Edward & I

Yea... Like seriously, Edward & I gonna be real intimate~

LOL

Adrenaline madness. 

Which is why I often don't let myself get so lonely for a period that long. A prolong Karaoke sick of mine initiated a soul meditation where I reviewed those 4 month's time that I have spent. Nothing musically ever taken place. Wow! It scared me when I found my art box literary buried in dust in a place I found surprisingly & distinctively near to me but left untouched. It also scared me when I do my calender checking and May is gonna come which marks the 5th month of year 2013. Yet I'm doing nothing. Bullshits I've made during the time I knew I was gonna get grounded in Seremban were all dead. Where have I been to? Where is Jcdagreat?

I was Chai Jo Yan, the banker & it sucks. 

I got my salary credited & I'm itchy to spend some cash. What's more better to spend on than those that you wish to buy for such a long long time. The real kicking point is that I've finally decided on what to buy. 

So yesh, I wanna fulfill my yearn to read lately, again~ regained due to loneliness. & I wanna start this music thing again. 

Didn't managed to get The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom. Dammit. The only left was a broken book. Being very rational & freaking perfection on certain matter, I couldn't force myself to buy something which is not perfect. I'm spending my hard earn money on it, & consumer right's wise, I did made the righteous decision. Arghh.... So hating my personality now. I almost brought it home.

I knew the guitar price ranging quite vastly depending on brand & quality. I should have ask opinion & even bring along a musically inclined person to judge on my choice. But it seems for a person like me who is indecisive, I thought having another person idea is just gonna make the matter worst. I knew if I don't buy it now when the kick comes, my sensibility on financial planning gonna come into the picture. 

Or I might as well go back to keyboard. Something I couldn't make up my mind on earlier. 

Thus, I bought baby Edward home. Proud & happy. I am a little intimidated by my partially burned desire to stay focus on this guitar lesson but noting that I've spent huge chuck on this baby, I will work my ass off for it. I promise to pick it up fast as I believe it will train my main instrument, my vocal to be better. 

Yay. Now I can... soon, play myself a love song. Yearn no more for any guy to play me one cuz I often thought one of the sweetest thing a guy could do is to play the girl her fav love song & dedicate it openly to her. 

*foreveralonesmirk* 

Thinking about it, I'm closing one more door for an open relationship. I restricted this myowngame's rules. Boygal romantic stuff aside, it has often frustrated me when you have to depend on a musician to play a song for you to sing or perform. Without them is like u're just voice without direction. 

Voice itself has melody & soul but without a music companion, it's not complete.

The last time I faced this problem was when I missed or gave up actually on sending a video to audition for Astro Talent Quest competition. I hated the fact they have a close audition this time, permitted only video audition. It didn't work out the way I wanted to. It was my last chance & I blew it off. 

Anyway, not gonna whine on it anymore. 

May is gonna be exciting.

It's gonna be good. :) 

Bali 3rd day @ KUTA

Beautiful beautiful stretch of a long beach, comfy sand walk & lovely blue blendof the sea & sky ~ Fascinating view... 

Crowded yes, but happening. The next time I come, I will try surfing :)

I met the coolest band in Bali fondly known as T-Rex. A full band with 3 singers; sang all kind of genres. 

It was a perfect evening. The best decision we ever made on the day itself. Me wanting to let my girls noe about the cafe, the girls were willing to go in & check out the environment.

Kalah HardRock Cafe Malaysia!

:) Slept very late at night ~ The next day was our last day. Very reluctant to sleep in. 

The ' I'm Sorry I dump you' Poem LOL

When I was in PLKN, I was approached by a Malay guy who shows interest on me. The 1st guy ever who was actually foolish enough to like me. But well, X jadi la... long story. I didn't dump him, but I eventually say no~ & I felt awful. Then this year came another stupid fellow who made me feel bitchy enough to do so again. Sorry la... & you can bet my efficiency in BM has never fail me... This was written in year 2006. 

