Adult's playing space involves square room eg, hotel bed room, karaoke room, band room, studio room... haha. That stupid stuff just crossed my mind. I had an incredulous urge to post it at FB but well it was a stupid statement. So i just ignore it. It was a boring Malaysia day with no special planning except for a k date with love. Lol. I think he wont mind me calling him that. We love rumours dont we.

Kimyang, a fling of mine since pre uni. My perfect duet partners. Our voices sync beautifully. I can tell. The last time we sang together was during my bday but that didnt count as k date & that duet was a disaster. We didnt get a chance to practice and i was so stubborn to reminisce good old paulian star moment. He improves a lot. I can recall the first time singing with him. He was very shy and he wouldnt sing out loud. Gosh, how well he has changed. Our endless love was perfect  :)
You made my day!

Such a good package. I dont understand why is he still single? I truly believe u're being choosy. Lol.

Pbb Srb branch opening and stuff...

Today was a working day. Yes it was. Thus no OT claim la. 

But it was a pretty cool day except that i kinda have the privilege to escape the bigger crowd. The lion dance was surely something worthy to remember of. A chinese society in Chung Hwa High School offered a good package to us with 2 lions and some energetic boys. Boy are they young. My gosh. Now i feel pretty old. Pretty and old! My regional manager was around. All and all, the function was smooth even though not as the way we have planned it. I remember suggesting the main idea from the management is not gonna work but it was fallen to deft ears. So since indeed it didnt worked out, i kinda suggest accordingly a salvation plan for the day and myself and save a chaos from happening. Haha. Thats why, do not ignore when the leo speaks. We dont talk rubbish.

 Anyway, today was suppose to be a road show cum opening. And branch invited all those big boys n humble millionaires. Instead of mingling with them, i hide myself with smaller crowd :) wasted my makeup though. Haha. 1st of all, lack of idea to differentiate whom n whom kinda intimidating. And i see many of them are being served rightfully by my seniors. I can live with that-not stealing the lime light.

Life in bank is at the moment pleasing. I was awarded accordingly but it could n should be better. I have yet to see my increment n i hope it does justice to my hardwork. 

Having a few younger blood colleagues in bank is the best thing ever happened this year. Only y generation understand us better. Age is definitely a barricade and any age gap exceeded 5 years will definitely caused communication breakdown. 

I appreciate these new kakis and it makes everyday much more excited and competitive. I thk we can be best of fwens too which i never thought can be found among colleagues.

*

The trip to segamat, well as usual wherever i go out station for the 1st time n far away, i will have to endure a hell round of some arguments. Never fail! Up to a point i tell my mother that of i were destined to die that very day i travel, all i remember was us fighting for rubbish if thats what you want. Rough morning plus all the waiting were not the best feeling to ensure a good travelling. We used the old road via jalan tampin from seremban to gemencheh, gemas to segamat. Very adventurous and seriously, long distance driving need focus and experience. There are many fucking dare devils who wish to die young on the road especially on small roads.

Glad i have both of them. 

The idea was to celebrate course mate wedding and to meet up with long lost members. A dear fwen of mine, my only king Frederick. Gosh, he looks so old now. Which reminds me not to get married until im fully committed and ready.

Visited some recommended places and drove around the town and a must do visitation is definitely to see for myself pbb segamat branch. A performing branch at my region. 

Since we were travelling in car and was crossing states, we decided to stay one more day at melaka. Visited jonker street night market for the 1st time. Wanted so badly to stay n listen to the live band at hardrock cafe. Sigh... wasnt feeling very well that night. Wasnt in the right mood. I found out that melaka raya will definitely be another shopping heaven i will go to the very next time when i wanna shop till i cry. Lol. I was at the largest carlo rino boutique and was almost being lured to buy a sweet handbag. Im glad my senses kicked in earlier before the sales woman catch me for good. Haha. 

I hope to travel by car further this year to penang. Then i can bring my mom over. The idea was that la until she potentially screw it up with lotsa fussiness. Trust me, if u could live with her head for a day, you will die of suffocation. I dont know how she live with it for the past 50 yrs. 

*

Lately, i was pretty hardworking putting on make up and working out my short hair. Cuz it alone is too out standing. Without the hair length, my face feature is greatly expose. Those were the days when i can just go to office with flat face and make up free hidden behind the hair. Now...sigh. The troubles i put myself into. 

Anyway, i never thought i can carry this new look until i make the effort to. Since im so bored of being myself, working out a new image is kinda cool. 

Putting on a make up is like wearing a mask. 

I used to feel that i have multiple personalities disorder. When im on stage without a doubt im jcdagreat. When im at work, im joanne. When im at home or alone im just Yan.  

To convince myself of that so that each character function correctly and efficiently, make up was one of the best tools to enhance the features.

Eye brow pencils and eye liners are my best fwens now. I look like crap without them. And i totally understand now how they function and give sense of respect. I can very much live without them but only during my off days.

Hiding behind a mask is better than being an open book. I feel very vulnerable when someone wanna noe me by force. Which is why i use to think that it's not easy to make new bff. As we get elder, we get to know more ppl from all walks of life. We reach a stage where fortune and else stuff besides sincerity become a tool to measure your importance. 

