Day b4 newyear

New year eve lo...2011 seems inviting but dun forget we are 365 days closer to apocalypse...let's just hope those are just false alarms la. Happy New Year to all fwens... Go find lov y'll.... give love and share loves...

Share loves and do some good deeds. The simplest thing you can do is try to go green, try to not shoo the strays and try to recycle...

The magic word here is to really TRY... Having a heart as such is good enough to prevent you to destroy mother nature, to love some animals, to love our earth. Perhaps then, we can live till beyond 2012. hahaha

30/12/2010

A fun and lovely day i had with my girls.

After long day of classes, we headed to a golf site as planned. A site for amateur, you know to learn how to hit the ball right...

HAHAHAHAHA

We were the only girl group there among all middle aged men and some kids. We were so excited, and so bad in golf at the beginning, we caught some unwanted attentions. I guess i am a fast learner. My best record was near 50m. Challengers were Kheng and Fang.

Rm5 for 100 balls shared among 6 girls...okay la. Main-main jek...

Then we went to Puri Pujangga... Whole duration in UKM, my 1st time there...

Soothing environment as only few tables were occupied. Food was worthy of price but lack specialties but the environment was a good one.

More place to explore soon with my gals...Adios.

Happy blessed New Year peeps XD

Welcoming year 2011

This Xmas has been wonderful....

Most importantly, meaningful =)

Xmas eve, Sly, Pc and me went to Time Square to hang out. Bear came along too. Though the meet up was quite brief, it was worth it cuz i miss you guys dearly. After PT, we haven't really meet up for any activity. I don't even bump to any of you in faculty... which is a sad thing. Organize more meet up yea girls

 @ uniqlo

Dancers...

Huggable bear

Since I was back early, I called my girls out for dinner...Sushi King at Kajang. Funny how these gals make no attempt in storming the town this year despite our adventurous last Xmas eve. I guess we are all tired.. C how the age influence us... haiz. So, after some discussion, Fang, Mun, Pumpkin and me head out to Metro point.

Toilet shots... biasa la

It was really a simple gathering for a dinner at our favorite spot. But i truly enjoy it. The experience of running few times across the busy roads for the stu bus was totally insane and scary. Stupid Rapid. U, no more! I went back hometown right after dinner. On Xmas day, I was thinking I would spend the day alone at home. Ys called upon and we went to Tarrot at night. We had a great laugh reminiscing old times and I know i love this friend dearly. 

Then on the 26th/12 which was the Boxing day, a U65 gathering was planned by Mr. Wilson Lai at Kensington. If it's not for this gathering, probably i would really celebrate XMas at KL. I always look forward to U65 gathering... hardly miss any as we are basically meeting each other only every sem break. Although many are studying nearby, we don't really interrupt each other life in university and by that, i found many worthy friendships in my own university too. Surprisingly few hardly seen faces came especially Ruth, my first paulian friend. LOL. I miss having pure english conversation with friends. The gathering was a great joy and I'm happy seeing all of them healthy and looking fabulous. 

More pictures soon.... OPM ar... XD

Last Xmas was a hype celebration, this year's was more a laid back and conservative one. It taught me one thing. No fanciness and pretty surrounding can ever be compared to wonderful friends on the special days. I celebrate not just Xmas on those 3 days, I was celebrating my friendships. 

Xmas is superficial, and these days too commercialize. What really drive me to have this intention of even celebrating the spirit of Xmas is the togetherness I grab hold to. Perhaps many don't know this, i have this hobby of counting the number of besties i have...LOL... cuz i tend to have problem justifying which friends belong to which groups... U noe, groups like ~good friend gone bad, notty friends, hiao de, insane de, distance-keeping de, can't-live-without...and so the list goes on... 

Fun but Fan... XD 

Just after the university reopen, I know i need to make an effort to cut down the fats. I took in chunks of fats and lately, my appetite sorta goes against my will. I almost lose control over my consumption limit and this is depressing. Finally I jog for the 1st time in stadium. The last time I was there was during the tract competition and Larian 1 Mas. 

Refreshing... 

