That krazy call

Yes that mad silly call :)

The saloonist... as expected tried her very best to talk me out of the madness. 

I knew what she is capable of. The gal has witnessed me enter university till i graduate and work. No other being has ever her hand over my hair except for her since form 6.

This pixie cut will stay very long and it can even go shorter. She was kind enough to leave room for me to curl if i found that my hair is lack of volume. 

It was the right decision made! 

Im so lovin it. My only duty now is to carry it with pride. The Leo's way!

Farewell

Being indecisive is torturing. I think by now most friends already know this and its quite disturbing especially when i was called to make a decision. And so i did learned a lesson. I can't be given too many choices. If i ever needed to choose when im again thrown to such position, i shall either have the capacity to choose both or to choose neither. Thats quite fair right. And if there must be a decision which can only influence my own benefit, i must make an abrupt call. A solid, rush call.

2 months ago i have decided to materialize my bday party which i have been deciding for a year. 

Today i have made a decision to cut my long hair which the idea has been lurking in my mind for many many years. The last time i had a short hair was few years ago. Year 1 in university i guess. The last time i had an urge to cut it short, i end up curling it. The decision turned out hawt!! The best hairdo i ever had!

Right after the party i knew i wanted to do it. But i was again got myself busy with all other reason godknowswhy. I had 1 week break and i utilize half day for continuous 3 days for my job. Yes, i have no life and im obsessed with my job. Fml. 

I told my bff yesterday and as expected, she dont buy it and challenged me. Just like i wanted her to. U see,  a little push works a long way. Sadly, due to unforeseen circumstances i have to make it work only on Sunday which is tomorrow. 

I will only let one gal saloonist touch my hair. She kinda pecat her boss and venture into her own business and relocate to Senawang. Gosh. Why must she do this when i finally, FINALLY decided to cut my hair? Do u have any idea how difficult was it for me to make that courageous move at all? Do u even noe how fickle minded i am that i could easily call it off.

And so, i guess i will have a whole night to be emotional about my hair, to bid that bitch farewell. 

It has been lovely and pretty for the year. It makes me very womanly and it has been with me all thru the years when i had the best time with my baby, when i lose my baby, and during my bday party,the best day of my life. 

It was only hair, i know. It will grow for goodness sake. I bet it will even be healthier. Oh well. I found bidding goodbye is my worst weakness. It was very dear to my heart. 

There u go, new image, new phase, new motivation and new attitude. 

Its only for the better right. Changes is good. Cuz my constance was bad. Will u support me?

The only thing i need now is to fall in love towards a new attention. Everyone around me say my life revolve only about work and gf. One of them already blame me saying that she is also still single cuz i was so preoccupied with her. Lol. Bullshit babe. Ur singlehood was amazing cuz of me. Pls dun leave me alone! Pls pls pls cuz i love u more than any guy would.

I am pretty simple myself. Im easily contended at times. Its only when the simplest thing gone hard and uncontrollable that i started to choose to aim impossible dreams. So that i will have an aim. So that i have something to hold on to. So that life has a meaning. Am i making any sense here? 

Haha... most of my fwens only really get 50% input when i talk. I guess thats also why i love blogging cuz i kinda allow time for whoever interested to read me get me. 

Im blogging with my note 3! Wtf. Note 3 is the coolest and smartest thing come by after my crushes. XD.

My 1st crush and i had a lovely photo on my party. It gets too much of attention. It wasnt the best look on both of us but it was lovely. It was funny cuz i need to insist to assure that we are so over with the past jokes. But my affection towards him is undeniable and 1st cut was always the deepest isnt it? 

It was an unreturned puppy love but those were all good memories. I genuinely wish he find the love of his life soon cuz a good guy like him deserve either me or someone slightly better. :)

This week alone i had some quality time with deserving fwens. Joanne Wong specifically. That very night of the party i have 3 joannes under 1 roof. How cool was that?! All of them somehow keep assuring that i was loved and blessed. I guess conducting a bday party for myself out of the blue kinda weird and it suggest sumthing negative?!. The post party aftermath was terrible i tell you. Goodness it sucks! I should be out there at the beach. 

Ah... anyway. Today is hungry ghost festival. When im emotional, i dont fear them. They will surely be ripped apart by my frustration. Haha... now i hope they cant read this. I wonder if my baby will return as hungry ghost? I hope not right? A kind soul like him shouldnt suffer this in afterlife. But he couldnt eat much before he died. :'( My family have a habit to pray for safety sake. I kinda collect myself well to ask mom if i need to prepare dog food? That question is like a stab in the heart. Her reply was worst. She said no need cuz if he is around he can also eat the food which was intended for hungry ghost. Sigh. Sorry cuz i wont be able to recover. I can only get better.

and better i am. 

