Happy marriage TWS

I wish you well.

I wish you happy :)

Good reunion with some friends.

1st time assisting to accept angpau and taking attendence for a marriage.

You owe me one Wilson Tang.

Fast fast chase a baby boy and make ur mama happy.

I wanna make the baby as my god son too.

Hehehehe....

Compilation of photos lately...

Ada make up selfie lebih cantik kan??

No edit. Camero 360 colour mode only...

Anyway... so long you have pretty selfie people will judge anyway.

I happen to be photogenic.

Whats your problem?

Genesis and wifey.

Me n my old flame.

Current one?

Lost in the juggle. No where to be seen.

I wonder where he could wander about.

Me n my fav colleague.

She got proposed just yesterday :)

Im so happy for her esp knowing a lot about her relationship with her Mr nice man.

For a person who is unlucky in love like myself, 

I celebrated her happiness like my own.

I was touched when she narates her love and working journey to me and that we became friends and everything was great up to now :)

We shared this the very least. That our union as friends are a mutual privilage.

Pretty Juan :) 

Everyone is confused with Juan and Joanne. 

Im difficult and complicated.

I am simple and emotionally vulnerable.

Perception is how you mirror yourself. 

What do you see in me?

Would you like to know?

Or would you like to judge?

Perhaps it doesnt worth it.

October 2016. New begining.

Hi October.

Hi last quater of the year 2016.

As far as i recalled, i had rough patches on every last quarter of the year since year 2013. Last year was no exception despite every effort of me trying to make a change. This year will be different.
Let me.

I have been MIA for sometimes highlighting nothing these past few weeks. Couldnt find the mood and a vibrant mode to start with.

Im releasing my blog in public today. After much consideration, i realised i couldnt be bothered much anymore. Read on your own risk. If you are bewildered or unhappy with anything i post at my private blog... i herein appologise and that should be it. :) I couldnt care much now. My thoughts of my perception is entirely of my own.

I realised that liking and caring for someone weakened me. It degrades me. I didnt feel empowered cuz i got myself nervous for no reason while effort might mostly unappreciated. Im also prone to panic attacks. Thus i think i need some private adjustment.

I have been having sleeping difficulties. I just dont wish to sleep. Almost everyday i found myself at 2am 3am... i dislike the feeling of trying to sleep. I dont want to lie on the bed giving chance for the brain to wonder and wander far off which possibly leads me to unhappy thinking. And when i feel miserable, my late baby dog will sensed me and came to my dream and that got me more upset in the next morning.

Im at a phase whereby personal and work life got to a stagnant stage where i couldnt find excitment and certainties. Relationship wise, im not sure if im even in one now got me feeling insecure. Personal achievement... zero growth since my last boss is promoted 2 years ago. But me and my gf did managed to book ahead a trip to sarawak coming december after much debates on timing and delays. Other than that... all others are mediocre.

Do we call this mid life crisis? I thot midlife should only start at 50 yrs old. Again ive forgotten that ive set my life ending by 50 yrs old. Yes. Im in deed in my mid life crisis period. Omg omg omg!

Lets see what i need to cover.
Genesis Khoo's wedding. My senior, my colleague's wedding. I actually prepared a speech and some messages dedicated to you and wifey as per asked. But since i didnt confirmed with u, i think you thought i wouldnt want to. Anyhow, im pretty sure you would know what i have in mind.
Im happy that you both are married and that you are now legally entitled to fuck day and night with full of love and passion. Pls bring a healthy baby boy out by next year and let him be my god son. :)

Today is Juan's wedding. Another colleague's wedding at Sg Pelek. Not very close but we grow close over the year and i wishes you eternal happiness my dear. You have a happy go lucky personality and that is a gift. You bring alot of fun to people and i wish it stays with you and in return much happiness devoted back to you.

I used to be labelled as happy go lucky kinda gal too. That word has never been used on me for the longest time i could remember. I never was. I just know how to be lively doesnt mean i love to be or i am one.

I read an article that day and it seriously is an imprint definitive article about me. It talks about how perfectly happy to be an unhappy person and how to diferentiate between i am unhappy and i am not a happy person.

this HTML class. Value is http://theoatmeal.co

Read it and u might find another perception on life and how you label someone and perhaps you would think twice before dropping a judgement on others.

These are the reports i have done on my lil sisters.

Aka beloved boobies. My 2 mil assets.

