Sunday, 26 May 2013

Relationship Dilemma

Received 2 bad news this weekend. :(
2 besties broke up with their respective bfs. Saw them heartbroken makes mine broke as well. 
My confident level in relationship hit pitch bottom after the Chan's incident. Now having seen these two fresh cases made me realized being a sole rider is not so bad after all.

Cuz I could be losing the hope to even find the right soul mate. I've lost faith & trust. I seriously feel that I could end up being gay. hahaha... The alpha female~
I thought they were going strong & were displaying perfect couple image... I thought wrong? Or are the guys not stepping up to the relationship?

I'm not gonna dwell into their relationship. But it affects me knowing my besties are hurt by such foreign matter I barely understand. 
I count myself lucky not to fall into the the wrong relationship just because I wanna escape from loneliness. A list of perfect wanting & a strong foundation of naturally built sensibility saved me from a false hope. Also not to forget some good advise from some fwens I found comfort in. 

However, the mind is week & when the heart lusts & desires for affection, the principle of survival from heartache might not work. Even though the mind doubted the sincerity, the heart says give it a try. I guess in my case the head rules, assisted by my pride & dreams. 

While I was calming a fwen the other day, I gathered my thought on my wanting. She questioned me about my wanting in a boy & I told her & I knew it was the truth. 

I wish my other half was the entire complementary portion of me. 

He is gotta covers my indecisiveness which means I don't mind to let him lead me on where to go, where to eat, be the boss on matters I don't mind given up on. 
He is gotta covers my laziness & unwillingness to complete myself with complicated skills. 
He is the computer master, geeky enough to help me solve all technology matters, read all the electrical devises' catalog, lead me & guide me in life, teach me subjects I rather hear u sing about it than to read all them in Wikipedia myself.  Be my savior. 
In fact he is gotta be my google search & my Edward. To be able to read me & know me.
He must be a good person. A huge subject to explore on... too subjective. 
Down right simple. I could really love a good person regardless of how he looks. But the definition of good is huge. He has gotta be Sami, Nabi Muhhamad & Jesus to really win my heart had he not been good looking at all. 

Of course brilliant, talented bunch of males exude charms & charm is one thing I truly look for in a guy for a good 1st impression. Like beauty to a guy. Having wanting all above mentioned and more, declining options & not accepting chances, I risked seeking none. I'm not a damngodprettywoman to begin with. I'm so flawed, I think I deserved none of what I wanted. 

Extreme ego is a direct measure of the level of insecurity towards a person. I am a walking breathing example of such person. Perfect illusion to safeguard a weak figure. 

See. It's that simple. A perfect wanting list to keep my dear heart protected. 
I will surrender my dignity, pride & beyond for the right person. Be ruled & Be little. But for that, I will risked being vulnerably exposed. I'm saying that if I were to be hurt so bad at my age, I think I would have a difficult time to get healed. Forgive me for being very stingy in sharing my kindness.


A lot of boys perhaps don't understand cuz those that are lack of experience being just broken a few relationships wouldn't know why certain gals behave the way they were. 

Gals insecurities are parallel with the relationship's intimacy. Gals like it when the partner could tell her emotion & needs by not speaking about it. Cuz the moment they do, they are ready for an argument or a fight. Worst is when they give up. 

Perhaps like many boys out there, you will say how on earth boys could guess the dramas in a gal's head. 
It's a testimonial.
It's either you're willing to learn or not cuz 90% women on earth are like this. The gal didn't ask you to understand her. She wants you to observe her. If you could just put a little effort, you could easily saved ur ass from spitfire. This could be the real difference between like & love. I truly believe that 'when a man loves a woman', man will be most willing to learn her woman like the way he could tell from A-Z about his favourite soccer team (pls check out the song lyric sang by Michale Boltan which speaks nothing but truth)

Anyway, I was kept reminded that I am already 25. I often have the idea I could perhaps or better just live till 50 yrs old. I'm already half way there. I better start chasing~ accomplishments.  XD

Since a very young age ago, I have set my marriage age to 27 or 28. I don't know why I did it. But 28 is my new 25. So there's no rush for a serious relationship. Really? I think so...