-joanne-

The Best Day Of My Life.

How do I begin? Whenever I question myself this I would begin to shy away from keyboard. 

Okok. Lets begin on.... Erm. The day before 3rd of august.

Hooiling & My Roomie Joanne Tan bought a 10.30am bus from Penang to Seremban. Expected a 7 hours ride. A bad unfortunate twist got them stranded in Melaka & then return, safely to Seremban. That taken an 11 hours of ride. Pitiful! I brought them to Hawaii Steakhouse to enjoy a late dinner.

The next day we went to collect my designer cake :) 2 cakes. 1 was a verbal designer cake RM130 2kg cake & another was from a kind known biz fwen who dedicate an agar agar cake :) It happened to be Hello Kitty. 

At first I was like hmmp, hello kitty? Really?

Then my fwen remind me that it wasnt a misfit. It was on the right theme. I forgot I was once labelled as a CAT as well. 

Happie :)

Then Siewin & KL came from KL after KL picked her up from Pudu station. All the way from Penang too. I was also managed to convince Kok Hou who from BatuPahat somehow went to Melaka for godknowswhy reason to come to my gathering. A surprise call got him making a far distance decision to cross states beyond his intention. Hahahaha....

Also, coursemate & Uni mates from KL & Pahang also made it here in the party. 

Those from Seremban who needs to return to KL the next day also either stay put or to take leaves the next day. 

All was purposely done, specifically arranged & sincerely present to the party for me. 

It made me believe that when someone cares, he or she would go all the way for you. 

The fact that I threatened them with some lousy statement of un-friending them via FB which will never happen, it gave some pressure to them to come over. XD They know me pretty well. 

Jc always do thing for a reason. Leo always make a statement! 

The messy stuff... Erm, details are meant to be kept only by those who present. Or else what makes them so special right? 

I didn't manage to sing all the song in my list. Plenty of time but my voice betrayed me. I never thought the surrounding could be so overwhelming & it kinda drained my energy. I guess I was overjoyed to meet all those familiar faces again after a very long time of absence.

It was a superb night!!! The only thing I wish I could do better was to have no sore throat but I guess that wouldn't make any different to my fwens. It's only my personal selfish wish cuz I know how well I can go but particularly for that night I couldn't. 

After a rehearsal 5 days b4 the actual day, 3 outta 4 people got sick including myself. How incredibly bad was that. I must have jinx it :(

 Words cannot contain how much I appreciate each & everyone who made it to the party. I wasn't very particular with the actual presence or whatsoever gift or wishes. 

I wish them to know that this gal today who has the opportunity to meet & know them all is thankful because I wouldn't be who I am today without them. & it has to be that one special night that they need to know!

The mark of my 1st day in the new 2nd half of my life was duly witnessed by all the guardians. 

I guess I wouldn't repeat this whole bday gig for many years to come unless well... unless stuff happens right?

But my kinda bday celebration is really more towards a relaxing beach vacation. XD

I was so busy preparing & worrying I somehow forgot all these were meant for my bday, my pleasure & my happiness. Jcdagreat Bday Gig certainly served its purpose beautifully but running a bday gig from A-Z from singing to hosting to socializing are surely energy consuming which I am lacking with. 

LOL.

Oh...My 1st crush made it to the party quite on time. My 2nd crush was late, he also made it. 3rd one unfortunately escape being named & participate. 

I'm glad everyone had fun, the gathering was awesome. Happy faces & considerably smooth delivery of an event. I done well. I did! Who would have thought that a gal who could never pull out a surprise could pulled out a bday gig all by herself?

Special thanks to Alvin Tee & Christine Tee the musicians.

Special thanks to cousins Aliz Lee & Kendy Lee & my mom, the party coordinator.

Special thanks to performers, Siewin, Hooiling, KL, 30, sooyung, Joanne Wong & Kimyang. 

Thanks to Brugge S2 & boss ah Keong for the awesome venue.

& nevertheless all my favourite people in the world!!!!!! U know who you are. 

Bits of The Event

-xoxo-

Okok...trial. To blog via note3 after 12++ hours of working!

Isnt it interesting! So many works, so little time :(

People change for only 2 reason.

Wanting to be her true self or to wanting to be herself again.

Each & everyone of us is carrying a role. Daughter to the family, sister to a brother, employee of a company or a stranger to a stranger. As a newborn, we came into the world as a blank piece of paper. 

