So very beautiful.
So very tempting.
So very exquisite.

I am proud that you were once almost mine.
Or so i thought.
Or so i was told.
Or so i felt.

I felt wrong.

If only one day you could enlighten me that
Perhaps it was not one sided affection?
I guess it doesnt matter now.
Cuz ive gone thru hell believing that it was not mutual.
To believe stupidity isnt a crime.
That nobody will remember my continuous shame to my youth.
Choices and beliefs i had on people... and on myself.

Saw you in that spot on white vehicle gave me an overview of your future.
You will make it.
It will come true.
Stay very positive.
Have aim and be kind.
Have a heart. Learn how to love.
Be brave. Be humble.
Be everything i wish you could and would.
You have an incredible drive and thirst for success
And it is contagious.
But also unnerving.

It's a shame how it goes that way.
How it has to be this way.
And you continue to tell me that you would leave.

I saw her.
They said she is your current favourite.
I didnt believe them.
But I cant help to feel bothered.
I will continued to be bothered.
I knew of her.
She is pretty. Slender and sweet.
What is not to like?
Even if it is not her, a new she would arrive.

She might not be the one that you could share a lot with but she could be someone who wont walk away.
No matter what.
She could be there physically for you.
Whoever she is.
Whoever soon.
I hope she will love you well like i once thought i would.

I do wish you found true love one day my dear.
Someone who could fix all the broken pieces and make you whole again.
You are not broken.
Bruised lil boy. You aint broken.
You are hurt. You are yearning but you aint asking.
You aint looking. You dont see...
And one day someone will help you do so.
Believe.
You will be fine. You will be happy.
Its okay to be a sad soul. Dont have a sad life.
Remember we used to say this?
I will miss you calling me dear and bae.
I wonder when you called me so,
do you ever mean it?

Perhaps if only i could say im sorry for all the misunderstanding irregardless.
If you have never walked into the coffee house that fucking night.
If i never have wanted to meet my bff because i felt so empty while u were out meeting your friend instead of me.
If i never care of you leaving me insecure.
If only i wasnt already giving up on you.
If you could just...

Oh gosh. Im so baby... :'(

While.
Ill be okay.
I have since lost the insanity that drove me to the brink of madness.
Or so it seems.
I lost something i never had.
I felt something intangible but surreal.
Thus i find no cure to this sickness.
I got sicker. I got worst.

Until he came about out of no where.
Someone neutral.
He pulled me back onto my feet.
Out of the self grounded misery.
So random.
Appeared at the wrongest time.
Or perhaps the righteous time.
I couldnt tell.
Im just thankful that you came on time.
Im grateful for your presence.
For not letting me go through this alone.
I was at my worst when you pick me up.
You didnt give up on me.

But dont let me get too adjusted to you.
Because if one day you choose to walk away as well, just like everyone would...
I am not sure if i could rise above level headed
Like i do everytime i fail.

Im sorry for not able to love cheap.
Im sensitive and emotional.
It is both a gift and a torture to be able to feel too much and hurt so deep.

If only you knew.