Monday, 29 February 2016

Pride & prejudice and zombies...

The boy said it was too much talking and not much action.
He doesnt like it. The movie. 

But i was asked to watch with me bff.
So i didnt have much expectation to the movie.
When i enter the hall, i had a very eerie feeling cuz it was only 2 of us. And the hall dimmed just right away. Only after 5 min, few more others came.

God. Spooky shit.

Then the male lead role came into the picture. He was named Mr Darcy. I recognised that face. Very familiar. A face that i like. He acted in maleficent. Gosh. So effing charming. 

And the leading lady. Elizabeth... pretty and tough. A character in woman that i like. Im pretty much that type except that im still very much emotional. 

Mr Darcy said a few things that i really got me hooked. But pretty much what he said makes a lot of sense. He show off too much of vocabulary mastership and that was how his prestige presence was highlighted. I adore his shyness. His fight with own demon to love the woman which his senses thought it was the wrong choice. 

Him giving in and acknowledge his love despite not knowing how the lady thought of him. His bravery to declare his love. His sincerity and persistence to clarify misunderstanding with the one he care and wishing that she would understand and choose to believe him even though it might not be fruitful. 

His sacrifice and what he would do to protect his lady from harm. 

Gosh. What is there not to love?

Among all the weapon there is in the world.
Love is the strongest of them all. 

I was in the middle (of falling in love) before i even started.

I found their conversation and dialogue very artistry... classic and classy english. 
Inspiring le... 

Not bad a movie. 
For a special 29th night.


A spoonful of sugar, a spoonful of shit.
All of you do the same.
When will one of you stop doing this?

Sunday, 28 February 2016

Saw things that i dont wanna face today.
Today specifically odd and random and im just


Help me.
Help me.

27th of Feb

Mr Charming ??



Odd start. But every time i see you i forgot the rest.
I forgot my self consciousness let alone anger or my pms. 

I dont know what you have in you.
You calm me almost immediately.
This i wont let you know. 
Cuz you already knew. 
Capricorn is someone with good confidence, sensible and practical. 

Be me. That's the only thing i need to do
and what you ask of. 

Im trying to be more open. 
As i always say, i dont intend to be difficult,
It takes the right person to figure it all out. 

If you cant, dont bother. 
If you will, care and dare, you are most treasured.

Shameless selfie
They say if you take care of some thing,
It will blossom.

I dont know what i have in me.
I dont know what you see in me.
But i do know that she and i have a few similarities.

Coincidence? I realized that men tend to have specific preference on women's trait. And it's obvious in both their old n new flames. 

This doesnt apply to women though. 1st, most of my gf have stable relationship with their 1st bf. Those who have exes, their current favourite has nothing similar to their past's. 
Same goes to my past crushes. Nothing similar.
Nothing physically though. 
But all of them share the same traits that i like...
Kindness, soft spoken, talented/passionate and that all oozes charms. 

The last time I play bowling & arcade game
was very long time ago. I cant remember when.
 But very paiseh. Cuz i dont know how i would react to the games and this uncertainty make me feel unsure.... Embarrassing kan? Sorry.

I guess it doesnt matter kot. A lof of fun!
 Lets do it again!
Next round is on me. Dont argue yea.
Cuz i didnt argue with you on that very fine day.

Thanks for the pampering :)
X biasa. Should i get used to it?

Some quotes that speaks to me:

I remember i asked Joanne how do i tell if that person means to me. How do i tell that i have make my choice?

She asked me a question.

When you saw the belated vday flower delivery, who did you wish it was from?

And i knew i had an answer to that.


Let time do its wonder.
God of Egypt didnt sucks because my movie date did not.

Gosh. I hope you dont read me.
So damn cheesy.



I wanna seek for assurance.
Pls dont deceive me.


Friday, 26 February 2016

Why Cant We Be Like That by Little Mix feat. Jason Derulo

When you hold me in the street
And you kiss me on the dance floor
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

We keep behind closed doors
Every time I see you, I die a little more
Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls
It'll never be enough
It's obvious you're meant for me
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep
But I'll never show it on my face

But we know this, we got a love that is homeless

Why can't you hold me in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

[Jason Derulo:]
When you're with him, do you call his name
Like you do when you're with me? Does it feel the same?
Would you leave if I was ready to settle down?
Or would you play it safe and stay?

