31st Oct 2014

It has been a year. Last year today I was at Sunway with a friend attended One Republic concert. One of the day that i cherished. 1st concert. Before everything turn upside down the next day.

1st November 2013 i was told that my dog couldnt stand on his own and having difficulty walking. Last year that day i have forgotten that 2nd Nov was my 2nd anniversary of me joining pbb. This year 1st November, Pbb the n'th anniversary annual dinner is conducted. I'm performing 2 songs this time. 1 solo act singing Saving all my love 4u (yea, i noe i screwed up that song in audition, but i screwed up many times and i bounced back right?) and another duet belting Beauty and the beast with Genesis Khoo. :)

I havent feel any nerve wreaking yet. Maybe tomorrow when i see the stage and how everything not working... then ill be scared. For now...chill. i was so angry since yesterday cuz i just couldnt get my downloaded song in phone to my lappy and then channel them to my pendrives. Omg! Why is this happening? Well, i cancelled my broadband. And i somehow got a way to dl from phone and all the methods i know from bluetooth to usb connections all are not working. Not even share modem...  wtf. Until today when i finally sorted this out that i feel somewhat relieve. And my throat ache. Hello lucky gal!!!

So tomorrow will be a busy hectic day until i finished with both songs. Then come Sunday... holly molly sunday which marked my 3rd year with Pbb. 

No comment! 

No. Im just kidding! How on earth would i have nothing to say about my 3rd anniversary. This kinda relationship is like you are married to your 2nd love and you often find it so unsatisfactory but somehow some love bridge is built and it is workable and that you could lead a perfectly normal life or maybe fulfilling too. 

But you will always craving for a love far fetched. 

What do you think? I think it perfectly makes sense. 

That sound utterly sad right? 

If you feel me then pity me. Once in awhile maybe try to cheer me up or something. 

That day a senior told me about the regrets he had and how that feeling hurt him.

The wanted feeling was gone and he is wanting that back. When i meditate him i feel like i was actually soothing myself. 

I have a fair share of feeling about this kinda dilemma. This almost complete gal with flaws also managed to get some flirty boys. Every time when things seem to be going somewhere or when they thought we could go further when we are really not or that i thought wrongly, those attention will stop eventually. Being highly needed attention i suddenly feel lonely which im used to. However i do not like the feeling of having it and then have it being taken away. 

Sometimes it was me who back off. Cuz i only want the attention i seek for. I feel discomfort and reluctant for other kind of sweet talk and those flirty relationship which aint going anywhere.

For who still confuse, im a pretty serious person especially towards sensitive issues like relationship and gender equality, strays and family. 

You dont come mess with me and tell me things you dont mean cuz i will give you one tight slap on that pretty face. Oh i love you but sorry cuz i say it to other gals too. Oh i wanted to know u more and i really like you but i dont wish to be with you now, oh wait im just joking! 

So, thats why im still alone and lonely. I am not waiting for mr right. God, mr right will have to die many times to get all the genes to be the man i truly wish for. I dont wanna die as old virgin too. Anway, work keep me going and the constant care to my job and my mom kinda make me not wanting to commit to another responsibility. I wanted to take in a puppy though. Yearning... but until i can find my heart to accept another future blows. I keep my ultimate goal close to my heart. To buy a banglo lot and save strays by which i mean poor animals. I wont save humans cuz they have functional brains. If human dont help themselves then they must die cuz they dont deserve to be alive and breathing. Waste of environment resources. Lol. 

Im testing pendrives now and good, those stuff are working nicely. OcD kicks in. Downloaded 2 same songs but cant decide to keep which. Arghhhhh....

12am dy. Well if i must choose between being pretty or to be flawless in performance tomorrow... then i rather have the latter. Cuz im already pretty. Roll eyes...

okok. Report more soon. Xoxo.

Oct 22nd 14 part 2~ The night of The Elusive Chanteuse Concerto.

I reached BTS around 3pm. Met up with Fang and she fetched me to The Mines to eat, walk and shop. Didnt plan to shop but we have plenty of times and so very fortunate i shopped. 

