And so I went to the clinic again with a positive hope to get a negative result. Period was over and I shall go to see her to final confirm what the hell was that. Yes, the lump persisted, much to my annoyance, the medicine she gave earlier was not working. Since it wasn't working, it's definitely not just any period lumpiness. Heavy hearted, I walked into the clinic. Not much waiting.
Another clinical breast examination was done and yes, the lump persist. It's not any lymph node or other stuff. It was definitely a lump. I was stunned. All I can asked was is that harmful? She said she can't tell. She gave me options. I can either see a breast surgeon specialist or do mammogram scanning in hospitals. Knowing I am from UKM, she suggested me to go HUKM. So, she wrote me a reference letter so I could do directly refer to surgeon there to further diagnosis.
I was shaken... but I acted composed while my mom is trying to digest the news. I went into the car expecting my dad to ask me questions. I chocked but I forced myself not to cry in front of them. My dad kept telling me that it will be okay while I kept holding my tears back. Back at home, I tried hard not to think about it. But it broke my heart most when I saw my mom cried when she told my grandma about this over the phone. My dad acted cool but many lil things he did and reminders he told betrayed him.
I was full of disbelieve. I just couldn't believe that I'm actually dealing with this. It's like I'm having a nightmare and I'm waiting for the alarm to ring to tell me that it is just a dream. I always know I'm not a lucky gal. Sooner or later I will developed something. I just don't know what and I didn't expect it to be this soon. I don't wanna go under the knife. I dun wanna go through all this now... Y must always me the one to put in such position to remind other of awareness....
Eventually, I choose to cry alone over it... in my blog. At first I don't wanna meet anybody tonight. Two outing clashes. Girls outing and NT gathering... I scare I will either be extremely moody or I might cry out. I chose to go NT gathering as I wanted to meet Andrew and my gang. It was a huge crowd and it's not easy for us to gather like that. I have better control of myself in public places with many people. The reunion dinner made my day after a whole crappy day.
Thanks Andrew aka the GOD for the wonderful dinner... I finally know why they call you Mamie Monster...
~Sweet~
I don't know how things will go in the coming days. Suddenly my life is like totally outta my own control. I used to tell myself that I can take things one at a time. All I got is time... and BOoM. The next thing I know is that I might not have that much time after all. Wake up missy... face the reality... This thing hit me real hard! One month of guessing tortured me enough. What else challenges you wanna put me through? Bring it on...
I just wanna live my life... Y is it so hard?
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
I was shaken... but I acted composed while my mom is trying to digest the news. I went into the car expecting my dad to ask me questions. I chocked but I forced myself not to cry in front of them. My dad kept telling me that it will be okay while I kept holding my tears back. Back at home, I tried hard not to think about it. But it broke my heart most when I saw my mom cried when she told my grandma about this over the phone. My dad acted cool but many lil things he did and reminders he told betrayed him.
I was full of disbelieve. I just couldn't believe that I'm actually dealing with this. It's like I'm having a nightmare and I'm waiting for the alarm to ring to tell me that it is just a dream. I always know I'm not a lucky gal. Sooner or later I will developed something. I just don't know what and I didn't expect it to be this soon. I don't wanna go under the knife. I dun wanna go through all this now... Y must always me the one to put in such position to remind other of awareness....
Eventually, I choose to cry alone over it... in my blog. At first I don't wanna meet anybody tonight. Two outing clashes. Girls outing and NT gathering... I scare I will either be extremely moody or I might cry out. I chose to go NT gathering as I wanted to meet Andrew and my gang. It was a huge crowd and it's not easy for us to gather like that. I have better control of myself in public places with many people. The reunion dinner made my day after a whole crappy day.
Thanks Andrew aka the GOD for the wonderful dinner... I finally know why they call you Mamie Monster...
~Sweet~
I don't know how things will go in the coming days. Suddenly my life is like totally outta my own control. I used to tell myself that I can take things one at a time. All I got is time... and BOoM. The next thing I know is that I might not have that much time after all. Wake up missy... face the reality... This thing hit me real hard! One month of guessing tortured me enough. What else challenges you wanna put me through? Bring it on...
I just wanna live my life... Y is it so hard?
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
Leave me alone!!!
Enugh of emo... after all, I'm not dying right now... my nose block is what killing me at this moment...
CAN'T BREATH!!!
I guess b4 I can diagnose what the fuck the lump is, I already died of suffocation.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
From today onwards, I will know how to differentiate the left from right *snap*
Enugh of emo... after all, I'm not dying right now... my nose block is what killing me at this moment...
CAN'T BREATH!!!
I guess b4 I can diagnose what the fuck the lump is, I already died of suffocation.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
From today onwards, I will know how to differentiate the left from right *snap*
be strong, it might not be a cancerous cell after all. Just get on with life as normal as possible and maybe it'll be gone in days. You know surgeons always remind their patients to be happy-it makes u heal faster, and if its cancerous, at least you've had some joyous moment. If its not, then you've learned to appreciate those around you more than ever.
ReplyDeletep/s:btw don't get offended~just for laugh, most of us don't think we'll survive through 2012 XD pls
hey~ it's me again~ first up, don't think too much, it might not be dangerous, eh? being emo won't help anything.
ReplyDeletesecondly, think of this as a reminder, to do whatever the fuck you want. Life's too short to please everybody, aight?
Third, you said you figured me out? Very well then, try to contact me. Fb or msn, whichever is fine. I added you on those two.
- Cjack : The Random Stranger
malcolmx~ thanks... haha. seriously, i'm one of em... 2012 might really become the end of the world.
ReplyDeleteCjak: I might know who u are, but if you enjoy being a stranger to me, i wouldnt take that away...