Im wondering if i was born to live such a life or if it is a choice of mine. I couldnt decide on which being the main reason.
Having said that, as more complication came into life which are inevitable as these are the price of growing up... i realized that what i want in life is simple. This was also realized by a new friend of mine. Simplicity satisfy me.
But good lord how many of us know that simplicity is so hard to achieve?
When happiness needs effort and not free for all?
When heartache is not what you seek and it comes without warning?
For example. Your most basic wish is to have a happy parents and house of warm.
This by nature of law, they should have give this to you. You were suppose to come into the world having lovely parents who give you a home and love and all the basic necessities.
Then you realize that life might have another opinion on your timeline. You might be an accident due to sexual lust and not a gift of love by an immature lovers. So men, dont fuck around!
You might arrive to a home which are enduring financial difficulty coupled with mean in laws, a lusty father and a mental breakdown mother whom are not ready for a new born child.
You may then be a subject of burden and you may not be the healthiest child to begin with. And if u are unlucky, u maybe a subject of abuse be it mentally or physically.
Each individual that form the component of this family foundation is not healthy.
Then you realize that there are a lot of thing in life that are not under your control. Thus your wanting for easy life is not as easy as you wish.
When the simplest form of simplicity and foundation was taken away from u and was denied since you were young, the rest follow suit.
Unless you are very well determined and has a strong will to be different.
I thought i have it. I really do.
But your base of knowledge and personality were very much influenced by your past, a lot of times you are not under sensible control.
Then as you grown up, more challenges came.
As far as im concerned, i am a addict recovery.
I try find peace in myself. I try to love myself bit by bit. Thus i hang on to every little kindness and love wherever i found.
I appreciate and i pay effort to keep friendships and all sort of nice relationship alive. Because from there i found my relying confidences, from there i draw love. It is like they are the reason i love myself which is of course wrong. Because no one should rely on other human for one's happiness. Cuz when that human betray or leave you, happiness dies with it.
This will take times to learn. My sensibility knock sense into my head time to time. For that im thankful cuz as extremist as i am, im not crazy head strong.
Well. Haha...
I used to have problem telling and sharing my past cuz they were dark and deep and mostly unkind. So facing it made me vulnerable.
Then i realized that the only way to recover and to move on is to acknowledge my past and learn from it. However sucky it was, i didnt die. I survived because i didnt give in. I know my future will be a bright one.
As i grow into adulthood, i picked up a lot of good values from experiences from everyone who has given me lessons and so on. I learned not to judge others just because the way they behave and practice certain attitude. Each of us go through something nobody experienced. Nobody has a rights to judge another person.
This i am too learning. Dun judge. Cuz u dont know. U just dont understand. But it doesnt apply to all human. Cuz generically human might be categorized under 1 species. Homosapien? But as nature takes its course, multiple thousands of personalities are born so that each human can adapt to its habitat.
I respect whatever attitude you carry. So long you dont harm another person specifically me and it doesnt bother anyone along the way. Hmmp... easier said than done rite?
I suppose time does wonder.
Time cures heartbreak.
Time changes personality.
Time helps one to recover.
Time heals.
Time forgets.
Time forgives.
Time comforts.
Time believes.
Time teaches.
Time loves.
Time does wonders.
Not everyone is given enough time to do so. To love, to believe and to heal.
However persistence denies time.
When time gives up on you, persistence keeps you on track.
Perseverance. Resilience does.
Thus. Give time. Give enough time. When time fails you seek strength and find the above mentioned qualities.
Gotta learn how to give up too.
Sometimes walking away from something is actually a good thing. Is a bravery to let go what is not yours.
*
Trust is larger than words.
Trust is beyond anything.
Trust is priceless.
Dont make me believe. Dont affirm me.
If you dont mean it. Earn it.
Im difficult. Im learning. Dont change me.
Love me enough to make me wanna change.
Certain people crossed your pathway to teach you a lesson. Some unleash you best potential. Some guide you how to love, how to love undividedly, some take them back and show you how shattered a heart can break.
Yet. Dont give up.
The best is yet to come right?
:)
:)
:')
Happie CNY.
The year started great and sorrowful.
There is beauty there is beast right?
#yolo
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