Got some cheap shirts and a pair of discounted hush puppies heels. Everything was packed in Fang's car. I was sent back to BTS and change route two times and reach Maharajarela monorail station to Stadium Merdeka. Once i reached and walk out from the station i was so panic cuz it was raining very heavily. I had my poncho ready but gosh i cant tell you enough how bad my day could be. 

I reached there 7.30pm and i wore my poncho and quickly checked in. No umbrella no water bottle and etc. Stupid management.

Fine! Many got stuck at the corridors cuz they were unwilling to get wet so soon. Nah, i cant wait to begin. When i walked to my seat, the field was wet and muddy. Soaked up to my levis. Arghhh. Then i begin to check on my number. Row 10 no.59. It was at the last few seat at the end of the line. Fuck! There were 2 other siblings behind me. Luckily they were pretty nice for some chat. Very young siblings. 20 and 18 yrs old. The boy face resembles my 1st love. People of all ages were there. Some come with partners while some come with children as young as 5 yrs old. You know who else i saw? Jacklyn Victor. 1m away and i called out to her. She didnt layan me. Im so sure she hear me but she was so babi she didnt layan me. She might wanna be low key but still you cant go around making people looking like a fool. Anyway, the show is about Mariah and Mariah only. So what if Obama is here. 

This one was taken by her team posted online. Yes she is that pretty :) Her 1st costume.

The siblings came as early as 6.30pm just like Milo teacher. The show delayed for 1 hour and 15 minutes. God. My fingers were crinkled and my hair was wet and dripping with rain water. Guess what? My poncho was badly broken. The head and armpit sites were all slit open. That piece of shit was bought in April and has never been use. The one given by the management was so paper thin and cheap like it would be easily damaged just by the slightest touch. My bag zipper was also broken. So my wallet and phone was expose to snatcher and rain. Fuck! 

The show finally start at 9.15pm. 

The crowd, all poncho clad was so pumped up we started screaming like crazy. The news paper quoted a 12k attenders. The scream was so infectious like a continuous wave and it only got stronger with every higher note sang and much anticipated whistling. 

She also changes a few set of dresses and whoah, they were pretty hawt. Not too revealing to suit our Malaysian culture but sweet sweet pee-a-boo at the cleavage. Lol. 

She was energetic, in a fantastic mood and very attentive towards our respond. I know almost every song. But she sing best in Fly like a bird, a song that i wasnt very familiar in. You can almost feel she bare all her soul into it. Every single word was sang so beautifully. As a singer (amateur) myself i can hear that she struggled through some songs and she couldnt reach some lower note or higher one as easily as she could last time. Very very minimal flaws. But she control and cover it smartly of course. 

I went to witness my idol, a hero that inspired me to be a singer, my trainer who can never do wrong in belting ballads. A figure who indirectly teaches me singing techniques where most chinese cant do. And i have a weak dolphin whistling too. I cant recall which song she sing that caught my attention before i made her as my fav. But she is one of the 3 diva i love dearly. 

Mariah 1st, Celion then Whitney. 

Her song help me meditate when i was grieving. I would purposely drive long journey and listen to her songs especially Butterfly so that i could shed tears. I also remember one time when i participate in high school english week singing competition, i daringly sing her song Hero but screw up kinda badly. Now if u ever hear me sing her song in k room, you will know what a fan i am.

When you love someone you see her as a perfect being with flaws. So what that she is now plump, mind you she gave birth to a twins and she embraced motherhood as womanly as possible. So what she cant hit all her song perfectly? So a singer cant be anything less than 10/10 all the time? She is 45 yrs old! You cant expect her to sing her hits like she was 20 yrs old. Com'on lar bro. Be fair okay.

 I like how thestar newspaper comment on the concert. The author say Mariah sings like she has got a point to prove. Even is she is not fit enough in anyway that very night, the only person who can point that out is us, those who went to the concert. So the rest please keep silence. Respect yourself!

I like it when she call us darling. I love it when she communicate with us with passion, alternately and spontaneously addressing kuala lumpur and the rain and us. She would talk melodically with us. Her soft whispering tone was so alluring. And boy, she hit all those whistling effortlessly. 

There were also technical errors when the team fail to set the grand piano so she could sit on it. After the meteor shower, the spark caught fire on the curtain. The camera got a good close up at it and audience was very concern. It was put out within seconds though. 