More craziness from my gang soon. This is our last semester and I know just how wild we can get... in a good way XD.  

X-Mas

Christmas is here again...ho ho ho

Well, I'm not a Christian like many people thought I am. Since i was young Xmas seems like a mysterious celebration. I wasn't expose to any Xmas event and i know very little about the ritual and protocols. But i always like the tales about Santa coming to town, bringing joys to good kids and cherishing happiness. I guess deep down inside, i wish Santa would come to me and bring me some happiness too. 

Now that im elder, old and wise (when im not blur), those tales became stories... Simply just stories as they are no longer bring wonders to me. They no longer ignite my curiosity as my perception to Santa is that he is a fake man and he don't exist. Pretty much the same perception i had on god.

So why do i make a big deal on it? Did i? Hmm... I like the merry surroundings. Bright lights and smiley faces. My last Xmas was my 1st. It was insane but still, a superb one to kick start a ritual for me. This year, I don't really wanna attempt the sotplak countdown at Bukit Bintang anymore. I guess this whole sickness brought my mood slightly off. There will be things these few days...

So, what does Xmas means to me... In malaysia, there is no such thing as snow and big man with herds of deers with darn cool reddish carriage toying around. We do have lotsa fake stuff tho... All in all, I would say Xmas is a celebration of dreams come true...  

Wanna know my dreams... it's like mountain's high, river's deep...

LOL

Merry Christmas Bloggers and Blog readers =)

ME

Me~ Me~ Me~ Me~~~ *hitting the right falsetto*

An urge to get some SS shots came... After some period of ugly faces, i finally find some joy and pictures turns out great... happy me emerged =)

Here goes stupidity of Jcdagreat... one hobby i find amusing~

and lastly my fav

i like how my lips curved when i smirk... hahaha....

hmm... just ignore me XD

It's a swollen glands which might permanently remain as a cyst but it's not malignant. Which is a good thing to know. I had the best lecture by the woman specialist... What a woman! 

I'm fine y'll... still, nobody loves having an unwelcome guest in their house right? 

I guess I still have a long way to go before i could die young and beautiful...

Ha Ha Ha~

Not so Positve yet

I did 3 PCR for Heretemis with 3 makers. A lab full with happy people. Seniors happily singing while waiting for results and lotsa laughing. I guess I was the only sorrow gal there. While I was in lab, my dad called and told me to go for check up at seremban private hospital. GH will be slightly late. I was like, I haven't even hand in the letter to PK, maybe they can be efficient too...

I don't know why i felt so reluctant. Was I not ready to face it that fast? Was it the price that i concern? Was it because i don't wanna go home? The fact that i just came back to uni and i don't know want to always keep my mood in check or fake a relax face while i was dead worrying....I don't really know why. I just don't wanna discuss it. I was very bu suang. Then i call my mom, a regular thing i did to keep her company. I told her my dissatisfaction. And she begin crapping that it was her fault...bla bla bla...  argh! Shut!

I know how weak is my tear pores. That's y i keep avoiding direct confrontation even when i wanna state my point of view in angst. I broke down when i was arguing with her. I sorta scold her for once. I just hope you all understand what i really need at this moment. I dun need blaming, i dun need whoever hold any responsibility... i just need a pillar of strength cuz im falling hard... The hard shell i wore all the while was a fragile protection after all. I wear positivity all day long... sometimes, just sometime, let me just be me again okay... sometime alone.

You know, i felt terribly guilty when my master guider spotted me crying when i was on the phone with my mom. I think i shocked her. I do not like putting people in a position where she/he do not know how to react to my actions. I care..tat's y.

Those who know about this keep asking me to think positive and that's okay. Hmm, wasn't exactly what i wanted to hear... Jc don't go around asking for advise especially those she is proficient in... handling my positivity and composure. But, really thanks guys. And me dealing this, someone who often think to much, u bet i have the most positive thought and worst in my head. This range would perhaps save me from another breakdown. I cannot handle rejection well... so, it's better for me to be in denial still.

