Stupidity is Infinite

As per Sir Einstein~

Well, I saw that quote being shared in FB; I didn't thought of any title for the post. 

I heard something that's very saddening not to myself but the fact that it hurt the person I love, I kinda pissed off knowing this ugly truth. It was actually made known for a long time ever since I knew wat was going on in the world. I didn't try to escape but I tried not to care.

Now that I'm all grown up, I even care less about it than I could possibly wanted to. 

I guess this person no longer own my respect & I wanna detach from it for good. 

If I am forced to face it one day, I wonder what would be my impromptu respond~

I couldn't imagine. I guess me doing nothing & saying nothing is the worst punishment to this person cuz only then it would know how does it feels to be betrayed. 

One fine day I will let you see it for good. 

Untill then pray hard I don't bump to you with your sins.

When I say I have a handful of jerks in my life I hope you know this is no joke. 

All males entities in my world are jerks. Only when I reach uni life & current working life that I see real living men. However, they are still passer by. They still don't make sense to me. 

This none particular fly who happened to blindly bump into me is no good boy too. Maybe it was my appearance, I kinda born with a stupid wild play-gal face which I had my father to thank for. Which many says that I look like my mother who definitely is innocent enough to jump into life's miseries. 

Maybe it was my friendly persona that people thought they could know me for good from one conversation. 

There's a saying that goes that the more you hate whatever in life, those are the one that will come after you. I guess I'm feeling it. All my life I know I'm an unlucky gal. All good things that ever happens will be subsequently followed by sadness. So it makes me believe that I don't deserve love & affection. When I come to believe in 'em, finally knowing that it's tangible, that's when I really am most vulnerable. Those are the people I have opened my heart to & if they were to crushed it, they most certainly could & I would just die.

This is the 1st guy who ever aggressively seek for my attention. I can see he tries so hard & pushy. I doubted his sincerity. I doubted his intention. I know guy at his age is already looking for long term wife who can cooks & clean house n give birth. It could also be that he enjoy singlehood & all he wanted is fresh women & fun in the bed. 

Either way, I'm not keen. It's not that I don't want sex or that I only want sex after marriage. Infact I really hate calling myself aging virgin. The precious 1st time watever. I had my principle. That very 1st time can only be given for the love of my life. I don't see my self having much luck in love either.

I just don't want to repeat my mother's footstep & any lady figures in my family. 

I was so close for allowing chances when he disappoint me in a way I couldn't imagined. 

He failed badly.

Having grow up in such broken tarnished family; spoiling my childhood was already enough hardship I need to go through. Repeating it myself is like slaping myself hard on the left face. Accepting it would be another on the other side. 

I know myself pretty well. That's when I fall in love, I will give in & give up on everything I ever wanted, on whatever principle I govern myself with & whatever ego I keep to survive.

So  I'm choosy. So choosy. Set the bloody bar so high, I can't even reach. Act as though I'm the millionaire daughter. Demand on good stuff when I am not someone who could do the same. Only when I'm willing to try; only when he's worthy for me to do so. 

There are still several things I need to clarify before I made my final call, to whether even accept him as friend. A lot at stake. I talk like it was a bet right? It is indeed a bet when I know what's there laying ahead. 

Selective of course as I already have enuff bff on the line I can't even be fair to each and everyone of them. Do I need more? If not extra good, I don't think so.

Some might say that I think a lot, some even say I think too much. But if you could ever think deeper, or kinda step into my shoes, you will know why simple stuff like this would need extensive evaluation. 

There' no room for mistake. I won't allow it. 

This is rare case. Highly uncomfortable. 

Sigh. 

Nasty air of trapped unspoken drama had finally unleashed. 

Imma sleep. Finally, heartfelt blogged. :)