7 yrs ago i found some hardening items on my left breast. So being a science student and me being aware of such items are of no good to your body, i quickly get it checked. Being worried and a virgin (yes still) and the whole family got so aggitated, we went to a woman doctor who happened to be rude, offensive, judgemental and a bitch. She rulled out that the benign aka cyst is no harm and i dont have to awaken the whole family to be fearful of it. Yes. No thanks to my tearful grandma and my fearfull mother of which she singled mindedly rulled that i have made the huge fuss out of a not harmful cyst.

The way she checked and twisted my nipple just to be sure (i wonder) of her examination made me feel like i was being raped. 

Since she was dead sure it was nothing so i continue to deny its presence and continue to ignore the mild pain i had during pms n period time. 

It didnt borther me when i had fun with masturbation. So... i just let it unchecked for the past years since.

Until lately i realised that there are a few other spot that i found hardening items. Not just one at the usual spot. And other little peculiarness. So i get myself checked while my mom do her regular yearly check up. Another lady. Another popular lady doctor.

It was serious hurt with my boobs were slightly full during pms and the scanner pressed hard on them. Pity lil sisters. Goddammit. 

And there are indeed a few others cysts in both of them. Very tiny. Not harmful unless they got bigger to the great size of a grape. And if my maths didnt fail me, it was almost 7 years ago mia presence and it has yet to grow one bit. Just the fact that it was slightly hard thus, i was encourage to eat some supplement to soften it. Well. Same advise. The last supplement i was given was left expired after a few horrific consumption. I hate to take medicine

 Anything bigger than 0.5cm in diameter is huge!

Im a dummy in pills consumption and i got chocked time to time when i was a kid.

When i got sick, which is hardly it would be a big.massive.fever which will only recover in weeks. Imagine the fever pills which needed to be melt in hot water for consumption? You had no idea. That was then though.

Hmmp. Yea. Guess i wont die of breast cancer as i predicted :)

It is pretty odd for us to date each other without the 38 geng. But im glad we made it. A desert dinner and a movie. And more communication between us made me realize how similar we are. I was off on friday and i was continuedly not dated by a preffered person. So i ask the bday gal out.

I hope im more open with opposite sex invitation as well. We shall see about it.

That "not gonna die because of breast cancer" came at the right time on oct 1st. The month start of with a predictable good news and it shall only get better. 

Since i cant use sickness as a pressure to live wonderfully and work has been as hell mediocre as well, i gotta find another worth while item i can hold on to. 

Im fine thank you.

Im loved thank you.

Im an average Jo trying her best to make everyday okay and everything's on tract.

I did okay. I did fine.

Everything else is bonus and perhaps good deeds returns. 

I told my gf that there is no rush in finding the one that matters. Just be well prepared, healthy and happy and when the right one come, we are ready. 

I guess i appear not as above and im messy shit that is why i was thought and defined as not ready by others. 

Be appreciative.

Im not what other sees in me. 

I am what i see in myself.

Roar lil kitten :)

Sept 15 2016 Mooncake Festival

I took leave on this faithful day.
Just to clear leave. Just so happen i had a reason to take leave because it was a celebration day. And a long weekend too.
Coincidently this mooncake festival fall on sept 15 which is also Derrick's bday.

So me n cjx we initiated a bday lunch for him.
As he agreed, we bought him a gift and ate a hearty lunch at La Rosteria cafe at town. It is only fair to ask the bday person and to book ahead for a celebration. Sadly, not everyone would do the same.

We used to have lunch n dinner together like this.
3 of us. Some TGIF and odd dates.
It was a good memory revisit.
Just a simple lunch over carefree mood.
Precious gift and a delicious try out over cakes and coffees.

Sorry cuz i no longer hold a specific position to hold anything fancy to you. I hope you enjoy your day.

...

Met up with Ah xin later at 3pm to bring him to the saloon i frequent to. He didnt have a great impression on the lady as she was abit too harsh on his delicate hair. Sorry for the bad recomendation.
We had a late tea time at McD and then went our seperate ways.

As planned, 4 of us inclusive him went to a new furniture n electrical fair at town and it was quite eye opening to me. And among 4, all 3 of us are expecting new house ownership on our way. Thus we had a reason to really shop around for furnitures and electric products.

The night didnt end the way i want it. Why wouldnt we have that night for ourselves? It was a special night and we spent going to furniture fair out of a senior's request.

It was a nice outing but not a happy gathering. I am no longer a crowd person. But was requested to go to the lantern function at MPS field.

