Moody

Lately...Well, now...

I no longer able to hide myself n mask my emotion. When I'm moody and sad by the drama they caused, i burst, i throw things, hardly scream tho....lastly i cry and after cooling down, i might sing songs. What a flow....

Last time, whenver things happen, the next things you see should be me laughing even harder and act crazier as the class clown. I seek for fun... badly. 

I see changes now tho... I sometimes was being called emo... I might probably enjoy people talking and listen to them rather than joining the conversation or i would isolate.... pretend to be doing something.

I thought the harder i laugh, i could be happier. The more fun i seek, the more i can escape from the misery. No... once every lil fun ends, i feel even lonelier that it makes it worse. 

As i get elder, I realised i got weaker emotionally. I am tired of being tough, strong... someone who will never fail supporting someone else, shoulder 24/7 availability.... When you are that unbreakable as you make people believe so, in time they will forget you are just merely protected by a shell of amour. Eventually, it will shatter and broken. 

I wish you could understand and be wise enough to get a life

As dependable as i am, I need you to noe i have my limit...

Somehow my limits range has been cut... I can no longer tolerate much...

I felt like a ballon right now... all i got is input... there is no hole for my anger and sober to flow out... I felt stiffed... 

 I need to breath easy....

If you ever caught me teary eye, ignore me. I am trying my level best to avoid my friends whenever i need such moment. I can not bare not smiling to my friends when they approach me, but it just belied my feeling. I feel fake... So, i choose to avoid.