Grounded

For every MCO the word grounded could be either a happy news or a forceful news. 

Those who are tired of traveling will be happy to have a branch to call her own. 

I would use the word forceful rather than sad because eventually, each of us would be grounded. It's just the matter of years and how long you are willing to sacrifice whatever the traveling prone life could cost you. 

Forceful cuz our claims are so luxurious. Forceful cuz we are so used to our comfortable workload. 

I am stuck in the middle. I'm neither too long in branch nor too long as MCO. I just felt like I was being thrown out when I wasn't ready to leave. & just when I started to adjust myself nicely, I was taken back. 

But seriously... It wasn't a bad news. In fact, I was really flattered. I just couldn't digest the idea of coming back to my own branch for good. The fact that I would be grounded didn't hit me the way it should though I have already knew it for a month.

Regional manager gave me an official call saying that I will be reporting back to my branch starting September. I feel so sad saying goodbye - I almost feel unwilling to leave. 

My branch BM noted that I was officially informed & sensed a sad face. 

He thought I was unhappy... Not really. I cannot remember what I have mumbled in respond but I was trying hard to convince him that I wasn't. 

Finally in the evening, he seat me at the conference room & brief me an official welcome & the expectation on me to the branch. Gosh. The same room he appraised me for my confirmation on the day I was thrown out to become MCO.

These are what I am not ready for!

Being hand picked back to branch already stress me out. Now whatever I have listened freaks me out. 

I just... I just....... I just gotta stop being so grumpy.

I should be thankful. Opportunity like this don't come very often. 

Now I owned a seat, I owned my pc, I have my own space, & most importantly I can get back all my passwords.

Sigh. Gotta waive another good bye to MCO team seniors. Next week onwards, I won't be receiving any email entitled "Next Week?" which we all shared to update each other about our location. 

Too short a duration. Time doesn't allows it. : (

I felt so unsettled, so indecisive, so humbled. 

I'm so weak in adapting to changes yet I meet so many. I can fit in anywhere, however, I'm very reluctant & my fluctuation of emotion will be frequent which is why I'm so grumpy nowadays. Once I open my mouth, I will grumble. 

This truly destroy me image~ LOL. Like I had any? LOL.

Yea... This is a year of endurance, patience & challenge.

I'm expecting to be pushed so hard, learned super speedily &  to remain single for good. 

Hahahaha... what? No? I will not have time for myself pun... for another? Wait ba....

Sigh.

Guess what? I will be performing in PBB annual dinner on the 22nd of September. I have less than a month to prepare for it vocally & physically for the gorgeous gaun I bought. 

It will be quite a big function attended by southern region 2 branches. 

I can't wait to step on stage again.

Let's just hope Jcdagreat is not dead yet okay ? 

I would not ever let anyone bully me again.

It's enough! 

I can no longer deal with immaturity & nonsense. 

If you cannot change, I will change!

Don't challenge my patience anymore. 

If you wanna die so badly, please go ahead. Don't talk shit with me.

If you cannot, please live long enough to see me die.

@Tengkera.... Well, Melaka!

Monday!!! Batt was dead. I was very scared. I called my dad. I called Perodua Service Centre. At the end, I found myself a good looking mechanic, aka the workshop's boss to help me. Changed the batt; cost me  RM163!!! T.T Seriously? Bloody Monday! Sometimes, I might faced all these bad lucks, but I cannot doubt that there is always a way out for me to solve the problem, one way or another. In this situation, I was slightly late to branch. I bought the parking coupon in the morning but decided to place the other half day's hours during lunch break. Which was when I figured out that my car was dead.

 If I were to figured it out only in the evening after the cut off time, I think I would cry my heart. 

It was amazing to see how he revive my car back to life!!! *Touched* LOL!!!

At the end of the day, you learned most when you're most helpless. 

Don't already tell me how these independence ruin my life. 

I will so be forever-alone for a long time.

 

 I was driving back from branch to hotel. Along the way, all these bloody restaurants & food courts were luring me into driving in. My plan to eat cheap & simple was ruined, once again. LOL. I wanna tapau everything back to hotel. Then I saw Ikan Pari Bakar. I think not many or not any one I know knows my fanciness over Ikan Pari. Malay people cook it best. :)

RM12 per slice. Mad a! Still I ordered. Before I slap myself awake, I was taken to another stall selling chicken wings!!!! Oh dear. & To finalized the whole thing, a packet of char keow tew completed the whole  misery meal. 

I was so happy. So bloody happy. Food is the only cure that could satisfy me dealing with all those stress. 

Self-imposed stress. I dunnoe.... Imma idiot bitch too.

Personality problem.

There..... Right after the meal, I felt guilty. So madly guilty! 

I could literary feel my stomach's crying for help & me subconsciously overheard my wallet weeping!