I don't know how many would be mad that i did not choose to tell them or how many would wanting not to be informed. I even wonder how many sensitive enough to sense something is wrong with me despite me not acting out my problem in the first place. 

We shall see what the specialist/surgeon/whoever gotta say about this... i suppose whether it's dangerous or not dangerous, it's wise to take it out. I don't think I want to endure operation at this moment. Worry, yes i am, scare? Definitely... i phobia pain, injection... I can accept blames and punishments for what i did wrong. I would be the stupid one who actually confess or even volunteer to admit to save people i care~ depends... I cannot and i don't understand why i have to suffer when i did nothing wrong... 

When im emo, stuff like this shit comes out... so dun bother advising... dun tell me it's gonna be okay. Nobody can tell if im gonna okay or not. And certainly IM NOT at this moment. Im a mess right now. Im bullshitting so much i might make a few enemies. Unreasonable me... hard to bear with huh? Let me...just let..

 Shhh.....

Im goNNa die Young and BeaUtiful

And so I went to the clinic again with a positive hope to get a negative result. Period was over and I shall go to see her to final confirm what the hell was that. Yes, the lump persisted, much to my annoyance, the medicine she gave earlier was not working. Since it wasn't working, it's definitely not just any period lumpiness. Heavy hearted, I walked into the clinic. Not much waiting.

Another clinical breast examination was done and yes, the lump persist. It's not any lymph node or other stuff. It was definitely a lump. I was stunned. All I can asked was is that harmful? She said she can't tell. She gave me options. I can either see a breast surgeon specialist or do mammogram scanning in hospitals. Knowing I am from UKM, she suggested me to go HUKM. So, she wrote me a reference letter so I could do directly refer to surgeon there to further diagnosis.

I was shaken... but I acted composed while my mom is trying to digest the news. I went into the car expecting my dad to ask me questions. I chocked but I forced myself not to cry in front of them. My dad kept telling me that it will be okay while I kept holding my tears back. Back at home, I tried hard not to think about it. But it broke my heart most when I saw my mom cried when she told my grandma about this over the phone. My dad acted cool but many lil things he did and reminders he told betrayed him.

I was full of disbelieve. I just couldn't believe that I'm actually dealing with this. It's like I'm having a nightmare and I'm waiting for the alarm to ring to tell me that it is just a dream. I always know I'm not a lucky gal. Sooner or later I will developed something. I just don't know what and I didn't expect it to be this soon. I don't wanna go under the knife. I dun wanna go through all this now... Y must always me the one to put in such position to remind other of awareness....

Eventually, I choose to cry alone over it... in my blog. At first I don't wanna meet anybody tonight. Two outing clashes. Girls outing and NT gathering... I scare I will either be extremely moody or I might cry out. I chose to go NT gathering as I wanted to meet Andrew and my gang. It was a huge crowd and it's not easy for us to gather like that. I have better control of myself in public places with many people. The reunion dinner made my day after a whole crappy day.

Thanks Andrew aka the GOD for the wonderful dinner... I finally know why they call you Mamie Monster...
~Sweet~

I don't know how things will go in the coming days. Suddenly my life is like totally outta my own control. I used to tell myself that I can take things one at a time. All I got is time... and BOoM. The next thing I know is that I might not have that much time after all. Wake up missy... face the reality... This thing hit me real hard! One month of guessing tortured me enough. What else challenges you wanna put me through? Bring it on...

I just wanna live my life... Y is it so hard?

Leave me alone!!!
 Leave me alone!!! 

 Leave me alone!!! 

Leave me alone!!!

Leave me alone!!!
Enugh of emo... after all, I'm not dying right now... my nose block is what killing me at this moment...
CAN'T BREATH!!!

