Sunday 2 March 2014

1.3.14 - 2.3.14

My will to blog died as sudden as I had the urge to do it. 
3rd time singing at cafe live with yet another girl singer. I knew this girl, a senior in my high school. Well, she can't recall me. Not that I desire of. Gee... Those few mandarin songs I practiced so hard over the weekend were in her list & she just took em away. Seriously!!

Nway, some high & low points. Same old problem, voice too soft. Bump into a group of people doing gathering so near to the PA system. They were so high, so noisy that it really effect the whole surrounding. 
Well fault wasn't on them. It's a cafe who serve gathering purpose. 

I wanna compliment on my guitarist who was my negative antidote who keep fighting with me & for me. 
If you don't have a gf now, I would perhaps consider you as candidate. It has been too long since I notice any guy who would give me motivation & do so much without any benefit. Not that I could offer anything anyway. With him around, I feel very much protected. When he strums his guitar, I got mesmerized as well. 
He's a good partner musically. Please don't give up on me. You know how much potential I have that you saw that you told me. I know those weren't lies. I promise to work very hard on my weakness. 
Don't even let me let go of it for the 2nd time. I'm committed. 

Funny how u label my voice as popiah. U always got a way to cheer me up. Soft on the outside, very fulfilling with lotsa quality inside :3 That made my night. 

Voice, no matter how much potential there is, if it wasn't able to channel to ears of the listeners, then what good is that? I learned this the hard way. Should have learned it well for so many years back. 
 **

Lousy lack of sleep in the morning, while groaning on the bed, mind flashed back to the good old days when I was playing with my dog. I woke up immediately. Just hated my bloody fool memory box. I hate it. I really hated it. I gotta readjust my focus. Today was my K date with dear Fang. We promised to sing our lungs out in Green Box preparation for Avril Lavigne's concert. March 14. I didn't choose Avril over Bruno Mars which will be scheduled on 21st March at SG. I choose my Fang over Bruno. Huhu... Y u no come Mas?

Then at night had an argument with my mother. Seriously. Getting blame again? I know I have attitude problem lately but I don't snap for the wrong reason. U always have a way to blame & then keep talking shits. I already bear enough of you for the past 10 years cuz of my dog. The day he died is the day I had enough of you. 

Everyone says that I have changed. High school fwen says that I have changed. Pre U fwen says that I have changed.
My mother says that I have changed. What is wrong with it?
Those were the time I was childish, playful, talkative & HAPPY. 
Now I'm mature, somber & angry piece of dynamite. Got problem?
Those problems I faced back in those years weren't problem now cuz I could settled em with all the wrong decision I made for the right reason. I sacrifice my whole life doing what best for others & what's good as a whole. Why don't I get compliment for all the stupid things that I have done?

Why do you need to pick on me on all little fucking details that I didn't do for fucking peoples? 
Is this fair treat you told me? If I could cry infront of you or because of you, that's because I still love you. I don't wish you to take that for granted! Once I'm done with it it's over. For what I know of, those who hurt me don't get second chances. You have challenge my limit for all the extra chances. 
I'm sorry for my behavior. I will fix my wrongs but I don't see any effort you take for your wrongs. 
If your math is good, you might as well just suck all this bullshit in and ignore my attitude cuz u're making me calculate as well.
 **

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Workload is piling up for no reason. Team member on leave, soon one will be on course, I myself will involve in another round of ATM duty. Fuck! Target! Fuck!

Be Gentle March. 


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