I realized i wrote a lot but end up not posting many.
But knowing that im mostly alone here makes 99.99% of what i wrote here genuinely me cuz basically there is nothing to hide in a world of my own.

Except a few people that i have invited them into this space, a place my soul rest assured that nobody will harm her. Some i end up regretting. Those who could not appreciate me i hope they never visit here again. Those who i have yet invited them, i hope they never trespass without my permission.

I used to think i would like people to know me without letting too much of myself via verbal. So i would share my thoughts in public via written information instead. Back then ofcouse to show off a little about my proficiency in English. Im ofcourse not the best but somehow better than a lot. I was inspired to be better and have the ability to show off. Thus i thought i could possibly use the same method to inspire others.

Hahahaha...  seriously. Im not kidding.

Its all in your mindset. If u think im showing off. Then i am. Be it. If you think im just merely sharing. Them i am inspiring. Anyway. I no longer share any of my post public anymore.

I realized nobody that i care cares about whatever i have to say while those i wish not to care come read passionately about my day.
I know im a horrible person.
But im just a human. I hav flaws i dont mind admitting.

The past week has been horrible.
Pms n period week sucks. That took away a few meaningful days of my life. A ha ha
I was having a difficult time but none human around me notice how suffocating i was. Perhaps i was good at hiding. Some saw my condition but chose to ignore me anyway.
You know what, if you cant take me at my worst, dont dream of getting me at my best.
Im not horrible during that period. Im just difficult. There is a sure fine line between the two states but shall you stay and study me in details, you would know.

*smackhead*

Oh well. Who am i kidding? Who am i to draw such attention right?
How silly because i used to believe that someone does read mind. Oh wait... am i showing enough sign again? Or did i intentionally mislead a sign here?
There.... this bitch is nasty.
Hmmp.
Seriously. That period is the most sensitive and emotional time of the month. Anything can make me cry. I just wanted attention. Is that so difficult?

Perhaps i am.

I was asked to scan an apraisal form into the computer and my bizM made it a point to hide something at the back page. So since i was asked to execute the task ofcuz i peeked into the back page.
The scanned page stated some good comment and a review to upgrade position for the officer.
And the back of the page was my name.
Im not sure if my bizM actually want me to know about it. But ofcourse i act tak tau la... haha

In banking industry and in branch level, to upgrade in position or just grading itself really depends on opportunity be it given or by chance. You gotta be seen. I have never been lazy or bad until lately. To think about my whole journey in banking industry, i did my best to minimise my flaws and turn the impossible to possible. It took great effort. And it was not wasted.

Oh well. No big deal. Just a small upgrade. Might not be granted anyway.

*

Woman are the mirror, reflection of a man.
How we behave and our responses to you mainly depends on how you present yourself to us.
How we feel about you treating us.
Woman we tend to give more of each feeling we are given.
It takes a mature man or a self awareness man to be able to feel and tell and act accordingly to this.
Guess i havent been given that opportunity to meet this man yet.

There is this brilliant quote that says
Dont confuse my attitude with my behavior.
My attitude is how i carry myself while my behaviour is what i show when i am with you.

I can be naturally kind but i might not be kind to you.
If my loyalty is tested, i deemed not appreciated.
If you trust me, you wouldnt have questioned me.
If you care about me i wouldnt have to guess around and feel insecure.
If i do matter i would have been prioritised.

I cant tell. I feel deep. Thus if i cant tell via my extreme sensitiveness, i guess you are not giving enough.

Work harder.
Or let go.
Simple as that.

I deserve a lot.
I deserve better.
If you arent my better half,
Dont waste my time.

Time is all i have.
Dont left me bruised and shaken just like the time when you 1st picked me up.
Show me what it is like to be with the right person.
Show me what does it feel like to be not given up on.
Show me how to be loved and not hold back.

Sigh... i read a romance novel recently.
Guess i have to cut down on this cheesy novels and find more about 50 shades related novels, those kinda shits.

:)