I guess b4 I can diagnose what the fuck the lump is, I already died of suffocation.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

From today onwards, I will know how to differentiate the left from right *snap*

Holiday ends

Well, I’m glad this holiday didn’t last as long as it was given. MANY thanks to my FYP. Still, I managed to have some BFF time with YokeShan, a sweet small gathering with few my U65 gang, helped my mom in house cleaning and got some Thesis work done. No thanks to the dust surrounding I got myself into, and probably it was my lifestyle that took a toll on me, the allergy strike back. Similar symptoms like the one I faced in first year. I practically cannot breath. Nothing helps ease my problem. Sigh. There were quite a number of misfortunes including that. The lump I found the other day still persists. I will go for another check up and I seriously hope the woman specialist will only deliver a result I wanted to hear. Please… don’t increase the negative elements in my life… I guess I don’t really wanna die young and beautiful.

Knowing what most my friends are going through in their FYP projects, I guess I am having a smooth journey. Seriously, my supervisors are great and my master never failed to guide me the right way. She ensures that I did the right thing and we get along pretty well. I hope my crazy playful attitude did not cause her any discomfort.

Staying with my babes nearby and in the same room was fun. Still, I prefer to sleep alone in a bed. I’m not good in controlling myself sleeping in a bed with limited space. I’m slightly claustrophobic. I scare the feeling of being trapped. And when I am having so much allergy problem, I will be making lotsa noises from the duration on falling asleep to the duration I am asleep. I will snore and the most difficult problem to endure is that you will listen to my pitiful suffering noises. You will be in a very uncomfortable position.

I’m finally back as NewTuner. NT family never fail to impress and with many best buddies are there, fun times never ends. I guess my song will eventually turns into an aca-pella. At first, I have this idea of the song turning into a full band song, jazzy feel with some saxophone and trumpets and whatever la. Ala-ala Vegas performance la….  With lotsa hioaness and bum swinging~

Hmm. “> <  But when I was discussing with Siewin and Kiwi, they thought this song is suitable for acapella. I was like… hey, why not? Having the right amount of people with right arrangement, they can play the similar effects I had on my mind and I can already imagine how it could potentially turns out great. We can add some funny or bizarre effect, we can play with lotsa voice arrangement and some dance or quirky steps. So, I leave the job for you lo, Kiwi. U betta be good! =) And make sure Christine approve ya ~

I don’t think I can have a wild night spend in KL city this Xmas and Newyear. U65 having a Xmas gathering in Seremban on the 26^th of no more changes made. Then, 2^nd of January is my eldest cousin big day. Hmm, inescapable… tho I was really trill with the news. He has been with her girlfriend for a very long time and even lives in the house they bought together already. Marriage is just a formal step they postponed. I’m happy for them.

You… Argh… Jc! Control!! Best fwen nia… maybe not even tim… I like you a lot…. Erm, probably just the attention… So you don’t worry… It will fade and you better pray it would. Or I will make you suffer badly- I swear….

NT JiXUn

Best of luck ya guys... You guys are working hard for the preparation. I'm surprised by the efficiency... LOL. Arrangement for songs are out...ha how bout tat~ geng lo.

Sad that I can't fully be committed being there with u guys till the end of JiXun. 

 C you all very soon =)

N my gals... tho we never were complete as 5 peeps during holiday, my fault I know... but sharing room like this is fun... I can imagine us all 5 being at SauKheng room and terrorize whole KKM... Then her felo come in and shout... XD

KFC really ada sundae de... Cis, you all doubted me. I'm not that blur la...><

Thank Ben =)

Ha, I blah back hometown... 

Im HAPPY CUZ....

HOLIDAY IS OVER!!!

The Miao Family

After Sansit told me yesterday that he finally handed in the Thesis and is officially a free man, I was slightly touched. Having involved in all the Thesis workload, I totally felt the difficulties they were enduring and how much they suffered. We sorta came up with a plan to do a gathering and celebrate. 

I went to bandroom finally to support the Jixun as my lab work was cancelled. A pre-NTLP camping. I didn't confirm myself as a participant cuz I cannot be sure of my time table in laboratory. The bandroom brought back lotsa memories. I saw many new members includes few drummer, new special voices and some old men. XD

I love the environment. But hor, all the time I kena bomb de lo... bully-able huh? Esp itu Evil-moon.

Then as planned, the few K kaki came as planned to the band room before heading out. I thought it would be the perfect place to gather and at the same time, those old seniors can visit the Jixun. Sadly, Siewin and Leng Leng cannot make it. I wish to call upon more... But they have got responsibility there... solute you guys...

