Edward & I

Yea... Like seriously, Edward & I gonna be real intimate~

LOL

Adrenaline madness. 

Which is why I often don't let myself get so lonely for a period that long. A prolong Karaoke sick of mine initiated a soul meditation where I reviewed those 4 month's time that I have spent. Nothing musically ever taken place. Wow! It scared me when I found my art box literary buried in dust in a place I found surprisingly & distinctively near to me but left untouched. It also scared me when I do my calender checking and May is gonna come which marks the 5th month of year 2013. Yet I'm doing nothing. Bullshits I've made during the time I knew I was gonna get grounded in Seremban were all dead. Where have I been to? Where is Jcdagreat?

I was Chai Jo Yan, the banker & it sucks. 

I got my salary credited & I'm itchy to spend some cash. What's more better to spend on than those that you wish to buy for such a long long time. The real kicking point is that I've finally decided on what to buy. 

So yesh, I wanna fulfill my yearn to read lately, again~ regained due to loneliness. & I wanna start this music thing again. 

Didn't managed to get The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom. Dammit. The only left was a broken book. Being very rational & freaking perfection on certain matter, I couldn't force myself to buy something which is not perfect. I'm spending my hard earn money on it, & consumer right's wise, I did made the righteous decision. Arghh.... So hating my personality now. I almost brought it home.

I knew the guitar price ranging quite vastly depending on brand & quality. I should have ask opinion & even bring along a musically inclined person to judge on my choice. But it seems for a person like me who is indecisive, I thought having another person idea is just gonna make the matter worst. I knew if I don't buy it now when the kick comes, my sensibility on financial planning gonna come into the picture. 

Or I might as well go back to keyboard. Something I couldn't make up my mind on earlier. 

Thus, I bought baby Edward home. Proud & happy. I am a little intimidated by my partially burned desire to stay focus on this guitar lesson but noting that I've spent huge chuck on this baby, I will work my ass off for it. I promise to pick it up fast as I believe it will train my main instrument, my vocal to be better. 

Yay. Now I can... soon, play myself a love song. Yearn no more for any guy to play me one cuz I often thought one of the sweetest thing a guy could do is to play the girl her fav love song & dedicate it openly to her. 

*foreveralonesmirk* 

Thinking about it, I'm closing one more door for an open relationship. I restricted this myowngame's rules. Boygal romantic stuff aside, it has often frustrated me when you have to depend on a musician to play a song for you to sing or perform. Without them is like u're just voice without direction. 

Voice itself has melody & soul but without a music companion, it's not complete.

The last time I faced this problem was when I missed or gave up actually on sending a video to audition for Astro Talent Quest competition. I hated the fact they have a close audition this time, permitted only video audition. It didn't work out the way I wanted to. It was my last chance & I blew it off. 

Anyway, not gonna whine on it anymore. 

May is gonna be exciting.

It's gonna be good. :) 

Bali 3rd day @ KUTA

Beautiful beautiful stretch of a long beach, comfy sand walk & lovely blue blendof the sea & sky ~ Fascinating view... 

Crowded yes, but happening. The next time I come, I will try surfing :)

I met the coolest band in Bali fondly known as T-Rex. A full band with 3 singers; sang all kind of genres. 

It was a perfect evening. The best decision we ever made on the day itself. Me wanting to let my girls noe about the cafe, the girls were willing to go in & check out the environment.

Kalah HardRock Cafe Malaysia!

:) Slept very late at night ~ The next day was our last day. Very reluctant to sleep in. 

The ' I'm Sorry I dump you' Poem LOL

When I was in PLKN, I was approached by a Malay guy who shows interest on me. The 1st guy ever who was actually foolish enough to like me. But well, X jadi la... long story. I didn't dump him, but I eventually say no~ & I felt awful. Then this year came another stupid fellow who made me feel bitchy enough to do so again. Sorry la... & you can bet my efficiency in BM has never fail me... This was written in year 2006. 

