Friday 28 October 2016

2nd week since.

My eyes' bags got bigger and im getting blinder too.
Guess it is time to get a new spectacles and send out more wrong vibe to others.
I appear even strict and bitchy with glasses.
Sigh. Good also ba. A strong disguise.
So that people will just stay away.
Im happy with the people i know now.
I dont really wish to enlarge my circle of friends.
If i happen to have the rotten ones within the exsiting bunch, then consider myself unlucky.


Photos taken today.
It was super early (for me) and i was super sleepy and my eyes are super tired. Damn. Someone told me that eye bags are sexay. Haha... that cheer up my day. 


Yesterday was our 2nd time outing in 2 weeks after the open negotiation on our relationship.
I still dont know what im doing and how do i carry on with it. 

Are we still on testing term?
Or bff outing? Either way i am fine with both.
I am happy being with you. I really am. At least when i am with you, i know i am being with someone who care and enjoy my presence. You treat me well. I appreciate it. 
Who likes me but not enough to go further. 


Although i really do mind about not knowing how to label my self as best friend or more than friend but not lover... there is nothing else i can do. I hate it when people persuade me into something i dislike. Like wise i hate to persuade another person to do anything for me. If anyone should, he should do it willingly.

If this relationship shall proceed, it must be from his certainty. I hope i will still be there waiting.
Fyi, there are rules for in-between kinda relationship. 
But im definitely opening up chances.
My loyalty is expensive. Its intimate and very deary to me. Something delicate and its the only thing i have for the worthy one. I will hold back. 
It is not that im not willing to give or that im expecting a return goodwill. 

Im afraid to go too far and fall too hard and perhaps this time there wont be any saviour.
I dont wanna lose hope.
Hoping that the reservoir of holding back and faith is sufficient to mend broken heart and try again.
Seriously im very tired. 

You know, i have never been lucky in this kinda matter. Perhaps it was due to some wishes granted with traded lucks. There were desperate time wen i did pray. For my dog and my mom. I prayed for their recovery and times like this i trade with my number of living years and my happiness... things i thought i wouldnt mind losing at least for the loved one, i am willing to trade.

Everyone is afraid of getting hurt. But if i was destined to be hurt, at least i was hurt by a good man and for the entire existence of the relationship was base on nothing but sincerity and truth.
Ultimately perhaps it was worth it.

No one will have an answer for the future and no one can guaranteed forever. 
No one is ever ready.
One often fails and continue to fail cuz one cant surrender to own ego.
We are afraid of failures.
We dont believe.
We cant let go.

I used to believe that there is always someone better. Something better. Further. Future. More. Extra... N years ago.

Like a bee who collects honey. It flies to one flower to another... a selection that will never ends.
Failing to know that the best do not exist.
Compatibility might not either.

Its about the right thing happen on the right time.
By chance or by will.
An exhange of wants and needs.
A lot of understanding.
A lot of compassion.
A lot of compromise.
A lot of love.

The moment you said it was not enough, i guess i am lacking of a lot of The A Lot. 



Thank you for bringing the Thai gifts pack. The whole bag of food and goodies. My goodness. I didnt expect that at all. I was only asking a new water bottle cuz apparently you will keep pester on me not being able to drink 1 litter of water per day.

The banana cake is special but nothing beat this passport holder. 
It has my name imprinted on it. Awhhhh...
When i really like something i wont be able to hold my excitement. And it has a cat there too. Damn!
It was warming to know that it was a DIY gift and everything of it was hand picked by you.

Very touched.
I sound like im easy to please right? 
Gosh. Im pathethic.

Did i have intimidating eyes today?
Why are you avoiding my sights?

:(

What should I do? 





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