Stupidity is Infinite

As per Sir Einstein~

Well, I saw that quote being shared in FB; I didn't thought of any title for the post. 

I heard something that's very saddening not to myself but the fact that it hurt the person I love, I kinda pissed off knowing this ugly truth. It was actually made known for a long time ever since I knew wat was going on in the world. I didn't try to escape but I tried not to care.

Now that I'm all grown up, I even care less about it than I could possibly wanted to. 

I guess this person no longer own my respect & I wanna detach from it for good. 

If I am forced to face it one day, I wonder what would be my impromptu respond~

I couldn't imagine. I guess me doing nothing & saying nothing is the worst punishment to this person cuz only then it would know how does it feels to be betrayed. 

One fine day I will let you see it for good. 

Untill then pray hard I don't bump to you with your sins.

When I say I have a handful of jerks in my life I hope you know this is no joke. 

All males entities in my world are jerks. Only when I reach uni life & current working life that I see real living men. However, they are still passer by. They still don't make sense to me. 

This none particular fly who happened to blindly bump into me is no good boy too. Maybe it was my appearance, I kinda born with a stupid wild play-gal face which I had my father to thank for. Which many says that I look like my mother who definitely is innocent enough to jump into life's miseries. 

Maybe it was my friendly persona that people thought they could know me for good from one conversation. 

There's a saying that goes that the more you hate whatever in life, those are the one that will come after you. I guess I'm feeling it. All my life I know I'm an unlucky gal. All good things that ever happens will be subsequently followed by sadness. So it makes me believe that I don't deserve love & affection. When I come to believe in 'em, finally knowing that it's tangible, that's when I really am most vulnerable. Those are the people I have opened my heart to & if they were to crushed it, they most certainly could & I would just die.

This is the 1st guy who ever aggressively seek for my attention. I can see he tries so hard & pushy. I doubted his sincerity. I doubted his intention. I know guy at his age is already looking for long term wife who can cooks & clean house n give birth. It could also be that he enjoy singlehood & all he wanted is fresh women & fun in the bed. 

Either way, I'm not keen. It's not that I don't want sex or that I only want sex after marriage. Infact I really hate calling myself aging virgin. The precious 1st time watever. I had my principle. That very 1st time can only be given for the love of my life. I don't see my self having much luck in love either.

I just don't want to repeat my mother's footstep & any lady figures in my family. 

I was so close for allowing chances when he disappoint me in a way I couldn't imagined. 

He failed badly.

Having grow up in such broken tarnished family; spoiling my childhood was already enough hardship I need to go through. Repeating it myself is like slaping myself hard on the left face. Accepting it would be another on the other side. 

I know myself pretty well. That's when I fall in love, I will give in & give up on everything I ever wanted, on whatever principle I govern myself with & whatever ego I keep to survive.

So  I'm choosy. So choosy. Set the bloody bar so high, I can't even reach. Act as though I'm the millionaire daughter. Demand on good stuff when I am not someone who could do the same. Only when I'm willing to try; only when he's worthy for me to do so. 

There are still several things I need to clarify before I made my final call, to whether even accept him as friend. A lot at stake. I talk like it was a bet right? It is indeed a bet when I know what's there laying ahead. 

Selective of course as I already have enuff bff on the line I can't even be fair to each and everyone of them. Do I need more? If not extra good, I don't think so.

Some might say that I think a lot, some even say I think too much. But if you could ever think deeper, or kinda step into my shoes, you will know why simple stuff like this would need extensive evaluation. 

There' no room for mistake. I won't allow it. 

This is rare case. Highly uncomfortable. 

Sigh. 

Nasty air of trapped unspoken drama had finally unleashed. 

Imma sleep. Finally, heartfelt blogged. :)

1st Dinner Date

Do I like to take it nice & slow? I guess so~ but not to the extend of taking me around the garden with no conclusion.

Now that I bump to one outlier who seems to come from Mars, I was very much petrified so badly I blamed my tummy discomfort on him. I never has gastric & I'm sure why am I having it now. 