Maafkan Ku

------------------

Maafkan diriku

Wahai dikau yang setia

Tempoh yang terlalu singkat ini

Aku mengenalimu, merapati dirimu, manyanjungi mu

Namun dikau telah menaruh perasaan terhadapku

Membuatku resah, risau, rimas

Namun jauh di sudut hatiku

Aku gembira dan teruja

Tidakku mengerti apa daya tarikanku

Engkau makin terjebak

Engkaulah yang pertama

Si adam yang menyanjungiku, meminatiku

Sehinggakan engkau melafazkan cintamu

Aku masih bingung

Kehilangan arah tujuku

Mencari keikhlasanmu &

Kebenarannya

Maafkan diriku

Tiada kuduga inikan terjadi

Tidak sanggupku melukaimu

Tidak sanggupku mempermainkan hatimu

Engkau yang kian serius

Pertaruhkan cinta dan hati

Membuatku rasa dihormati & dihargai

Namun pengorbananmu terlalu besar

Jurang diantara kita terlalu dalam

Persefahaman kita masih cetek

Cabaran & dugaan pasti ditempuhi

Maafkan diriku

Daku yang tidak mampu menerimamu

Daku yang tidak mampu memberimu komitmen

Daku yang melukai hatimu

Daku yang tidak mengerti hatinya sendiri

Engkau yang daku hargai

Aku cuma mampu berterima kasih

Atas segala layanan & kasih yang dikau taburkan

Namun,

Aku tetap mendoakan kebahagianmu

Serta kejayaanmu

Akanku terus mengingati mu yang terunggul

Kerana dikau yang terlalu istimewa

Hanya satu kupohon

Agar memori kita tidak terkubur saja

Demi persahabatan kita yang terjalin. 

LOL.... Baca balik memang meremang urat bulu tangan & kaki... Tapi bahasa ku hebat hebat belaka kan...

That was then. Though this time around I still feel bad of being bad, but if u expect me to write something like this to commemorate you? Sorry, I will post to you @ hell. Previous one was a sweet bad dump & this time it was a right bad dump. >o<. 

Yes, I'm trying to make myself feel better & No, I'm not sorry for that. 

Let me recall the names... the 1st guy was P-Joe. He called himself that. I don't know his full name.

2nd was Chan WTF. I don't know his full name either. LOL.... A joke to myself.  

Night y'll XDXDXD

 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Ahhhh.... My Bali blog is gonna take forever to be finalized. 

Maybe I shud just forget bout it....LOL After all, blogging is just sharing. All these memories are well kept alive in my head. Right? Right? Well, We will see how this goes.

I wish to chip in some heartfelt. I wish to talk a lot of stuff. In fact, so many issues & inner voice I wish to blog about & get someone to hear them up.

When I was very young, making friends was a must. I will do anything to get anybody to be my friend. That was me in primary. When I was in secondary school, I enclosed myself to only a group of friends. A few of them was brought along from primary school. I was the loud gal who laugh like there aint no tomorrow. I have many friends or so I thought. But I have a close gang I kept. In five years time, I have the bff status tag on several gals & the priority spot got changed several times. Along the way I found myself knowing more people I like & we got very comfortable with each other. All were girls. Until I went to Form 6. 

There I found myself exposed to another sexual being ever created by the name of god. 

Slowly I got used to being with males but it took some time for me to even feel normal. Those 2 years were the best years I had in schooling until I enrolled myself in Uni. Despite the 'hardship" I have dealt with, everyday in school was joyful. I faced a hard truth notifying that a friend could leave you for real when she actually like other friends better no matter how much good stuff we shared. 

Maybe I have done that too, I just didn't realized that or maybe I don't bother. 

When I was in Uni, I was super active with activities taking place whole year long for the whole 3 years. 

I have met many mates from as far as everywhere & my name was huge too. Those active fellas in Uni will recall my name or my face too.

Well, I often am ambitious enough to mark my name in all places I have been. Hopefully for the good reason. Thus far, none for the wrong reason yet. Maybe soon. In Uni, I have mates from all groups. kolejmate in where I stayed, facultymate, coursemate, activities mates.... Some people managed to leave an impact & we became besties. Some remain distanced which I couldn't even recall the names. 

Some I tried my best to win their acceptance, some I tried to impress, some I put effort to maintain. All sort.

But as I grow elder, I realized that some mates are just there to build the structure of my memories. 

Slowly, I began to delete & lose out all the faces in FB that I kenot recall or that I don't think I would ever wanna meet up with.

I wanna start prioritize. Deep in heart I know who they are. But seriously, they are just too many. Not sure how many of them feel the same way. I used to care if they put me 1st as best gf the way that I do...how innocent. LOL. I no longer need this kind of security. Cuz well, we can't put a freeze onto something so intangible. It's more about mutual care & understanding that both person are willing to share. 

New friends comes along everynow & then. Old friends leave & some gone too long & are forgotten. 

 I am now pretty sure I'm choosy on subsequent friends that I want & need. Especially after meeting the jerk/my worst nightmare some months back. I had my hands fully occupied on existing ones which I can't even find time to spend time with. Replacing is not an idea. 

