Sunday, 16 November 2014

My business manager is promoted to branch manager and thus she will be transfered to another small branch. Im happie for her. She finally can break free from all the nasty people who couldnt work along with her. I will miss her. When i started joining bank, she was also new as biz manager. We learn together and we sat face to face in old branch. We always stay back to late hours and we will have small talk cuz she doesnt geboh or talk nonsense. She just work n sale as many loans as possible. 3 yrs as sales then jumped straight to biz manager & after very tough 3 yrs she is now heading to branch manager. Such a role model. Pretty, hard working and super tough lady. She always compliment me and that day she told me to just keep going dont bother too much of the environment and that me too will go up as boss will guide me for sure.

I just smile. I hope she will be happie there. What she sacrifice here to get there will allow her comfort of time and freedom from stress. Her perseverance and endurance is beyond what normal people can lead. Another woman will take her position in my branch. I know her and she is also another tough lady. A boss favourite too. Haha. Now my branch has too many women which can bring men to shame. Bad for me cuz i wont be able to target anybody here. Well, i wont date a banker. Banker sucks! Im not kidding. We sucks!

Weekend dont feel like weekend now. I used to hate weekend cuz those were the days i need to stay at home with no friends and nothing to do. Bad history i guess. So when i finally have my ultimate capacity to really enjoy my payback and other stuffs come creeping in and take it away from me i go insane. Seriously, i go crazy. What the hell are u kidding me? I just started to like weekend! Sigh. What to do? My mom needs me. I just hope this will be over soon. Expect too much too soon. Sigh. Im really sad. The more you deliver, the more people expect from you. This shit happen no matter where you are be it at work or at home. People will then start to push ur limit and throw their responsibility to you while seeing you suffer. Family is just the same. I take in more than i could shoulder and they started to treat that as if that was my duty. I guess i victimized myself for their freedom. The least they can do is possibly be appreciative.

This week alone 2 of my gals are also surrounded by family problem. All sorts. Family dislike the boyfriend then some money issue. Sad. We are all daughters. Apparently daughters life are harder. Arghhh....

Chill. Chill. Wait till i get sick then you all shall be happy. Like it or not i might not live longer than them. So give me more emotional trauma and i will make u all face ur sin.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

If you could hear me now, i wish to tell you that i am very sad right now. Such unbearable heartache. I wish i could sleep away the pain. I wish i... i wish living can be less painful. Im so sad i could not even cry. Helpless... pick me up and guide me pls?
I giv in to you. Pls lead the way. Take me in. Give her life. Take mine instead. Have mercy pls.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Pbb 48th Annual Dinner 1st of November 2014.

It has been a week since that dinner and It feels like forever. The week after that day wasnt too bright and shiny as i wish. Well, if you know my life path, this is the rule. 1 portion of happiness = double the sorrow. 

So, that dinner. Me and my partner in crime arrived early to Hatten Hotel, Melaka for the informal rehearsal. He made me feel so very comfortable on stage. The management cancelled my solo act due to too many staff performance this year. Hmmp... it's okay i guess. I didnt feel confident however I knew things will eventually came around but since i need to choose to sing only one song, without a doubt i choose Beauty and The Beast with my buddy Genesis. 

It was scheduled on the 2nd half show performance number 4. Supposedly no.3 but somehow they let another duet go 1st. The rest of the night was blurry. I didnt really wanna socialize with people around. I just wanna get things done and go home. I hardly even wanna make up. And i didnt. I only had my eye liner and lipstick on for the sake of my performance. Oh and some wax on the hair cuz my darling waxed his hair. His gf is a sweetheart and i obtained her permission to be all over him that very night. Lol.

This time around i told my branch people and my boss much earlier so that they know Seremban has a representative. I didnt go out represent myself as i wish, i went out as a representation of my branch as a whole. Boss ada muka leh... Seremban has been dormant before my arrival. My boss was so delighted he urged all branch staffs to the front stage to give full support to me. My buddy also has a group of supporter cuz well, he is a very popular mobile officer in my region. The cheering was so loud we cant even hear the music. We kept it cool and also showed appreciation to our supporters. So we were basically torn between wanting to indulge in the emotion of the song or to freak out and be responsive to our supporters. 
It was a lovely beautiful duet song. We gave it a finishing hug ending and it was a blast! 

I had a great duo performance. A public duo, short but full designed performance. Working wise i had a great time. My buddy was assigned to my branch for a week. I got to enjoy his companion and it has been too long since the last one. We get to talk so much and the fact that we share so much of similarities, we could talk days. The surprise came on Friday when he got to know that he was grounded in the sister branch. And there will also be many promotion and transfer of staffs happening around me. Could and will affect me indirectly but it would be a new and refreshing start. 

Home wise. Well, mom was on and off dizzy and yea difficult. In this month. Similar time of hell just like last year. Im so depressed! So very disappointed and unhappy. I hated when i care too much but eventually these people made me cry. 
Its so frustrated! 

Sigh. When people fail me more than once i will give up on them. This has been my principle. I dont spend my time for unnecessary people cuz i dont even have time for myself. I told my buddy this that day and he was like awhh... i feel so privileged. Lol. 

When i talk to him i feel like i was reassuring myself of certain thinking of mine.
Mainly about friendship cuz recently i feel like i have nobody really. I remember joanne wong once told me that i should be grateful during my bday party that all my friends came as per invitation. I know it by heart and i never have a doubt that they love me. Maybe i expected too much. Maybe i was yearning something else. I dont know. I just feel so bad and sad when i cant even name a person in need when i needed a friend to share my pain. I dont necessary need a person to shoulder me while im crying. I just need a figure to tell me hey, ill be around and my company will let u escape your problem for awhile so you dont lose your head when you face it later.

My dog passing will soon reached a year's period. I want to.... i mean i dont wanna forget my baby. Yoke shan told me when she recall the time she spent with late Ruby she can smile cuz she genuinely remember how happie they were then. 

I havent been able to do so. I dont allow even pieces of memory fly by cuz it does more damage than recovering. I wonder how i will go through that day this time around. 

I used to dream big and want everything the world could offer. Now i just wanna be happy and nothing else. 

Could you grant me my wish?