Baby said we have been there and i have told him that i wanna be back.

I forgotten what i have said but he remembered them.

But due to my memory being so expended, i manage to guess it out after a few hints.

What was supposed to be a badminton game leads me to I-City cuz he wanted me to bring sport shoes. And to fulfill my surprise quota my deary have to think of a way to get me get my sportshoes without telling me the truth.

Isnt that sweet :)

On the way up to the giant ferris wheel. He knew i wanted to get up there so bad. We end up taking the trip there twice due to rain.

Fortunately we stayed in a walking distance hotel.

Capricorn at its best they often deliver well planned agenda. The details that he went through and research that he did before hand never fail to amaze me. 

No wonder i was being scrutinize before being made as le gf. As long as we are together now. The past let it be past i guess. Revisiting past gets me no where.

I love every moment with you dear. 

I hope i made your day wonderful too, now and always.

18th Nov 2017.

Dear love.

It's a happy family affair for your family. 2nd brother is getting married.
May he and wifey be blessed with great harmonius marriage and health to all of you.

I know it is gonna be quite heavy hearted for u and family due to the absence of your beloved mom.
Be strong baby. She would want you all to be happy and continue to make her wishes come true.

I dont dare to bring this up to you with you in the conversation. I know it will bring sorrow. Not that if we dont touch on the topic or we dont mention then you will be okay. But at least i let you take the lead. If you ever feel the comfort to talk to me and tell me your feeling i would love to hear every bit.
I dont like to put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable. You never like surprises. You definitely dont like to do things unprepared.

I dont know if my guess was right dear.
Not bringing this up might risk you thinking that im not caring enough to comfort your feeling at moment like this. Or not sensitive enough to console you knowing that these few days will be heavy for you.

I remember you asking for time and space whenever you feel down and emotional. As hopeless and reluctant as i am, i have to spare you privacy.
God knows how blessed i am in consoling another being. At least to you im not the best.

Dear love.
Be moderate.
Easier said than done.
But you're stronger than you know.
You can do it.

Please be well love.
Your well being is my priority.

Sometimes i wish you read me between my lines. Sometimes i wish you know me more than i could present to you.
I wish you would satisfy with both my truths and my flaws.
Because when i choose you, i choose a betterman.
I didnt choose the frame.
I love you enough to still choose you shall the frame continue to change.

Dont let me think twice.
Im learning to be better in a relationship while i hope you continue to learn how to love me better.

I could be difficult at times but im not impossible.

Haha... poetic ke hapeh...

Muaks.

Wondering when we can come out as a couple publicly.

4th years and moving on.

Missing our hugs. Every great of your good morning.

Your bad breath and your craving for food always.

This year i hold on to my love to go through this hell day.

Im pretty sure he is clueless on my mood swing and im not sure if he remember this. But i prefer to really just enjoy his company while he filled me in with comfort and love.

Dear love,

I finally know what i have been waiting for.
I would love to have more mondate like that please.
Thank you for not giving me up.
Thank you for loving me.

:')

Its november again.
4th years of living without you is due soonest.
Maybe yesterday we talked about dogs at my bff's parents bday bash. My bff she has 4 pooddles at her house.

So my baby came to my dream. Again the dream was set up at the old rented house.
Maybe he was happier there. I dont know.
I saw him yelping discomfort cuz he poo poo in the house and he definitely need to get out of the compound.

Prior to that he gotta lick n kiss me in the face and i was like baby... you just shitted and now u lick me... omg.

I let him anyway. Like always. I almost forget how it feels like. That was his way of showing affection for the precious 10 years we had.

As i walked him out, he started chasing something. Something moving so fast but i couldnt see it. It was a snake. That was the most ridiculous crazy fastest moving baby snake. Baby was chasing it while it seems like it was chasing me.
That chaos.... adoi.

I was so scare he got hurt.
Then i jolted awake.
Under semi consciousness, i started wondering if baby was okay. Has my mom walked my baby this morning. If my mom going to nag me cuz she gotta walk him out this morning instead of me?

Then i remember baby is no longer here.
He is gone.
Calm down.
He is gone.
It was just a dream.
Slowly i dooze off again.
But i knew i wouldnt have a good day when i see the light.

Maybe he misses me.
Maybe i miss him too.

Yes. I miss him much.
That longingness is undescribable.
Irreplacable.

4 years of searching for something and nothing comes right.

Love is not something you can replace.
Love is a conscious affair.
A voluntary contract you walk into.
A silent promise to uphold the commitment.
A foundation you vow to nurture and protect.

This permanent guilt and lost will not find its closure.

