Review of year 2014; Hello 2015!

Another year passed by. It's 2015 and i'm still alive. Seeing and hearing so many death involving fellow Malaysian kinda make me wonder what have I done and what more can I do the fact that i am the lucky one who still is alive today living life that many yearns but perished in unforeseen tragedies. 

Sorry for all the losses to those involved. 

I still have a habit of listing down resolution but i kinda wanna stop it cuz it started to look like a joke when i fail to achieve it year after year. After a lot of uncertainties hit me and directly interrupted my year planning i was like what the heck? Resolution my ass! That stupid long list become a pressure and a shame to me. Having said that, i still managed to pull out some great memories in yr 2014. 

1. Curl my damn long hair. Me hair has become the subject of the year. From very long and curly to very short and dyed. Will maintain it as such until perhaps i crush someone again.

2. I organized and throw my own birthday party. Threatened my best buddies to come all the way from Penang, KL and batu pahat... or melaka.

All the loveliest they made my wish came true, giving me the spotlight in celebrating my 2nd half of life journey. Best day ever!

3. Participate in 2 events. Green box karaoke competition and emerged as champion. 

Then i went to Asia Got Talent audition and of course ive failed it. That terrible 6 hours wait saw my best buddies super sweet supports.

4. Went to 2 concerts both at stadium merdeka. Avril Lavigne with my dear Fang. Then my fantastic Mariah Carey on my own. Yes!

5. Performed during Pbb annual dinner. Singing duet with Genesis. 

6. Participate 2 friends wedding. Coursemate Jason Tan at Segamat. Which saw me drove and crossed states' borders with buddies. Then is another Jason Wong, U65 Paulian buddy at Seremban.

7. Those were the ups. The downs include farewell to 2 good bosses which gave me the opportunity to think about opening up more chances my work field could offer. 

My mom underwent a surgery which cost me immobile for i wonder how long. That taught me patience i didn't know i have or perhaps i know. I just wish i dont have to practice it. For you have no idea the value of patience and how fearful i am to it. Thankfully she is getting better.

8. Yay!  Went to the biggest big bad wolf sales. I didnt enjoy what i had bought cuz my favourite arent there. I just enjoy participating, at least i made sure that i do sumthg on special day like xmas and on new year eve. I enjoy my companions. Got to know some good people and made fwens. I slowly learn to appreciate myself a lil bit more. 

So... aint so bad right. In fact quite fulfilling. Could be better!

*Now go make your wishes come true. I truly believe if u want something bad enuff and you wish and work equally hard enough, with the correct attitude and a pinch of stubbornness, dreams do come true*

So 2015! What can i do to make it worthwhile to live. 2nd year to the balance 25 yrs i have. Be positive i guess which is something i often lacking of. Then, erm... travel! Will make it happen. Be eventful? If there is one thing 2014 have taught me well, it was appreciation!

When i was a young kid, time when i begin to understand the meaning of love and marriage i somehow make a vow to get married by the age of 27. Fuck off young joanne! U dont know that ure gonna grow up being so extremely reserved and picky and ego. Ughf. 

Happie new year and best wishes to everyone. Health is often forgotten about its importance. Thus i guess i should start the year by going for full body check up and get myself a pair of spectacle. 

Jason Wong form 6 BFF Wedding :)

The wedding plan was initiated 1 year ago when he first proposed to her. The proposal was videotaped and very discreetly organized and publicly displayed at penang strait quey.

Among all the boys in form 6, i would never have thought that this mr wong will settle down 1st. A boy i learned playful, naughty and street smart and once who set me up on my 1st boy crush who is also our classmate is now a married man. Im so very happy and proud of him. It isnt easy for a man our age to survive let alone marrying his love. I saw him building his career and planning all necessities prior to making this huge leap. I hope they 55 produce a baby and let me be god mother. Well, i have been collecting names of baby of who i wanna be god mother to just in case i end up fulfilling my wildest dream and not getting married.

I missed Munwei wedding, the 1st from our u65rians due to my grandpa passing in yr 2013 september. There is no way i will miss JF's.
27th of December 14 has been highlighted as a no touch day since last year. We got even closer when he started to work in the same town just across the street. Haha.... hi fellow banker...

It's a simple wedding and a great reunion for u65. Ever since all of us went for higher education, there are a few who often gone missing. Some will go missing whole year long where as some somehow come back to us while the constant few keep the gathering going. Yes, i am one of the few. Clap clap*

New people found me serious. Only they know who the real jcdagreat is. Time and environment can change a person. No doubt im very much a changed person. For the better. With them, it feels good to just become joanne again. The loud, childish, crazy gal who i called drama queen, the IT gal. Haha... Who can forget the drama of Justin vs Joanne; the forsaken crush. Those were the happie days spent in St paul institution.

Im looking forward to more of such happie gathering and more and more happie years with them. This is our 8th years together and all of us are already talking about our 10 years anniversary.
I wonder what kind of other relationship can last longer than that. Oh so tua!!!