The last song was We belong together. All Vvip people rushed to the front to celebrate the song and she too got so excited and requested her team to get a good photo of us waving hands to her. The fans being hard core fans will not leave until encore was ensured. She sang Always be my baby. 

Damnmit. I was so close yet my stupid note 3 didnt get a best shot due to shaky hands. When Mariah spot some fans with pretty sign boards, she addressed them. 3 men managed to talked to her and show her their cardboard stating undivided 24 yrs of love towards her work and presented her a fans book. They call themselves lambily. God. I hate them. I am suppose to be the one getting that attention. Now i call myself lambily too. :p

Noting that she might not do 2nd encore, and time was already 11pm, i rushed back to monarail only to see a sardine packed train. That sight was more terrifying than the muddy field. I wasnt very conscious the whole journey back to Bts cuz i still havent manage to get my soul out from the stadium. If i could i wanna be the last person who got out from the stadium so that i could catch a glimpse at her closely. On the way out i saw Marsha, a local malay celebrity. Oh well.... x layan lar. Lol.

I couldnt be happier seeing Fang already at Bts station waiting for me. My rescuer. We were both so hungry we tapau at a mamak and only ate at 12pm. Then only I realized my heels was broken...TOO. Can you imagine what could have happen to me if they get completely broken when im in the concert.

I call that night perfection! The fans endured rain and thunder all the way through the concert. 3 1/2 hours under the rain. I am more than happy to be  part of the event. I hope Mariah have a good time here too. A return after 10 years. You dont get this often. 

It seems so surreal when she finally show up that night. I feel so alive, i guess that is what happie feels like. A dream come true. When i was singing before my fwenz during my bday i had this feeling. When i was at bali, at tanah lot i had this feeling.

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The only concert i regret skipping this year was Alicia Keys'. Im not gonna miss any more of my fav. 

22 Oct 2014

A.K.A

The Elusive Chanteuse Concert of 

Mariah Carey

At Stadium Merdeka. 8pm tonight. 

Well, again numbered seating outdoor concert. The only different this time is that i switch my position to Vvip and its numbered. So i dont need to rush to the event and try to secure a better seat to watch her live. I dont longer go gaga over celebrity. Maybe if Nsync will reunite and come to Malaysia then you may find me screaming and lining up at wee hour just to catch a glimpse at them. 

I cant wait to see The Script next year though.

Oh well, after 2 weeks of challenging period i guess i deserve a lovely date with Mariah without much disturbance. Finger crossed. Fang will be providing accommodation for me :) Sweet sweet fang. I wanted to book a hotel earlier but it will be costly especially im in such a rush. You dont pay unless you got to enjoy right?

Longing... the train stopped!
 Im always longing for something. There is always something missing and i wonder why. Thats why im always going after something. Well.

I needa find a secluded place for a selfie. Cuz i look kinda pretty today. ;)

I wonder if tonight will rain? I thought of doing something or dressed up in some way so that Mariah will notice me just like what Milo teacher did. But all those stresses from home, fulfilling office assignment to rushing home to cater to my mom totally taken a toll on me. My me time for reading, bloging, chatting and day dreaming...lol... all have to put on hold. 

The only joy i have at the moment is to watch tv, some reality singing show and spongebob squarepant (U). I use to hate spongebob and i thought it was the ugliest cartoon ever produced. But its capability to reduce stress with its nonsense story lines kinda make you fall in love with its characters. Unlike family guy (18sx), the way they make u laugh is from its pure and simplest story telling, sometimes ugly.

:)

Today will be a good day. 

I hope my journey from here now onwards will be a smooth one. 

BTW day 2

After having 4 days of EL i dont really feel like going back to work. Not that i dont wish to work and prefer to stay at home. I cannot slow down on anything. When im at work, im basically on fire. Im on the go. I started to miss the energetic me, the one who people tease who produce the most number of cases. The speedo. Well, sales goes down, slow moving of cases and some attitude issue got in the way. I become lazy. Its quite impossible to link me to laziness at work but i guess it shows lately. This month is a hell month. These 2 days were quite rushy. I missed out two blessed afternoon caffeine intake. Rush home to check out on my mom, and cater to her lunch. Cant stay late at work cuz needa pick up food from aunt and send back to mom. Hope my boss will understand. He is more a fatherly figure to me than my dad sometimes. A man i wish to impress and be liked. 