Girl you know this, we got a love that is hopeless

Why can't you hold me in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

And nobody knows I'm in love with someone's baby
I don't wanna hide us away
Tell the world about the love we're making
I'm living for that day
Why can't I hold you in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
I wish that we could be like that
Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours, I'm yours

Oh, why can't you hold me in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours
Why can't I say that I'm in love?
I wanna shout it from the rooftops
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

Why can't we be like that?



The moment i heard this song i fell for it. 
I dont know if it was the beat, the voice or the it leona lewis/mariah thing on 'why cant we /be/ like this?'. I was hooked and i wanted to download it immediately. 

After reading the lyrics i found a solid a reason on why i fell for it. A song for the moment. The right time. By the way, those women voices are so strong. 

I thk i can belt it out as well too at K room.
Im jamming this song non stop now while expressing myself here.

A song for the past.
Lyricly it fits right where it aches.
The denial.

Perhaps i should put it this way.
I gave up. I move on.

Held your head up high girl.
It wasnt a mistake.
Its okay.

#stupid #pms

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

That beauty

That charisma

That painstaking wonderlust

That past tense.


They say eyes are the window to the soul.
Could they tell stories?
Present or history?


Too similar yet so different


Was thinking to myself that for the past one year i have been single but not available.


After being unleashed by my incredulous strong will power, the detachment feels incredible.

Well... when the mood is right.

Back to square one.


Y do i feel like im doing something wrong?
I think the once recovered extreme consciousness is coming to haunt me.
I know i have the best intention.
I know i did the right things.
I never do anything wrong intentionally... i guess.
If you catch me doing it, you are best to alert me cuz high chances is that i have no idea what i was doing and it was a mistake.

I think i shall just remain silence for a long good time. The more i do the more it seems wrong.
I need time to figure out the necessities again.

Need to increase the level of ignorance.
The one who wish to know will ask or if he wont ask, then it aint a matter to begin with.
Those who doubt will continue to doubt even though i have the best explanation.
Those who care will find his way to know.

Ok. My pms is killing me.
The stupid wind is blowing hard got my hair messed up while i sat here blogging my dissatisfaction.

LOL... Silly but i kinda enjoy this lonesomeness.
Me surrounded by all shitty people but i still have utter privacy to myself. Blogging like no body business.



I need emotional shut down.
Until further notice.

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Chap Goh Mei

I found my self loving Justin Bieber's songs..
Esp the recent Sorry and Love yourself.
If you can see beyond his craze recently with stupid hairdo and attitude and his never tall enough for a man his age n genes... he sing some nice songs. Some songs are nice to fit in in certain mood.

So chap goh mei... the epoh mali/pulau ketam kakis decided to watch a cny movie. At the same day, my branch decided to organize a branch cny dinner as well as bday celebration for jan n feb babies.
And everyone gotta wear red. Dammit red.
After movie we went mamak.
How carefree... it is good to have a new found group of friends who can really talk nonsense and forget the world for a while.
Cjx plan to get the matching couple together works quite well :) Hi 5 gal.

I gained back weight. Stupid cny. Stupid stress.

Saturday, 20 February 2016

Yesterday (19/2) evening i was abit startlet to find 2 beautiful big stray dogs (i was told the dogs are twins) follow a 90 yrs old aunty when she came down from my car after i sent her home. 

They were so happy to see her and i was told that they follow her everywhere as body guards. As early as 6am morning walk to 9pm companions whenever she is out of the house. 

That reminded me of my baby whenever he sees me home. 
That reminded me that kindness exists which often repays by loyalty.
That reminded me that if u take care of sumthg they turn into sumthg beautiful and more.

They turn into sumthing beautiful and more. 
That applies to human too.


An odd Saturday.
I wanted to stay at home.
But i wanted to go out too.
I dont wish to be at home but i wanna feel homey.

