Saturday, 31 January 2015

31st going 1st of Fed

Actually, what i meant to ask was whether or not frame and glasses of rm460 consider expensive. The frame was said is from japan/ korea and the glasses have multiple use. It looks cool and modern and is big sized compared with normal cheaper prize spectacle. I was looking for that kind of glasses for a long time, it is better if i dont need to wear though. But if it is a necessary then i want it to be fashionable. So i walked into this shop at the mines during my course at bangi and this charming sales man was so cute and accommodating and the product itself was presentable almost successfully wooed me over. This is the kind of service public bank offer. At least for me. I will be so good and kind that you would fee guilty to even not accepting my loan. Cuz my after sales service is good. Cheh!

That was what i meant to ask. Nobody give me time to get an answer. Sad!
Talking about guilty... i ate too much lately. I just begin to see sign of weight losing. Now im eating overly again. I just cant have something bugging my mind. Such pest. Must get rid of it. Of u. No.4.

Promise is a strong word. Dont say or suggest it if u cant fullfill it. Not even verbally indicate it. Cuz i have good memory. If u found me forgetful thats because i selectively choose to forget those that doesnt concern me. Or that i lied. Depends la. I dont really like to lie. Cuz im sucks in telling lie. Dont count on me to plan on surprises. Sure fail.

Finally ate baskin on 31st thinking that all products will be able to enjoy the discount. Sadly only bulk purchase on gallon can be discounted. So no discount for me lor... it was so packed at jusco. Randomly bumped to a schoolmate and she suggested the whole seremban was there. Cant agreed more. Nvrmind. As long as craving served. Yay!

Gotta work tomorrow. Aiks. Kl lang can enjoy 4 days holiday. Getting more lazy lately. I need some inspiration. When my ex-boss was around, i always wanna impress him. Getting recognition from him is like getting an award. Getting a compliment is like getting extra salary increment. Lol.
Silly how but i look up to him. His comment matters. Im missing this mentor already. Our routine cases discussion and our business visitation car drive talk. He said that im a managerial staff and he wish to see me successful. He even offer me some tips soon for my HR interview.

I havent get used to new boss yet. Need time to slowly break the ice. For all you know that i dont like my ex boss immediately too. In fact i thk he looked down on me initially cuz he always pick on me. Ada je things not right about me. From going back at 6.30pm in initial month to having another pair of slipper underneath my office table. Haha. Those were the odd times.

Nway... gotta sleep. Will try to spend weekend happily. I deserve better. Oh its 1st of feb already. Valentine day is coming!  Cny is coming! Gotta book best fine lonesome bff to accompany me during this krazy overrated luring day. Hate u!

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Sweet Escape

Na... not entirely sweet anyway. I escaped what i hate doing, calling for UIP utilization. There are so many shit work in bank but begging ppl to utilize their funds is the cheapest wrongest and dirtiest works i have ever executed. So, it seems my branch has some difficulty meeting loan growth due to many redemption and our speedy release of settlement thus, everyone in bank suffers to conduct this execution. I barely escape as the course arranged by branch was set months earlier. However nice it is, i didnt have enough time to finalize my work prior to getting here too. Now all my work got stuck and next Monday will be a killer. Since the last course i had with my GT team which was in yr 2012, i never really enjoy going to any more courses. I try to be selectively introvert and not to communicate much both to trainer and to people around me. I am serious icey cold with stranger and i dont like making random new friend if the relationship is not gonna last. Seriously the credit team normally comprises of the ugly and nerds. There is no one in my room which could satisfy my eyes need except for a few girls cuz gals naturally we dont become ugly. We r maybe just lazy to be pretty.

Anyway, i drove here for the 1st time with my own car and alone (hooray, see mom... im capable. Dont judge). I gotta meet my beloved gals and hug them gao gao. Miss them like krazy.

When im happie, i take good selfie without trying hard. I must be very happie then.

Ms Cheong and I met mr Danny at cafe on last Monday during Takaful course. When i approached him and greeted him, he was a bit alarmed. Instead of giving a warm gesture he seemed a bit disturbed by my action. My heart sanked. He couldnt recognise me with new hair style i guess... something i used to comfort myself. Sigh. Saw him alone and stressed out. But his new branch figure is good. Hope he is doing fine. Ppl called him all sort of names like the lone ranger. Haha.... but all i noe is he is a great mentor, the kind one, to me. Maybe he is annoyed the fact that i choose to decline his invitation to go to the new branch.

