Convo Vol. 1

I finally did something I thought I wouldn't do. Create an event page to inform people about my convocation. I used to think it was too much and unnecessary when I was invited by seniors last time. Now I see what urge them to do so. 

I always imagine how chaotic it would be if all my dancer fwens and newtune gang come at the same time. My coursemate leh? I haven't count all juniors and some seniors~ family some more... I am the first from the family of Chai (starting from my grandpa le) to have graduate from university.

Oh dear... Yeap. The last thing I need to worry about is the number of people who will not attend my convocation. I'm greedy. I wanna see all my dearests but I don't think I can handle more than few at the same time. I wouldn't be fair and I hate to choose form the most precious. Think too much right? I know... I can't help it. I'm too free for goodness sake! I really wanna be there for their convocation too. I need to be there all four days.

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What have I done to make u have so little faith in me? All the while, I try so hard to prove to you guys about my independence and capability, how come none of that ever goes into your head? When I laid down choices for you to choose for me, you said I was indecisive. When I decided to do something, you questioned me and talked so much. What are you trying to teach me? I'm not doing wrong things so don't make me feel guilty. Most of the time now, with those fucking sensibility I still strongly possess, please do know I'm just informing you. I'm not asking for your permission. I'm pissed with rejection. Your concern is too overwhelming and is killing me. I'm too old for recovery, hence if I ever go rebellious, there is no more U-turn. U will lose me for real. 

Oh crap! I craps shits again. To Cancer-ian our there, pls don't marry your own kind. You will only make your kids suffer. Seriously, what were you doing when you were my age? And you're trying to control me? Don't talk so much... I can differentiate sense and nonsense. Respect my choice. Dun go judge me! You don't have any idea how much that means to me until you see for yourself how much I means to others as well. 

Arghhh....

I understand! I get it. I know! It's just so terrible when you know why they do that and you go against it cuz it was not wrong. Don't push me away. I wanted my freedom. The fact that I have to constantly worry of being rejected or my capability doubted is making me hate the whole idea of staying in hometown.

I make it too easy for u guys. Seriously, too easy. That's why you guys don't appreciate.

Am I too much? 

I'm sorry~ I have state my mind and I'm sticking with it. Stubbornly detach me from my choice, you will just bruise me. That scare will remain. I'm warning you, my patient is wearing off. The elder I am, the less I can take it. I dun wanna rebound. So please love me enough to let lose of me. 

Damn guilty peaks lor.... I wonder what you guys have done to have this wonderful me

XD. I love u guys enough to admit defeat most of the time. To go along with ur choices so you guys could sleep well at night. 

Grand my wish once in awhile. Let me breath. 

Medication kicks in just like I expected. Kinda sick la ini kitten =(

Nuff said. Feeling better.