Those given to us were some genes that shape the most basic part of our body & its capacity.

Eg colour of the skin, the shape of our nose & possibly the max height that we can grow. 

There is also a thing call individuality, a distinct character we all carry when we were conceived. 

How well a person understand this individuality could varies. Some know it all along while some will require sometimes to figure it out.  

Something for everyone to ponder.

June: Ups & Downs

June O June.

The beginning of the month was kinda nice.
How nice?

I was really force making a dream come true. This Birthday gig is going to happen one way or another.
Nothing will stop me from making it happen. No matter how much it costs and how difficult it is to get a venue.

So as always, I will seek help & advise from Alvin. He is indeed a good friend. Whenever I need help, he will never say no. He got some suggestion ready & somehow he kinda insist on Brudgee in Seremban 2.
He told me it was a pub and I knew that the pub also offer live gig to its visitor. Since I'm not really a drinking kaki, I've never been there. I heard Ong Wei Kuan is playing there, a ex paulian schoolmate.

So one fine Sunday, I managed to collect 3 of us inclusive Christine to practice. A good start!
Then we proceed to with venue which Alvin suggested.  We reached the pub around 9pm. The boss was around. He questioned my purpose to organize the party since I wasn't 21 yrs old or something similar to celebrate. Well he surely has no idea why I do so.

We asked to survey the venue. A pub ma... so sure there is some unpreventable smoke stink from previous night. But the moment I stepped in, I saw the stage. An almost complete set of instruments inclusive a drum set, mixer 2-3 amps and few mics were on the stage. 
We did what performers naturally do when we saw a stage! We headed to the stage & performed a few of our songs.

I was so nervous cuz it was sometimes back since I last sang on stage. I sang If I Die Young, Sweet Child O Mine, Dreams & I Believe I can fly.
The boss clapped each time we finished a song. I was like, hey we were adjusting to the environment & we're like shit although I sang pretty good XD.

I think we surprised him. We excused ourselves & headed to talk further about the date & time.
I knew I wanna perform there. I can really stay whole night. I asked for the venue to be on Saturday but he insisted No as he has frequent customers on that day. But he did offer Sunday venue for FOC.
I was bewildered. But on Sunday wor. Now I have to make a decision. Hard! I'm always no good especially one with consequences.

He was full of praises I can still recall in detail. He wants us to be one of his live gig performers. The boss doesn't take agent's singers. He somehow was very interested in my voice. I choose to believe his every word.

Sometimes you just require the right timing, opportunity & people to make a thing work. Everything works out right that very night.
It was awesome!

Middle of June: 2 new officers came to my branch. 1 is a mobile officer who has been servicing KL for sometime came back to be stabilized in Seremban. A new colleague. Then, a new Graduate Trainee came as well. I was chosen to be his Mentor. >.< I really don't understand why not another annoying experience colleague and why me?? But I have fun anyway cuz I love teaching. So I have extra 2 pairs of hand to clear up workload. 

Oh anyway, for those who didn't know, I am the head of consumer team since beginning of this year. My boss say that I must learn to manage people.

OK lor.
=========================================================================
The downs: My cousin sis who is just 18 yrs old is suffering from growth in her belly.
Had a surgery and is recuperating. The feeling of possibly losing someone in your life is so disturbing.
It was just last year when it happened, I am not ready to face another one in anytime soon.
Seeing everybody cries broke my heart to million of pieces. It was a risky surgery which cost her half a liver & half a stomach. Still is under doctor's supervision.

My mom had a pap smear done with HPV DNA analysis. The report shows she has HPV gene number 52, a higher risk of HPV virus is within her ovary. I feel like I was thrown to hell, experienced death and brought back to live just to die again. Yea... that kinda feeling. I know her alright. That would troubles me cuz she will be emotionally disturbed. Wow. That stupid gene aint gonna kill her, her stubbornness & depression would.
I can't control someone else's feeling. I can't help anyone if they don't help themselves. Now after some effort I hope those professional advise from doctor could help her sink those info in and that she knows she is ok. Not dying!

Another one incident caused by a stupid pitiful kitten hide in my car engine. Arghhh....
I would just skipped it. I can't manage a word for this matter. 

My branch will relocate to a new building roughly 1KM away. Massive packing & spring cleaning are required every saturday until the very day that we move. I can't imagine how huge the relocation would be in front of everybody's eyes on a busy street in coming July. Chaotic!