I just want my gals to be happy. 

Whoever there, please be kind okay.
Remember that you have mother, sister and future daughter. 
You mess around, karma will have that noted & find its way for a payback.

Friday, 24 May 2013

The night ended with a full moon view purfectly in sync with the stars filled sky.

A happy day. A lot of laughter. 
Seems like this cultural celebrated holy day has spare me with a wonderful time with friends.
Bought another book. I hope it's a good one. 

I don't like false hope.


Thursday, 23 May 2013

A week of F.U.N. 3 weeks of TORTURES.

We have 5 weeks this month. In order to maximize my fun in 2nd week, I first had to clear my work in week one.

The feeling of ditching my work was a trillion times pleasurable than dumping a boy.
Worried about my sales though but who cares right.
Took a 3 days leave but it seemed a little wasted as those should be here were not around & those promised to come FFK me.  Possibly I was too positive about my planning. Thinking that each and everyone would be as dedicated as me. 
 I am disappointed. Every decision comes with consequences. I too have to make sacrifices. I took leave 1 month earlier once I knew the big day would be 905.
It was a volunteering commitment I made to NTLP & to my friends. 
I am ready to face my abandoned works towering my table once I return.

It knew how difficult it must be for them who FFK me. Their work nature and whatever they are doing must be engulfing them so badly they couldn't compromise. It must be hard.
However, I was still very much delighted to see my juniors on rehearsal & the actual day itself. Fantastic job. I met Elecoxhot, a famous dancing troop in Malaysia. I was star struck when I approached Chris. I blushed. LOL.
Good performances overall. Not gonna touch on the details here. 
The next day was a Super Gathering with all NTLP kakis.
Sadly none of the group photo has my existence. I need to leave early cuz I travel daily. I was really unhappy. I wish I could stay long enough to congratulate the performers and catch up with fwens. I drove to Bangi & back for the first time on Friday. Yay!

The week has been crazy! Bapa reformasi has certainly wooed many fans & the respond from his gathering was overwhelming. 

My week has been fun too however overshadowed by a number of matters. 
I didn't got to see many favourite faces. I'm not keen on surprises. Not many of them are pleasant. FFK me on the last minute prior to the big day is no fun. Either you don't promise or that you confirm much earlier with me, a person who expect your arrival. 

People who say couldn't make it and then pops up somewhere in nowhere is no fun either. Cuz you allow me no time frame to allocate my time to see you if you were at all expecting me.

Return to hell right away on the Monday of week 3. The start of ATM week. Cases stuck badly. Acceptance were poor meaning my target was screaming for attention. Customer was chasing after me. I just have no room to breathe. 12 hours work daily needed on ATM week.

Finally, Monday of week 4 arrived. Handled over the shift to the next person. I was so done with those crazy machines. Time to chase bloody cases. The week was all about rush. Pushing sales. The worst sales of the year. I have never been this bad. :( :( Fear was accelerating. Ego was literary shamed.

SIGH! PMS lagi... the week was very cruel to me. I'm not sure if public holiday on weekday is a good thing now. Less a workday on weekday meaning chances to go back to work on weekend is higher.

I'm definitely going back this saturday. There goes my life. FML. Such bitch u life.
I haven't touch Edward for a long time. :( :(
I sympathized myself.

 Depressing. 1XFUN; 3XTORTURES. Unfair.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

As 6th of May approaches, outrage of annoyance & hatred among people in internet happens. 
It seems obvious dirty tricks are used & supposedly win counts turned out to be incorrect & results overturned. 

This is what I save myself from. However my heart still ache as deep inside I knew I was cheering on the oposition. I saw how excited my fwens were & how close we are in collapsing the current leadership. 

Shame on our democracy. Shame on us. In fact I started to shiver knowing that our government is capable of doing all these unforgiving acts under microscope & yet still deny with naked lies. I completely lost my respect to u.

