You Lost It

Guess wat

I'm such a mess I'll get messy and totally mess up if I fail to pull myself together

These few days have been crappy. PMS to blame but there were hell lotsa annoying people saying rubbish at the wrong time. I was mad. Hell mad!

If you think angry bird is angry, 

wait till you see my angst! 

If you ever did, you must be one heck of a bitch!

Finally, I mean FINALLY I received the offer letter... Ah, I dun even wanna talk about the inefficiency. Two months!!! Big company...Fine then, you win. Had it your way!

Guess what~ 

The Pretty Young Thing is a Banker gonna be =.=

Still a singer wanna be

I dream a dream....it ain't any other dream.... It's Jcdagreat's dream!

*

Surprise Surprise

Frederick Chan is getting MARRIED!!! OMG!!!

Well, not quite a surprise actually. Expecting it already but hearing it is another matter altogether! Gosh, I'm so happie!

Princess is so touched :') Love you my king. You & Karyn have my blessing 11.11.11 =)

Dear king... We've come a long way... 

1st year candidate partner 2008 :)

 King n Princess 2009 :)

 My bday 2nd year XD

 2011 3rd year ending ;')

Sayang U dear, now I have Karyn as Queen le :) 

Faster produce lil Fred & Karyn XD 

Fix me

Oh damn, I'm seriously not OK today

Funny how when I really need somebody by my side, I can turn to nobody.

I cried so much the streaming tears burns the skin around the eyes.

Ah the hell. I just gotta build more walls

Pls don't make me feel like I'm a loser

I can't breathe...too much mucus~ gotta stop the crying. :')

Happie Birthday Paulians

24th of Oct

It was Minwai's birthday and it was a FUN night. Wilson and I were the organizers but of course, he was the head. After much sms-ing and calling, I managed to settle the girls' attendance. Tough! Seriously tough! I was so nervous cuz it has been a long time since I participated as an organizer and I wanna make it big for both my besties. We can't fool Minwai but it was a surprise for Eewen actually. Her's is on the next day.

It was a bit messed up as many were quite unfamiliar with S2 roads and the cafe we chose didn't open on Monday... Few cars were lining side by side, windows rolled down, cell phone on ears and everybody was talking~~just to discuss the venue of replacement. It was trilling! It was a cold night with rain drizzled, sizzling the night. There were ten of us @Paparich. Quite a nice place for a gathering since I've always fancy the cafe. A night of much talking and laughter. They are those few who really know who I really am as a person. They may not know what I've been up to now but we are very close hometown friends. A very happy night! 

 25th of Oct

Dear EeWen, Thank you for being such an understanding friend of mine. Us sharing the similar stories and characters makes me believe that I'm completely sane. The eldest daughter's miseries... Things others don't understand, will not and never gonna understand. There's actually one person in the world who truly acknowledge and will never question on my decision. I have thought of all the possibilities and all the reasons to finally come out with a decision, be it against my will or not. So, please don't go ask much when you can't help me at all. When I'm not ready to do something, I'm not gonna be until I tell you so. You keep asking me and doubting makes me feel like you're insulting me. So, I'm thankful dear... Thank you.

*

Today K was very funny.... The boys were simply hilarious! I hope you enjoy the day dear~

Simple yet warming :)

The Cycle of a Woman

In a lifetime, a man would be able to witness the other sex’s transformation.

The cycle of a woman: A kid, girl, woman, wife, mother, grandma.

In your childhood, you might meet another kid. You might not understand why she always gets extra attention. She’s a lot wimpier. When she cries, she gets everything even those of yours. You always got blame for bullying her. Well, you have no choice but to stick with her because she is the only kid nearby you could play together with. 

The time when you’re ready to go to school, a girl perhaps is your best enemy. You like to get her attention, yet you can’t help being annoyed by her attitude. When she is alone, she is darling. When she is in a group, that’s when you roll your eyes. Their daily gossips about their favourite new makeup, the next big Korean cute actor to which girlfriend in the neighbourhood got dump freaks you out. Yet, she is in your head all the time. She is your crush. She conquer your mind, she takes over your heart. 