I realized the very reason why I was hardworking in my job. It's the only thing at the moment who could provide me security financially and that it's the only thing that I could fully control! As much as I wanted freedom, I have yet to achieve emotional freedom I yearned day and night.

& Since I mati mati  to deliver my job and that everybody say my boss sayang me. We shall see how much bonus the branch will allocate to me. Sayang is total bullshit if you can't translate my hard effort to something I deserve. Nuff said.

-emo-

-always-

I always have random thoughts at the most odd hours. However my smartphone isn't smart enough for me to blog it right away. Eventually I would forgot by the end of the day or the laziness prevent me to even starting to write in.

To solve this & all problem caused by my phone, I must get a new smartphone. :P
I find it hard to make that decision. I count myself married to things that I attached with. My phone, my watch, my laptop, my bag, etc etc, they all stay until they get themselves broken. I won't buy another or even look for one if they behave & stay functional.
My bloody phone is causing me so much of discomfort. It keeps shutting down on its own, i suspect battery problem.

Yes, I'm divorcing it! I hope my Myvi stay with me for a good long run. Though I always wanted a Honda, but I can't afford to have another commitment.

My mom asked me today why I didn't want my dad to buy the phone instead. He bought my mom & my brother's when theirs are worn out. Why wouldn't I want a free gift? Really? Since ages ago, I only ask for necessity. The last most expensive gift he had given me was my Myvi's down payment. What I can do for him as a daughter was his financial freedom on my portion & my freedom of ownership. I do not want to be held responsible for people's gift. My purchase my stuff. Mine! What I do with it is my full responsibility. My freedom! I don't like being questioned, being told what to do anymore. The slightest rebellious act I can execute. So let me be.

Don't get me wrong. I love gift. Gifts that surprise, gift that's selfless, thoughtful & seeks no return. Gift that comes from the heart that seeks no expectation & interest. A gift as simple as a hug. A gift as simple as a letter from across the continents. A value beyond measurement.

I don't know what happen to me! Emotional as always. Becoming an introvert. Hating big gathering! Always so angry. Maybe I know, I just don't want to face it or not discuss about it.
As long as I can deal with it, I'm fine.

After series of unfortunate events last year, I've learned my lesson!
Nobody could help me better than myself. Talking to anyone would not solve my problem unless he could solve it for me. Good listener my ass! Maybe I haven't met strong motivator yet. I found most listener & solver wannabee irritating. I have to constantly keep reminding myself that people are just trying to help & that I should be grateful. Why do I even have to put myself into this yet another situation to deal with.

Now I don't just wanna chase perfection, I stress badly on chasing freedom.
Sorry happily ever after & a fairy tale wedding. I never wish & now I do not want you at all.
Silly right? Why would I even have that concern? Not that anybody want me anyway. 
Lol. A constant reminder is good.

I used to feel awful being neglected. Now I find silence powerful.

I watched Pinnochio today on Disney channel. Now that helps. Nostalgic! I grow up watching cartoon. The only escape I have when I was a child. Maybe I should be grateful that I even have chance to watch cartoon then. I'm still a big fans for animation. There is where I reminisce good old times. 

The other night, my family have a gathering. My aunt the good cook made some serious good dishes & as usual the family have random talks & big laugh filled the air. They throwback those happy moments during their childhood. Those poor but very happy childhood. They laughed so hard I can almost tasted their joyride of memories. I'm pretty sure my mom didn't have a fair share of good times. I'm not sure if my dad was satisfy with his cuz I was told he was a pretty good elder son for my grandma. But everyone of them know I don't have a happy one.

I. Mine was pretty intense. Haha. It wasn't a good one I must say. I turned out to be quite obedient. Understanding & good was always my label. My aunt said I was my mom's bonus. Her struggles in earlier life become fruitful in her later years, which was now, my most independent, prime stage of life.

My past shaped me into who I am today. I have manageable attitude problems but I'm okay. But I started to hate behaving the way I did. Can't help doing what I did cuz it's becoming my weapon of defense. Since nobody protect me from what I hate, I might as well jump on that matter & make a big fuss out of it before they come hurl at me. LOL. No, not like that. Never mind. None of your business.

That's why I'm grateful to those who embrace me & I don't blame those who walked out of me. I just hope you don't regret it cuz I don't bloody give 2nd chance. Those who know me knows.

Macam very repetitively right? Women! Biasa la. Nothing new in my life. Except that I'm planning a gig. Like usual I'm forcing myself to be committed with it. However, I have to seek help from my musician fwens. Not sure if they are willing to but I think they are & will make it work together for my Bday. Pls make this work. :)