After 2 and a half hours of meeting last tueday with new boss, our 1st with him for 2015, i know this whole new management gotta be much different. Whether it is good or not no one can tell. But there will be changes and changes is good. Wonder if i would stay long enough to enjoy the outcome. He is handsome! N is a bachelor. I guess that would be the extreme new fun items to begin with.

To those who dont know me and want to know me, bear in mind i dislike few characters in people. Ppl who used me for whatever reason they think of. Ppl who throw tantrum at me for whatever reason be it your fault or my fault without considering putting our friendship on the line. If i make you unhappie which is rarely but so ultimately happen, do tell me. Cuz i will tell you. Dun act like a child and expect me to read your mind. Trust me. Been there done that. Stupidest act of all. Ppl who make extreme fool of me. Im not really a joker. I do not have the synonym of just kidding in my dictionary. Its not related to fun that i am sure. If u have the privilege to know me ages ago, i was the goofy among all friends. But as u mature, there are things you cant go around kidding. Dont push the red buttons. You could tell me all lies and i will choose to believe you with all my heart if u are a friend. But break the rule and thats it. No 2nd chances. If you are not a friend yet, whatever you say i will doubt it. So if you meant to compliment me pretty, generous or loving, pls keep telling me that cuz i cant tell a genuine compliment from a total bullshit. Haha... im so chasing all eligible bachelors away am i? Im basically chasing human away. Human is disgusting! Whatever.

I hope the night be kind to me. I have room mate this time. Hate. I used to have all the luck in occupying 2 single bed room all for myself all the time. I like to be alone really. Sigh...

Thursday, 22 January 2015

HR called for the 2nd time this year and asked if I am ready to go for an interview this fine morning.  It seems that it wasnt only me who received HR call. Anyway, good record keeping cuz he remembered that he called me last year. Last year i told him no as i looked at my then biz M now currently a BM struggled in front of me every single day. Today when i talked to this HR dude again my vision was locked on my new BM who accused me of being not daring enough to go for an interview. So i said yes, i told him that i am ready and will accept the invitation for an interview. I just wanna noe how far i can go and how capable i am to sell myself for higher pay n promotion. You obviously cant lie in front of these managers who will interview us. Thus if i go through it then im pretty assured i have the capability to be promoted, these 3 years were not wasted. If i dont, i could use a couple more years to gain what i need to be preoccupied with or if i am not happie then i could jump to another bank with even better n higher prospect. So... i said yes.
As much as i am comfortable in my position and finally assembled great team n colleagues, there are still things that i am not satisfy with but have to bear with it for everybody's sake. Biz M work revolves all BM work and it will not be an easy ride.
But Leo love challenge. Since i have the opportunity to go up or away now, i might as well resign as a manager. Why waste it? I have good record, good sales and good feedback. Y bloody waste it?

Sigh. Whatever la.
Since my mobility has its boundary, they cant move me too far away from my comfort travel zone. Or they will risk losing me for sure.
U will never noe how far i could fly shall my wings not crippled.

Guess what? Sam Smith is gay! Fuck! I guess it is my luck to fall in love with gays. I will still like them much. In fact i thk every gal should have a best gay guy friend cuz he would be the only one who make u feel loved by a man who doesn't necessary think of sex right after. Lol. Kan?

Monday, 19 January 2015

My new manager said that i am lacking of bravery 3 days after he came into my branch. That was after i told him that i did not go for the HR interview which may or may not promote me as biz M after he asked my group about our direction in bank. You know opening speeches. At first i was like wtf... who are you to judge me while not knowing me? Who are you to tell me that? That was such a wrong accuse of him to me. He said opportunity goes to those who are prepared and has the bravery to take up the challenge. It makes a lot of sense. But hadnt he heard of the phrase of slow and steady win the race, the fact that im not even racing and the fuck i won an award for it? Doesnt that sounds as an accomplishment too?