You left school. You are ready to face the harsh reality world. You wanna strike it big. You’re chasing big payment, luxuries, and the most beautiful woman of the lot. You will definite woman as sexually luring species, a caring soul, a gentle lover and a perfect complementary for a man. Yes, she is perfect. Woman is perfect. You lost sight of everything you don’t like about a girl but the best things remain and enhance in a woman.

You married her. Suddenly, you realized it might be the worst decision you’ve ever made. She gave a 180 degrees transformation. She is now a jealous, always in angst and probably a control freak. You felt that you have lost your freedom. She demands you this and that and you might not realize it’s you who are whining a lot more now. Home is where you have your real live drama plays before your eye balls. It might be a lot worst when she is pregnant. Oh dear, you blame god for such feisty angel He sent you. There is more responsibility now because you are going to be a father. And damn, No! It’s too late for a divorce. 

She gave birth. She gave birth to your child-the most adorable being that carries half of your genes. The little she has your sharp nose, and her mother’s big brown eyes. The eyes that you fell in love with not long ago. You cried and you’re glad that you stay grounded for your woman who you thought was possessed. She reminded you of your mother. The incredible power a mother is blessed with. She is tortured for 9 months, yes, with an unbelievable rollercoaster ride she offers but she delivers magic. As long as you stay faithful to your woman, she is going nowhere.

20 years and counting, you celebrate your wedding anniversary annually with her without failing. She is fragile, but still feisty. She complaints about almost everything. You not making the bed and not flushing the toilet and more. She catches your eyes straying on other attractive aunties. Deep inside, you find her no longer fulfilling. She doesn’t want to wear heels anymore because her joints are killing her. She kept all her makeup and gave away all her favourite plunging dresses because she’s no longer the sexy lady. She keeps her daily life busy by calling your daughter about her safety and crying because she misses her son who is studying in Spain. You might start to miss your working life because home spells boredom. Your wife is boring. You have forgotten that she needed you.

It isn’t easy to be a grandma. She can’t help nagging everybody because she felt the time is ticking too fast. 40 years flashes by and she lost everything she felt great about herself. She lost her dream to marry a rich man and to migrate to somewhere greener on the earth. She lost her beauty and her hourglass figure to her children. She devoted to the only man she ever slept with. You catch her praying silently every night when she thought you were asleep. She prays for the strength to always be the woman you love. She got teary eyes you wish you could kiss her right away. You know you are blessed with a wonder woman.

Bed ridden now, you know she is leaving you soon- the way you always wish it would be. You thought you are the stronger one; the one who wouldn’t lose the will to live for another. Oh how wrong you were. You saw her fought for the extra days to live for she knows you will forget to switch off the cooler every morning. She knows you wouldn’t help her mow her lawn. She fears you will go hungry if nobody prepares you meals for you have the most sensitive stomach in the family. 

3 months and she finally breathe her last breath; right after you whisper in her ears in a coma, ‘Wait for me in another lifetime. I’ll recognize you by your big brown eyes’. You lost the love of your life. Everyone cries. You are smiling because you know you will see her again. It is the biggest smile you had on your wrinkled face since the day you saw the birth of you son. With heavy eyes, you finally fall asleep, on the bench you used to hold her rough palm, smiling. :)

 If only we can always go back to old times 

22nd of OCT

The hit man David Foster and his great singers came to town

The new act twin sisters Jayesslee was here too

Justin Lo from HongKong was in the house as well

While they were awing and captivating their audience, I was too performing for a charity event in Seremban. 

Ok gua.... I dun feel great though

A few rounds of applause but I think they were just being nice

I knew it wasn't good enough
I wasn't good enough
Music sense too strong jor
Don't deny my thoughts....=( 
Self denial

Sigh... when will I be satisfied with myself outside Kroom?

Fix You-ColdPlay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Pareidolia

You know, I keep searching for the word that could definite what I am experiencing.