I need to find the heart. Home is where the heart is.
So i asked Joanne out. She somehow is always available for me. All times. Is like her availability can sense that i need her.
I wanted to see the lighting and fireworks at City Park, a function organized by IJM at S2.

But i hate the crowd and the alarmingly crazy loads of human potentially rubbing shoulders with me with all sweats and odours. You have no idea how disturbing that idea is that to me. Still both jo and i tried our luck going to city park perhaps to lepak at kfc and see from a far. But the parking pattern and the number of cars spotted were freaking us out. She patiently giving a few shot to find parking and after going a few rounds, both of us finally gave up. Haha...

So we end up going to Jusco, her dinner at kfc, my heavenly indulgence of Sangkaya ice cream and we went for a movie The Mermaid. A movie i have zero expectation but it turns out great. Just like everyone's comment about it. Its message about protecting marine ecosystem and loving aquatic animals really hit me in the heart. FYI, im a bio student. Im glad Stephan Chow use this approach to bring out awareness. I solute his kindness. And gosh... i love the main actor Deng Chao!!!

Joanne, she is special. Its like im talking with a mirror. The only different is that this joanne will talk back and we laugh in different tone. Hahahaha...

So alike. So in sync.
What is wrong wit u? Wit me? With us?
Our history goes way back then. Form 2?
You are one of the few things high school gave to me that i appreciate. The rest for me were just blurry and nonsense.

Next time dont scream in the cinema hall ok?


When i start to care about someone
I will start to give in a lot.
Im sorry that it was another 3am chatting.
U r so sleep deprived.
Change for the better is definitely a good thing.
As long as you are comfortable.
You are adored the way you are.

Im happy we have our lil ok...

Thursday, 18 February 2016

Surprise surprise...

Chor 10

Well. Well. What do we have?
After 2 days of leaves... after a disappointing vday expectation, i was expecting a hard day at office with all the delayed works since cny started.

Around 10plus to 11am... i saw an uncle carrying a bouquet of flower and heading to me. I was thinking hey... my bizM is receiving another bouquet... how lovely. Then the uncle came nearer and i saw my name on the card. I got blushed and was speechless.

The office went gaga and all the women were guessing who and buzzing around me. Gosh. Immediately i thought of KY as i did mentioned about sun flower that day when he surprised me with a dinner n movie on vday. I told him that it would be perfect if there is a bouquet of sunflower. 

Last year bday he couldnt get me sun flower.
This year even though it was a late delivery but it was very surprising and thoughtful. 

So very sweet of you :)
I knew it was you. You may continue not to admit it. Haha... so romantic and im so loved.

Happy aside, i knew this perfect lil gift will create many misunderstanding and rumours. Whenever the colleague caught me alone, they will ask me about who is the secret admirer, and some ask if that person is so and so... some ask around and guess around. Hahaha... 

This surprise was not under my control.
Therefore i should not be held responsible on whatever consequence that came after it.

As planned, we had our dinner at a new found place in Seremban. Lanson ffk and left us 4 stranded with well... just 4 people. 
Nice place nice dinner nice people. 

Will definitely go again.
And i got drunk again. 


It had been long since the last time we spend time together. 
I forgotten the intensity we once had. 
I think you got stuck in the woods.
Im confused. 


Period should be coming. 
Got me tummy bloated and mood swing. 
Now i feel chilly and feverish. 

Monday, 15 February 2016

Have u ever been thrown in a situation which u cant choose side?
Have u ever been seated in a place which u can only choose side?
U cant talk. U cannot not talk.

So much of consciousness kicks in.
My gaze was down most of the time or on the women or the food.
I cant look at either of them especially when im going through this phase.
I know my heart has an answer.
Im pretty sure all 3 of us have thoughts on its own.
Maybe not as wild or not as deep. Perhaps not at all.

See you (I) made me remember the lost we had.
And your choice for us.
The sad ending we had.
The dinners we had.
The conversation we had.
The jokes you told me to make me laugh.
The shared emotion you were feeling.
The everything we once shared now can no longer be practised.
Now we have silence.
You often look deep into my eyes and made me feel uneasy cuz i blushed.
You were always around. Your scents.
Your laugh. Your funny faces. :'(
Im sad seeing you unwell and unhappy which you can no longer share with me.
Cuz im not in the position to clear your messy head even though i still care.
A demand to end.
A granted wish.
A confession not answered.
A withdrew hope.