I also live with the principle that i cant fall in love with a boy who isnt my best fwen. Noe why?

You call someone best friend cuz you basically know how nice that person is and how comfortable you are with them. Which is why i like them. Which is why i will fall in love with them. Of all the 3 crushes ive lost, 2 of them were best friends. A lot of time were spent knowing and liking that someone but i guess those were the times wasted. Cuz eventually, we didnt work out cuz knowing each other too well only to find out that we simply dont clicked as couple. And i wasnt that someone who call it quit. 

So i though liking without knowing too well might give a different result. I guess wrong. Cuz 3rd crush  didnt work out too well too. Everything just went wrong and fallen apart. I even risk losing a friend. Lol. To answer many question by many friends who care and geboh lebih lebih, i would either answer them that i was gay or that i have personality issue. Did they sound alike? Erm... haha. 

I havent been crushing anybody for a good 9 months. Fuyoo... so very dry kan. I might slowly hav phobia in falling in love cuz im tired of all those waiting and expecting and wanting and needing. So baby kan? Homosapiens named it the act of desperateness. 

I call it the art of suicide. Haha. Since i only have 24 yrs to live gloriously, i guess my next move is to materializing my travel list and start my volunteering works asap. For that i need to work on my financial strength right. 

So im kinda busy. Lol. :)

Oh yea... i miss u baby love. Tonight a bit more.

Today so sui... my boss stuff kept me on my toes, made me so gan cheong the whole day just to ensure his case is in the right hand. Made multiple calls and yes, tho i learned much faster and ahead of others, i found this truly annoying. I really hate being pushed in such a way that i kinda lost my cool. Then a bitch came wanted to see my boss cus she kenot accept me rejecting her case. Walou eh, really? Though i know im at the safe position, i seek and was told to salvage the case. I was being spilled with sarcastic comments and punches. If only i can tell her off for good. Im surprised of how well i can keep my cool and calm her down until to a stage where we both can negotiate. But that doesnt mean i like dealing with this kinda pressure. The colleague give me problem. Why on earth is she so bloody calculative and unfair. Sigh. Speechless.
U know what? im kinda revengeful. I wont treat u the same but if you ever need me do the extra miles of help for u, sorry la. U wait la yea.

Blurting out anger is much easier than narrating my journey last weekend. Im so lazy n i have so limited time for myself. Gosh. If it isnt for this unspoken madness im dealing with now, i guess i wont even have the heart to start blogging again.

Fml.

The lucky stars....

Yay!!! If there anyway i can shout and get everyone's attention i would.

Im going to mariah's concert!!!

Goodness. Once i knew the tickets were on sales, i felt like i was having a heart attack. I rushed to the website, checked all prices and Vvip seat price was in my budget. I dont mind it cheaper tho, dont get me wrong. So happened my bonus has arrived. And i was wiling to pay 1k for an indoor 1st few row of her concert. Sadly, its another outdoor concert. So Rm680 was considerably kind. But ive had bad experiences in both One Republic and Avril concerts concerning the crowd and the management and some after concert ideal planning. So i really wish this would be the best of all yet. Of all my live i live by the world of only 3 diva. Mariah, Whitney and Celion Dion. These 3 influenced me very much musically and ive been waiting all thru the years for them to come. Now that im financially independent, the heck spend lar... i might not live long enough for her never 3rd time visit right?

Anyhow, i will be dancing and singing alone to her songs that night. I hope that night will be kind to me. Please dont rain! Planning to get a hotel nearby if possibly. Since the opportunity had arrived, i better maximise my loneliness n enjoy it to the best that i could. Fyi, i appreciate my me time very much :3

I was pretty lucky that my bff choco alerted me on the competition. She received a message about it and prompt me right away. I was lucky i didnt turn it down like any other competitions i got to know along the year. I was lucky my voice manage to pull thru that night and soar quite well out of my expectation. Well since i bullied it with eating alot of chips the day before. I planned to lose or perhaps i planned to have a reason to fall back on if i fail. Silly right. I was lucky that majority of the contestants  were weak. There is no denial on their passion on singing and the courage too. But seriously, it was an easy win. Lucky that the judges not being very pro with musical background know how to hear the best out of the bunch. Lucky i didnt listen to the devil me who wishes me to sing saving all my love instead cuz i will need a semi tone lower than original which wouldnt be nice if the judges saw me changing key kan. Anyway its karaoke competition.

I wasnt trying to win the mic to be honest. I just wanted to win. And to know that i can still win. I still had it. Leo nature. So now the mic is a bonus and i had rm500 vouchers for green n red box payment. 

Can sing till vomit. 

Hahahahaha... i was told the mic was a really good popular mic. Expensive pun. If im not wrong internet shows rm800++ per unit.

Its really heavy. Now i am wondering if it ever falls down to the ground and my only available limb was my foot... will i sacrifice my toe or the mic. Hahaha....

Have been lucky all thru August.

Maybe it was the hair. Maybe it was because i choose to make a difference. 

Will September be as just lovely?