My aunt, her daughter is fighting with cancer. Today she had a CTscan to check on her illness and they spotted two more spots of bitches lurking around in liver and bladder. My heart sank cuz i feel for her parents. I feel so terrible. She already had two season of chemotherapy and is on going on her third. Why is life so unfair? She is only 19 years old! 

I applause my aunt. She took it coolly not because she aint scare but she has no choice but to see beyond fear and be in control. Something my mom might not be able to do. But my mother indeed take her best courage to face her health issue for me. If i were in her position which already happened 5 years ago, i do what i did best lor. I crumbled and fallen to pieces, then when i get the fact that i wont die immediately, i choose to ignore and totally forgotten about it. Lol. Now im scared. Im pondering and am very reluctant to meet specialist. But my health care fee is surely protected by public bank. Only the procedure wise is a bit tedious. 

These week i experienced a working woman cum housewife's routine. I hated it so so much. I never like doing house chores. You dont necessary like what you do best right. Oh well i score another best dislike into my list. It's so fucking routine based and fucking tiring. And the best part is the boys at home is completely useless. If they can participate just a little in just doing their part of necessity, i would have spared a great deal of shits. A house cannot have an available woman or the boy will make the best use of her. Worst of all, my mom will keep pester on how certain thing needs to be done in certain ways. Of course she get herself an earful shares of annoyance from me too. Seriously, my point is a woman can be a superwoman, be completely proficient in both world only if she dedicates her whole life to her man n children. Well, if they are worthy to die for. 

For me it will be clear with either or kinda choice. 

If i am to work, i rather pay a cleaner to satisfy my cleanliness needs. 

Im too ego to completely devote my best to men i dont feel worthy of. Nuff say. Practically, if i can pay them to do their job, i would. 

Thanks to my mom of spoiling them, now they face the consequences. Basically i was the one have to deal with it. Arghhhhh. Equality and fairness among genders, fuck yea, talk to my ass! People never learn. Or they just ignore. Men choose to ignore, women try to care less, men continue to ignore, women feel agitated and finally give in to cleaning, babysit these men and die for them.

Growing up in this kinda family make me more cautious in meeting and even choosing male fwens. 

T.T

Mom is doing okay anyway. 

Congrats!!!

EL day 3...

I missed a day... oh, i was too busy doing the hospital discharge, get medicine, packed and unpacked stuffs, get my mom homed and upstair, then fixed her on bed, get her to toilet, reassured her emotion and physical needs and all. God i do all these myself. Very fortunately my aunt step in to assist in taking care of her meal. The rest the house and exclude ironing the clothes i have to bao ka liao. 

I didnt know i am capable of that. Maybe i do but i just dislike doing it. Particularly maybe because i was selfish and calculative. Why me and not my brother? How come he can escape all these? If its not for my mom, i would teach him a good lesson. After all, he enjoy having a mom without being a son, then he should enjoy washing the underwear himself right? Correct or not? Anyway, maybe touch wood, he will fully take charge the next time if my father ever need to be admitted to hospital. Of course nobody wants anybody to be in either position. 

I was being a rebel as a bank officer. I escape almost all calls. Tomorrow is my last EL so im a bit worry of wednesday arrangement. How to cater to my mom? Aisey! Work wise should not be a big issue. There is some complication happening but i guess both my strong relieves colleague will do a good job in assisting. I have in fact guided and helped them a lot during their entry to the branch and another during her maternity leave. Its time i claim my reward. 

My junior is also doing a fine job. I hope my boss sees his hard work. He maybe annoying at times flirting with almost every gal in the bank, but he indeed is hard working. Very difficult to get a newbie like this any more especially a good guy newbie. 

My mom is still quite dizzy which could be resulted by many reasons. Sigh. The doctor say her urine femine test wasnt very nice and indicate weakening of kidneys. I feel like my world is collapsing again. That kinda feeling isnt very pleasant. Tomorrow need to see that doctor again to follow up on the wound. I dont really like dealing with her but as long as she do a fine job for my mom's recovery i will continue using her service. 