Huhu

*

Obvious political issue happens in office too. Even though you might only have 10 colleagues, you can have them separated into 2 main group & a sole-ranger. LOL!. I fast be friended with a talkative lady here; & she can't even wait to share all her dissatisfaction in the branch when she started spotting the signs on me. You know, the sign! 

 Sometimes, alot of people get these two wrong. Reminder Vs Badmouthing. The fine line between these 2 action is the intention of doing so. I would really need some good reminder of how the branch work even before I start. Somehow, it's only when I faced it, people started talking. What? Why?

Well, I guess we were feed by different life's knowledges. Or maybe just me being so typically different!

*

I was told that I've changed. & Different time frame of fwens are telling me so. 

This talkative lady told me today that her 1st impression on me was really someone serious. To an extend of maybe unfriendly. Wow!!! 

That's new! I've got similar respond from those new branches I've visited, new people that I met. 

I called it "Man Re" ba... I don't know. It happens now. 

*

Self SS: Strangers look at you for 2 main reason. You're pretty or that you're ugly. 

I think I'm neither one. Of course I wish I'm the pretty one.

I possess a certain charm factors you cannot deny. I could make head turns... I could draw attention, from the elder people!!! HAHAHAHAHA... Well, who would at my age wants a lala as admirer right? 

Got point right? 

* 

Oo.... I've submitted the application to perform in PBB annual dinner due Sept 22nd. 

I wonder if the committee would ever select me?

Raya is coming. & September is around the corner. I can only hope the coming months be better.

Be merciful please.

I'm unhappy today, I'm unhappy here...

Ego kena challenged. I x suka! So bloody X suka! 

I'm surrounded by bitches! I dislike!

Most importantly. They are all dumb!

Get that!

The only thing worth cherish about is that I didn't lose my bff after all. 

How amusing!!!

I didn’t see it coming. Yes, I thought about it. But as long as he keeps mum about it, nobody will know what the final decision is. Or would he even make the call. So he did!

I was in Seremban 3 weeks ago. That was when I received a shocking news about my fwen aka senior leaving. After going gaga over that matter, the next thing that came into my head was that I would be grounded. 

No!!! 

When I wasn’t ready to leave, I was forced to leave. When I am not ready to come back, you gonna take me back in? How funny.

I have mixed reaction over it. I don’t dare to think about it. The branch people & even my mom advice me to ask for the opportunity from my boss. 1stly, I don’t think I’m in the right position to ask for it. Who am I to ask? & my uncertainty will not guarantee my full commitment for the branch. So I decided not to do so. 

He called me up. I saw an office number. I don’t know which branch was calling. He introduced himself & I was surprised. He told me that the branch, which was basically him, is taking me back. There’s a vacancy & he wanted me back. He called up the RM manager & also HR already. The only pending now is the paper works. OMG!!!

 He then started his old stories saying that he’s gonna train me & that I have to work hard to compete in the branch. Many trained under his management is now the young managers in many branches. I don’t doubt his claims, but that wasn’t that main thing for the conversation right? LOL! He continued that one day when he retired he might see me as a leader of a branch. Oh dear…He said it twice already. Once was before I left the branch. 

He often said I am someone who could be molded. It never really hit me like it should cuz I keep looking forward to leave one day which was very soon.  

Funny how the more I said I wanna leave, more reason keep me staying. 1stly, I don’t know where to go if I were to leave. 2ndly, I never make any solid plan to date. I don’t know what I was waiting.

I guess I just made history by being the MCO for the shortest duration! LOL!!!  WTF! Waive bubye to the luxurious claims. Waive bubye to many untried things in a lot of branches. 

But what I get back is the certainty of times & several plans can take place accordingly.

What’s so bad coming back to a familiar work space, a branch which I came from & with a boss who likes me. One thing for sure, I would be a threat to the seniors there. The moment I step in again, I carried myself as a graduated graduate trainee. I’m not even a MCO, the facilitator. I will come in as branch staff; I will have target & big huge responsibility to carry. Nope, not gonna be easy. Haiz. A lot of shits to take care of, but satisfaction is always there.

Go with the flow lor… I will learn to stop thinking so much. Learn to decide one step ahead but not up to the uncertainty in months ahead. 

I’m so humbled by what my boss did today. The fact that he had to go through the hustle to hand-picked me back before HR send anybody in. He didn’t just acknowledge my workability; he also indirectly told everybody else how impressive I am as a newbie. My boss, he is an influential man, respected by many & threatening to other branches.  HOE give him anything he wants. 

That was the good thing. I actually heard of the bad stuff too. It’s just my luck to have all those blinded from me & I wasn’t a branch staff long enough to see those yet. Maybe soon…. We’ll see.