I managed to see the fireworks and some huge cartoon lanterns for public photography purpose.
And while the fireworks took place, i saw he was in awe with the sky brightness but he didnt find me. I think he had a memory flashback. Misses his old time? That view it self made me feel sad.

Fuck the mps purposeless strolling.
It was just me against them. I was the only one who didnt want to go and eventhough eventually both who has no say to this idea finally trying to convince the strong headed senior that we have no parking and perhaps we should scrapped the idea, we still carried on with it to his favour. To his satisfaction. I bloody hope he is happy. Because his satisfaction was traded with my unsatisfaction.

My jealousy hit me over and over this week.
As my pms washes away through period now, my hatred got subsides but it doesnt mean i can completely ignore what is happening and what i cant completely understand.

Full circle. If karma is a bitch, it has came full circle and im done. Thank you for your lessons.
I think it is time for me to graduate from stupidity and move on.

This is not my favourite subject.

I cannot understand your lesson and im failing.

Help me understand. Im so perplexed.
I have questioned and hinted many times about certainty but i was not given an answer.

I wonder if i was kind enough to give him an escape room with all the non too direct hints or that the escape room from embarrasement was actually meant for me.

Im very dissapointed in us.

Of all the good and the little sparks that we had over the 9 months i cant bring my heart to fully believe what i had believed in.

And the fact that the other lady has mistook your kindness as courtship, i might had as well mistook your kindness as courtship.

So embarrassing.
Im so shameful.

Boom Clap by charlie xcx

Boom! Boom! Boom! Clap!

You're picture perfect blue
Sunbathing on the moon
Stars shining as your bones illuminate

First kiss just like a drug
Under your influence
You take me over you're the magic in my veins
This must be love

Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now
Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now

No silver or no gold
Could dress me up so good
You're the glitter in the darkness of my world

Just tell me what to do
I'll fall right into you
Going under cast a spell just say the word
I feel your love

Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now
Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now

You are the light and I will follow
You let me lose my shadow
You are the sun, the glowing halo
And you keep burning me up with all your love, uh

Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now
Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now
Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now
Boom! Clap!
The sound of my heart
The beat goes on and on and on and on and
Boom! Clap!
You make me feel good
Come on to me, come on to me now

30th August 16

August is coming to an end.
Plan A B C failed. Haha...wtf joanne.
I noe i noe... im such a loser.
Ive volunteer the plans. But participant is not interested. Or is lazy.

You know what, seriously...
Old habit die hard. My ego never hurt me.
Cowards did.

I hate that i let dejavu caught me. Again.

Same old stories brand new characters.
Same old venue brand new topics.
It is like a wheel rotating on the same axis on its same faithful designed function.

Kindness.
Kindness not always serves good.
Some kindness could be wrong and misleading.
It can gone haywire.

Perhaps i was receiving kindness.
Not love.
Im loving this kindness. Comfort assurance.
But somehow nothing further.
I wonder why.

Im thankful for your kindness cuz you helped me go through hellish time.
Basically im recovering.
There is one more thing you can do.

Dont throw me back to the same dungeon that you had saved me from.
If we arent from the same page as i thought, lead me to the light. See me shed the past and make life interesting again.

I dont want to play guessing game.
It makes me feel stupid.
For liking someone who dont feel the same.
Time after time.

Happie Merdeka Malaysia.

***

5 years ago today i met you.
I thought to myself how ever perfect you are.
You are everything that i adore.
I will never forget how embarrassed i was on that faithful day.
I was the worst tour guide ever. Ever!
Then there were other meet up but i was really too shy and too preoccupied with my own thoughts.
I cant recalled much of our meet up details.


The 1st concert was with u. One republic at sunway lagoon. You must have thought damn this chic is boring. Haha...
But riding the motorcycle in the night life of KL, you showing me parts of KL with its brighlights was still the most romantic thing ive been through.


If one day you ever read me, i appologize on my obssession and whatever you have read me here about my krazy thoughts about everything i thought of us and stuff. It was just my head and the mess, they gotta go somewhere and they end up here.
Damn im crazy. But i have really liken you.

When i saw you finally is in a relationship this valentine' day i thought to myself that she must be the lucky girl. She is such a delight visually and both of you look well togather.
Best of luck getting laid Malcom. Haha...
I remembered you often talk about that last time.
I often wonder if i do not hold back on trying my luck, would i stand a chance?
Things happen for a reason dont they?

***

Obssession is the worst feeling ever.
I always try to avoid being obssess with something so that if it doesnt fall right on my lap, i wont be so heartbroken.

