Dun Dream It's Over

There is so much I wanna achieve in my life. I wanna be a singer, a dancer, a fashion designer… things that I am good at. Since I was young, I know I love singing. Other than singing songs that I love, I also do some humming from time to time without knowing I was actually composing songs. Sadly, I never learn an instrument. I’m incapable of writing it down. 

Having exposed to the talented people in New Tune, I am inspired to try my hand on it. It will be difficult and troublesome. I will need to record it down and find someone helpful to play it, and write me a lyric. I could try writing… but I think I am more like an author than a lyricist. This time, I’m determined! I have a humming recorded. Rough! Badly and LUANly arranged. I will need to figure out the arrangement so that I will not drive my musician crazy. I think it would be a good song. Whatdaheck, it’s my first ever, finally, creation!

Thumb up JC.

 As a singer, I need more stage experience and technique class. There are still, many rooms for improvement. Fix my slight nasal problem purlese. Damn allergy… swelling in the nose cavity worsen my problem. I need to work on Mandarin songs. When will I start? Pronunciation with pinyin and song selections… I cannot just proficient in English song if I wanna broaden my horizon. I guess it has something to do with my ego. I cannot lose or be denied when that thing is something I can work on. I am lazy and I will fail to prove it…and this will blow my chance.

Wow… not a chance, again.

Performing is my love. I could do it my whole life! Is it too early for me to say it? Haha… Sue me! The fact that I am experiencing stage performing in university, I tried studio recording, jamming with fellow band mates to fine tune songs… I love those moments so much that I wanted more…. I wanted to go far, I wanna stand on bigger stage, I wanna compete in massive title and win competitions, and I wanna become a recording artist. 

Dreams… too big, too huge… I’m scare… Many boundaries, I’m not a perfect package, I do not have the support and in fact, I’m too sane to struggle fighting into the business without bringing a dime back home. Damn… my biggest concern is my family. Selfishness is not something I could carry with and so, I can only have half the effort to chase my dream. Lack of determination and disappointment, tiredness in trying, I might eventually lose all enthusiasm and the only half effort I have, all together.

Yes, I’m thinking too much too soon again. Now you know why my hairs are naturally dyed white? Half inherited, half due brain nutrient constraint! Hey, who know I could be lucky… Someone I know might introduce me to some famous composer or maybe I meet a guy who happened to be the composer’s son, or I bump to Gary Chaw and we become friends…Haha…. Now this is desperate! Na, I’m too lay back for these…

Such long piece here… If only you truly get me. I’m actually saying how much I truly appreciate all the opportunity I have been given with. I’m counting my success. I’m pretty lucky you see… so far. I performed quite a number of times, huge crowd, recorded 2 songs in studio and which are made into animated videos, 3 but coming, 4 new songs under my name.

Success?? Not much…seriously. I am good, I’m not great! I maybe shallow not quite hollow and trying too hard to boost… haha.

I’m progressing slowly, but steadily. This raw talent of mine needed more salt and pepper ….
I mean seasoning XD

I have this lil much of credibility, this bitsy cool showmanship, many more lil talents aside, I have the biggest heart and willingness to learn, to gain more knowledge and skill and suck em all up! Chances will only goes to people who ready. So, be ready JC, at the same time, you ought to keep yourself grounded. Humble is the key to learn! 

My belief and God never teach me this. I still hate Him!

If You are listening, I really love singing!

Will talk about my dream on other soon, if you are reading that’s =)

U

At first, you were someone that caught me eyes. Then you were a friend. We were never close until that period. I like your company. I like having you around. It doesn’t just satisfy my eyes, but your presence lightens up the room.

The more good things I heard about you, the more I know I didn’t like the wrong guy.

That day, while I was having lunch with my girls, something I heard please me. They were fooling around with his name and joking about us being together…

Well, I don’t really see it coming. I told them that he is such great guy, he has got class. Then all three of them responded immediately, and in the same manner. They said, “You have too!” 

Something about the respond turned on my ego booster and I truly appreciate it. I mean, hey… Why should I feel intimidated falling in love with a guy I think is great? I am equally amazing as well. I shouldn’t feel powerless and nothing is impossible. Even though there is a chance my prediction is right, that there will not be possibility between us, I shouldn’t have feel weak!

