That dim light, it comes again.

Signalling a way out perhaps.

Maybe it could be it. This time it must be it.

No wait! Can it be another fake sign?

Just like every other one that i have encountered

Sometimes i couldnt tell reality from dreams.
No. This time it feels real. 

They are almost the same... i can no longer tell.

i hesitated so i walk very slowly.
Part of me is dying to know and discover it and wishing i could run as fast as i could to it. 

Part of me is holding back. I wish i could go paralyse now...

'Dont go' says the heart.
'Pls dont... i cant take it no more... for every misery and heartache you caused me, it takes years out of me. Im bruised scarred and bloodied.'

I paused again. Digesting the warnings. Yet my body lurch towards the light.

Closer. Closer... steps getting heavier. I wonder why. Light getting dimmer. As if haze has set in or as though i have walked into a tunnel or something.
Speed it. It is warning me now. Am i losing it?

I shivered... what caused this breeze? Im in the middle of the maze with no ending sign. 

How come there is no ending towards the light?
The route seems too long. For each step i take, the light gets further. 

Pls dont go away. I cant chase you any longer. 

Im weary and fragile. 

For every new step towards it i am met with new cuts. Pain. Tormented. I have low tolerance towards pain. But for you.... i embrace the beauty of pain.

The light gets brighter finally. It must be the welcoming sign of its embrace. Yes. This could be the end of my searching. 

I picked up pace. I run and run and feeling very close to the end of this. Just when i am to reach, the light shines its brightest and it goes pitch black. 

I feel blinded and horror set in.
What has happen?
....
....
i try to pick up the lightest sound...
No. Nothing.
Haunting silence.

This must be a trap...
help me help me....
Answer me... 

Why?
Y lead me here... yet another sorrowful ending
I was just getting used to my familiar ground,
The last i got tangled.
I was just adjusting...
Sense of betrayal, bitterness and shame sets in...

I cant feel anything except for the cold ground and its gravity which is the only thing that hold me firmly.

there is nothing here... 

I scream and shout...
wishing so hard i could be less stupid

let me out. Let me go

what do you want from me?

i fall flat on the ground sobbing as hard as possible

from every ounce of energy i still have

i can hardly breathe...
this must be just a dream...
it must be it.
for if it is not a happie ending...
it is not the end...
and reality dont end unless u give in.

pls wake up

pls wake up

i cant go on with this anymore...

just yet another dream...
its okay...
its okay...

let me let go

The demon eyes....

*

Dreams were used to be beautiful, hopeful and encouraging.
As i grow up, waking up to beautiful dreams made me sad cuz they are never being materialized. They are hardly come by too.

Nightmare creeps in and memories washed over unrestricted cuz i wouldnt let them come over when i am conscious.

Not being able to control scares me.
Cuz i dont know how to recover.