Happy Saturday

It has been too long... TOO LONG

since I last felt this happy. 

Non working Saturday is indeed much longer & relaxing. 

I declined to work today.

After being emotionally tortured for a long time, I wanted a break. 

Though my throat was still aching, I optioned for a K season. Quite random, no planning. Such urge that was irresistible. Had not been feeling this way since ages. 

The only one person that comes to mind was dear Joanne W. She is a perfect K date & she never once let me down.

She sing so well, she can be serious & wild whenever the song demands... Singing with her is like attending a vocal lesson.  

Many new songs were available, a lot of fun... It seems like I still had it but it's definitely dying. 

I know this is what I wanted to do. To perform. To sing. 

I need to fix this. Somebody gotta fix me. 

Thank you friend. You enlightened me & I enjoyed this weekend very much with your presence. 

You made singing fun again. 

Epic door banging & I'm really sorry for indirectly hurting ur lil middle finger XD

This will definitely teach you a lesson to behave in K room. LOL!!!

I just wanted every Saturday to be this good. 

Too much to ask for? 

You tell me maybe?

:)

I'm not Okay

I'm still not Okay

I'm gonna be Okay

I guess I'm going to be Okay

       I'm going to be Okay (/)  

I'm Okay

I'm more than Okay

Many wonder why I did this...or rather these? Pls don't ask as I myself have doubts in every actions that I have made. I question myself a lot & most often, regret over each step that I have taken.

As far as I'm concerned, there was logic & deep thoughts prior to any step taken. At that moment, it was the righteous thing to do. I didn't hold back & I did it. Deep down, I know why I did it.

My friend told me not to regret over stuff that I have did which has no way to undo. She asked only one simple question: Will you regret it if you didn't do what you have done?

I say I will. & So I did it. As long as you take the responsibility of the circumstances that comes along. Then why regret it?!!

I truly wonder if she should be psychologist or just continue with medicine & pick up mental specialist eventually. :) Love you Yon Lek. 

Now... What do I want? I want to follow my heart; ignoring the brain for good. Nope. Silly me... Never. 

Ikut Hati Binasa. 

I just did it that day. LOL. It sucks! It really sucks. 2 times in 2 months. Gosh. Embarrassing la Joanne. 

Seriously, I consider myself being really gutsy among my girl fwens, so gutsy it kinda verge towards silliness.

*

I hope his persistence last cuz I will make him see hell before getting me to change my mind. 

I could give in, but it wouldn't be easy as you keep failing me. 

I'm looking forward to March ^^ Bali on the way~~~ 

1st CNY 2013

I guess it was a good start for the year of Snake. 

My hair was in good shape. My attire fits super well. Thanks to my new weight & controlled figure. 

No bad ass drama unfolded, yet.

It seems I could tell whether a day is good or bad by the way I manage myself in the morning. If everything goes in order & that I could look myself in the mirror feeling like a knock-out beauty, U bet I will have a fabulous day. 

This extreme confidence doesn't come everyday. So when it happens, I wouldn't waste a second to give myself several minutes of self-admiring period. 

I often remind people self assurance is very important. I live up to it. :)

You could call it a symptom of severe insecurity but yea, everybody has a way to deal with his or her problem. I consider myself pretty normal.

Sien ar... Being a good gurl is definitely not my favourite role. LOL. I can't wait for more fwens gathering in coming weekend. Night time comes unexpectedly sweet as I gathered 2 besties for a yamcha season. Random calls & dated. I have been dying to tell somebody about my current position. 

I must have done some good deeds in my past lives. Whenever I feel like clearing stuff off my chest, there is definitely someone to listen. They will not turn a deft ear or leave me unattended. 

Thank you girlfwens. Some good guy fwens are also helping me through this so I wouldn't be lured into making a wrong decision simply just because I don't wanna feel lonesome or unwanted. 

For that, I thank you. 

I could be a roaring leo feeling utmost superior handling certain issue. I could be referred to be someone people look up to when problem occurs. I could be a problem solver, advisers or ideas driven leader...I could be anybody you need but when it comes to relationship matters, I am clueless.

After some talks with my bff, I found myself terribly naive & gosh, plain stupid. Am I?

Hmmp, I'm too old to experiment it myself, so I got myself a collective sets of answers, advice & ideas regarding this issue. I kinda attended a course which for the 1st time, a number of lecturers against 1 student ratio basis. FOC lagi. What can I say? :P

Anyway, body clock readjust. The fun of staying very late at night & not sleeping... & the awfulness in waking up darn early in the morning feeling like a zombie. LOL

Priceless!!! :)

Long Break

CNY will be tiring... physically not much but emotionally, I'll be drained. 

Every family gathering comes with drama & old stories. Sigh. 

CNY is just a tradition... Angpao packets, fancy clothes, fire crackers, meeting relatives are no longer appealing to me now as I gets elder. 

Probably cuz I am always around so I kinda lost the special feeling of being crowded by these whole CNY things. Bad huh? Tho I'm not feeling it, ofcourse I'll still  provide my biggest smile to everyone I meet for these few days.

