It seems that when a leo is emo, all people are emo be it directly or indirectly involving that particular leo.

All my life i am trying to avoid messiness. Problems. Trouble makers. Difficult and emotional people. But i keep bumping into them. Some i grow to like. Some i grow to hate.

I led an unfortunate series of misery life before i met my form 6 friends who teaches me that there are more to life than the shits that engulfed my world. From there i find myself one step at a time.

So as much as a big dreamer i am, all i ultimately want is a simple life and total freedom. Its not just distance wise freedom. More towards emotional detachment over everything that feed on my youth and happiness. I deserve better.

I cant choose my family but i can choose who else walking into my life. I have a lot of friends thanks to very active me in activities in ukm. And my lovable personalities too. But i kept my circle very small. Those few that know me from head to toe and inside out can be literary counted by fingers.

How do i say this? I try to serve my closest's right. Provide them the best of me that i could. Invested time and support shall they need them. Hugs and cheers and advises and just listen to them and be their pillar of strength for their darkest days.

But do not take me for granted. As i grew older, my patient level wears off. I got cranky very easily and many a time ill just give up.
I realized that if you voice out to me, then you actually believe in me and is seeking help to recover. If that is so, you gotta listen to what i gotta say regardless of whether i provide the correct remedy to your problems or not cuz bottom line is that you have voiced out and everything from my mouth means well.

I cant help/fix a person who dont which to be helped/fixed. Being a sister and a daughter to troubled family, the fact that i actually survive the drama and still sane, i have the tendency to nag.
Which solely due to the reason that i care. Sometimes i overwhelmed myself and got carried away in other people misery.

Which is why i would be so pissed when i realised that i have failed in offering assistance while you stubbornly repeating an argument, a lifestyle that haunts you, an uncertainty that bother you, a relationship that kills you, a troubled head and a saddened heart. Im so freaking mad at you and myself.

I am a broken soul myself. Why dont you fix me? Why dont you care? Why dont you listen to me instead? Its not that i dont share about me n my broken world, its the fact that you totally ignore my whole being or presence that needs to be salvage too and you infest on my generosity that put you first over myself.

My family did this and some friends too. I cant ditch my family but i could definitely filter some friends.
When i warn you, please dont ignore the signal im projecting. Dont make me give up on you. Im really trying my very best if thats what you seek for. To recover. Im not strong spiritually. We could help each others. Im no god. I cant play god. I have my limitation.

I cant dwell in your misery that you keep sinking in with intention. Your recovery mission must begin with a choice. Im reaching out for you but you must hold it dearly and push yourself out of the messiness. I wont call myself a survivor but i could hide my craziness very well buried deep down away from my reality. They will always be around and a simple trigger will explode the threat. Which is why i often stray far from negative people. I had enough of these self doubting, self consciousness torture and all shits i have inherited from my parents. I seriously have enough of all that fucking shit.

All i ever wanted is peacefulness and simple wanting. I want to be happie. I tried to be happie. Something i learned the hard way. And i fucking made it possible cuz i wanted to be happy. Do you understand how difficult is that? Dont take that away from me. Please.

So please get yourself away from that stubbornness. Try and make it work. Dont make people who cares give up on you. Perhaps it isnt me who could make it work. Somebody else perhaps. I dont know. Wrong star. Wrong sign. Wrong being.

Im willing to try. Only until i give up. I cant promise how long. You gotta be worth it.