Time to time, at any surfaces and places, as long as my eyes focus on them, I see images. Especially those uneven surfaces or those with patterns. Those images created by the patterns are always artistic. If I ever draw them down, they could be master piece. Why don't I do so? Cuz I always have better things to do... those were the times when I was minding my business in the loo or when I stare at blank surfaces to rest my eyes after a long chats facing the laptop. LOL. There was once I read a case like mine and then I realized it wasn't just me who experience it. I'm not so special after all. Damn! There was a name to such phenomenal. And I thought I could give it a name. Damn too!

Pareidolia

 I guess I'm simply too imaginative~too sensitive~too artistic 

 Muahahahaha..............

HAHAHA

Stupid Me

Why am I so bloody cute?

So Malu-fying

 

 That was it

*

You know what~ TNB sucks.

I love Mas

I watched Oprah the other day and she celebrates Freedom riders 50th anniversary in that episode. It was a group of American that fights for unity and to call off the partition/segregation of blacks n whites. It was very inspiring! Then I thought of the rally Bersih 2.0 in MAS. Similar activity for different purposes. The silence non-violence rally/activism was fight off with violence. If the right message was being shut down and gave up upon, so indirectly it means all things can be solved by force of violence/ brutality. Think about it Malaysian. 

For eg. They are alot of people who purposely post something that trigger the sensitive stuff in FB. Those jerks were idiots. They could be anyone using any identity. You were angry and you repost it. That makes you the next idiot! You just fell into the racism scam! Discuss issues nicely, effectively, summons rights with integrity, support them with wise proofs, suggest only brilliance. Especially those educated bunch, please... think before you act. Do not fight with the lower morality people. You stop talking doesn’t mean that you admit defeat. Infact, if you were the one who are talking rubbish, you ought to shut up yourself. Don’t humiliate your own kind. I’m reffering to all people of all races here. Think wise guys. 

Oddness Big Bottom Babe

Time to shop for office attire... Having taken biology as my course, there was a moment I thought to myself that I could escape wearing office attire in the future. All I need is probably just a chemical proof labcoat so that I don't get cancer earlier than I thought I would. Do you know biologist needa use a lot of carcinogenic chemicals? Genetic especially. Anyway, I don't think I will ever go back to my old field. Focus JC... U're losing your story line........ @@

So, I was at Jusco. I didn't drive. I'm not allowed! Damn! Somehow, cheap brand never fits me. They have the best shape for aliens. I walked into VJ and Nicole. Grab lotsa pants into the fitting room. I never like buying pants. Big arse gal... Genetic mia prob. I can't be proud of it. You see, due to my small boobies, I don't have the hourglass-to-die-for body shape. So, yea, I sorta hate my arse.

I was the odd girl in the world who ask my parent not to give me money. Don't spoil me! But trust me, the more you resist to accept, the more they give you XD. No, I'm not teaching you that! I'm so odd, I don't always shop and today I shopped specifically for clothing I don't fancy much. While I was oddly trying on pants which were not size appropriate, there came an odd song by Enrique named Tonight (I'm farking you). Dah lar the pants were half way stuck (not really, I was zipping), a stupid song like this came knocking in my head. Grrrr.... I was like I just ate my lunch! Right!. I was slightly over saiz M but not quite size L. How to buy? 

Anyway, bought some home and thank goodness for the 50% promotion. Or else I might went home empty handed and a whole night of nagging! Oddly enough, heavy rain with roaring thunders stroke non-stop the whole evening. Weather forecast gav wrong info jor! 

Odd gal with odd ass who has odd dreams with odd fanciness.... Now who's greater than JCdagreat! 

2more weeks before working life start. 

Pending list

> A charity performance on 22nd Oct

> Malacca trip etc

> Jamming at bandroom

> Makeover top-2-toe

> D.I.E.T Need to decrease until 50kg this time

v

v

v

I'm glad I could still easily fall outta crush... U're one charming guy that I adored in a lot of ways. If I ever fall in love, you'll eventually be the hmm, let me count... the 3rd. The 3rd that would really break my heart. While I was mending the broken pieces, I have some lil bees that come around and bring me some honey~ 

Very sweet indeed... 