Gayao ya~

Singing k with 3 boys... yay~ odies... I love being with seniors sometime... At least I feel young. Singing with music pro guys sounded fun too... We all had fun... lotsa funny moments from 

Mr. Sansit lo... touch my body~ ouch...swt giler man...

thanks ya grandpa miao Sansit, papa miao Sooyung, and koko miao Sam (triple S)

Next time we form complete group k... + twin sis miao Siewin and didi miao Kimleng.

Can I bring another hiao miao Edmund? 

I realised how much this nose allergy caused my singing ability. I dun just have nosy vocal, the biggest concern is that I would not have enough breath I need for some songs... Mid way thru the season, allergy strike, then some spray and it goes away....temporarily. 

It hope it would not affect my bloody good voice (lack techniques) in the future...

Shall fix my nose...respiratory failure..

You noe, if you are allergy to certain food, u can dun eat it

If you're allergy to air, particles or dust in air... can you don't breathe???

I can't carry an oxygen tank around uc...  

LOL

Recently

 This design work sum up my life in UKM... 

 Fashion design is in my blood...

 While about to do closing, inspiration kinda lacking but eventually

......

 Tadaa.... this is the second art work as such i produced. The 1st was a gift i did for my U65rians... 

I'm proud of it... It tells story! Whether people see it the way i see it, is okay... I don't define myself. Everything about me do not tell you about the real me. How much people understand me and how much i let em to understand is a different matter altogether. 

Im complex~haha... you think?

 Random pic.... my B eating cakes... how greedy n gelojoh

love u

Feel like writing lotsa, but fatigue has taken control. 

2morrow den~ =)

Freak Days

Ever since I discover a lump in my left breast, I haven’t really been able to be happy.

I am waiting for my period to come so that the chest stiffness would be gone. Then if the lump persisted, I will then go for a proper check up. I hope by then, it wouldn’t be too late. I’m trying not to think of it or be bothered by it as I don’t want to freak myself up. If I am not composed, my mom will freak out then. 

Moreover, the case is not confirmed yet. I am no doctor, so I don’t diagnose myself. I just realise how difficult it would be to tell a man how this thing is going. It’s like “Hey pa, can you take me to the hospital to see the woman specialist?” he would surely asked “Why? Anything wrong?” “Well, because I think I felt a lump in my left breast.” How awkward! I won’t let it happen. I shall just go GH with my mom or with my friend. Sigh. Why is this happening? Why me? Why now? What I did wrong?

Well, enough of self misery. I watched Rapunzel, A Tangled Tale today. It was one of the joy I had in some days. Thanks Yoke Shan. Pascal and Maximus is both such darling to watch. It’s not just any movie. It’s a Disney’s movie!

Today is actually my bro birthday. My family don’t really that kind that celebrate bday or do surprises. I planned to just send him a message but his stupid temper totally put me off. It's ur choice to shut down communication so don’t you blame us for being ignoring. Arrghhhh….

You’re such jerk!

What if the lump is really a benign or cyst but poses no threat? What if it’s cancerous? Can it be just a mistake altogether? Can it? I haven’t really achieved freedom and you are taking away my health? Why must you hate me so much? Am I sinful to not to believe you? Just so that I don’t hate you? I’m trying so hard to be strong… but you keep me drown every time I resurface. I’m so tired….Of all the good deeds I did is never enough to spare me a moment free of misery. 

*
*
*

And so it turns out I am not at all able to withstand such pressure. I confirm myself at night that I would like to see the doctor in the morning. And I told my dad! He fetched me and my mom to a woman specialist Clinic Sidhu in Seremban. The doctor asked me to come again after period and said that it would probably not dangerous. She asked me not to worry as she believe it's just pre-period form of lumpy. Such huge relieve! I just hope I'm not the rare case. 

Tho I wasn't really bothered by the touching...but I can't get it off my mind that

.....

I WAS LEGALLED MOLESTED!!!