See you (II) made me think of a new beginning which comes along with new uncertainties and new doubts.
Everything has to start from zero and the complication of a new start.
The hardest yet challenging step.
I dont want to try if this is not mutual.
I dont need another let down.
Dont let me fall back to the past.
You are not a replacement.
There is no competition. No comparison.
You are not a mere distraction.
A new recognition.
A new accessment.
He is not my past neither you are my future for real.
He is not a disaster but neither you are as angel as i wish.
Like u always say... observe la.
Give time. Give assurance.
Thank you for being a successful spy.
Wont put you in such situation next round. I know how difficult it was. Im sorry. I never wanna organize surprise any more as well.
This will be the last.
It funny how i got to know more about you only when you were attacked by the gals. Haha...

So weird positioning. Cuz i was late to the party.
I think this would be the last weird gathering ba.
Its only for this bday party for my beloved Ms Yap's Bday. All chosen participants are those who appreciate my biz M. And those she care and are close with.

My previous favourite 3some tgif gathering will never be materialized again.
Ill be more reserved.

Happie Bday Ms Yap :)

' I always thought that im the star that shine bright in the dark places. Until you came along and shine ever brightest so sincerely and inspiring.'

My heartfelt to her.

Sunday, 14 February 2016

D V Day

My Valentine.

I used to think that the specifically labelled Valentine should be someone that you wanted most at the moment. One special one. 
Until yesterday you shown me that Valentine could be someone who simply understand you and has chose you among all people to be with. 

10th years! I have known u for 10 years but it was only last year we grown so much closer. You allow me into your mind and therefore u broke the boundaries and we gained trust.
While yours is away and mine got stuck in some woods, we've got each other. 
Yours is more expressive while..... 

Your understanding to me and vise versa isnt determined by the number of years we have known each other but rather how much we want to know about us. So age and years are always not my concern when it comes to relationship and friendship. But the number of years we have now and counting represent how much i appreciate you to keep you as long as i could. 

Patience is the key to my heart. It takes someone's patience to really sees in me. To know me. To take off my mask of ego and break the ice. It takes effort and persistence. Many of them gave up along the way and i dont blame them. 

Loyalty is my weakness. Cuz i will stay as long as i can just as much as i believe. Taken so much of my youth. 

And congrats to my 3rd crush :)
He was officially no longer available to us single ladies. 
Lucky girl she is. I hope you guys well. 
Best wishes, Malcolm. 
From the bottom of my heart.
Im so jealous of her :)

Thank you for pampering me with all the surprises. 
Why are u so good with these?
Your not-too-early-but-not-too-late notice to date me plus all the reserved ahead schedule of activities indicated to me that you think ahead and has plan for both urself and me. 

There are times i could really use little brain and just be guided by you. I felt prioritized. U understand my insecurities and perhaps yours too and uplifted my gloominess just by simply being around. Therefore im grateful. 

Feline will have her weak and tire moments. 
Specifically on special dates like that of which shamefully i still very much liken the Vday spirit. (despite me acting like a boy and wanted fairness and some other bullshits and knowing too well vday has been too commercialize with wrong messages).

Im still very much a woman. And sorry to say woman is simply unreasonable and impossibly hard to understand. It takes a real man who care to truly bear with it. Are you man enough to challenge that?

But do you know bottom line is to spend time with the chosen one? Fancy stuff is just a bonus. 

So what went wrong?

One should not evoke another's curiosity and expectation if there is no serious intention of getting anywhere with anyone. 
Especially weeks before... erm... wait. But then again... it falls back to well... just me. 

The illusion of another person... e
Expectation solely based on illusion of another figure to fulfil one's insecurities... hahaha... 

I really have problem with people who keep me guessing and waiting in all aspect of things. Time management. Promises. Expectation. Planning. Commitment. Cuz i have taken too much time on each individual previously... and age is catching up... oh shit. Nothing to do with age! You can say i have learnt my lesson...go scroll up to paragraph 5.