He is nothing close to what I wanted. I don't think I will ever turn my head on him if we ever walk past each 

 other. I wonder what drive his actions. Was it desperateness? Bravery? Or just pure lunatic.  

He made it clear by day 1 that he's gonna make me his. Can you imagine how sick am I to my stomach. 

But as calls get by, he just kept making me LOL. I'm not scare of him.

But I don't wish to give him any hint of green light as well. I will allow one thing at a time maybe. 

Gurlfriends ask me to give it a try.. as in a lunch or dinner or even a movie is no big deal. 

You don't try, you never know. 

Sigh. 

I came to a conclusion that there's only 2 type of men a gurl can bump to. 

1: The one that you like

- Like myself, If I know I'm gonna meet up with someone I crush on, I will make sure I look good, dress well & talk fine. I will try my best to impress him & highlight all the goods of me in the effort of leaving him a good impression.

2: The one that you don't like.

- This is much simpler. Just be the worst of oneself. How hard can this be right? Seriously, to me it's tough. 

My egoness fight against my will to act bitchy towards human kind. 

I just spill all my bads & even created lies just to look even worst to that particular person. 

If he couldn't take it, he will leave it. 

The fact that if he could ever accept you the being the worst, he could be the one deserving your very best. 

I don't know. I'm just saying that this willingness of acceptance marks a great deal of sincerity. 

Anyway, as far as the dinner is concern, it's not what I ever thought of a date. 

Well, he's a man. Not a boy. LOL!

Anyway, not much impression yet. Simple man who isn't afraid to act himself. But I still doubt his intention.

He is concern about me knowing what car he is driving, his full name & age... Sigh. 

Not right!!!

What makes me even sad was that how would a stranger ever appreciate me more than my crushes?!

 :'(

I'm not gonna lie. I like the attention.

I just wish he could buy time & take it slow. I'm not in the rush AT ALL for goodness sake. 

That's all for the update. I hope I dun get burn myself playing fire. 

This year could be the year. 

However, it was very random. 

One comes after another. 

 

Tummy is misbehaving. Very uncomfortable. :(

Happy New Year 2013

On the faithful 29th of December, my childhood/high school darling is married to her lover boy of 6 years.

It was touching, it was a true celebration of love I must said. 

We used to exchange letters when we were young. Most of the time I demanded it. Anyway, I have a soft spot for her, a delicate beauty. I like her a lot. This kinda fondness is rare. But we headed separate ways after Form 5. We didn't bid each other a warm goodbye, no proper update device like FB back then. FB got us back together! I met her only after almost 6 years & it was on her wedding we reunited. :')

It was really sweet. Still the same old gal, my Meerah~ currently as Puan Nameerah, beloved wife of her beau. 

I presented you a photo album as I knew you're gonna have a fabulous life ahead. I wish you could store every special moment of urs in it. 

She opened my eyes for the very 1st time; me attending a traditional Malay's Wedding. 

She teaches me that true love can waits. True love will prevails. True love exists. 

I have long lost these 3 beliefs. I'm sure I will meet one soon. :)

Dear Nameerah, I wish you & ur hubby happiness till eternity.

A wedding: A perfect reunion.

I don't look good always in every photos especially photo taken by others. But the winning year 2012 photo of mine is none other than this stupid face. Taken while I was at a budget hotel in Malim Jaya, on my MCO period. 

I used to recall my yearly journey especially during my university years. They were filled with excitements & a lot of happiness. Those time, I was already expecting new year's journey even before the year ends. 

Now, as in today, I was only looking forward to new year because I wanted to detach from my ATM week & all the bank's year end drama.

Year 2012 is a learning year. Full of testaments. Filled with challenges. Seasoned with disappointments, Crushes by evils, loaded with experiences. I felt like I was being thrown out, trashed & ditched before I was taken back to my branch. More difficulty ahead. However, great deals comes with bigger satisfaction when all my hard work was acknowledged. It comes with a huge price & I took every ounce of credit all by myself. Sigh.... When will my dream ever come true? Is this my destiny? 