Maafkan Ku

------------------

Maafkan diriku

Wahai dikau yang setia

Tempoh yang terlalu singkat ini

Aku mengenalimu, merapati dirimu, manyanjungi mu

Namun dikau telah menaruh perasaan terhadapku

Membuatku resah, risau, rimas

Namun jauh di sudut hatiku

Aku gembira dan teruja

Tidakku mengerti apa daya tarikanku

Engkau makin terjebak

Engkaulah yang pertama

Si adam yang menyanjungiku, meminatiku

Sehinggakan engkau melafazkan cintamu

Aku masih bingung

Kehilangan arah tujuku

Mencari keikhlasanmu &

Kebenarannya

Maafkan diriku

Tiada kuduga inikan terjadi

Tidak sanggupku melukaimu

Tidak sanggupku mempermainkan hatimu

Engkau yang kian serius

Pertaruhkan cinta dan hati

Membuatku rasa dihormati & dihargai

Namun pengorbananmu terlalu besar

Jurang diantara kita terlalu dalam

Persefahaman kita masih cetek

Cabaran & dugaan pasti ditempuhi

Maafkan diriku

Daku yang tidak mampu menerimamu

Daku yang tidak mampu memberimu komitmen

Daku yang melukai hatimu

Daku yang tidak mengerti hatinya sendiri

Engkau yang daku hargai

Aku cuma mampu berterima kasih

Atas segala layanan & kasih yang dikau taburkan

Namun,

Aku tetap mendoakan kebahagianmu

Serta kejayaanmu

Akanku terus mengingati mu yang terunggul

Kerana dikau yang terlalu istimewa

Hanya satu kupohon

Agar memori kita tidak terkubur saja

Demi persahabatan kita yang terjalin. 

LOL.... Baca balik memang meremang urat bulu tangan & kaki... Tapi bahasa ku hebat hebat belaka kan...

That was then. Though this time around I still feel bad of being bad, but if u expect me to write something like this to commemorate you? Sorry, I will post to you @ hell. Previous one was a sweet bad dump & this time it was a right bad dump. >o<. 

Yes, I'm trying to make myself feel better & No, I'm not sorry for that. 

Let me recall the names... the 1st guy was P-Joe. He called himself that. I don't know his full name.

2nd was Chan WTF. I don't know his full name either. LOL.... A joke to myself.  

Night y'll XDXDXD

 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Ahhhh.... My Bali blog is gonna take forever to be finalized. 

Maybe I shud just forget bout it....LOL After all, blogging is just sharing. All these memories are well kept alive in my head. Right? Right? Well, We will see how this goes.

I wish to chip in some heartfelt. I wish to talk a lot of stuff. In fact, so many issues & inner voice I wish to blog about & get someone to hear them up.

When I was very young, making friends was a must. I will do anything to get anybody to be my friend. That was me in primary. When I was in secondary school, I enclosed myself to only a group of friends. A few of them was brought along from primary school. I was the loud gal who laugh like there aint no tomorrow. I have many friends or so I thought. But I have a close gang I kept. In five years time, I have the bff status tag on several gals & the priority spot got changed several times. Along the way I found myself knowing more people I like & we got very comfortable with each other. All were girls. Until I went to Form 6. 

There I found myself exposed to another sexual being ever created by the name of god. 

Slowly I got used to being with males but it took some time for me to even feel normal. Those 2 years were the best years I had in schooling until I enrolled myself in Uni. Despite the 'hardship" I have dealt with, everyday in school was joyful. I faced a hard truth notifying that a friend could leave you for real when she actually like other friends better no matter how much good stuff we shared. 

Maybe I have done that too, I just didn't realized that or maybe I don't bother. 

When I was in Uni, I was super active with activities taking place whole year long for the whole 3 years. 

I have met many mates from as far as everywhere & my name was huge too. Those active fellas in Uni will recall my name or my face too.

Well, I often am ambitious enough to mark my name in all places I have been. Hopefully for the good reason. Thus far, none for the wrong reason yet. Maybe soon. In Uni, I have mates from all groups. kolejmate in where I stayed, facultymate, coursemate, activities mates.... Some people managed to leave an impact & we became besties. Some remain distanced which I couldn't even recall the names. 

Some I tried my best to win their acceptance, some I tried to impress, some I put effort to maintain. All sort.

But as I grow elder, I realized that some mates are just there to build the structure of my memories. 

Slowly, I began to delete & lose out all the faces in FB that I kenot recall or that I don't think I would ever wanna meet up with.