Sometimes some burden are meant to be shared. Some are meant to be kept to our own. 

But i could use a break. 

Saturday EL weekend

3rd day at hospital. Mom was much better. After her final vomit after dinner yesterday, she no longer felt too much pain. She managed to get some sleep which means i too managed to get some sleep. 

Morning came and she was totally a different person. Her urine bag was removed. Her drip was taken out as well. She can walked to the toilet too. Her doctor said she can be discharged tomorrow. Thank goodness! I have been on zombie mode for 48 hours. Some great fwens came to give support both mine and my mother's. Some relative is also very caring. My aunt and my grandma & my cousin bro too.

These 2 nights i only have my open diary, bad line facebook and a new novel to accompany me. 

I wish to find some chatter but i guess i dont have anyone i can open up to. Sigh. 

This morning i had my brother packed my panties and a shirt to me. Haha. I hate to ask so but i have no choice. I think i hate my dad more than my brother? 

Whatever! 

Now that i have a full set of cotton made under garments, i feel much complete. But i looked like a mess.

She had to stop smoking. A blood and urine tests were done and her urine test seems weak. Doctor say this indicate weak kidney and need some effort to stop hurting them. Sigh. I almost instantly feel like crying again. 

Doctor say tomorrow she can be discharged. So i have 1 day earlier to adjust myself on how to handle my mom at this condition at home. 

I hate how i allow the nurse to make us move to another room to allow another male patient's entry. My senses only kicked in questioning why on earth must i move instead of another patient? Cuz she is malay? Cuz she is weaker than my mom who underwent a major operation? You may think removing uterus is very common among women but removing an organ is a major operation. You can survive without it doesnt mean you could survive the complexity of its surgery. My aunt said i wasnt calculative but my uncle said i shouldnt have gave in. Fuck! Bullies in hospital? If it isnt for their good hospitality which made my mother feel much comfortable i wouldnt be nice with them. 

God stop this nightmare already. I seriously need sleep. I have not stop coughing and i feel fever is coming. I hope not. This is the part when i see a heartbroken scenes in some hong kong drama which i would be glad that i am not part of. 

Unfortunately this time i am part of it. 

I only seek quick and full recovery for my mom. It is beneficial to both of us.

She is a solid fighter. She really is.  

:')

EL day 2

I couldnt sleep whole night basically cuz the room was stupid cold and the aunty who sleep just next to the controller whom is also freezing cold didnt adjust the temperature. 6k vacation trip to Columbia Hospital with bad sleep and worry. It should only happen once and result should be a great one. 

I only managed to doze off in and out. I dont think my mother sleep as well. 2am nurses came in once. 5 am they came in again. Reminding my mom to take medicine, not to eat any food. Then again around 7am they hooked her up with Oxygen tank for her lungs due to her asthma history. Then ask her to change clothes a sexy bare buttock cloth and detach all necessary. Basically she has no time to fear much cuz that transition time for her to prepare from not knowing when to operate to knowing now to operate is so short. There is no time to freak out. However by the time she was asked to lay in another bed to the theatre room we both cried. I can never see her cry. I wasnt suppose to cry until she is knock off but i guess i need to improve on it. Actual time frame is 40min plus. But it might take longer if she is not prepare or too scare resulted a shoot in blood pressure. Arghhhhhh... pls dont take my effort for granted.
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Ok. She is fine. Out safe but in great pain. Initially it was a lot of shiver and terrible cold. The great pain and discomfort comes afterword made her so restless. The pain was literally killing her.
At 3.3pm, we finally decided to giv her morphine. Then finally she was able to sleep in with the dizziness. But the injection made her vomit several times which doctor and nurses said it was the side effect. Today is a difficult long day for her.

I feel so useless. I cant do anything to stop the pain let alone be comfort to her. I manage to go home and bring blanket back for another cold night. I never like sleeping in hotel with a presence of room mate. So now i can add a new dislike. I dislike unbearable cold resulted by air conditioner. I was so blur with no sleep for 24 hours plus leaving my mother to several people who i couldnt count on make me rush things over and anxious. I forget to bring underwear! I cant be wearing the same for another day. Luckily i found some paper underwear which was suppose to be use by mother provided by the hospital.

