If he don't, I think he's in serious mode & I might give him a chance to prove me wrong. 

There's another mix baby Indian-Sarawakian; a customer of mine texted me yesterday. 
"Do u like chocolates & are you allergy to nuts?"
I was like -I'm okay with them, why ya Mr. X?-
"Is PBB policy prevent officer from receiving gift?"
-Since your loan is finalized, it will be okay-


I dunno how to respond & I'm glad he stop right there. What is wrong with the cupid?
It could be just a thank-you gift for my good deed of dealing with his loan. But it was a small loan. I did very minimal stuff. I was friendly & kind obviously but... I dun think I deserve that sweet attention.

I ady met one early in the year of 2013. I don't want this to be the 2nd one. I can't get used to being bitchy. Pls!!! Well, I'll just take it as a sweet gesture from a good guy. He ady gave me one souvenir; a unique keychain from Sarawak earlier when he signed the letter offer last year.

Y all these happen in year 2013? 
& My friend just told me that I'll have a wild Valentine this year... what?


I'm more scared than excited now. 

This no-name mister texted me Happy CNY... & closes with his sir name Chan today evening.
I replied. Late 30 minutes. Not on purpose. Simple. 
I did wonder if he sent this to everyone or just me. 
Then there was silent. No further action.

Should I be happy? Does this indicate close case?
Timing not there I guess. Just when I though the subsequent call from him will be answered, he lost me. 
My bad la. Pls forgive me.  
I think I will forgo the diamond ring I've planned to buy for myself this V-Day. I might substitute it with CDs or LomoCam which I have been longing for a long time :)