Among all words that people used to tell me is that i always think too much.

You said that too.

Vice versa. 

But dont leave me alone too long with no assurance cuz i will really complicate things.

Im a terribly manja being and i love attention from the loved one. Very. I dont need material stuff or fancy dates. I just want an undivided attention, a warm hand to hold and a caring shoulder to lean on.

Low maintanence. 

High assurance. 

Sounds complicated already.

We had some topics last thursday which got the warm night became cold.

It wasnt an intended question. I dont like the answers but i respected that.

Sometimes we do things for our loved ones eventhough we dislike it. But because it makes that person happy, there is no harm trying with negotiated term and condition.

I hope you understand this.

You knew me very well and the fact that i care about you above all else, i will never force you to do anything you dont want to.

Fight for each other. Not with one another.

I have fight to stay put despite everyone ask me to stop waiting. Despite past tense n future tense calling. I still prefer my presence. 

Ohh... they always said that i expect too much as well.

I never really understand how i got this label but now i kinda understand it. I always have a visualization on my partner. A pressure i put on others and a misery i created for myself.

As i get elder, expectation worn off bit by bit as i got to understand that everyone is flawed. Perfection wouldnt want me and i wouldnt find us matching.

We came a long way. We dont stumble to each other. We crossed path and we got hiccups along the journeys. It was a lot of effort and many of the letting go but still try on and denials. 

I thought to myself that it was not suppose to be this hard. But then i forgotten i was difficult to be loved.

Many ppl come by and shown affection. But they leave too soon and give up eventually.

You were the only one who really stuck hard and persist.

Im sorry cuz i would appear insecure at times cuz i am really an insecure person. Coming from what i had and whatever shaped my past tense, i will have a tendency to please people i care for to keep everything okay. But deep down i might have a volcano erupting in my head. I will be overly sensitive towards changes in tone of voices, message delivery patterns and even facial expression.

With me you have to be open. You have to tell me and assure me. Dont let me have a guessing mind cuz mostly it goes haywired. Meanwhile i will learn to be less chaotic. I hope you have patient to fix this while showing me enough to kill this anxiety for good.

Feeling cant lie. That day i held on to your hand for a very long time and you asked me why. I have no answer to that. I just hope that night will continue to last longer or just stays at pulse mode.

I was really savouring the moment. 

That this at this moment it was real. 

That security i held onto was mine to protect and love who loves me back.

Since the day my dog passed away, I could never find warm in someone else arms and hugs.

You gave me that exact feeling i long lost. :)

Give us strength to walk on stronger.

Love, Vol. 1.