Bufday 2012

 Minwai the monitor, Eulei the well, LOL, JiaYie the tresurrer, Jo the crazy, me the 38 duhhh (Isn't it obvious?), eewen the gud girl, OPM the pretty, Keen Hong the lazy XDXDXD

Missing: Lokewoon the scientist Errrr & Christine the talented.

3rd of August #

I took leave. Who wouldn't? Well, Definitely there are weirdos out there but definitely not me. I might not be celebrating it but the last thing I want on that day is somebody else that could be prevented in anyway to make me feel like a loser on my bday. 

So I took 1 day leave. It was actually meant to be a beach vacation, & by the lovely day itself, I should be on the beach, flirting! LOL!

Oh well. Somethings are just not meant to be.

 I was booked on 8pm & 10pm. 2 separate dates which eventually turned into one. Long story. After dinner, we went to Ruby for a K date. In K room, you might not be able to talk much, but it was heart warming. They were the force who boost my confidence to its max in Form6. N they did it again that night.

I still had it with me.

Thank you dearest U65-rians. I believe the gathering was co-organized by LokeWoon & Christine whom both couldn't join us in Kseason. BP lab opens on weekend. :(

Sang till 1.30am & I was drunk - of happiness :) 

 Received a lovely letter & a awesome gift this year. The gift has a name to it. 
Dreams~ Limited Edition. A personified gift. How delicate, how sweet. Innovation & creativeness is not measure by price. It requires understanding & worthiness. :) A sweet sweet scent.

Happy bufday to us Joannes

4th of August #

Went to my dear Meeteng @Sri Petaling. Reach at around 3pm @@. Should have went earlier.
Lone journey. I was anxious, but the hell, I reached :3
She brought me to Sunway. Wee..... LOL I x pernah go!!! I was so ready for skating. Unfortunately, there was a Asian children skating competition going on.

We went to Sakae Sushi & Shopping. Cash conscious me often prevent my tendency to overspent.
70% X ngam. 50% tak ngam. 30% walou eh.... at last, I saw one bloody cute bee strips lose shoulder blouse. 10%.  T.T I bought it :P

It was a happy ride. The next time I came, I will go Sunway Lagoon. Erm, Ice 1st maybe.

Dearest MT, you are beautiful. Don't let someone who do not know how to appreciate you ever take that away. I care... so don't shut walls. Leave a window open. Breathe :)

Happy to spend the night with you :)

5th of August #

The day when I was supposed to watch my PT mate perform @Kelana Jaya. In the morning, I made a promise to meet 2 NT babes. Dear Jennifer & Hooiling all the way from Penang. MT facilitated my gathering by sending me over. Had a brief meet up with them & Andrew surprisingly. Wasn't intended but I got a free drink. Kasian you. LOL! Come Seremban, I chia you Ketam Bakar.

I let go of the performance. Only Beary know how heart broken I was making that decision.
Too short a time for me to say goodbye to those in timesquare. After considering all factors & consequences of all action, I made a decision which made me guilty max.

~Sly Im so sorry to be disappointing. I promise to come for your convo. I promise. My promise has a value to it. Cuz I don't break it like others.

A whole back & forth journey on my own. As scary as it may seems, I only have myself to take care of. Asking for direction, touch & go card problem & technical errors, got into the wrong train....hahahaha.... to be exact, I didn't got down to the right lane when I should~ The stu Chan Sau Lin station la.... Ish!

Back home, brush all happy & guilty stuff away. I wanna see badminton! I wanna watch Dato Lee play against the giant! I didn't give it a call as in who will win. I never once thought of the 1st Malaysian Gold medal. I only know LCW wanted it very badly. I knew he could do it. There was uncertainty but certainly it was a possible dream. I cried with him that very night. Reading newspaper today made my heart ache but seeing the support we Malaysians displayed soften the pain. 

LCW, you didn't do anything wrong. I never make a Malaysian a Hero. You're my 1st since you stole the limelight from Taufik :3 which was N-th years ago. Forever will. :')

I masih mau sniff la.... OMG!!!

You made us very very proud!!!

6th of August #

Trapped in Bahau. WTF. I wanna watch movie alone..Not that I wanted to...nobody here. WTF. But it doesn't looks like a safe place to do so. I wanna watch Total Recall & Step Up Revolution!!!!

GRRrrrrrr Annoyed. 

>.<

I'm so tired & yet I don't wish to sleep.

The hell!

Nope~ Not buying!

Then You Look At Me

Laugh and cry
Live and die
Life is a dream we are dreaming

Day by day
I find my way
Look for the soul and the meaning

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

People run
Sun to sun
Caught in their lives ever flowing
Once begun
Life goes till it's gone
We have to go where it's going

Chorus

And you say you see
When you look at me
The reason you love life so
Though lost I have been
I find love again
And life just keeps on running
And life just keeps on running
You look at me and life comes
From...you

: ')