The Big Bad Wolf Sales

Went to book fair today... Walou eh... Lotsa cheap stuff... Damn. I was like JC, pls behave. A sudden rush of adrenalin filled the veins and I rushed into the building ignoring all the OCBC promoters. I don't like doing sales cuz I'm scare of salesmen. They keep finding me for all the wrong reasons specifically on the wrong time. So, I kept my eyes on the best selling lists of authors and titles. Sigh, I guess I was slightly late. Majority of them were out of stock. Well, they were named best selling for a reason anyway. I did came home with 3 books though. They are good enough for a few months' companion. All of my novels were kept in the shelf for at least half a year before I finally felt guilty of buying them. I'm not really a novel reader. In fact, a lazy reader. In a situation like this, I could either spend like crazy or not spend at all. Now that I know this kinda sales came yearly, I will strike on the 1st day next time. 

 Oh, 90% of them were Christine Tee mia

I'm kinda superficial huh? Very judgmental. As in, a book cover could really draws me in. Then, I will go through the summary. If I ever bought it, the first page is utmost important or else, very quickly, it will find a spot in the shelf. Critics and reviews are factors that would influence me into purchasing them or not. This is normal right? But what really abnormal about me is that I will tend to give hundreds of reasons to not to buy the book even though the immediate fanciness towards the book is built. Good self-control/restrain~ LOL. Gotta change such attitude. Problematic! 

I love seeing those fingers running over the strings....melodic (2nd jamming)

When will I really find my heart to learn an instrument?... When the salary come? LOL. I need a patient Tcher. Where am I suppose to find???

So indecisive, so undetermine, so coward

So Joanne.... tsk

Don't ask WHY

I think I should stop asking WHY

Instead, I should ask HOW

Since I can't always get an answer when I ask 

'Why wouldn't you fall in love with me?'

Then I shall learn to ask  

'How do I make you love me?'

LOL

I don't particularly think this picture best define my beauty (aHemmm) but it's the latest one I think I look good in. Falling in love is easy, but getting the one that you love to equally love you is difficult. I truly wish I could love rightly on the right one soon. I don't wanna be sick of liking someone. I dun wanna have phobia to crush on someone special. 

2Day is our second time jamming. I really love singing... I love my voice... Hey, anybody heard of any insurance coverage for vocal chord? 

LOL

>Sien dao<

PB finally called me today in the afternoon saying that the internal error has finally been fixed. Right! I just knew what trick you're imposing. The confirm letter has been issued and will be sent in a day or two. It will be directly sent to Seremban branch and I would be alerted to collect it soon. I sighed as a sign of relieve. So I am really hired. That waiting was not wasted. I lost the excitement as I was being kept questioning uncertainties and whenever that happens, I went nuts. I don't wanna be in the losing side anymore. I'm tired having to always let people interfere my decision or have my things being decided. 

Oh, seriously... I should be happy. It's a high paid job and with its salary, I can start planing for my dreams. 1st of November would be my 1st working day. 

I'm a biology born banker LOL~ BBB. Yea, go ahead and roll your eyes, cuz I just did. 

I was so bored today, I reread my old posts. ='( Mix feeling~ I don't think I should ever do that again. Time to move on for good.  

Plan future, plan my dreams. Save money, go for dancing, vocal n instrument classes. Master driving, explore places, traveling... Save more money, go competitions, further study~ fashion, music etc. :)

I'm going all out, so much to lose, so I ain't looking back.

& I know you'll be here, walking by my side, leading this crippled girl to the same dream that we shared

Thanks for keeping my sanity in check girls... 

U noe what, we don't need a boyfriend, we need each other...

We'll rock the climb, Glorious climb.