If you cant, wont, or unwilling, or unable... just say it? Hint it? Seriously... But then again... 
It was just me who set prioritization. 
Nobody knows or sees it. So it isnt anyone's fault. Just the illustration of a being existed in my head totally fails me. 

So i should just stop, I mean Seriously Stop having expectation. Yet i didnt ask for fanciness. I was only looking forward for one's presence. 
The ultimate gift of one person to another is one's presence. Agree? It never about just physical presence... 

The one who wont only think of you when he is lonely at 12am. But who check on your well being when he thought of you despite his schedule is overwhelming him. 

You can be with a person just centimeters away and yet you are totally shutdown emotionally and ignored. 

Understanding is the key to this matter. To know one's pattern, interest and habits. 
How one cares and how one cherish.

So... what am i saying here?
Im still a sour plum at the moment. 
This i cant fake. But being understanding enough as a person (not a woman), Im not mad. 
Just sour. I think i have the rights to that. 

It wasnt the V day that put me in this position to be grumpy. But yea... fuck it. 
I suka la. What i show others (being divinely sensible) and what i feel underneath doesnt collide. 

I should really write a novel. My readers will be perhaps ladies from 18 yrs old to 28 yrs old who often think too much and expect too much only to disappoint herself. Ill make sure to enlighten their miserable and horrible feeling of being too ego and insecure and not dated. Omg. Omg. Let me see...

Ill name the book as... 
You are not the only one... 
The charm/curse of a super egoistic woman
Get a life you bitch #Fml


Oh well.

Happie Valentine's Day
Happie Human's Day aka Chor7. 


Saturday, 13 February 2016

D day after U65 gathering & D day before V day

12th Feb 2016

What a way to start our 10th Anniversary in 2016. 
All these faces never fade from my memory. 
We might dont talk every day, we dont gather every week or even month but our spirit of togetherness is solid and ever lovely.

I think i can live without a bf but i cant ever live without you all.
Appreciation is what i learn from you all. 
This is the very 1st year we did our annual gathering the opposite round. It was on an odd friday date mostly met after work well... maybe just me. So it was a dinner gathering and as usual we often end up in monitor house. 

I miss you all already. 
The date end up around 1am.
Fetched jiayie n hubby home and i reached home around 2am. Record breaking.

And my mom being my mom somehow had some emotional breakdown these 2 nights truly spoil my day. Thumbs up for u! You just never fail!
A spoonful of sugar a spoonful of shit. 


I guess i fail yet again. 
Lol... I guess there is something wrong with me.
I dont know how to love. Therefore i dont deserve it.

Somehow i felt that im always 2nd choiced, not being prioritized. 
I feel like people like to keep me waiting and presuming while nobody ever really assure me and made me their 1st choice. 

Am i missing any sign here? 
I thought my sensitivity level is pretty high so i dun think i get them wrong?

Anyway, like always, ill get better. 
No matter how many people fail me, i cant give up on myself. Be strong JC. 
So you know how my ego comes from?
:) This is learning curve right?

Thank you for your lessons. 
Both short and long. 


So different yet so similar.


Ooiii... American Idol at its last season for real. 
Since the day the show chose the latest 3 judges the show lost its magic. I missed many episodes and i dont feel bad. Haha... Then The Voice takes over reality talent shows' rating. 

I hope by its tag as the last season, Idol can make a comeback as a perfect closure to the longest running singing competiton in US? 

This year talents not bad o... Pls stop screw up my favourite songs. 

JLo i love u. But i find your goosies doesnt reflect good talents. While mine definitely did. Hahahaha
I like u better performing than judging contestant. 
I miss my long hair. 

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

Chor 3. Hoi Gung Dai Kat

Noon dated Lanson for a brief lunch.

Done my csr duty in the morning. The time has never passes so quickly. 
Day time was freaking busy. Customer never stop coming. I never fail to entertain. I seriously think that im good at what im doing. You dont have to love your job to be great at it. You just have to prove your worth.