One thing I'm grateful of is this 5 days off I own. Chor 4; Wednesday onwards I will need to report myself back to duty + the most irritating routined ATM responsibility.(on call basis)

Guess I will celebrate this Valentine's Day alone; again.

Erm, someone might do something. But gah... I just made someone gave up on me.

If he don't, I think he's in serious mode & I might give him a chance to prove me wrong. 

There's another mix baby Indian-Sarawakian; a customer of mine texted me yesterday. 

"Do u like chocolates & are you allergy to nuts?"

I was like -I'm okay with them, why ya Mr. X?-

"Is PBB policy prevent officer from receiving gift?"

-Since your loan is finalized, it will be okay-

Wow...

I dunno how to respond & I'm glad he stop right there. What is wrong with the cupid?

It could be just a thank-you gift for my good deed of dealing with his loan. But it was a small loan. I did very minimal stuff. I was friendly & kind obviously but... I dun think I deserve that sweet attention.

I ady met one early in the year of 2013. I don't want this to be the 2nd one. I can't get used to being bitchy. Pls!!! Well, I'll just take it as a sweet gesture from a good guy. He ady gave me one souvenir; a unique keychain from Sarawak earlier when he signed the letter offer last year.

Y all these happen in year 2013? 

& My friend just told me that I'll have a wild Valentine this year... what?

LOL

I'm more scared than excited now. 

:) 

This no-name mister texted me Happy CNY... & closes with his sir name Chan today evening.

I replied. Late 30 minutes. Not on purpose. Simple. 

I did wonder if he sent this to everyone or just me. 

Then there was silent. No further action.

Should I be happy? Does this indicate close case?

Timing not there I guess. Just when I though the subsequent call from him will be answered, he lost me. 

My bad la. Pls forgive me.  

*

I think I will forgo the diamond ring I've planned to buy for myself this V-Day. I might substitute it with CDs or LomoCam which I have been longing for a long time :)

Bitch Gone Nasty

So I gave you 3 weeks of chances already. 

I hate talking on the phone yet I pick up ur calls everyday. 

Since the 1st day I asked for your identity which I supposed I have already accept ur existence in my life.

But you didn't make the best out of it. Instead you beat around the bush escaping the question, not disclosing.

I got so fed up with the way you talk to me. The more you speak, the more doubtfulness it seems. 

Then you make me look like I am naive & that I am easy to get. Making me wonder do you want a relationship or do you want fast cheap sex?

Then you try to ask & control me like I am somebody to you when you are clearly a nobody to me. 

What's the matter with you?

I don't know if this is the way the 70's era guy chases girl but it definitely doesn't appeal to me. 

Especially a Leo gal to begin with.

That Sunday was the day I lost my temper. I literary scold him in the phone. By night, I thought myself this is enough. I don't wanna proceed with the maize while not knowing what to expect in each corner, each calls. 

I know he has low standard of English understanding but I have no choice but to send him a long msg to asked him not to call in anymore & that I won't pick up until he realized what this is all about & his intention.

I expected him to call right after. I expected him not to understand the msg. I hope he tries. I hope he fix this.

Give me room to breathe.

To date, I received 10 calls. I didn't answer. Do you have any idea how extremely bad I feel. I noe how improper for one not to answer call. You left me with no choice. I feel so awful. I really hate how you make me feel. 

I don't hate you really. I appreciate you attention on me. Whatever happen on the 1st week was sweet. However, once you started to question me stuff & the fact that you let me know I shared this position with someone else makes me pissed. 

Some one so brave yet so cowardly. Someone so truthful yet so secretive.

I don't know how long I can stand this. 

Or what will he do further to fix this. 

Will I allow another chance?

Did he deserve another chance? 

Mind you I still don't know his name. Madness. & I allow 3 weeks of phone conversation. 1 lunch & I dinner date. Stupid right? I felt stupid. He fails me everyday yet I thought maybe this could go on for awhile.

Which is why you think it was okay of delaying facts I need to clarify. Dafuq.

 You made me feel so awful right now.

You're gonna pay for this!

I pity you! I pity myself even more!

I talked to my senior about this. 

I told him everything. He is my mentor, my direct, my friend. 

He question me of what do I want really?

 

 I thought awhile. I actually want a lot of things he don't have.

But it boils down to one thing.

I said Sincerity. 

I remember this Idiot asked me the same thing before. What do I want to know. He once also say that I don't appreciate his effort. 

My ego & its madness. 

What do you expect me to say? to react? to respond? 

The fact that you make me questioned myself is already indicated to me u're a wrong choice.

 I think I'm gonna be sick!!!

Month end dy. Chasing acceptance!

PMS lagi... & you... What am I gonna do?

 

Screw u Joanne~

Scaring your crush ain't gonna save you from being scared by someone else. 

Okay. But I'm happy. Just let me. Thanks for allowing that.

 I guess I'm still able to scare good boys. I just didn't expect to be revenged in such a way by a stranger. 

I guess what comes around goes around.