Hell to the No~ LOL

The weather was being very kind that special day of Xmas 2012. I drove me & my babes to PD!!!

How bout that huh? LOL.

It was a fun fun ride with u both. :) :) :) Who would have thought the Donut is even crazier than a Banana boat~ Even jet ski kalah wei.... LOL!!! Let's do it again!!! I'm for sure not taking the back seat!

IT WAS A MAD 10 CRAZY HELL RIDE!!!

If you wanna experience a similar feeling of being in a car accident (crashed, flipped, trashed & rolled ), you might wanna try this. XD I'm not kidding! The man fondly called himself BOB took pictures of us & dare  Saukheng that the Donat is even scarier than a Roller Coastal ride & that she will scream like mad. Haha... I screamed like mad!

Hell year aside, I must say I had great great times with my fwens alternately in the year. 

-PBB GT mate having good fun "traning" time at HQ-

- A string of auditions with dreamers singers wannabe- 

- NT XV with NT mates-

-Had Bday celebration with F6 mates & Xtine, JoWSY; party continues with TMT at KL-

- A trip to Langkawi Island with insect mates-

- PBB dinner performance-

- A trip to Penang for Roomie & NT babes-

- An Xmas date @ Lowyat & Pavillion-

- A trip to PD @ 8miles beach- 

- A date with YS- the super LOL we shared...my gosh-

I met new people, I made new fwens, Crushed & decrushed, Denied & Accepted, loved & hated

I consider myself drawn a full circled & made the best out of the year. It comes with the beauty of imperfection, but it doesn't matter I guess cuz it inspires me to live better in the coming year. 

With only 10 minutes left of me to seal this post as the last post of the year, I thank everyone who loves me dearly & I wish you nothing but happiness for all year round of year 2013.

:)

 & A sweet call by my love Ms Siewin marked a great start of my year in 2013 :)
Thank you dear~ I hope you always remember you're important to me. Always too.

Year End~

How I wish tomorrow is 1st of Jan 2013 already. 

The final day. The judgment day. The fearful day. I wish I could just take MC.

 I can't. The last day of the month, also the last day of the year. 

Acceptance, loan growth. profit growth, UIP, NPL, records, AA, meetings, ATM....

Im going nuts just by knowing all these shytes I will have to endure tomorrow. 

Gosh... pls. Just one more freaking day & I'll be free. 

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be detached from this ATM responsibility. Tomorrow 6pm is the meeting time, which also is this cut off time for the stupid UIP calling. After meeting, I'll be finally detached from stress of month end acceptance & also year end's branch loan growth. End of nightmare. I'm shivering!

SIGH!!! But definitely not with future stress coming from the meeting. Year 2013's expectations & review of 2012 records. & I guess I won't wun be able to get away with unwanted spotlight which possibly might do me good or bad. I couldn't predict. I don't know~

I beg & pray that tomorrow time could tick a little bit faster & I could survive till day end.

Big paycheque comes with big responsibility. Like it or not, U gotta perform.

FML.

Seriously. This is not healthy at all. Pls give me strength to endure all these before something meaningful comes upon. I'll be good, I'll be better~ Be kind to me. 

"Let Me Let Go"

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

BUSES AND TRAINS by The Bachelor Girl

Hey Mom, why didn't you tell me? 

Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?  

You just let me go out into the world  

You never thought to share what you knew

So I walked under a bus, 

I got hit by a train 

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same 

I've sunk out at sea, 

crashed my car, gone insane  

And it felt so good I want to do it again

 
Hey Mom, why didn't you warn me?  

'Cause about boys is something I should have known 

They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes 

I know they're bad for me 

but I just can't leave 'em alone

 
So I walked under a bus,

 I got hit by a train  

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same 

 I've sunk out at sea, 

crashed my car, gone insane  

And it felt so good I want to do it again

 

Hey Mom, since we're talking 

What was it like when you were young?  

Has the world changed or is it still the same?

A man can kill and still be the sweetest thing

 
I walked under a bus, 

I got hit by a train  

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same  

I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane 

And I felt so good I want to do it again