But when one got me desired and occupied my  attention that is when the clash between head n heart occurs. The collision sucks man.
I dont like what i do when im obssess with someone.
When i cant control myself ill control the setting on devises or ill occupied myself with little time for relaxation.
Zero free time for the mind to hallucinate again.


Im doing it over and over.
One day ill reach my emotional freedom.
I dont wanna feel anything any more.
Not everything you love loves you back.
Not everything you care cares you back.
Not everyone who shows that he cares and loves you truly loves you.
He could be just showing you kindness and your obssession single mindedly ruled that he loves you.
And that dissapointment sucks.

I got pissed off recently over small built matters. It seems that my pms doesnt just tied down to 1 week b4 period. Haha... goodness. Just spare me already. What have i done to pissed whoever u there to blessed me strong hormonal fluctuation?

Karma is a bitch baby.

Hmmp.
Let go.
Dont let go.

So close yet so far.
Thanks for all the memories.
Im seeking emotional detachment.
Freedomist...
I need a far away vacation.
A place where i dont have to tense up to care and give a fucking damn on everything.
Im so tired.

Quates often says do not find a better man.
Find a man who can make you a better person.
You can love someone so much so that it fixes her.
I thought i found him this time.
But ive forgotten that im very much like harley quinne.
It was just me and some voices in the head.

The tought came to me today again.
I really dont mind not having it.
But i cannot being denied when one got me ignited.

Last year today.
Same old feeling.
Better. Deeper.
And if it crashes,
Oh how it kills.

**

September is coming.
Time to revoke and execute some plans.

50th Anniversary Birthday 06082016

Happie Birthday Public Bank.

6th of August 2016 marked an exact 50 years of PBB's glory.

Few regions celebrated it the same day with HQ. My region's was celebrated at The Hatten Hotel, Melaka.

Me n my gal went for our makeup at 12pm at Seremban town. I used to love being makeup for performances back in university time. But this round i actually was fearful about it. 1stly i recalled the incident that i have decline the lady boss's loan application. 2nd was because she seems old school. 3rdly she wanna spike my hair. I told her to be mindful. She said that although I looked wild but internally aint so wild at all. Dammit lady! We took off from seremban around 1.30pm. The journey was smooth but the route in Melaka town was hellish. And ofcuz i was the driver.

This year everyone gotta be early as we will have live telecast from HQ celebration with Tan Sri Chairman. We made it at 4pm to collect doorgift and checked in to hotel as we decided to stay overnight.

We almost do everything together and i like making her believe that i am a lesbo. Haha...she is never used to girly stickiness... oh my goodiness... a mantra she always use. She is the 1st best thing ever happen to me in Pbb. She is likeable and not a calculative girl at all. Independent and smart :)

If i am really gay, ill definitely hunt you down. Hahaha... im not kidding.

She brings youth to my branch of which i thought mine drowned long time ago.

Then US happen.

I named our group FlyLikeAG6.

Dont ask me why. It just came to me when i set up a watsapp group. I guess the song might have pops up somewhere while i was asked to name the group.

This photo was taken by ms lim who sat opposite us.

Something about this photo i like very much.

We were physically apart but it seems lovely and warming.

Something about you make me feel demure and womanly. 

Sigh.

The more i step in, the harder i'll crash and burn.

I wonder who will catch me when i fall again this round.

Current Pbb Seremban Branch.

This is just part of us. But the ratio is correct. Women to men is 8:2

Hahaha... see why i was single for the past fucking 5 years in bank?

This is one of my favourite selfie on that day.

Nobody can take my photo better than myself.

Some people just know how to take good photos but some it takes the loved one to stand behind the lense.

He dislike taking photo. And he never take my photo as well let alone a wefie.

If i were to judge how much he likes me through all these small act of affection, i guess we will be as distance as strangers.

I started to love taking photo of the moment because

I want to remember better with the slightest details.

The where, The how, the which, the who

The face, the smile, the us...

You dont understand.

You dont.

You dont want to.

 Today is the 4th day i didnt see you.

It has been too long since the last time you gone MIA.

Hmmp. Maybe i can get used to it.

I have great adjustment to new environment.

I may not be happy but i can survive.

If you wish to back off anytime soon, perhaps do it sooner.

Im sorry im not the typical gal who just know what and how to do. Im as innocent and insecure as you may see and as ego as you should see.

My deepest condolence to you and family over your grandma passing. Sorry for not being able to share your grief and it seems im never good in handling such situation. 

I just know when it happen to me, i only have myself to cry to.