Ive decided to participate and sing in this coming bank annual dinner. Hopefully there will be a place for me. Ill be singing saving all my love for my diva whitney or maybe i may challenge myself with love takes time by mariah. I only need a semi tone lower for both songs eh... pretty cool ite? :)

*happie*

Okay. Ok. *big big BIG Sigh*

I got myself into this complicated situation again. 

Whats the big deal? Oh well, ive pulled enuff courage and

willingness to compete in a karaoke competition organized by greenbox. Date 24th august 7pm at seremban 2.

Im not sure if i wanted to do it but i somehow needed to do it. I was still high on the whole bday celebration thingy and this thing pops up. 

And the mad call happened again. That whole night i was pretty uncomfortable knowing and planning how to make my way to seremban 2 fast enough to book a place in the competition which only take in 20 contestants. 

  

I made it but something inside me consistently wanting to quit this whole madness. Y do i get myself in this anxious state again? Excuse me for being dramatic. I dont wish to be one. I cant control it and im not sure who can help calm me down. 

I didnt expect to win big. I just have very high expectation of me performing well, up to my own standard. I only lose to myself or better ones. 

I guess i need to somehow find a way to activate the diva in me and let jcdagreat take over. After tomorrow night, i will be free. Im craving for nasi lemak and laksa already. Adui... im a spice lover. I hope i get my 1st lucky number and end the night fast enough. 3 maybe. 8 will be a long wait. August is a lucky month for leo. The trophy and microphone will be extra bonus. 

Anyhow, im not gonna lose tomorrow. I will win the experience to add into my fantabulous year  2014.

It will be a small challenge but for a girl who is giving up her singing dream, it makes all the matter. 

I shall take it with pride and do the best i can in my limited condition. 

After this, im already planning to volunteer to perform in bank annual dinner which falls on 1st of November. Lol. Anxious konon.

My voice is not in perfect condition. Has never been since the rehearsal for my bday celebration. 

Chill joanne. Ure gonna be fine. After all i dont collect all those precious on-stage experiences for nothing. :)

Happie Sunday with BFF

Today somehow feels like those one fine outing date with course mates back in university. The silly jokes and talks. We talk about everything from nonsense to sense worthy topics. Our love for each other is so obvious but however today is lacking of 2 other team mates.
Really wish to have a gathering of 5 gals again.
Each of us is so indifferent yet we found lovable similarity in one another.

This sunday is quite relaxing. Boss will be onleave for 1 whole week coming monday onwards. Im pretty sure the relieve manager will be a pain in the ass but less pressure i guess. This month target is quite stable and assured. EG is finally credited. No comment tho cuz no one will ever satisfy with it. Especially when u have a higher expectation for all the hard work you have delivered. We shall see how much increment i deserve now.

:)

Hmmp, whenever im alone which i thot i like it ill be emo. I wanted to look for chatter but kinda reluctant wor. How ar? Analyse me pls.

Saturday at UM re sit cce paper 1

I came about a status in facebook that says about the facebooker herself is a bulimic and she is suffering with it. I knew it since she same clean with it a year ago publicly and since then she never stop talking about her lifestyle and her lesbian bf which i dont mind cuz she was charming sweet to her. Okay.

You know what, the fact that she already well aware of her problem and indeed started to get help, she gotta be start doing what is right. Getting all people attention and keep being assured by others is not gonna help her go one tiny step forward. I dont know how bulimic people suffer but hell yea im sure how depression works. Its kinda same right? Both are suicidal. I grow up with depressed mom and i know how it kills the living and how it affect others. Im so very aware what it feels like having voices battle in my head but not letting it affect my normal life.  Which is also why i know im somewhat different with other gals. Im sensitive and well, caring. Lol.

I wouldnt say a word or try my luck to help this gal not because i wasnt close to her. Its because i know nobody can help her. Basically the sickness itself was started with her obsession with being skinny and pretty in front of camera and the fact she is a selfie lover and will non stop uploading and displaying her selfie images in fb.

Same goes to my mother. Her overly sensitive attitude and depression due to so many years of living in my family caused her to behave the way she is. Nobody can deny the amount of effort i hav put to get her out of hell. Changes is there but any spark of trigger and she is back to herself again. I lose my patient and i will give up. Cuz i cant and i wouldnt be able to help anybody who do not want to help themselves. Nobody can.

If you love someone enough than urself, u will do anything possible to recover from all nonsense sickness unless ure totally delusional or possibly brain damage. Den u may be excused la.

Well this was what i was thinking when i was suppose to be worrying my exam. I kinda re sit a paper i wish i could escape and since i escaped it earlier than i could, i have plenty of time to blog.
Me and my gal were there at UM sitting different paper for CCE exam. Due to last yr misfortune and this year reluctance to re sit early, thus im a batch behind my team mate. Nway who cares.

I shop for the whole afternoon with jia xuan :) colleague cum girlfwen. I kinda know why i was so against the idea to shop sometimes back. Remember? i love fashion design. Well, i should be doing that instead.

Im super tired today infact now i feel like sleeping and forget the day. But 2 coursemate are coming to sleep over for seremban marathon. Adui. Hahahaha... kena layan le. Bff. Tonight gotta be busy talking whole night :3 For you only.