Sigh. Im very sad. Im so sad i have to endure this alone. Im sad cuz she suffer so much. Im so sad i was part of the bunch who advise her to execute the operation. Im sad seeing her this way. Im sad im not wearing my own comfy underwear. Fuck!

But she is alive n kicking. Thats all that matters right?  A survivor. I had an urge to cry. I just do not know how to start now?

:'(

EL day 1 part 2.

Hi there. Some test were done but mostly was just pure waiting from 10am to 3pm. 

We get a room at 1st floor no. 96 b, a 2 patients room. Huge with a built in toilet. My aunt was there with us whole day cuz she has experiences dealing with hospital rules and regulations. She talks a lot which is good cuz it keeps my mother busy & accompanied. 

Sigh. I am worried. Im really worried. But i know it will be a smooth one. Im ready to handle all the consequences. Im ready. Im gonna miss annebelle. Im gonna miss any weekend dates and karaoke all at least for a weeks. 14 days maybe. Sufficient enough for my mom to gain energy to allow me to go mariah's concert on 22nd. Sufficient enough for me to practice and to perform on Nov 1st PBB annual dinner. Which is why i say this surgery thing is at a perfect timing. Anything after will be much difficult to arrange. Ive utilize 4 out of my last 6 annual leaves. I didnt take compassionate leaves cuz i dont like the option available. Death, disaster or critical illness. Not of these sounds comforting. 

Gosh. Im now not sleepy yet. She is too not sleeping yet. Another patient in the room is snoring so ever loudly. Omg. 

Im sorry you need to endure this. I might not be this brave to face sickness too. But i have a good life tenure to battle against any sickness at my age. U dont. Ure 50 yrs old. Each year weaken ur body and by then u might be too weak to do anything. 

Good deeds u have done is witness by the universe. 

Im the perfect evidence. Your masterpiece your proud creation. For that you deserve nothing less than great long life. 

Love u mom.

EL day 1

Ive taken EL from Thursday till next Tuesday. 

It was in the morning and boss mood wasn't at his best. Morning is always his angriest period. I seek his permission to take a long EL. His expression was a bit out of my expectation. He asked what about my dad? Why do I need so many days? 

I was brutally honest, i say he cannot be count on. 

I think he fumbled a bit on my answer and ask me to explain. I couldn't and he just kinda talk a little bit more but i couldn't listen further. I want my leaves and there is no room for negotiation. He knows it.

I offer that i can come back if needed during that period. He say that is not necessary but on only 1 condition, on call on the phone. I had too many stuff to follow but recently sales slow down. What he didn't know is that i have everything under control and i have plan timing very nicely. Furthermore i have 2 good relieves. I have assigned my cases out like a Santa. Yes, i'm becoming less target oriented. Well, this month performance will suffer anyway. Which i have done a lot to prevent being scolded.

My boss would understand. Anyhow, he has a few newbies to train. I guess he will be entertained. 

My mom's mood gets a little better. I teased her the way she pack her necessary into luggage like she was going on vacation. 

Then i told her that she needed to practice and i was wondering how she gotta go vacation by bus with all these packages. 

Ha ha ha.....

I know its not funny. Sigh. What can i do?

I have been wondering whether i gave any wrong advise? The same happened when i decided on my dog's life, making decision on his behalf. Seriously, who am i to decide on anyone's life? Im still blaming and hating myself to my core of how i betray my love. How i make that ultimate decision blinded by other's needs... my gosh. He was suffering.... that doesnt matter anymore right? :'(

 I can only wish he deserve all wellness and love in after life. If i can torture myself to allow his well being i would. 

Now, im again thrown into a similar situation. This is my mother. Why do you always want to punish me this way? I always have the best solid reason why i advise my suggestion to certain people. 

But... who am i to decide on people's life. Arghhh

Now i can't even cry cuz i have no room for myself. 

Maybe when she is in the operation theatre then i would bawl out. Fuck!

Fml

Review of Asian Got Talent. Just me ~

So yea, Ive failed the audition. Not surprising though. Just very sayang. Let me tell you why. 

