One step forward, two steps back.

Of every effort made each time, both withdraw an opportunity. Therefore we could never meet.
Are this little signs?

Not every thing you learn in life or lesson can be applied towards the similar situation whats more on different condition or person.

Leo never take defeat lightly. We hardly forgive and we never forget. I might act silly or calm but at one particular time thousands of thoughts could have occupy my head. I may appear busy but my mind could be blank. Just my body doing the pre assigned job but my soul drifted.

I always thought i know myself. But apparently not.
I thought i have everything figured but i dont.
I thought i am almost quite confirmed but not entirely certain to quit yet i jump back right into the same misery who got me tangled in this stupid mess.

Im a semi perfect example of a typical leo. Self proclaimed charming, likes being the centre of attention and likes to lead among others. I only wish i inherit all others strongly cuz i begin to lose the feline charm. Im getting tired of leading, i might shy away from a lot of matters and for that alone i dont feel as passionate and charming as i use to be.
Without the feline power, i am nothing.

I want to do what i used to do to make me feel superior again. I want to stand on the stage. I wish to be recognized. I want to be able to impress someone i admire n respect. I want to travel. I wanna feel whole again.

Y is it so hard?
Haiz period delay cost me so much of emotion leaking.

I always know what i want. All along. Perhaps I dont dare to ask for it. End up i lost them forever all the time.

I hate it when one directly or indirectly threatened to leave me. Wanting to depart and be away from me. Wanting to die. Wanting to resign. Wanting to travel far n away. Wanting to be apart with me. Im no good in goodbye. I know how it works. I know if our foundation is not solid we will end up like strangers in the future. Far too many experiences i have. Hardly anyone leave promise to keep in touch. Hardly who promise to keep in touch keep the promise.

I always thought i have a crystal clear heart. I am observant towards things n person i care about. I might surprise you on things i know about you. I might selectively ask question or i might not as i never wish to make ppl feel uneasy shall they wish to keep secret from me. No point. If you believe me at all you wont hesitate to even question my loyalty. Once they got interrogated they might start to divert attention to other issues or may start to lie. I hate liars. I hate those who make empty promises. I especially hate those who confuse me and make me believe the illusion of what they wish to let me see.

All i ever needed was a simple life. No it wasnt then. Now perhaps. I dont know. At least im trying to go simple. I wish for a drama free life. Total freedom to love and be loved. What is it so difficult to say an i love you to the one that you love? Yet it is impossible for me. Perhaps deep down i know once you love you never go back. There is no unlove button in life. And when life claims it back i have no right to keep it.

If i say i love you, can i keep you forever - casper

Baby i miss u so much. But i really wish to let go thinking of our final journey together. You were sick and all i can do was to watch you suffering and die in my arm. 12 years of our love shall be forever embedded deep in the core of my heart. I wanna miss you all the time. But a lot of memory fades and i dont dare to rewind. Recalling your final day tore my heart into pieces. I broke down every single time. What have i done to deserve you for a good 12 years. I could have give you a better life now but you couldn't wait any longer.

Im sorry for all the undeserving pain and drama you accompanied me through. Im sorry you never get to enjoy your doggie freedom as i sucks in obtaining mine. I may have once thought you were my additional obstacle in my freedom only because i have an extra worry to consider on every choices i make. I may have neglected you when i moved on to certain stages of live. But i never once not love you.

Whatever i have with you i have completely lost it for 2 years without you.
I want to love again baby.
You will always be my 1st.
Pls wish me luck in finding your successor.
I wish you dont miss me wherever you are. A happier life and and much love there and after.