Until i found this familiar feeling i long lost.
I found you.
My new chapter begins.
Lets have a good one :)

I knew baby will be happy for me.
You will always be my 1st love until i breathe my last breath.

Vol 4.

Losing you is not an option baby.

You rope me in and there is no way i can easily let go of us.

I want you here and now, all the time.
I hope we can spend more time together.

You got me smilling when you sang that i was always on your mind.
It better be. But im a sucker for romance anyway.
Haha... im sticky and i know it.

Till our feeling fades.
Till then, i promise to love and be yours always.

I hope we walk on strong along the life line.

I miss you.

Yours.

Was it too early? Will it ever be too early?

Mostly it is just the perception of time.

Am i ready? Will i ever be ready?

I was very much certain with my choice from the very beginning. Our relationship was a delying one and i didnt get to make a decision for us. But when it finally materialized, the up coming decision become mine.

There was no hesitation. There was no doubt.

My certainty was as solid as rock. 

I choose you and i will choose u one thousand times over again.

It came so natural and it was a no brainer to me.
That requires a lot of trust and love.
With you, those were never a question deary.

The day started late and we checked in around 5pm.

It was a gloomy day. Whole of seremban was in heavy rain for 2 hours.

But PD was superbly kind. Windy and lovely weather. I got pranked by love. I was told that we would be going to have a staycation at a place called WinWin boutique hotel which really exists cuz i went for a checking myself earlier.

We drove to Avillion Admiral Cove hotel cuz he set me up to be the driver while he check the waze and the whole we-got-lost story and the urgency of a nature call. 

It was the sweatest prank ever and i cant believe he pulled it off so romantically. And boy isnt him charming the whole of yesterday.

Waking up to this beautiful sea view.

Way to win me, love.

Muaksss.

The view over breakfast strolling.

Dinner at restaurant by the beach. Food... meh.

But the beach... i bet the sand feels soft as powder.

But love catches a cold and it was too dark to walk about. 

Make up-less face. We both hardly get some sleep. Hmmp. Unfamiliar bed and 2 insomnia kakies....

Pity baby. He was so tired :(

And he gotta work on a Saturday.

Making our gateway even shorter.

Thank you love for everything.

You dont talk about love very much but you show it whenever we have time for us.

Love u.

Vol 3.

Dear Love.

*shy*****

It's crazy how one person can make you feel so shy but brave at the same time.
It's crazy how you know how much you can love one person so much and receive it back at the same time.

This journey came so late to me and i dont know what is the reason behind all these delays. But eventually it leads me to you. If those passer-bys have worked out then i wouldnt have met you.

Cheesy but true.

2 days ago i didnt intentionally find fault with you but we kinda adopt this "please tell all or we are pretty done" kinda communication and it happened.
So i asked you so many questions which i normally will bring to grave with my mouth sealed shut no thanks to my ego.

And you answered them with sincerity of which i took it without much doubts. That kills away my anxieties and my discomforts. After all i just want to understand. And all i ever wanted is to know why having no comparison as guidence.

I know i have my demands and i dont want you to felt chocked up. But i wanted this relationship to work and not just let go like previous flings.
Im not sure i can lose you like anyone else before you.

Unless you wanted to let me go.

And so came our 3rd week dried non dated date.
You were mostly occupied with work while i just keep waiting untill we finally have the time of our own.

Seen you so hardworking made me feel pleased.
Im drawn to efforts and wisdom in a man.
And your kindness. Minus overthinking.

Things happens and then we got some hiccups towards the end of the day.
Baby please know that no matter what happen, i will not let you go through them alone anymore.

Its crazy your emotions are so contagious to me.
Your laugh makes me gigles.
Your anger scares me. Pls dont be mad when you are with me.
Your sadness makes me cry.
It hurts me so bad i wish to lift it away from you.
Your being affects me.
Your presence are comforting and pleasent.
So long you are happy and well. Everything else doesnt matter.
With you it is love.
I am very clear headed. I wish that you feel that and of the same too.

Right there and then i knew you are more than just my boyfriend.

We went 2nd base.
And it was the most beautiful and wildest moment we had thus far.
Hugging is dangerous. Thanks for highlighting it.
I finally see why.
Haha... im loving every bit of it.

Let's make every wish of yours came true.
Mine is simple. Really. As complicated as i am, i am very easily satisfied.

Your happiness is mine.

Let us miss her together.
She is someone i loved through you.
She made you the man i loved.
The kindest and the modest man.
The old soul.
The one that never fail to remind me to drink water.

I love you baby.
Muaks

Vol 2.