That night is my 1st night carrying a red dress with semi deep V cut both on front and back of the dress. Then i realize my boobs are quite Ahemp small to cater to the V cut cleavage display. Well, reminder to self, get a push up bra! I was really invested in transforming myself from a lazy piggy gal to a red blooded, heart snatcher cat. Lol. I should walk around the hall more often to publicly display myself but i was so consumed with my fwens i forgotten my intention of the night. Moral of this failure is to never bring a friend while hunting for prey. Lol. Lol. Anyway, this kinda night dont happen very often cuz i normally just wear jeans and nice blouse if not shirt to a wedding. Tee hee...

Nevermind. Dont worry. Being single is not a crime. Being single means more hunting spree.
Watch me! Oops.
* photo @ FB. *Slow data...

falling in love

I wanna fall in love this December. I had a terrible year last year and this year doesnt see any improvement yet. As fast as blink of an eye, the year of 2014 is ending and i fail to fulfil my desires. Xmas has always been my favourite festival. I dont know why i have a strong spirit towards this special day.

I guess the presents (i love giving present), the bells and musicals, the loving santa who loves good child, the snow and the yearly wishes come true kinda spirit warm my weak lil heart.

This year i die die wanna go visit kl malls for the sake of satisfying that desire and shopping!!!
I resisted not to buy anything in seremban and aim for more variety this time. Its year end sales anyway. Why not right?

25th date is on! I hope it will be a good ride with my dearest lek lek.
Oh yea... back to the topic. I wanna fall in love. I fall in love with self transforming. I have learnt that the only constant in reality is changes. I used to say that i hated changes. I come to realize that i dont dislike changes. I just got comfortable to constance. And i fear constance. The familiarity ive been living with is so very scary. There are a lot of things i found abnormal in my life along the years of experiencing life itself out there. And i seek changes. I wish to change to live. I wanna live. It isnt easy. For those who has been living in abnormality with people you call family is even difficult for one to come out and change. Haha... how bad? You gotta walk in my heels. Anyway, being able to walk out from the shadow takes a lot of effort and willingness. I did and i am a better person today. Which is why when i bump to negative people out there who is crazier than i am, i will avoid them very obviously so that they dont ever appear in front of me.

I become more appreciative, i listen and read more cuz i dont easily take external advise. I choose my materials very selectively and then, self taught.
When i have to deal with some personal issue or emotion, i got my own remedy to heal them. Lately i found self loving kinda helps. The idea of transforming itself kinda distract me from negativities. I feel great getting myself fixed!

And i feel fresh. Killer colours and dye on top of the super styled hairdo. Once u go short, u never go back. The short hair gal league has been telling me that very often. Never say never... perhaps until i fall in love again.

Anyway, if ure reading me, pls listen to the song Lost Star from the movie Begin Again. 2 versions each from Keira knightly and Adam Levine.
Equally lovely.

***
Please, don't see
Just a boy caught up in dreams
And fantasies

Please, see me
Reaching out for someone
I can't see

Take my hand
Let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans
Sometimes are just a one night stand

Who are we?
Just a speck of dust
Within the galaxy?

Woe, is me
If we're not careful
Turns into reality

But don't you dare
Let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page
Maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears

And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season
And the lambs are on the run

We're searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
But just the same

***

My boss gave me a call today morning when i least expected it. Why? Cuz he call from Melaka branch number. T.T.

He gave a very brief opening conversation starting with how was everything in my place and some question about his cases under my care.

Then he finally revealed his intention and asked if i have interest to go over Melaka cuz there is a vacancy there. Im flattered cuz i am still the one he looked into when there is an available position in his new branch. I am very delighted im not gonna lie. I would have go and say yes if i have less obligation which i couldn't ignore. I would've go for it and i will name you all the reason why i would want it but i declined his offer this time. The fact that he even ask this time around shows his kindness and understanding towards my situation. He said he understood and didn't question more after asking about my mother's condition.

I dont know how many other colleagues of mine that he asked about going to melaka branch but hearing him today made me feel somewhat special. After getting the call i became emotional. I don't know what got into me. I cant even conclude what was the reason this time. Was it because i rejected his offer and that i disappoint him? Was it because i wanted to go but the fact that my freedom of choice is again restricted by family matter? Or that it's simply because it reminded me that my boss have left the branch and that i really miss the way my branch use to be? Full of determination and ambition. Or all the above!? Lol.

My clerk cum friend said that i was acting like im going through a broken relationship. Putus cinta. Hahaha...damn right. Dulu cinta tak berbalas. Now cinta tak sampai. Later cinta tak kembali. Seriously... i was like a kid. I was so happy i told a few close colleagues intended to show off i guess but i just couldn't contain my happiness.

I thk this just don't occur to me. Later in noon another colleague answer a call and it was him on the line. Then she too happily told us that boss could tell it was her who picked up the phone and seek her to transfer the line to another person. We weren't exaggerating. We simply just miss him a lot.

