Hi.

I wanna talk to you.
I wanted to text you.

Lacking of assurance makes me wonder if i should or could.
Not knowing where i stand makes me even more cautious.

There is a lot of things i dont understand.
I wanted to ask you. I wish you could tell me.
But i wouldnt ask. And you wouldnt tell.
Why are we behaving like this?
I thk we both likes to have assumption rather than making effort to get an answer.
We somehow believe our own judgement rather than making it clear.
Perhaps we were expecting each other to show more, do more, tell more... and when both were asking, no one is answering.
Thus we got stucked.

I often like to think it is my problem and i should correct my way of thinking and doing.
Apparently many say that i dont know how to react to courtship. That i should be more daring.
Believing it is my problem will make the matter easier cuz fixing own self is simple. Fixing others is imposible.

Despite me failing all the time, i still hold on to a strong point of view. A man has got to be a man.
If u cant do what the least a man could, then you fail as one. Man is no longer defined by an availability of a dick.

I dont understand your hot n cold fluctuation.
I dont think i deserve it.
I dont thk it is the right thing to do despite how unavailable you are.
Thus i think it was intentional.
Perhaps you assumed that it was okay.
I have come clean to you about my past failure and how i was misled.
I thought you should know better.
If we are on different lanes, please hold back the inconsistence affection.

I can survived being alone. But i cant be put in a position whereby i have to question myself. If i was loved or unloved. If i was wanted or not.
Coming from my nature, i was supposed to be shown that i was loved or despise. And not have to guess around beating bushes getting random answers.

If you are really into this, i hope you put more effort. If you are not certain or you cant commit then i hope u could hold your horses.
Im tired of having to guess, wanting but fearing to move forward. Your inconsistence elevate my insecurities.
I had a very difficult time moving out of the past relationship. I dont want you to become the 2nd person who hurt me as such.
I thought you know.
I thought i made it very clear.

And you dont have to show me mercy. For any reason. Shall you finally decided we cannot go further, dont push me to another person.
It is bad enough that you have trigger my affection but denied its reaction. The last and kindest thing you could spare me is to let me go with some dignity by not chasing me away and getting a 3rd party in to detach me.

Ive been single for too long. I have past those age where people experience puppy love. I dont know how. I am too ego and traditional to show much hint whats more to confess. Im complicated in person but i wish to love simple.

My affection has a royal loyalty to it. I can only like one person at a time.
If you could not appreciate this privileage, kindly return it.
If you wish to object my accusation, kindly show me more than necessary. Cuz if you found my accusation lacks evidence, then stop making me felt so distanced.
Im not a needy person. I only wish to be assured.
Perhaps thats y you behave the way you do.

I truly believe being an experienced man in a relationship, you should know how to love right. At least you have had 2 great lessons against me who mostly just failed in crushes, terribly.
Then i take it very personally that whatever ignorance and cruel zero conversation and fluctuation of affection are intentional.
Either you are testing me, uncertain yourself or you are merely playing game.

Or i could take it as i think too much again cuz you are taking me as best friend.
Or it could be just me wanting too much too soon.

Haha...

Whatever it is.
I cant denied what i am feeling now.
Im suffering from pms.
Terrible emotional swing.
Everytime you thought i was preoccupied you left me alone.
Everytime you were preoccupied you distanced yourself.
This is what i truly felt.

Can you help me understand it?
I cant express myself any better than writting.
They are too complex to be channeled through verbal and most of the time they only dried up on my lips before any content makes a leap out from my mouth.

Surely verbal conversation clear things faster but i dont think i can handle it. The answer if it doesnt favours me, i have no idea how to face it.
Just like a public confession i did for the 1st crush. Which ended in disaster. If it favours me? ... hmmp

Either way.
Im very bothered now.
Maybe it is just me being demanded.
I often forgotten my place.
Im nobody.

Who am i to make such demand.
You have every rights.

Sorry.
If you ever read me.
This is just part of me when i feel lonesome.
Time when i cant seems to find an answer but i couldnt clarify with you.
Just that day you said that if we have any hard feeling we should open up and tell out. Just like i have told you before.
Yes for all matters but on this?

It seems that i was the only one affected.
It was only me feeling disapproved.

Good night.
Heartless.