Friday, 1 September 2017

My heart ache knowing you teared up from the other side of the phone while i teared up here knowing i cant do anything to make you feel better.

I dont know what to say or what i could do.
I will never know if it is wise to let you indulge in missing her, that it will get you through these days or to keep distracting you to keep you preoccupied with other stuffs will do better.

This is a major self recupperating lost only you can fix. I promise to stay put until you slowly regain composure. You will never be the same. But that is not the reason you use to be hopeless in life.

You dont give up in life untill she wants it back.
She didnt gave you life just to see you waste it lifelessly without her.

Life itself is short.
Take it. Use it.

I dont know why it hurt me so much to see you like this. Perhaps because knowing how it hurts reminds me how bad it was 4 yrs back when i lost my baby dog. Knowing everyday i pray for my baby to move on. Pray that he wont miss me and dont come back and stay put just to suffer. Let me suffer. You go to better place. I will live till the day i can see you again.

It was just words i used to comfort myself.
I blame myself everyday until the day i manage to forget it. Like a slot in my memory for that 10 years totally erased. I know i cant go on living with lost.
It takes months or years to do that. I dont know when it happened. But i moved on in a bad shape.

I wish you could blame me for wanting you to go out that very night. If it wasnt because of me, the night incident might have another ending.
I wonder if you ever see me and having that thoughts playing in your head.
Im really sorry love.
I made you suffer this decision.
You will forever be troubled with this decision.
Its my fault.

I really dont know what to do to make things better other than giving you enough time to regain your control in life. Time is the only cure but time is also very cruel.
I dont know what will be the most perfect duration to recover and what can be done.
Im sorry for asking too much from you.
My only intention is pick u up and your well being...
I didnt mean to push or rush you and expect you to stand right up immediately.
Im so sorry

Im not in the right position to say much or to want you do anything for now.
Please do know that i care and i dont know why i take it as hard as you.
I dont understand myself very much too.
I guess i care too much.
That is what i am afraid of.

Take all the times you want.
I will not force you anymore.
Come what may. If this is meant to be it will be.
But do know everything that happen between us and you, i care deeply.
It's genuine and my aching heart cant lie.

Please be strong for your family.
Your siblings are being strong for you and her.
No matter what happen, you can always confine in me. Please be well. For her. Dont hurt yourself.
I love you.

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