I watch the Mtv production of The Ride, show that shows how a celebrity became a celebrity. Quite a few that i watched like Linkin Park, jennifer hudson, last time shows like taylorswift and beyonce. None of these people had it easy. They are lucky in a sense that their hard work got the attention of the big people. They dare to dream and work and back up with family support with gifted talents and equal harsh effort to horn the skills. So was i lacking of bravery? I dreamt of the darndest things... but whether i ever want it so bad? I dont know... 

Recently i wanted to do stretches again. My university years got me into continuous dancing performance and every freaking year ill be pushing my old bones to the limit. I used to be able to do a close split of 180° but i never quite manage to make it a perfect one. My tcher would be screaming... joanne, sit ur ass on it. But i never dare enough to do it... i think the closest one was around 30cm butt above ground. Ill be stretching again. I promise. I mean what would be the worst thing that could happen right? Maybe it could manipulate the fact that i am indeed a maiden. A fact that i begin to feel embarrassed in admitting. Cant seremban have at least a fucking contemporary dance school? 

Imagine me as a classical self guide musical note book. Rows and rows of scores... pretty for viewing alien to users and expensive in price. Placed highly on a book shelve, thick black and shiny. People passed me by daily. Majority will ignore me as they have no music sense and they do not need me. They see me as a waste of paper production cuz even if they need me, they can go on9 and google search what i had to offer. Faster cheaper and far more easier to understand. Conveniences. 

Still occasionally there will people who will curiously wander to my section and pull me out for a quick look due to my elegance. But the moment they look into the pages, they found me complex, printing too small, too heavy to hold, width too wide n cant fit on a music stand, too much for a youngster, too lousy for a professional, too pricey for a learners, too lacking for enthusiast. TMTH. 

I end up being stuffed back to the place where i belong and this routine got my edges rough and scratched. I stood proudly still. The thing now is not that i dont wanna try my best to find my best owner. I cant. I am written the way i am. The right one must come in and the compatibility must work its magic. I seek for appreciation and you seek for scores that feed your soul musically. 

While the book waits patiently for its master, there will still be enthusiast or passionate learner who wish to challenge themselves and try to read me. Im not entirely a close book. But i selectively complicates some scores cuz some thing are meant to be tough. There is no mountain high enough, no river wide enough and no valley low enough for a passionate achievers. You just dont fucking give up. You dont let go. You just dont. 

Adui... lol. I am a wishful learner. I wish i know how to read a music score... Ill just stay in awe with the beauty of the notes while not taking effort to understand them. However alien the languge it is to me, i could sing its melody. I just cant read. Am i making any sense here?
Sleepy dy.... sleepy since 10pm. Guess what im doing? Sigh.  

Korean boy say must mention his name in the blog. 
People tag him as korean boy when his name is handsomely spelled as Derrick. True to the tag he has got the face many boys and girls will die for. 

Very humorous boy and pretty charming i must say. Sweet in nature. Sometimes he think too much which something that resembled me but not from me. Haha. 

Happie mou? 

Wednesday, 14 January 2015


Disney teaches strong value about morale, good deeds, kindness and happy ending. No matter what happen, you must have hope because it would be over and you know that you will find that silver lining. Im pretty much disney-fied. Cuz one would tends to cling to something surreal yet powerful (like the way people believe in god) when they have nothing in real world to hold on to.

Certainty of happy ending doesn't apply in real life. You have to fight your way to own it. No body can guaranteed an easy ride to it but some had it smooth while some had it rough.

I came from a place where i would hate the word HAPPY and the heart Emoji. Even the drawing of heart shape disgust me. It was then. It was until i reach the age of 17, when i joined form 6 and officially became a paulian that i finally rejoiced.
You are what you choose to be. I was surrounded by many positive people and possibilities. If was then i realised that I actually have a choice! Although im afraid of trying and to choose, i believed i have chose the right path. I chose to be happy.
It was the start of everything else so i would always appreciate my form 6 buddies' presence.

Coming from a dark place, i like to preach. Hallelujah! Haha. I would like to help people who are going through things that i have gone through. Nobody should go through anything alone. I kinda like dealing it alone cuz im a difficult case. But a lot of time i could use a shoulder or a hug. Be it work or personal matter. I dont mind assisting as long as i like you. I cant be possibly treating ppl i dislike the same way as the people i like right? So ppl that i care and love, pls dont betray me in any sense. And you cant be stubborn!