Miss you dear :')

The Remedy

Yesterday was a great day. Unplug jamming at my house. 2 guitars and one voice...It was magic. Haha... 3 musically groovy fwens strutting their best. We jammed from 1pm till 4.30pm, trying out songs and selecting 5 out for the 22nd Oct performance for a charity event. The Tee family was great. Christine and Alvin complement each other nicely. I just need to sing, adore and be adored.

Emoness was slayed instantly. Fuck u Emo Jc. You have been suppressing the bubbly me for a good long time. Fuck U.

Singing my favourite songs with our own touch of elements give us an identity. Many of my favourite were out-listed cuz they needed full band instruments to support the songs. U know, Mercy and Rolling in the Deep. Both are heavy songs~ without bass and drum, they dun have souls. I was lifted spiritually~ erk, excuse my bahasa... I seriously mean it. I was so down for a few days and all of a sudden, I was awake. 

I see sunshine and rainbows. LOL! 

I feel lifeless whenever I detach from music. Some girls need to shop or make up or chat over the phone with boyfie to feel good about themselves. I just need to sing, in a band or the least, a visit to K room will do. I'm easy to be fixed. The hardest part is to get a great musician who can fulfill all my demands and have a good music system and all my fav song in the list. Is that a difficult request to be fulfilled? T>T XD

 We tried: Animal-Neon Trees, Dreams- The Cranberries, Right here waiting- Richard M., Close to you- Carpenters, Can't keep my eyes of you- Forget jor, Fire- Babyface, Stand by me- Many version lar, The climb- Miley C., Price Tag- Jesse J., Sweetchile O mine- Gun n Roses and even Giv n Take- Jcdagreat XD.

Thinking of adding one Chinese song~ Can dun wan ma? Teresa Teng??? 

Oh dear.... I do think that my voice compliment English songs, but if I do Chinese's, it might be special. Xde confident leh... Malay song okay ma?

I'm still looking for my perfect duet partner? Where the hell are you? 

Endless love, Whenever you call, I'm your angel, When you believe, A whole new world, Beauty and the beast 

All these songs can die without you and I....LOL

Sigh!

Yay, I finally found my spectacle.... 

It's time to not meet the wrong person over and over again

There were many nice quotes in FB recently...Everybody was so gaga over them as if the truth has finally been spoken~ Well, I said everybody, including myself. Thinking back, hey, those phrases are widely and clearly known. It's just nicer when someone else is suggesting the same thing, as if the rules you live by is true after all.

I just realized it wasn't easy to play angel. I'm not strong enough. Bruised again! Fool again! I wonder if I were the one to blame when people imposed wrong impression on me. Was I giving a lot of misleading ideas of who I am as a person? Or the fact that I'm too superficial, too much info given to digest, too much too handle?

There are people who thought they understand you well but they don't. Some of they try, some of them ignore. Some thought that you've changed when you just wanna be more of yourself.

I dislike uncertainties. I don't like anyone or anything that keeps me waiting. Nothing worth my waiting and nothing should ever waste my time. I don't like misleading attention. I don't like it when you took me to a higher altitude and then left me in the lurch dealing with acrophobia myself.

Sigh... Im expecting PB to call this week for final agreement. I need to demand a certainty from them. They better give me the best offers after so much of waiting. Fark You! Because of you, all my plans are delayed. Yeap, Im still emo... let me be. I'm losing sanity. 

Check this song out: Love is a Battlefield

Chorus

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand

NO PROMISES, NO DEMANDS

Love Is A Battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong

Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing

Love Is A Battlefield

You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay

Why do you hurt me so bad?

It would help me to know

Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?

Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why

But I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side

 

Chorus

We're losing control

Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside?

And before this gets old, will it still feel the same?