I no longer tag my besties as bff really. There are friends in need, friends who share good times, sad times, consultation, friends in memories, constant meet up friends, texting friends, ~ etc. 

Those who befriended me much earlier said that I'm a changed person. I am no longer the person they used to know. I wonder what are they trying to mean by that but change is good.

People often label me as immature, childish, playful & crazy girl at school. But did you ever think for one moment why am I acting such way? No ba... Cuz very often they will just be hey, be serious a bit la... 

 ~ Particularly this one gal I met & called bff last time. She aged much ahead of us & the smartest one among my gang. She came back into my life recently & I found it slightly difficult to accept her as some one who I can meet up regularly & talk like a long lost friend. I was reluctant to chat, or even fix a date to meet her up. & She did nothing wrong. Time & distance segregated us &  I already have enough. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't already have enough time for necessary people or even myself.

& I'm breaking free from negative, overly calculative, tricky/selfish & self adsorbed kinda people. 

I have enough negative energy to kill 10 of me. I'm serious.

I hardly am this immature/childish/crazy gal now. Maybe that was the change.

I'm no longer the cheerful, warming at first sight kinda person I used to be. 

However, no matter how things change, no matter what will ever happen

Nothing could deny my 17 years of friendship with Lee Yoke Shan. She is the 1st friend I ever know, ever love, forever 1st.......... 

We have been through a lot babe :). I hope you feel your importance though not physically, but yes, 

deep in my delicate heart. Hey, did we promise each other to get married together with our spouses? I hope not cuz I could wait for some years still XD 

Many more 17 years ahead okay. :) 

Happy bufday to you.

Bali Vacational Rehab Escapades Part 2

Day 2... Sleepy day... Super good wifi makes a good chatting night yesterday.

My babes were not into the Barong & Kecak dances... Since it wasn't unanimous, I gotta let it be my Regret No. 2 -things not done in Bali.

Another journey to the North of Bali - slightly to the west. This time we went to Bedugul to see Lake Beratan. There are 3 lakes within some distances but it seems Lake Beratan is the most recommended one.

Then, tasik Beratan. It feels like heaven when you step in. The chilling wind & the beauty of the surrounding could easily make one feel at ease or rather peace. We got ourselves a speed boat ride around the lake. Pretty cool :P

Choco wanted badly to see Gitgit waterfall & we did since we had enough time to catch the sunset @ Tanah Lot later.

Gitgit waterfal is the highest waterfall in Bali. Some walking distances before reaching it. I was spell bounded by the view, of its existence.  My heart was racing as fast & as hard as the water from the hill. We were roughly 5-8 meters away from it but we were wet from head to toe.

The road up the hill was very dangerous. Make sure your driver prioritize safety. Narrow roads up & down the hill with hardly any barriers to protect each hill's banks. 

Tanah Lot. One of the best Sunset view in Bali. Amazing views separated in 3 locations. You could find yourself a comfortable seat on a mountain/rock cliff or at the beach site or at some boulders on the sea to watch the perfect sunset view. Mesmerizing location. I was in awe with the whole god-sent beautiful scenery & I wanted to get married right away. The sun set completely @ 6.30pm.

That very night I faced with some misfortunes. We booked this best western Kuta hotel; booked & paid to be precise. We were told that some internal communication went wrong & that they are currently fully booked. The fuck. They placed us to this Winna hotel & said that it was much nearer to the beach. Right!
Winna is not recommended as well. Lousy wife @ room. Worn out furnishing & the toilet was unacceptable for me.

Since the night was young, we decided to go around Kuta & search for some food. We bumped into a very loud cafe/pub where a live band was singing. Attracted to the band, I urged my gals to come along.
I was always told that Indonesian bands are good. Indeed they were very skillful.

We quickly walked back to the hotel since it was getting late. But please, take my advise, be extremely cautious. Something not so nice happened to us. It makes me realized as sweet as a place could be, evil lurks in all possible way.

KUTA BEACH FULL DAY TRIP on the next day.

***

In Bali, you will see a lot of young kids riding motorbike, as young as primary school student. Gosh. With no helmet lagi. It seems that motorbike is their only choice for them to reach schools & whereabouts. Public transportation is rare.

Balinese are very ritual & they have a lot of believes too. 3 times prayers a day. Bamboo stick is a sign of good luck in each house whole.

Prayer statue will have its waist wrapped with black & white checkered cloth. I was told that it's a sign of good & evil, governed by god.

** Pending photo** Line too slow~