People who are elder than you are might not have the best set of brain and knowledge. I happen to deal with many of them. Parents arent the one who give the best advise or make the house a home. Constant battle between being filial and being real wear me out and down. Constant disappointment, and heartache. Experience told me that you cant teach an old dog new tricks. True! And old habits die hard. They dont change and they wont change. They are born and meant to die together. Be it. I cant stop you if suicide is your only comfort. But if you cant cross over dont fucking come and haunt me. I swear ill bring u back to hell. You guys seriously dont deserve me!

A collective of matters made me kinda emotional lately. Or have i always been? Ok. The latter one.

Would you be the one that could actually make my heart skips a beat?

Na... i suppose its a passing bee again. A confused one who stumble on a weary petal. But it's a nice encounter. Nice to meet you bee :)

Holiday is bad for emo blogger.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

It's almost a week since my bff papa passed away. Another guilt in the list. I couldnt make it to the funeral and i know she would want me there. Im sorry love. I am pathetic and i dont deserve you as my dearest. Talking and explanation are cheap no matter what the reason is. The matter of fact is that i had a choice but i cant choose as i had responsibility here as well. However i hope you know that it hurts me more than i could possibly hurt you that i cant be with you during this trying time. Time like this makes me wanna pray but i dont know how. If i can make a wish come true it would be for you to go through this tough period strongly and hold on. We leo do not crumble in difficult period. 2014 hasnt been kind to all dragon babies. Im really sorry for your loss. You will be okay. We will be okay! Remember the sunshine? It will come alright. Just a little late. 

Sigh! I met the mother of all jerk today. A kind business visitation got wrong when the so called bully in suit and tie somehow irritate me. I dont know what was he thinking to challenge me intellectually. What kind of pleasure he felt by empowering me and belittled my knowledge of banking. He made a great deal of mistake. 
Ive learned a great lesson and ive learned my flaws too. I was so challenged i felt like he was harassing me and i lost it by questioning him back the motive of all the shits he is talking. I was so close to taking all the stuff back and pass to another lawyer with morale. I wasn't exaggerating when i said he harassed me. He wad leaning on his lazy chair and somehow rubbed his penis twice. I know certain uncles who cant resist unbearable tickles will need to scratch in public but not in front of a banker while you lean so backward on your lazy chair. 
After telling me bullshit, i still need to maintain my professional etiquette and thank him for his lesson. 
That is like a feeling of thanking the rapist who rape you legally. That slap of shame! I dont ever wish to see his face again. Pls go die. Such a shame for a convert. Oh... did i tell you that there was a moment in the middle of the conversation he stare at me for like 15 seconds? I wonder if he lost for words or he was thinking something dirty... oh well. Whatever!

Recently when i get confused over some matter i will just act bodoh. I guess im getting better at this too. It's like dejavu. This is not normal to me. Anything about me and to me is not normal until i noe its existence through experience and knowledge. The dejavu feeling was so freaking scary and awesome until i know that there is a name to it and it spells funny. I aint the only one experiencing it. When i learn that the fact that i had reverse panic attack effect it was pretty cool how incredibly opposing i am to others. Lol. I used to have occasional palpitation outta the blue... ermm not really out of the blue, possibly when there is sudden body reflects eg when i try to catch a dropping pencil etc. Then the heart will start to beat very fast and then all the panic attack symptom will come. Doctors cant quite get what i was trying to explain so they assume my heart somehow couldnt pump enough oxygen into action in normal rate so it gotta pump harder to cater to sudden muscle flexing. I was never fat and lazy. Somehow it happens. When it did happen, i would be scare cuz i never know when it will stop and will it even stop. It has been a long time since the last one strike. I kinda womanized with the way i move for the sake of my weak heart. Lol. This is the reason why i name it weak heart. I bet many thought that it means sad and forsaken heart. So shallow! Huh!

 Anyway... dont go breaking my heart~~~

Hail rise the guardian of heart
Jcdagreat almighty!