Haha.... it's not funny...really ><

I was browsing through the photos of the biology family. 

Wow… 2 years and a half had passed. We have come so far dear babes… Those pictures captured our memories, the journey that we have been through and the foundation we have built for our friendships. I was most touched when I clicked into my birthday album. It was a warm evening filled with surprises by all members in bio family. I truly appreciate their affections. 

In the same semester, Pauline, Syndy and Jayne birthday were celebrated. Unfortunately, both Jayne and Syndy Bday fallen on weekend and I was away. I did my part in their lil Slide show and presented them with some choco sweetness the day after. I knew they had fun with housemates which they truly deserved. This pair of sweeties is such darling to many of us. 

I remember me being in so many lil different groups since Year 1 in university. From the KKM gang, I was translocated to the Hi5 group with lil secret only 5 of us know. Once it was exposed, Hi5 group was defunct and bio family was united as one for good when we were in Year 2. Then with the presence of Narimah, we created the Zero Pong! Even non genetic members joined our unity. Together we laughed our heads off with jokes Narimah taught. 

Then after sometime, we slowly broke off the huge unity to work on each other minor groups. The under Narimah’s claw group comprises of MeeTeng, Syndy, Pauline and Jayne. 

The abnormal combination of animal and insect’s group are filled by Lalat SauKheng, Tikus Fang, Ketam LayMei, Labu@ Termite Pumpkin, and me, Wasp JC. 

Then there is another strong Zaba team which includes HuiLee, YiQian, and YinFong. 

Last but not least, the two invisible not quite invincible hunks of biology, Fred and Jason. 

Along the way as we built the foundation for these lil groups, we still managed to be in huge family gathering whenever summoned. I dunno about you guys, I miss everyone. I can’t wait to see us all together again, as a big family.

1st of December… OPM’s birthday.

Keen Hoong as the selected planner for this end year U65 gathering decided to have a celebration for her. He booked me for the whole day. OPM fetched me and we headed to Jusco, the hot spot of Seremban...duh. K rooms were fully booked so we gotta wait until 2pm. There I was introduce to a new fwen called CK and Wayne, JiaYie ‘s boyfriend. The rest were U65 people which includes Jiayie, Peai Mun, Keen Hoong and JienFei. K season was great! My gang said I was singing using the audio… Damn, what a compliment! 

Blush blush~

I finally found a guy who could sing Sam Lee’s songs…. Sweet! I finally hear OPM voice for the 1^st time singing songs. Last time you sang too, but I can never hear voice. =)

 Pretty hor =)

two funny clowns of U65

After K season, we went to Secret Recipe for some sweet treats.  I can’t believe we celebrate bday using just 3 half eaten cakes. Lol. Funny betul la. For dinner, KH, CK, OPM and me went for dinner while the rest went home before resuming the night’s life. Vietnamese’s restaurant called Phoco. Not bad at all. I especially enjoy the Rice Biscuit. Then Justin joined in. The price was not bad and very huge portion of food. 

Then the next spot was at S11 pub located at Era Walk. Cham… I baru second time go pub. Well, the rest was history. I don’t remember how many bucket of Carlsberg they ordered but I did consume at least 3 glasses, or more, plus-minus those half glasses taken away by others. I guess they saw something was wrong with me. By the n-th sip, I got headache. As the wind blows hard and nonstop kuaci biting and more chatting going on, it got worsened. Justin never failed to impress me! I just started crushing a new guy and I thought I like him a lot. Now I don’t think so. Arghh…  LOL

Nobody can deny that like feeling I had on him is still present. I don’t even trust myself if I were to tell myself that it’s over. But, I’m moving forward. I like to miss that old feeling again but at the same time, I have already moved ahead… So, u dun need to be glad only when I found a bf yea… I just love to kacau u and see your damn big eyes sparks with shocks…XD... Sayang u o piggy sweetheart

I’m just happy seeing him and all my friends are fine and happy with their lives now. I’m most happy seeing JiaYie finally found someone to call her own. She is such great gal and she definitely deserves a good guy. Hey Wayne!!! I’m watching you… Don’t bully her ya~