I wanna start prioritize. Deep in heart I know who they are. But seriously, they are just too many. Not sure how many of them feel the same way. I used to care if they put me 1st as best gf the way that I do...how innocent. LOL. I no longer need this kind of security. Cuz well, we can't put a freeze onto something so intangible. It's more about mutual care & understanding that both person are willing to share. 

New friends comes along everynow & then. Old friends leave & some gone too long & are forgotten. 

 I am now pretty sure I'm choosy on subsequent friends that I want & need. Especially after meeting the jerk/my worst nightmare some months back. I had my hands fully occupied on existing ones which I can't even find time to spend time with. Replacing is not an idea. 

I no longer tag my besties as bff really. There are friends in need, friends who share good times, sad times, consultation, friends in memories, constant meet up friends, texting friends, ~ etc. 

Those who befriended me much earlier said that I'm a changed person. I am no longer the person they used to know. I wonder what are they trying to mean by that but change is good.

People often label me as immature, childish, playful & crazy girl at school. But did you ever think for one moment why am I acting such way? No ba... Cuz very often they will just be hey, be serious a bit la... 

 ~ Particularly this one gal I met & called bff last time. She aged much ahead of us & the smartest one among my gang. She came back into my life recently & I found it slightly difficult to accept her as some one who I can meet up regularly & talk like a long lost friend. I was reluctant to chat, or even fix a date to meet her up. & She did nothing wrong. Time & distance segregated us &  I already have enough. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't already have enough time for necessary people or even myself.

& I'm breaking free from negative, overly calculative, tricky/selfish & self adsorbed kinda people. 

I have enough negative energy to kill 10 of me. I'm serious.

I hardly am this immature/childish/crazy gal now. Maybe that was the change.

I'm no longer the cheerful, warming at first sight kinda person I used to be. 

However, no matter how things change, no matter what will ever happen

Nothing could deny my 17 years of friendship with Lee Yoke Shan. She is the 1st friend I ever know, ever love, forever 1st.......... 

We have been through a lot babe :). I hope you feel your importance though not physically, but yes, 

deep in my delicate heart. Hey, did we promise each other to get married together with our spouses? I hope not cuz I could wait for some years still XD 

Many more 17 years ahead okay. :) 

Happy bufday to you.

Bali Vacational Rehab Escapades Part 2

Day 2... Sleepy day... Super good wifi makes a good chatting night yesterday.

My babes were not into the Barong & Kecak dances... Since it wasn't unanimous, I gotta let it be my Regret No. 2 -things not done in Bali.

Another journey to the North of Bali - slightly to the west. This time we went to Bedugul to see Lake Beratan. There are 3 lakes within some distances but it seems Lake Beratan is the most recommended one.

Then, tasik Beratan. It feels like heaven when you step in. The chilling wind & the beauty of the surrounding could easily make one feel at ease or rather peace. We got ourselves a speed boat ride around the lake. Pretty cool :P

Choco wanted badly to see Gitgit waterfall & we did since we had enough time to catch the sunset @ Tanah Lot later.

Gitgit waterfal is the highest waterfall in Bali. Some walking distances before reaching it. I was spell bounded by the view, of its existence.  My heart was racing as fast & as hard as the water from the hill. We were roughly 5-8 meters away from it but we were wet from head to toe.

The road up the hill was very dangerous. Make sure your driver prioritize safety. Narrow roads up & down the hill with hardly any barriers to protect each hill's banks. 

Tanah Lot. One of the best Sunset view in Bali. Amazing views separated in 3 locations. You could find yourself a comfortable seat on a mountain/rock cliff or at the beach site or at some boulders on the sea to watch the perfect sunset view. Mesmerizing location. I was in awe with the whole god-sent beautiful scenery & I wanted to get married right away. The sun set completely @ 6.30pm.

That very night I faced with some misfortunes. We booked this best western Kuta hotel; booked & paid to be precise. We were told that some internal communication went wrong & that they are currently fully booked. The fuck. They placed us to this Winna hotel & said that it was much nearer to the beach. Right!
Winna is not recommended as well. Lousy wife @ room. Worn out furnishing & the toilet was unacceptable for me.

Since the night was young, we decided to go around Kuta & search for some food. We bumped into a very loud cafe/pub where a live band was singing. Attracted to the band, I urged my gals to come along.
I was always told that Indonesian bands are good. Indeed they were very skillful.

