I feel my life suddenly reach a standstill.
I feel so lost. I’m not doing anything worthy. I’m not chasing my dreams. I feel alone.
When I was heading out for my lunch today, exploring the town, and the shops I could have my lunch, I felt lonesome. I was walking alone, thinking and deciding on my own, a lot of voices buzzing so loudly in my head.
The world seems dead silence but in actual, the roads were busy and the sun was burning hot. I felt strangers’ eyes stared at me and was thinking to myself, I am not looking good these days. I don’t feel pretty at all. So, I wish I could avoid eyes.
I used to have girls I kepit along wherever I go. Even if I do stroll alone, I knew across the road, around the corner, along the walkway or even in a day or two, I will see them. I realized that I came to a new chapter of life. Working life. In small lab in such small town, I don’t bump to many people. I’m the only young thing, who is Chinese in my work place.
My hands and feet were busy as I don’t wanna have a break in between that might ignite the memory to recall itself. I don’t wanna miss anybody. This is my tactic, it always works. It works when I waved goodbye in form 5, in form 6 and I’m forcing myself to make it work this time too. I know I need to move forward or else I would not be having fun or really enjoy my presence days. I had a great years and I shall be ready to face great present and best future.
This sounds familiar.. and it happened to me and still happening in fact. Wandering around day after day, even if you met new people, you still feel something is missing.. i happen to experience that every single day of my life. but you know what, you will get use to it one day. i know you don't want to. i, myself don't want to. i mean who the hell will want that. but hell ya, you will get use to it one day. when that day come, i'm sure you gonna enjoy your lonely life for some times. enjoy the loneliness somehow.. you know i never be this positive in life but i don't know.. i mean after so many saddening and depressing days, i realized i deserved to be happy even though i'm lonely.. face it bravely! go eat alone, i do. go watch movie alone in the cinema, i do and i enjoy that.. go shops alone, i love it most of the time. my friend, i'm lonely, very lonely but nothing that i can do for it unless the world change for me. so just enjoy life for now no matter how hard it is.
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