Hi last quater of the year 2016.
As far as i recalled, i had rough patches on every last quarter of the year since year 2013. Last year was no exception despite every effort of me trying to make a change. This year will be different.
Let me.
I have been MIA for sometimes highlighting nothing these past few weeks. Couldnt find the mood and a vibrant mode to start with.
Im releasing my blog in public today. After much consideration, i realised i couldnt be bothered much anymore. Read on your own risk. If you are bewildered or unhappy with anything i post at my private blog... i herein appologise and that should be it. :) I couldnt care much now. My thoughts of my perception is entirely of my own.
I realised that liking and caring for someone weakened me. It degrades me. I didnt feel empowered cuz i got myself nervous for no reason while effort might mostly unappreciated. Im also prone to panic attacks. Thus i think i need some private adjustment.
I have been having sleeping difficulties. I just dont wish to sleep. Almost everyday i found myself at 2am 3am... i dislike the feeling of trying to sleep. I dont want to lie on the bed giving chance for the brain to wonder and wander far off which possibly leads me to unhappy thinking. And when i feel miserable, my late baby dog will sensed me and came to my dream and that got me more upset in the next morning.
Im at a phase whereby personal and work life got to a stagnant stage where i couldnt find excitment and certainties. Relationship wise, im not sure if im even in one now got me feeling insecure. Personal achievement... zero growth since my last boss is promoted 2 years ago. But me and my gf did managed to book ahead a trip to sarawak coming december after much debates on timing and delays. Other than that... all others are mediocre.
Do we call this mid life crisis? I thot midlife should only start at 50 yrs old. Again ive forgotten that ive set my life ending by 50 yrs old. Yes. Im in deed in my mid life crisis period. Omg omg omg!
Lets see what i need to cover.
Genesis Khoo's wedding. My senior, my colleague's wedding. I actually prepared a speech and some messages dedicated to you and wifey as per asked. But since i didnt confirmed with u, i think you thought i wouldnt want to. Anyhow, im pretty sure you would know what i have in mind.
Im happy that you both are married and that you are now legally entitled to fuck day and night with full of love and passion. Pls bring a healthy baby boy out by next year and let him be my god son. :)
Today is Juan's wedding. Another colleague's wedding at Sg Pelek. Not very close but we grow close over the year and i wishes you eternal happiness my dear. You have a happy go lucky personality and that is a gift. You bring alot of fun to people and i wish it stays with you and in return much happiness devoted back to you.
I used to be labelled as happy go lucky kinda gal too. That word has never been used on me for the longest time i could remember. I never was. I just know how to be lively doesnt mean i love to be or i am one.
I read an article that day and it seriously is an imprint definitive article about me. It talks about how perfectly happy to be an unhappy person and how to diferentiate between i am unhappy and i am not a happy person.
this HTML class. Value is http://theoatmeal.co
Read it and u might find another perception on life and how you label someone and perhaps you would think twice before dropping a judgement on others.
These are the reports i have done on my lil sisters.
Aka beloved boobies. My 2 mil assets.
7 yrs ago i found some hardening items on my left breast. So being a science student and me being aware of such items are of no good to your body, i quickly get it checked. Being worried and a virgin (yes still) and the whole family got so aggitated, we went to a woman doctor who happened to be rude, offensive, judgemental and a bitch. She rulled out that the benign aka cyst is no harm and i dont have to awaken the whole family to be fearful of it. Yes. No thanks to my tearful grandma and my fearfull mother of which she singled mindedly rulled that i have made the huge fuss out of a not harmful cyst.
The way she checked and twisted my nipple just to be sure (i wonder) of her examination made me feel like i was being raped.
Since she was dead sure it was nothing so i continue to deny its presence and continue to ignore the mild pain i had during pms n period time.
It didnt borther me when i had fun with masturbation. So... i just let it unchecked for the past years since.
Until lately i realised that there are a few other spot that i found hardening items. Not just one at the usual spot. And other little peculiarness. So i get myself checked while my mom do her regular yearly check up. Another lady. Another popular lady doctor.
It was serious hurt with my boobs were slightly full during pms and the scanner pressed hard on them. Pity lil sisters. Goddammit.
And there are indeed a few others cysts in both of them. Very tiny. Not harmful unless they got bigger to the great size of a grape. And if my maths didnt fail me, it was almost 7 years ago mia presence and it has yet to grow one bit. Just the fact that it was slightly hard thus, i was encourage to eat some supplement to soften it. Well. Same advise. The last supplement i was given was left expired after a few horrific consumption. I hate to take medicine
Anything bigger than 0.5cm in diameter is huge!
Im a dummy in pills consumption and i got chocked time to time when i was a kid.
When i got sick, which is hardly it would be a big.massive.fever which will only recover in weeks. Imagine the fever pills which needed to be melt in hot water for consumption? You had no idea. That was then though.
Hmmp. Yea. Guess i wont die of breast cancer as i predicted :)
It is pretty odd for us to date each other without the 38 geng. But im glad we made it. A desert dinner and a movie. And more communication between us made me realize how similar we are. I was off on friday and i was continuedly not dated by a preffered person. So i ask the bday gal out.
I hope im more open with opposite sex invitation as well. We shall see about it.
That "not gonna die because of breast cancer" came at the right time on oct 1st. The month start of with a predictable good news and it shall only get better.
Since i cant use sickness as a pressure to live wonderfully and work has been as hell mediocre as well, i gotta find another worth while item i can hold on to.
Im fine thank you.
Im loved thank you.
Im an average Jo trying her best to make everyday okay and everything's on tract.
I did okay. I did fine.
Everything else is bonus and perhaps good deeds returns.
I told my gf that there is no rush in finding the one that matters. Just be well prepared, healthy and happy and when the right one come, we are ready.
I guess i appear not as above and im messy shit that is why i was thought and defined as not ready by others.
Be appreciative.
Im not what other sees in me.
I am what i see in myself.
Roar lil kitten :)
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