My new aim looks good in photo. And in person.

He is not handsome. But he has a charm to him. 

And is elder than me. Thank almighty whoever. 

I had my eyes lock in his for sometimes now. Really wish to know more about him. But he is no banana either. Sigh. Im not even close to him. Oh well. 

Shud i build my chances or wait for luck again? 

Wait. Am i thirsty now? Dry after 27 years? Hmmp

Not quite. Can wait awhile more? Ermmmm....

I guess! Yea... i guess i can. Good opportunity and distraction from my current heartache.

Why is getting a banana so darn difficult now?

Opposite attract?  No way. My 1st 3 main crushes were all Bananas. Or appear to be bananas. Haha. 

Have all of them go extinct now?

11 pm plus and im not sleeping. 

My gf ajak me chatting today and reminisced many good old memories and i realized i was in the ocean (during uni) and yet i couldnt catch a fish. She said i was always stuck to my activities and my groups. Perhaps. 

Anyway. Not important any more. Those who i thought potential candidates and had lil crush on end up really pathetic looking and god... am i lucky to escape that. Ok that bitch mouth. (Double slap!!)

But who am i to judge right? Cuz im getting better looking myself? (Triple slap bitch!)... i somehow function late abit...people looks great n youthful in their 18 or 22 years old. But i became somebody only when i hit 26 yrs old esp when i chop off my great length of hairs. That kinda mother fucker heart ache can only be compared to the heartache i felt after my bday celebration. The feeling of losing bit by bit of my passion and dreams. 

I realized some of my dreams aren't tailored made for my life and i dont have enough fabulous genes to carry the big hat over my head. N i have an infinite undefinable link to pigs family. So instead of choosing to work my ass off towards my bigger than life dreams, i choose to let go. If given me another chance will i still let go... perhaps yes. Unless you give me another family or another life and another pathway in my journey, then perhaps ill act differently. If not do not assume i did not make the best out of the chances i have. You have zero idea about me. Yes for regrets and lack of passion as main contributor. 

Hmmp... wer am i going with the story now.

You know what i suddenly have an urge to take up master in English literature. I could have choose this over bio last time. But my course give me the best memories in uni. So no. Maybe now!!!

If education is free, ill be the sole artist who die die try master all the art courses in the world. Anything you could think of. Start with perhaps fashion design school, indian traditional dance and voice as main instrument. Ha ha ha

Sigh

I need a brand new distraction.

I wanna fall in love. A love so pure that i could free falling without fearing harm and pain. Will this Christmas makes a miracle? 

I wish for a forever. Even if forever only last in some memories. Bring me back to life. Will ya?

Perhaps i need to change job instead. 

Lolz. Not funny. :(