Ms Yap gave everyone an angpau for a good kick start to a brand new year. Happiee :)
A woman i dearly respect.
Feng shui book said ill clash with a woman superior. I hope it is not you cuz ill be sad.

Night dated lek and jo. 
I missed us so badly. What we had almost every wed and sometime additional hours over the weekend last time can only be done few months once now.
This is the 1st one after 4 months. 

Can never get enough of you both. 
I wouldnt and couldnt choose which one of you i love more. 

Hope we got to gather 1 more round b4 ah lek go back to Kuching. 

Woot. So tired. Thank you for listening and
advising. Haha... so very innocent kan. 

Monday, 8 February 2016

CNY 2nd Day

Since when i become a selfie queen?

Well. Not really. I dont do it everyday.

I only do it when i feel pretty. 

And i only feel pretty when i am happie.

Happie doesnt come every day. 

I admire those who can selfie everyday cuz i feel that they are actually are happie everyday. 
Or at least they admire their self beauty.

I think our faiths got twisted somewhere down 
the road. 
How on earth do we suffer from the same matter and facing the same new matter? 

This is very unusual but at least we have each other as references. 

Thanks for always being around.
You are my ears. 

Sunday, 7 February 2016

CNY Selfie project :)

Ive demanded a lot of selfies from my friends. :)

It will be a compilation. 

Im feeling hopeful. Perhaps its because ive finally release my blog as public.
Im free again. 
Fuck off restriction. 
Fuck off boundaries.

Be well :) 
I love you Joanne. 
Just a lil bit more. 

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Lengthy lengthy beginning. Happie CNY

Someone told me that i was complicated. And is living very complicatedly.
Im wondering if i was born to live such a life or if it is a choice of mine. I couldnt decide on which being the main reason.

Having said that, as more complication came into life which are inevitable as these are the price of growing up... i realized that what i want in life is simple. This was also realized by a new friend of mine. Simplicity satisfy me.

But good lord how many of us know that simplicity is so hard to achieve?

When happiness needs effort and not free for all?
When heartache is not what you seek and it comes without warning?

For example. Your most basic wish is to have a happy parents and house of warm.
This by nature of law, they should have give this to you. You were suppose to come into the world having lovely parents who give you a home and love and all the basic necessities.

Then you realize that life might have another opinion on your timeline. You might be an accident due to sexual lust and not a gift of love by an immature lovers. So men, dont fuck around!

You might arrive to a home which are enduring financial difficulty coupled with mean in laws, a lusty father and a mental breakdown mother whom are not ready for a new born child.
You may then be a subject of burden and you may not be the healthiest child to begin with. And if u are unlucky, u maybe a subject of abuse be it mentally or physically.

Each individual that form the component of this family foundation is not healthy.
Then you realize that there are a lot of thing in life that are not under your control. Thus your wanting for easy life is not as easy as you wish.

When the simplest form of simplicity and foundation was taken away from u and was denied since you were young, the rest follow suit.

Unless you are very well determined and has a strong will to be different.
I thought i have it. I really do.
But your base of knowledge and personality were very much influenced by your past, a lot of times you are not under sensible control.

Then as you grown up, more challenges came.
As far as im concerned, i am a addict recovery.
I try find peace in myself. I try to love myself bit by bit. Thus i hang on to every little kindness and love wherever i found.

I appreciate and i pay effort to keep friendships and all sort of nice relationship alive. Because from there i found my relying confidences, from there i draw love. It is like they are the reason i love myself which is of course wrong. Because no one should rely on other human for one's happiness. Cuz when that human betray or leave you, happiness dies with it.

This will take times to learn. My sensibility knock sense into my head time to time. For that im thankful cuz as extremist as i am, im not crazy head strong.

Well. Haha...
I used to have problem telling and sharing my past cuz they were dark and deep and mostly unkind. So facing it made me vulnerable.

Then i realized that the only way to recover and to move on is to acknowledge my past and learn from it. However sucky it was, i didnt die. I survived because i didnt give in. I know my future will be a bright one.

