Monday, 8 May 2017

Dear love.

No matter what my future holds.
What us will lead to.

I will walk with you this rough patches.
I dont know why it has got to be this rough at this period of time.
But this halt is never welcome period.
I wish i could make you fall asleep at least one peaceful night so it could reduce your pain.
At least temporary.

Trust me when i tell you i could feel your pain.
There isnt a day goes by that i wonder how are you going through each day without her.
It was how i exactly i go on without my baby every day since he was gone.

A lot of things you need to get used to.
A lot of things will change.
Every corner at home you will still see her and too many memory flash back that will kill you.
Because i knew that feeling so it hit me as hard as it hit you now.

You have to be strong for her to move on. Help her and help yourself love. No matter how you cant let go. You have to slowly do so.
When i lost my baby. Every night i pray.
I hope he goes to better place.
I hope all his love for me and his saviour and sacrfices will lead him to a better place.
Everyday i seek forgiveness and if i have to trade anything for his well being in afterlife. Just take it.

But i guess im the worst example you can ever refer. Cuz i couldnt move on. I just try to forget and ignore.
Try to wipe off the past 12 years memories i had with him. Pure stupidness. Haha...
Thats y i hardly say much. Nothing anyone say will ever mend your heart now. Especially it seems i just couldnt bring the right word to say at the right time.

I can only continue to be here and whenever you need someone to listen to. To talk to. Anything you ask babe. Im just one text or call away.
You have no idea how willing i am. At least for now.

But you gotta promise to try to live. I promise you that the world still got alot to offer. See more and experience more before it takes you away from people who loves you.

Believe that one day u guys will be reunited.
Funny how i dun believe in god. But i would pray when im lost. When i am incapable to help the one i love. Like you. For now. I just duno what i can do. Im helpless.

The energy of believe and having faith is very powerful. I knew it was intangible to say that my baby and i will be together again once i die. You knew it might not happen. But it doesnt harm to believe in it. At least i am not afraid of dying.
I only dont wish my mom to suffer without me around.


Things i suffer for those that i love.
Love. She dont has a choice. You have.
Live for her. Be fair to her. Cuz those up there they definitely didnt been fair to her.
Be better in time.
I know you will manage it. Slowly and surely.
I will support you until you are ready to brave the world alone.

Let it ache.
Let it tear.
Let it crumble.
Collapse if you may.
When you hit rock bottom please do remember to reach out to us. We are here waiting you to walk out of somberness.
Whenever you are ready. :')

Take care love.
Im so used to being fed with your attention and
I am too a bit lost not having it suddenly.
Maybe its my turn to reverse the role?
Your well being is my concern.
I couldnt be the reason for your happiness. I wish though.
I would like to try. Maybe you wont be ever to feel the same contended feeling again.
But yes. You will be able to be okay soonest.

Ill be strong until you get better.

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