Well, I am always insecure despite all the might I possess. I guess my sanity and the past experience together with my ego pulled me back so that I don’t get hurt the second time around.

I will just enjoy myself as his friend. It’s the best for all. Eventually, I just wanted everyone around me to be happy. I’m incapable to make every member in my family happy. I wish at least I could be the best for my friends.

Holiday....not

Well....holiday sucks! Seriously! 

This pic was taken at S'Ban Station 1 cafe. Amy Wang was having an album promo tour. I know her...Astro 2nd runner up, Champ in All Chinese Singing Competition at HongKong. Still, I wasn't a huge fan. Too banana~ haha.
My senior aka bestie informed me about her coming and asked me to go support her. I thought he was a fan of hers. It didn't crossed my mind that he changed his job, now working under artist... he was part of the Amy's team that night! Shocking... more surprising is that there is internship offer under the company... I'm considering~ XD...seriously, y not...

Bored!!!
Boredom always makes me go back to reminiscing memories... 

Fully loaded days for the whole 3 past months... N I was truly living my each day!!! Now im like a dead fish~ 

Back to UKM for laboratory works. Had too much expectation and I didn't prepare myself for failure of 1st try. My heart sank when I saw no banding on the Agarose gel. 

I finally got the song Ediyan wanted to send to me. He was a composer in the making~. First reaction when I heard the song.... Damn, he did it again! Very special song! A song I can inject my style into the song~

He has his own unique style of writing the song and I'm proud to be given the change to deliver the song! I'm a learner, an amateur singer still. Hopefully I did not spoil your song bro~ You and Akhyar are superbly talented. Can't wait to see your band 1st huge gig in town!

Pls click here to check it out. Do give me some feedback... I appreciate your willingness to guide me to become a better singer~

3rd of December

I enjoyed the whole journey with you guys and special thanks to Siewin too. That night experience made me learn more about you. I wonder if I was being not geboh or just not caring enough of you. I always see you as a strong gal... I feel bad cuz you happen to be one of my dearest and I know so little...I guess I need to evaluate myself as a friend. =) You know how I describe someone who know me so well, without much fuss that I need to go thru to make that someone understand... I call her soul mate~

2nd day in lab was better.... at least one of the marker shows banding! What a feeling~ lol

I approached some carcinogenic chemical... Hmm, I wasn't told earlier... I now wonder how many parts of my body was exposed to it already...

Damn. Die young and beautiful ba.... haha

2morrow will be another hectic day. Hopefully I can get it right! These 2 days were crazy being with the 3 sotplak gals... pembuli tahap maximum you tau tak?

Hahaha... They are the few who dare and are allow to do so... So, do know you gals are special in my heart! Tho almost perfect crazy gal gathering tearing down the whole block with our incredible decibels and endless energy, someone was missing. Fang went to field trip! Huhu.... I promise you a day as such when you are back...

We have one more sem to cherish this dysfunctional 5-linked bonding~ If possible, biologist gather more yea... XD all of us...ALL!

Look me in the eyes...See how they smile in pain =)

Recap

I read an article today in The Star today from the column “But then again…” by Mary Schneider. She talks about home this time with the title “The place I call home”. This is one of my favourite columns and today it teaches me one great lesson again. She said reminiscing memories sometimes are bad…It could stops you from making any progress and move forward. Worst still, it could drag you backwards and this whole thing suddenly knocks some sense into my head. I have to admit it seriously does brings one down, makes one stop and wishing to go back to then… I am one. 

3^rd year 1^st semester is officially ended! Quite a long semester for me as I had it filled with thrills and fun and too much of works! I am in holiday now despite needed to go back to university for the laboratory work and continue to write THESIS. Before I could move forward, let me just recall the whole journey in this semester one last time.

The semester started greatly with me singing in the New Tune Intro concert. I sang two English songs and I redeemed myself for the poor performance I gave in NTLP 13. I truly enjoy my time with all these music lovers especially the few darlings I grew to love.

 Then determinedly, I went for the PT audition as dancer. Selected as expected and I had the time of my life from the perspective of my performance life. I never danced so happily and I totally enjoy the stage. Other than the success of the show, the experiences that I’ve gained and some flaws I yet managed to challenge, the most important thing was the friendships that I have made. I am proud of them and I love them dearly. 