As i grow into adulthood, i picked up a lot of good values from experiences from everyone who has given me lessons and so on. I learned not to judge others just because the way they behave and practice certain attitude. Each of us go through something nobody experienced. Nobody has a rights to judge another person.

This i am too learning. Dun judge. Cuz u dont know. U just dont understand. But it doesnt apply to all human. Cuz generically human might be categorized under 1 species. Homosapien? But as nature takes its course, multiple thousands of personalities are born so that each human can adapt to its habitat.

I respect whatever attitude you carry. So long you dont harm another person specifically me and it doesnt bother anyone along the way. Hmmp... easier said than done rite?

I suppose time does wonder.

Time cures heartbreak.
Time changes personality.
Time helps one to recover.
Time heals.
Time forgets.
Time forgives.
Time comforts.
Time believes.
Time teaches.
Time loves.

Time does wonders.

Not everyone is given enough time to do so. To love, to believe and to heal.
However persistence denies time.
When time gives up on you, persistence keeps you on track.
Perseverance. Resilience does.

Thus. Give time. Give enough time. When time fails you seek strength and find the above mentioned qualities.

Gotta learn how to give up too.
Sometimes walking away from something is actually a good thing. Is a bravery to let go what is not yours.


Trust is larger than words.
Trust is beyond anything.
Trust is priceless.

Dont make me believe. Dont affirm me.
If you dont mean it. Earn it.

Im difficult. Im learning. Dont change me.
Love me enough to make me wanna change.

Certain people crossed your pathway to teach you a lesson. Some unleash you best potential. Some guide you how to love, how to love undividedly, some take them back and show you how shattered a heart can break.

Yet. Dont give up.
The best is yet to come right?


Happie CNY.
The year started great and sorrowful.
There is beauty there is beast right?


Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Last week.

Now my blog is often pass due... not up todate.

Nway so long i recall the memories i guess its okay. Thats y i never have the heart to shut this page no matter how grey and emo i am.

So lets see what do i remember....

28th of Jan was the 1st date of the release of Ola Bola. A movie i wanted to watch since i saw the trailer on tv. 1st was because of the song. 2nd was because of the spirit of the patriotism... haha... well.

So i dated my current favourite to watch at Palm mall. A warm night out but shall adjust movie time a bit so that he wont have to drive back too late.
That was our 1st myvi tailing back to back till i reached my home safely. Im seriously have never been given such protection b4. So i dont know how to react but to allow. Nway he did it without my permission.

Then came saturday. He had a badminton game with fwen n stranger. The clarification post came early. Haha... yea. Thats what happened. I cant recall when was the last time i could have 4 hours chat with a friend over a dinner. Like real chat and it was a 2 way communication. I thk for the past 1 year i forgotten how to express myself.

He is still cold with me in office. Sweet texter aint much of an attraction. Its so weird okay.
Today i got to know something that i shouldnt know which i already knew.
However inexperience a woman is or how incredibly stupid she is, you cant fight her sixth sense. She just knew. But knowing it doesnt make me feel better thus sometimes it is better left hanging n untouched.

Sometimes some people take things in extreme ways. Im also one of them. Thats y this misunderstanding went the way it did.
You may keep avoiding me. Since thats what you want.

My heart ache a little every time i see you.
And i really care no matter what happen, i still care.
You gotta take good care of your self and be well.
Pls be happy. Dont give up on yourself.

Sometimes i have some sweet dreams involving people i care about in recent. A lot of times in our dreams we see people but dont see faces. Its like it is purposely blurred to avoid you knowing ur future.
So if i so happen to have lil consciousness in dream then ill be assuming that that person is that someone. Yesterday dream was a bit different. Im not sure if he was my 3rd main crush or the current favourite. I thk should be the latter one. However silly it was it seemed pleasant. I kinda saw who he is.

You say u care and you wont give up.
Words are powerful. If you dont mean it dont say it.
We shall see if you meant your words.

Cuz someone from the past promises the world and he apparently doesnt giv a fuck and forgo promises now.

U are not a replacement.
And I am not a game.

I need assurance cuz i have no guts to make the call anymore.
I dont recognise faith and i cant judge anymore.

So dont play me. Im tired. Very tired.