There's no way this will die

But if we get much closer, I could lose control

And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold

Chorus

1st anniversary of our glorious 10/10/10

Emo peaks 

Lotsa other factors though~

10/10/10 was a night to remember... Along with its special date was our spectacular performance and beautiful friendships. =)

 Our first dance

 2nd dance

 3rd dance

Finale 

LOL.... Memories.... Dearly Cherished :')

Reminiscing PT31st part 2

While counting down the days, I looked back to all the photos in my PT31st album. So sweet, so lovely... yet so heart-wrenching. Cuz I miss them dearly. I got emo, I found Sly in MSN. We crapped like usual and we were really curious of how the audition for the new dancers went today. Then we both got emo together. Although she is in her fourth year, she has difficulty in joining. Such gifted dancer. We were passionate dancers...dedicated, devoted.... lol.

She mentioned something that almost brought tears to my eyes... She misses PT as much as I do. She don't even dare to look at the photos cuz she don't like the feeling of not being able to go back...Damn. That was the thing that really bothers me. I can't go back... ='(

I lived those days to the fullest, I really tried. I enjoyed myself so much, so satisfyingly yet I could not have enough. If I could, I would wanna go back, again. This time, I'll make it even better.

U noe, such repetitive never-gonna-be-granted sorta wish would just pulled me back, not being able to move forward. But I just love to be drowned by the memories. That's Y I'm so depress... I need to start work asap.

One year ago today, I was deeply emotional about the 10/10/10 performance night. After all those hard works, 2morrow was the day! I wanna be great.... I wanna feel the stage.... Those lil wish I told myself. I looked at my friends faces, deep into their eyes, we held hands, we hugged each others for extra supports for 2morrow was a long day indeed. A day to remember!

I just found out that PT32nd audition marked the worst ever recorded participants...  Are you kidding me?

Can PT32 actually survive? ='(

Walking down memory lane of PT31st

A friend reminded me that day of our legendary 10/10/10 PT31st musical stage performance ~ One year ago today, we were working our ass off, sweating gallons of sweats in our rehearsal just to make ourselves much perfect. Our teachers were off to Germany for their competition. We were then taken over by my fave male Tcher and he guided us throughout till the end of our PT31st journey. The last few days were the most intense moments for both physically and mentally. But we were strong. We wanna be brilliant on stage. We love our dances, we love the story, and most importantly, we love us! We ditched all our classes, stayed put at DECTAR for practices and rehearsal. I was devoted. I was doubting if I was ready....

I miss Us

Crying Clown

Just remember

Being a clown doesn't mean he cannot be unhappy

He could be wearing a smiley mask but wet his cheek beneath his disguise

But don't worry, the clown is responsible to cheer your daily lives

He could recuperate himself

All he needs is sometime alone

But a pat on the back could ease his tensed shoulders

A smile of yours could make his day

A hug from you could mend his broken heart

A kiss could reignite his passion once again

 He would be okay if he's left alone

He would be happier if you bother to care

He would be happiest if you choose to love him

*

He just promise to make everyone happy. He didn't promise to be happy everyday.

*

If u're sensitive enough, you might just sense one of them crying nearby you

Not me....not today :)

Forbidden

I thought I wanna play angel

To guide a lost soul back to its star

Sadly a fallen star can never be retrieved

Sympathized, I took him home

Ego believe that I could

Consciousness promises to help

Wisdom forbidden me

I didn't listen

Now that I'm playing with fire

I'm scare that I'll get burned

Excitements are superficial

I'm scare of losing my aim

I thought I just wanna play angel

And I shall just be Angel!

Phobia Freak!!!

I said it once, I can't believe I need to say it twice.

Imma happy freak among my fwens and I'm those clown who wear smiley mask whenever I fail to curl my lips upward. U guys are my precious lil things and I'm not gonna spoil the fun we share whenever we have the chance to gather. So, it's utmost important that everything goes well and nobody should step on my tail. That is the only thing I ask for. Is it so difficult?

***

I told you I am afraid of losing something. I'm so freakish I actually developed light OCD. I would not let my important possession goes outta my sight. I can no longer take the blame of losing my belonging over my carelessness. No longer! You wanna play with my stuff, take a look or watever, do it in front of me or notice me earlier. This shit happen again that night. I know you are playful, I know you hide it by handed it to someone who is believable, away from me. You wanna scare the hell outta me! Yes, You did it! Horrrayyyyy!!! You saw that stupid face of me being totally bewildered. Very funny wasn't it? Such accomplishment you did! Do you know how scare I was when I didn't find my phone on the place it was suppose to be? You didn't have enough, you did it again with my bag? I thought I just reminded you of my phobia just a second ago? Hey, when I told you it was phobia, I wasn't kidding you. 