Lol. 

Well, 1st of all, i didnt go with much enthusiasm. Ive never go to an audition without a fixed song choice. Ive set my mind with Saving all my love by late Whitney Houston earlier. However i keep having anxiety over that song choice and was torn between some other song like If i aint got you, Mercy and Ocean Deep. I was thinking how to prioritize cuz they also ask for a preparation of 3 songs just in case they wanna listen further. 

Arrived on time to audition meaning arrived late. When i was there 5 min b4 9am, crowds were already in. Silly of me thinking that i would have an advantage cuz ive registered online. Well, there aint any. The gals, pumpkin, fang and mun were with me all along. The night before we were having a karaoke date together at green box cheras selatan. I was invited to stay overnight at fang's place. 

The crowd quickly filled in at taylor' university block B theatre 21 and 22. Very nicely maintained environment i must say. The line move so slow and i wonder what take the arrangement so long. I was moving very slowly and if my timing was right which i dont doubt, i was standing before the entry measuring 3 meters away for 4 hours. People was getting tired and restless. Some with instruments started jamming with each others and strangers. It was a beautiful sight. The youngs get together jamming song, beat boxing and chatting. Some bring along friends while mainly made new friends. Me too being cold somehow manage to chat along with a few in the same row, front and back row's strangers as well. 

Eventually once we get our registered number, we were sent into a room, i suspect lecture hall to wait for another 2 hours. Then i got to know that there were 5 audition rooms with different judges for different act. A total 6 hours of waiting worn me down. If i know i will have to wait for that long knowing that i wont even have a heart to fight hard, maybe i will hold my horse. 

When it was my turn, i was going in with so much annoyance for holding my pee for sometimes. Hold or risk being call in much later.Those fucked up faces of the judges and their tired and bored faces arghhhh... i noe ive lost even before i sing. 

I fought for 2 songs to be heard. It only lasted almost a minute plus. They urged you to speed to its climax cuz they cant wait you to finish and leave them. Perhaps i should have just sing a chorus of my fav. Perhaps i should fill in all my performance list and award into the registered form before sending in. Then i need to wait for the 10th person to sing before we were led to another waiting area to know our result. 2 guys with guitars and another malay gal from my group got it. Sad n yes, it was over. It was a good journey and im happy that i experienced it. The gals then fetch me to have late lunch/dinner as i only manage to take a few bite of buns and latte from starbuck for breakfast. How cool was it that taylor university hosted a starbuck and oldtown cafe in their enclosure?! 

We went to the famous boat noodle at kuchai lama and i had 6 small bowls and sealed the night with a dessert. My gals never fail me for being the best companions and the best comfort when i fell hard to the ground. My mind was a mess before i see them and knowing that i would need to compete in this kinda make it worst. The moment i saw pumpkin at ktm station i felt relieved. Its like i found an answer to a hard solving question. :) They dont turn away when i needed somebody. I dont mean to compare but if i have to choose, they will be the 1st i will share my reward with.

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Its kinda weird for me to report stuff after weeks of its actual date but i havent got time for it. I was kinda sick with cough and flu and some work stuff though lately i was kinda free. I started to find courage in leadership in my job and im happy for the fact that i can always escape from being in the hot soup. It must be something that i ve done right.

I tried my hand on marketing and sales, basically walking distributing flyer and marked my territory with another colleague at Mantin. Whoah, i felt my skin thickened by an inch. I dislike what i did but it was necessary. Guess what? Im going to a Ecohill developer to work tomorrow. My beautiful Sunday will be taken. Yes, it was necessary too. 

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I have done reading The fault in our star. 

I fell in love with yet another fictional character. 

Augustus Waters. A beautifully written love story.

I cant judge John Green yet just by one novel. So i will read another one of his before telling if i like him as a whole. 

I love his cancer loving story. How those effects of dying is more than just wanting to die. What brilliant quotes he has in his pockets. Reading his novel is like going to a valuable ride. But i dont wanna love this way like Hazel and Gus. I might be afraid of dying but im also afraid of losing a loved one. I never want to experience that any more. 

Even finishing that novel makes me sad.