Went to the pub for the first time which I mistakenly thought I was taken to the club. It was during the intro concert celebration. First time being high under beer influenced that I managed to dance along the jazz band in the pub. And my voice caused an accident, circuitously~ in a way…and I blame myself… oh my…. Sorry ed~ I hope It wasn’t my fault.

Celebrated seniors’ graduations…Many seniors!!! I was slightly broke! But I was glad that I made it to their big day. Crowded spots and overwhelming graduation coats (do you have a special name for it?) everywhere. Those days were so hot we were basically toasting under the sun!

I went for a few field trips and I most love The D-paradise eco-park. I hated the fact that I missed the one to Kuala Lompat. I really wish to go and see the woods on my own. I tried my hand on molecular, finally. All learned are eventually put into practical. Very detailed procedures…. Fussy and demanding works… but I’m practically enjoying it. Specimen type is change, hence gotta redo my introductions....believe me, not easy!

Missed Samba dancing and many others due to PT. Missed NT music camp too… Damn, I seriously wanted to go with Siewin and the gang. Watching my senior in Astro/ FB/ Youtube video battling in Million Stars in Taiwan made me so proud of her achievement. She is Lee Kah Wei, a Seremban gal too. I hope she can fight it all the way to the final! 

 Faculty night

Many freaks accidents....my toe, my leg, my shoulder, foot, nose... adoi... what else...

Academically, before I forget, I was most attracted to Conservation Biology. It was a boring subject but most valuable one. I don’t think I can score this subject well though. Sickest, jackass subject was for sure Photography. The lecturer sucks!

Outing

Had few crushes, fallen out a few too… but the right one yet to approach me…> < Dear Mr. Cupid, please don’t keep hitting on the wrong guy… do you need a new pair of glasses of a hard tight slap from me? Hmm…roll in the next Cupid will ya? Haha…Who? Don't bother... 

To fwens that I have neglected due to my busyness all through the semester, thanks for the understanding and tolerating me and my needs. I rejected many Karaoke invitation from my besties. Argh…such guilty feeling. Gotta ganti you guys next semester…I promise. 

 I had an insanely long busy stress but happie semester, in an extreme way... 

Jcdagreat's way =)

I yet to visit many places… Damn, I still live like a kampong gal in the big city…hmm....embarrassing! 

 Damn... gain weight. You shall see a new transformed JC by next semester... 

***

Lastly, NT I’m BACK!!! I’m fully yours… sweetly on call For You 24/7… 

LOL.

BBQ- PT dancer 2010 final gathering

The day started with laboratory works in cytology lab. Although I do not like details and complex procedures, but I'm actually enjoying my practical works. I am finally learning molecular by hand and not by theories, bunch of it which makes no sense without really putting it into practical. I'm exploring the fun and my curiosity and being surrounded with possibly 100 thousands per machine makes me feel pro~ in a way.

enjoy hiaoing with em =)

Then, I went to NTLP 2nd audition. I don't mind if you were to put me on stage at anytime, anywhere without preparation.... but going audition just freaks me out. Still get nervous while auditioning...  Can't have enough of my new tuners... but, I have to keep my word. BBQ party preparation was at 4.30pm. 1st semester always belongs to PT gang. Arghh.... i miss NT already~

PT family... what I am gonna do without you all...

Tonight good bye wish was a little hard. Knowing there will be a break before we could see each other again, and knowing 2 besties of mine are going for their Intership makes it a little difficult to wave farewell. I believe we have great strength of friendships... We will stay united for a long time to come, aren't we? 

  sayang u both

Finally, happie holiday UKM's peeps. Be good and most importantly, be alive. 

***

 Hopefully you will survive. You are lucky to be saved by the gals. Every shriek of you made my heart ached so badly. Sayang a.... recover fast ya! One month old kitty should not endures such pain. No animal should endures such pain.

Porridge Steamboat

Exam officially finished today! 

 

Had a fun night out with my gals. 

 

A sleepy post...so lucky u, more pictures, less words =)

 

 Serdang area

 the menu

 porridge steamboat...not bad la~

 sweet pumpkin...

 the sopo duo

 the couple

Mi amigas~ yo te amo

Well, I am a TV buff!!! I love TV so much I stated to miss it already. 