We quickly walked back to the hotel since it was getting late. But please, take my advise, be extremely cautious. Something not so nice happened to us. It makes me realized as sweet as a place could be, evil lurks in all possible way.

KUTA BEACH FULL DAY TRIP on the next day.

***

In Bali, you will see a lot of young kids riding motorbike, as young as primary school student. Gosh. With no helmet lagi. It seems that motorbike is their only choice for them to reach schools & whereabouts. Public transportation is rare.

Balinese are very ritual & they have a lot of believes too. 3 times prayers a day. Bamboo stick is a sign of good luck in each house whole.

Prayer statue will have its waist wrapped with black & white checkered cloth. I was told that it's a sign of good & evil, governed by god.

** Pending photo** Line too slow~

Bali Vacational Rehab Escapades Part 1

4 days & 4 nights duration.

A place I wanted to go since 2 years ago. Smart choice indeed. 

I was having some tough days prior to March 20th. I was rushing undone cases & chase acceptance while preparing all necessary to go to Bali. Since this is the 1st far away trip from Mas, me & my gals have no idea on the flight procedure. Anyhow, we made it on time to the airport with some ample time to spare. 

The long flight roughly around 2 hours plus was easy as we have so much to update with each other. We talk non stop until we reached Bali. My ears were tortured badly by the air pressure when the plane was about to land. I suspect throat ache has something to do with it.

Reached Bali around 9-10pm. We met our driver and headed straight to our hotel at Denpasar, Ibu Kota of Bali. This town is situated in the middle of Bali. Hence, facilitated us to move upward to North Bali for the subsequent days.

Once checked in, being new in town & still fresh from the flight, you wouldn't expect us to catch some rest.

So we went out to hunt for supper at 11am. Walk punya walk, nothing really catchy to us. We eventually ran across the road to a Malaysian Kopitiam!! LOL!!! Ran I said & to Malaysian food. There ain't decent restaurant nearby in walking distance & the traffic was horrific. The road was highly endangering & I must say, Malaysian pls be thankful for our traffic system. 

There we met a lady who was super nice & she found familiarity with us.

She was once in Mas, A Jawanese but currently married to Bali. :)

The night was pretty long as we took turn to shower, unpack stuff & plan some favourite route to cover.

The budget hotel named Pop; Harris hotel was highly recommended. It was slightly small but it was new & smartly designed to fully utilize space. Necessities were well covered. Big bed for us 3 to sleep comfortably~ none of us fall down from the bed though. haha.

8.30 am; the gals were ready to have breakfast. Well dressed & we were served with some Baliness simple & delicate food. 9 am sharp our driver came & picked us all up for a full day trip to north of Bali. 

On the way, we passed through Tohpati, Batu Bulan, Mas & Ubud where most art values are stored. These places produce Batik, woodcraft, silver & goldsmith & statues manufacturing. I wouldn't recommend you to drop by each location if you wish to save time for better view else where. A ride in the car was enough for you have a good look on these places. We did drop in to a Batik manufacturing house but it was boring. 

Then we headed to Goa Gajah Temple at Bedulu. Only then I realized that there's an entrance fee to every tourist spot. Those who wore shorts will need to wear a sarung into the temple; boys n gals.

Roughly about an hour of site seeing, we headed out & off we went to Mount Batur. Long ride to the hill but it was all worth it. You will be amazed by the view of the mountain & the lake while having lunch at the hillside restaurant. They served buffet, Rupiah 110K per person. It was said that the gigantic mount is still an active volcano mount & the last time it erupted was almost 100 years ago. The chilling wind was truly a welcome gift from the nature of Bali to me. March in Bali was hot n humid. So get yourself an UV protection every time you expose yourself to the sun. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

 Spectacular view :) 

We went to Luwak coffee production site on the way to Tegalalang. :) There were free testing for all sorta coffee flavours but Luwak coffee is @ rupiah 60K per tea pot. It was bitter & the way the provide the drink to us was very organic. If you know what I mean. 

Then we were sent to Tampaksaring temple if I'm not mistaken. Erm... nothing there la. But that was the place where I finally learned that Bali has this infamous notty lil dicky wood crafting~ WOW!! I'm impressed. 

Rupiah 10K to 60K for each dicky keychain depending on the location.