I am utterly disappointed.
I'm so sorry to those who casted their vote for a change. Know by heart that you guys have truly won. 
U guys have won a union. The current dictator will eventually fail. 

A change is seen. A change has happened. We all know that! 

It was only denied physically by false manipulation by filthy democracy. 
It cannot be ever denied by heart, each & everyone of you that the wise one has won, big one. 

Keep calm & be safe for the week being.

I feel so sad.... It feels like something I like being taken away... It's like losing a crush...
I wanna cry... :(

Friday, 3 May 2013

GE 13th

Woow.... I'm not done with my Bali trip but hell yesh, imma talk about GE 13th. Wanted to do so much earlier especially when I was being back-lashed by an idiot whom I respect. TGIF!!!

Now that I could forget the world & just write. or spit. Whatever.

505. 2 more days left. The contagious fever of election started since early April. I have to admit I was very into the news when people took it into Facebook. News & updates were spread like viruses overtaking social medias & newspapers. But there's nothing I could do. I didn't register as a voter for the 1st time this year. Yes, I didn't do the right thing but No, you have no right to judge me whether this is right or wrong. 

Say all you want but Imma stand tall on my decision. I'm an observer. No, I'm not on the fence cuz I'm not voting!!! Use the wrong term on me & u're gonna suffers earache. Call me ignorant & well, I will be mad but I will admit it. Why? Simple. I don't think I have the right to choose for myself because I have never study the good & bad of both parties. You could say that I can do it now or that you could tell me. LOL. U must be kidding me. Get outta here. 

This is also why I have not commented much or speak out loud on GE 13. I would just like some posts or keep silence towards whatever fanatic'o GE 13 has to say anywhere. & I'm studying now. Probably not much on how good is each individual party or candidate, but how hatred has got to do with one's attitude & actions. 

I observed how people lose their mind lashing each opposition like they have no mother & how they got so blinded by their preferred choice they could ignore all other facts & matters. 
I have often am afraid of extremist. I calculate not the desire they have to make their dreams achieved but how much damage they could caused to materialize their tall order. 

No offense to each & everyone of you. I personally think that many of us have taken this GE 13 very personally. Instead of fighting democratically, people are lashing out the father, the mother, the son, the other supporters, the historical values, the blurred facts & all things possible to make the other party lose. This is pure pathetic. This is what I'm studying. The values. 

To date, this is the most intense battle of GE of all times. I truly believe oppositions are giving their best shot having been collecting much supports from whole nation thorough the events of these 2 years. Bersih & Bersih 2.0 are much respected events. I wasn't there but I appreciate the effort behind it. I saw & I understand them.

I also understood how this current leader has provoked Malaysians to turn their backs against them. Which is why we saw how much cash they thrown out to win this election. Their tactic is simple. Brainwashing through repetitions of reminders. Flags, billboards, newspapers, flayers, calling, messaging, talks.... they articulates into your semi-conscious mind set- like branding a new product. Strategy. 

I'm not saying that I don't believe other dirty tricks the current leader is using... These whole drama of bringing bangla to the country, disposable ink, using fake ID, unregistered ID, duplicate ID, auto registered ID... Absurd? I don't know. Any of you see that with ur own eyes? Or you just read it in a shared post? Ever wonder where does that shared post came from? No. But you keep sharing em! That makes you so stupid!
I buy facts. I'm not denying them. Catch them rightfully & do something about it. Can't there be anything that somebody could do? Even the temporary citizen IC could be photographed & share wildly in FB, Can't somebody who share that take this to justice? Unless you say this is not wrong legally lar...
 So, where is your judgment? 