I just realize I posses a disorder!!!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I didn't know uneasiness, anxiety over ones actions such as switching on off something repeatedly to ensure that I have done it right, multiple checking on the door locks to make sure I did lock the door, alarm clock, keys, wallet, phone whereabouts...

I kept thinking I have confidence problems. I am not convinced enough and I don't believe myself. I am getting better but these anxieties still persist. It's tiring you know especially when you finally/really wanna sleep and you gotta force your eyes open for 10 minutes just to make sure your alarm clock is set. 

I got the wrong perception of this sickness until i watch one of the episode of Ghost Whisperer about a man who posses this disorder and act just like me. LOL. A wake up call i guess...knowing it's a sickness, then I shall cure it!

Watched Marley and Me made me cry a full pail. I heard about the movie which based on a novel long ago. Since I was bored and the movie is a about dog, hence I choose to risk crying like baby and I did, thank U very much! I cried all through the later half of the movie....huhu...Marley, I love U too.

Well, forgive me, I know too well the feeling of losing a dog.

And I plan wanna watch Hachiko tim...Suan jor... X mau la...

Then at that night, another movie about man-best-fwen called Hotel For Dog. It reminded me about the rescue ranger game I played with my bro and neighbour last time. Saving dogs, cats stranded in Longkang, and even bats... belive it. We did save a bat! haha... 

My tear pores are like at its highest sensitivity. I sniffed just when I see them rescue a 3 legged dog. Arghh... And just yesterday, the photo that won RM50 in The Star Newspaper showing a dog clinging to his life on a fence high enough to keep him alive in the flooded area, Kedah made my heart sank. I so so wanted to be there to rescue him myself. But I am incapable. I am helpless myself! Hopeless in fact. I hope he is safe...

I promise myself last time that once I have the money and power, I will fight for them! I dunno why I care so much for them and I rather see human suffers than them. They are helpless! Human are born with wisdom to help themselves and they take that for granted. Who to blame neh? What enraged me and made me so determined to fight for them was when I saw those Dog Catchers mercilessly caught the strays when they harm nobody before my eyes! Talking about cruelty towards animal... huh? Never ending stories...

Oh... I went for the Internship interviews on Monday... Haha... Dress so charmingly... I shocked myself... I could be Charming for real with full formal attire. LOL...Places are certain but all give me the same answer i hate to hear...

"No allowances provided as economy has declined"

I seriously makan jagung for sure lo in those 3 months... With bloods, urine, and oldies around me...arghh....
=(

Final paper, faster arrive... I read till wanna vomit dy... Seriously in bad mood...PMS

The Oprah Show

I watch Oprah today and this time, she talked about greatest kids, youtube sensations. Something likes that. 

She called upon Charice Pempengco, the rising star with a big voice. I know this girl through the same show too when she sang Note to God. Oprah invited her for some chatting and David Foster was there. Wow, she just made David Foster her God Father… Isn’t she lucky? 

Well, her humble and unfortunate background might be pitiful, but at least she sees her turning point now. I am happy for her. I adore her and secretly I am jealous of her superb voice but she sounded funny in her first music video entitled Pyramid. 

CLICK HERE!!! 

Today… gosh! She duet with Iyas singing Pyramid. Experiences transform her into a great performer. She sounded amazing and that performance was great! She gave me goose bump!!! My arms hairs do not lie…haha. With more great songs in the future, she would be huge.

Justin Bieber was there too… I was like, can you step aside please. You appearance hurt my eyes sight… 

I watched another episode today, Oprah with Dr.Oz. Oh my… Dr. Oz is handsome!!! This episode talks about Diabetes. Great information! Learn a lot and refreshed all memories about form 6 biology. This is what I like… Studying about human body… I should have taken biomedic… LOL

I learn a new saying… Good is the enemy of Great. People really do not care of what is matter to them. They know what is dangerous to them but they will never take action until they feel the consequences and pain. Do you know that a typical donut contains 8 spoonfuls of sugars? That really shocks me! 1 spoonful of ketchup sauce is the same with a spoonful of sugar!!! What about chili sauce?

 Guess what? I cut my hair...So wanna chop it all off... but the salon gal said...I thot you wanna keep it long? Ha, I remember my desire to keep it long and give it some curl after that!

Haiz...Tahan JC