LOL!!!

Bali has over thousand of temples. A number of popular ones & each are individually special. I didn't feel attached to this visit but no denial that it's a beautiful temple too.

The next destination was to go to Tegalalang which is famous for its terrace paddy hill. It was green, high terraces & comfortable. Me & my gals were super excited to find a way to go down trekking. Being gals & excited, we were clumsy, clueless and senseless. LOL!!! We bloody care about the consequences, we hiked the paddy hills like nobody business. It was a lot of fun but dangerous as the hill was steep & nobody was around doing what we did. My advice, stay up at the hill or get a local to come down with u. 

It was adventurous I must say but the walk up to the heavenly stairs was beyond difficult. 

The last horrendous exercise I had was the journey to see Langkawi waterfall in last August 2012. 

Our driver was frantically looking for us as we just disappeared into the greens. 

We were so tired, we just wanted to go back to Hotel after that. It was close to 7pm when we reach the Hotel. Bali time zone was aligned with Mas. But much to the east. Hence, by 7pm, the sky was all dark. 

Im super tired & hungry.....

After some rest, we finally were ready for dinner. I even had time to catch American Idol on TV :P

We walked for some distance again, but failed to find something luring. At the end, we chose an Indian cuisine just across the road. The night was still young which makes it even harder for us to run across the road. I thank god that I purchase PA coverage prior to this trip. Something I told my besties to note that if anything happen to me in Bali, my mom will be covered for at least RM360K. So said la. HAHAHA

The food was good. Really. But having Indian food in Bali sounds ridiculously wrong. 

But the hell, it was delicious!

The end of superbly tiring Day 1 in Bali. :)

Bali is rich in culture & I'm very lucky to have come to this place after their main celebration named Nyepi. 

It's a celebration of silence. My driver ain't a Balinese & not Hindu. Hence, from what I learned from his saying is that this celebration come once a year. Prior to this day, strong believers will build a lot of scary ugly gigantic statues/dolls to represent evil spirits. Then days before Nyepi, they will burn these down & on Nyepi actual day, all Balinese will hide at home. It's a public holiday, where everybody is banned to come out from the house, to work, to switch on TV... basically, zero activity. Even airport will be frozen for a day. 

Anybody going against it will be lock up even tourist. So counter check this information & the exact date of this celebration next year before going there. This year it was conducted somewhere on late Febuary/early March.

So happen that some people chose to keep some of the figures & they are fascinating, classy art statues. I didn't manage to shoot each of them. Regret no. 1 in Bali.

Then I recall the fact that majority of Balinese are Hindu, but culture wise are much influenced by animism. History lesson came calling... LOL. History was my fav subject until Form 5 where Formation of Malaysia took place.

Kindly check the information righteousness as they were all unfiltered information I have collected from my Driver. I'm really too tired to check em out for the moment. 

:) I miss you already Bali. 

Had been loaded with work since I came back from Bali. 

Both old & new stuff. ATM lagi. 

Not that I don't wanna take leave or rest. Note that. I have no choice.

My mood was bad. I was rushing in and out for customer & all work matters. Time was limited. I was basically running in the office hoping to save the time to get things done. Tolerance level was on its brink of exploding I knew something was wrong when I started to talk like a bitch. Super ego craps I said. LOL.

Tomorrow is friday already. I can't believe I had already left Bali for 5 days. Sigh. I don't even have time to miss the view & the fun moment with my babes. 

Someone query me today. ATM colleagues - two men officers. What kind of man that I like? They have often been this way. I thought they ask related questions like this before. 

I thought for awhile... 

Did you watch twillight... expecting those uncle not knowing it...

*Oh yea... the dracula... she likes people who bites...

>.< Deng!!!! LOL 

Yes, I like man like Edward. The unconditional love & sincerity to know, understand & care for the woman he loves. Of course the look, the height, the body (that shines), the hair, the talents counts la...

:) I wish I could loan times.... My Bali memories are smearing... & I've yet to post any bout it...

Uwarghhhh.....  Faster reach 1st of April pls. 

Oh... april fool is coming too. The last joke I wanna listen to is possibly

" I love you, hey I'm just kidding"

I swear I will give you a big tight slap on your bloody face!

Well, don't mess with a tired meow who haven't found a mate!

Roar!!!