& Fanatic supporters... please grow up. You're now supporting democracy & purity in casting a vote to choose the right party as your new government. The citizen's right to vote. Bullshit. You say one thing, you act another thing. You shout your lungs out to whoever & wherever for your support towards your favourite party but you deny others' right to support theirs. Very simple evidence & example if you may. 
Michelle Yeoh has openly declared her support to her choice of champion using her star power as influence. See how she got treated? Being call names & whole lotsa accusation & nasty things you say about her. For whatever reason she did that, nobody knows. What I did know is her rights is in her hand. She has the freedom to speak & her choice to support. What is the hell wrong with you critics? Obama uses the same tactics. Every democratic leaders uses star power!

This woman has made Malaysia famous even before you were born or even contributing towards the country. She is Malaysia's gem prior to that statement & now you're trashing her this way? I despise you. In fact, I look down on you. I felt extremely awful for her that she has to go through all these just because she did something she think is right. & Let me clear you mind, she has never spoken any bad things on the opposition. & Yes, she has to suffer rude comments from you brainless freaks. Shame on you people. Dammit. You don't know how to respect human rights, let alone choosing for your own champion in GE13. 

Along the conscious years I've spend knowing that I live under the leadership of you-know-who, I understood  the inequality of benefits that Malaysian shares. I know these are not right. But these are all lessons. I don't get effected much, I didn't feel the pain some people suffer. All these are learned along the years & I observed. 
Of all the bads, aren't we ever bath with the goods? Ever? Cross your heart & swallow your pride and answer me? Ever? Nothing good? Think again.

Maybe not enough. Now people are raged & are turning away noting that there's a potential winner that could change this subdued leadership. A new hope to the country. A new change. Why am I not part of this? How do I see it? I see uncertainty. I see lack of convincing facts. I don't blame them cuz they hardly could perform under suppression by current leader. But I saw good stuff they have done. Proud in fact.
Them having been able to unite races & nationwide supporters & their power to bind supporters speaks louder than any recognition social medias are giving to the current leadership. 
Then why am I not rooting for this group? 
Every vote counts! I could be the one that change the country's future!!!! Rights?!
Big joke. Well, it's true. 
What if I tell you despite all truth & facts, I would still choose the current leader?
What have you got to say to me? Huh! 
Something like " You bloody idiot, why wouldn't you want to change? You like corruption? You like being the 2nd privileged citizen? You like no growth in the country? You like no justice? So you like the Man & his wife lar? "

LOL... so you wanna influence me to go with you on your choice? Then where is my judgment? Hence, all these comes down to how well I have prepare myself to this election. I don't wanna vote blindly!!!
Voting blindly equal to siding one party while in hesitation that I could wanted the other one & later on regret over the matter. I am an indecisive person & it wouldn't help at all. Blame the universe. I am created that way.

Some told me that I can still register, go vote but make it as a broken vote.  I was like what in a world are you still living? So, all in all am I proud for not voting this year? No! Am I regret not registering as voter? Yes! But I save myself from misery. It's too huge a bet for me to place. I'm very much intimidated. I am not convince how clean this whole election would be. You know what you want, I have yet.

I'm actually quite overwhelmed by the respond of Malaysian over this GE 13; Regardless of whom they are supporting & how they wish to go by it. Haters gotta hate. You can call me anything you want; wouldn't change the fact that I wouldn't be able to vote this year. Ignorant la... watever la... 
Do I care? A little ~ only because I know that you don't respect my choice. 
Call yourself democratic? I don't think you're worthy of it either. 

So, may the best man & his team win. Please recall the infamous event of May 13th 1969.
For all those who wholeheartedly know whom they wanted to win & leads a brighter hope for Malaysia, I wish you the best & be peaceful & be safe. 

Lastly, don't be ridiculed over this piece of shit. If you terasa, it's only because you see yourself in this one way or another. 

I love Malaysia. I might not be fulfilling my job as a Malaysian yet but I'm learning.
Give this fool a chance to learn this the right way. 


I'm surprised how people got much artistic in presenting their ideas being channel out. 
GE13 didn't just bring out the best supports to their teams, it brings our the best creativeness of advertisement. 

Particularly in favour of slogans~ Ubah! Ini Kali Lah!!! 

Shoot... gotta work tomorrow T.T Lengthy enough.