I trusted you. I was at ease, completely off guard because I trusted you. And you pounced on me when I was most unaware. Perhaps you thought I was being too emotional or that I exaggerated the whole things. If you'd know me well, you know my level of tolerance. There are only certain things that could make me totally fired up. This was one! And you being the 2nd time offender. I can't hate on you, cuz you're my best friend. I felt terrible being angry with you and the bullet of angst came right back to me. Why are you being so serious? Why do you go banana over the trivial matter? So I should hate myself instead!

Now you know why I told you not to mess with my phobia the first time round. I will go mad! 

I'm sorry for being this way. Sorry for the innocence and carelessness of my past that resulted this being today.

***

Innocence... I thk I still posses it. Whatever unbelievable stuff told by my fwens I would believe. Even If I thought I know about the fact, his/her lies will had my confidence shaken cuz I would wanna believe them, those I called friends. Stupid huh? 

EG: I thot this fwen was going back to Indonesia for good and He is not coming back. I believed it and I went emotional for that day thinking that I kinda disappointing as his fwen. Fuck you V. Though I'm actually happy that it was a lie after all, I still hate the fact that you are one of those inconsiderate people who misuse pure innocents of others. Naive probably. Stupid to be precise. 

Ok lar...enough liao. Dammit! I'm not a good thing after all. I purr alot, scratch alot, pluck hairs alot, talk alot, too sampat, too hiao.... Aisey. Nuff said.

***

Had my teeth washed in Gov clinic. 1st time there! Not that scary after all. But I bumped to one annoying one, not friendly. Sigh. I'm glad I did it anyway!

I'm definitely not going to marry a Dentist. 

Newtune Intro Night 2011 (3/10/11)

 Arrived in UKM at 11am with Xtine via KTM. It was a smooth ride, not much hassle and problem. Met up with Alex and had lunch at Pusanika Bakery. Walked around library and Faculty made me miss my student life a lot. Those walkways were those I passed by daily to get to the lecture halls, meals, back to classes or to bus station. The only thing that I still dislike is the stairs to Library main door. Staircase to hell

Juniors started to gather at 5pm, setting up the stage while me, Xtine, Devissa, Jieru n Alex went for Dinner at Aunty Lan. I expect alot from them that night. I want a good show! This was my first time as Lou Ren Jia, watching NewTune performance as audience. I was very nervous when the show was about to start.... for no reason. I wasn't even on stage. I just felt them. I want them to be great! 

The sound system was good. Performances were amazingly well. Hardly any bad tussle or moments. The concert flow was clean, clear and smooth. Even the special guest was hilariously special. Much improvement noted. Tissue's vocal-bility is undeniably one of the best voice I love. Ck too... tone rich, better control. Careful with high pitch ya young man. Mo ke... High dao!!! So natural but dun lost control of it. LOL. I will come back to check on you guys progress especially during NTLP 15. I'll be the stage guru... hell yea u guys gonna suffer. Imma perfectionist! Now, everybody go get ur catsuit ready!

Utilize n maximize the usage of our new bandroom. U guys have such brilliant proposal and planning for future Tuning. I as old tuner is proud of you all. Walk the talk ite, I have faith in tuners. 

There are nights you'd wish you could sleep through it

There are nights you'd wish they would last forever...

All good things must have a perfect end note and that would be our ritual Al-fariz visit. XD

Every little thing that I did on that night reminded me of my time approximately one year ago. It's a different kind of feeling and approach to the celebration, but the same old lovely unity. I wish more juniors would be inspired and lured into this big family of ours. We do not disappoint.

Job Well Done Guys.

I Miss U, life