Since the changes have to set in whether i like it or not then i suppose we should let it carry on for some time, let me experience something new, long enough for me to tell the difference and then only make a choice on how my subsequent action would be. Maybe i will like the new B.M too?

Today i went home at 6pm. Of all my 3 years i dont recall myself going back at 6pm at all. The sign of laziness kicked in. Nah don't care! :/ I dont feel inspired. The relieve manager for the moment is so... so... so not Mr Danny. I'm basically taking 2 weeks off until new B.M come.

No Mr Danny, no OT. I told my friend. Seriously i slowly begin to realize that my diligence was really an act to impress. Or is it not? I cant tell for sure but im definitely taking a good break for now. I am pretty sure that there was not a single lazy day ever spent during my entire 3 years working with/ under my boss. He was such a hard working boss he put many new employee generation to shame. And it somehow was contagious and i got effected.

I hope he will be happy there. While im having some lazy sweet time here, i cant help but wonder what will my next journey be. Both managers kept hinting me to stay put, work hard and ill be just like them as if they could tell that i am making some plan already.
Well, i guess i could adapt to changes, i just dislike saying good bye. Enough of these in 2 horrible years.

Work was smooth. People around are fine except for a certain few who never stop being annoying. Each working field must at least have one of such character, the nature has its plan to restore some norm into reality. Well... if u get what i mean.

I take slower steps in everything that i do which left me feeling so weak. Sigh. Case was slow. Respond was slow. Its year end anyway. Its normal.

Have u ever have that feeling of being very happy and devastated at the same time? Words cant describe how it feels.

Gosh. Medicine kicks in much faster today. It kills my insomnia. :) and hopefully my emo too.

Farewell

My last post unable to save itself thus all written details were gone. Well i no longer enjoy rewriting dramas. I no longer love reading what i wrote. Sad news keep coming. I lost my familiarity bit by bit. I was just adjusting myself having my ex biz manager transferred to Tampin branch as brand new branch manager. Then some bullies came disrupting my mood from bad to worst. U know what? They really are annoying. Just when i thought work cant hurt me more than chaos in my personal life, it came with a different twist. My branch manager will be promoted to senior manager and shall be transferred to Melaka Main branch. :(

I dont think anyone understand my feeling. Quite many may assume that i was over reacting.
Well be it. I was in a state of confusion, shocked and grieve i do not know how to react to the news.

I am really sad. Departure is never easy especially towards a loved one. There is no doubt i sayang my boss. He is more than just a boss to me. Working in pbb is never easy and i survived these fucking 3 yrs. If it's not because of his encouragement and guidance, i wouldnt have wanted to stay and learn and grow. The added values that i have now as a banker, a responsible employee and a well rounded person is mainly inspired by him. He is a mentor and often like a father figure to me. My own father wouldnt have so much time and patient to nurture me and encourage me. He sees me grow and he sees me performs. From being somebody he saw weak but hardworking to someone he believed can soar and excel. I am one of his greatest student, i wish, and he often compliment me despite my carelessness and lacking of knowledge in the field. I wanna fight to impress, to make him proud. He would assured me to not be intimidated when a new girl was joining my team in July. He supported me when he assigned me as consumer team head last year. :'(

He is a man with brain and has a string of success and evidences under his historic long belt to prove. He deserve the promotion and to be sent back to Melaka after 20 yrs serving Negeri branches. I suppose his family will be happy. He would also be able to lessen travel for his health's sake. Im just too sad and shocked over the news and that trigger me to post another emo post in fb. It got quite some friend worried. I didnt mean any of this. Most of the time nobody care what i post anyway. At least im not as annoying as pirate king notification.

I am emotionally attached to people i care and i appreciate the familiarness for it has been very comfortable and satisfying. Now in 1 month time, all these were taken away with short notice. Although i was aware that my BM and biz M went for interviews earlier but i never would have thought that coming so soon. It was even more difficult as i understand his feeling for having built a kingdom and never gotta enjoy the glory. Leo hate unknown surprises. We both were Leo! It wasnt his 1st time receiving such news but this time it involved me. So it matters!

I can only wish him well, wealth and health. I hope he will be happy there. I truly believe a man wouldnt be happy unless he know his family is. And i believe his family would. I feel that its time for him to count his blessing soundly.

Well, new biz M.... Luckily she is known to me and a favourite one. Rumours had it that my new BM is aggressive, handsome and still a bachelor. I hope he is not gay.

Now i may resign any time with no hard feeling without their presence in the branch.
Words cant describe how grateful and thankful i am to this wonderful man i grow to respect, adore and love.

Now no one will watch over my back. And no more priority given. No more extra protection. Things that i gotta enjoy cuz others seems to feel that i was the favoured one. So be it. My 3 years were pretty pampered and protected despite equivalence  of hard work, time and youth spent for it. There is no such thing as free meal in the real world. Its all about mutual interest and some pinch of luck.
I was lucky to have him as my BM.

Thank you Mr Danny!
Best wishes.