Eve & Xmas 2016

2016 is probably a year of RIP. Many big names are being taken away from the entertainment world. The latest being George Michale.

The man who sang my fav xmas song 'Last Christmas'. He literary died on xmas day.
He is the sad case of which his gayness was expose when the world find it hard to accept this tabooness. His fame gone down the drain eversince.
The world has change now and look at Sam smith. He came out straight admiting he is gay and he won bloody many grammy award. Ahaha... and imma fan.

Last Christmas is a sad song and i found a reason to sing it every year. This year is no exception.

On the eve. Due to period again and as always. It was always the woman hormons that are to blame.
It was so close. I wanted to call it off again. For real.
I was so emotional. It was the day which i dont think is a matter to you anyway.

And it has officially become meaningless. Xmas eve is just another day. Not anniversary. Not anything special. And im very sad to revoke the date that i have specific expectation on.

My bff came with her parents to see my house to check out details and see how to assist. Im glad she gave me some ideas into fixing the disasterous ID.

And i watched a bloody meaningful comedy drama called 'see you tomorrow'.
I actually cried for a few moments cuz the touching scences in the film really got into me. I think my mom shed some tears and the man aka stranger next to me did too.

The one that makes you cry effortlessly. Scenes that made you cry cuz the raw emotions displayed are those that you have experienced and recalled. One i would want to watch again. The lame funny jokes didnt really work but gosh. Its really best when you go into a movie without any expectation and let it wow you. It teaches me some values on one of the saddest day i had this year. There are things beyond our control and letting go isnt always bad. 8/10.

As the moody day past by thinking how do i spend the 2 more days rotten at home and how to fix it. He came knocking. One that i expected but i wish not to expect anymore.

I was close to saying no on the invitation with reasons he would buy like... im sick. Im having period. My mom is not feeling well.
Reasons that are solid and real but not the one that stop me from going places.

I know you have complication at home and you are sickly yourself. But i cant help to feel that things could be better managed and .... im sorry. Of all things im lacking, insecurity is a bitch.

I know i have your priority too.
Things you have done for me i remember vividly and i appreciate them.

Long story short. I accepted the invitation and we went to IOI city mall instead of pavillion.
It was my choice. One im not sure if i would regretted later but i knew it was the correct decision.

I was slightly weak but i was happy.
Infact i was a little overjoyed i wonder why... perhaps it was due to low blood pressure (period) and delayed medication effect.
I was conscious but delighted most of the time.

Time with him, its a comfortable one.
Most of the time. We suffer the same old indecisiveness on places to eat. Places to go.
Damn. But that gives me power to nag and laugh it off.

I manage to give out the presents that have been stationary in my room for a long time.
Earlier of the noon, i finally found my artistic mood to make him a bookmark. Those who know me will know the value of the bookmark. I dont think he understand. Anyway... not that i wish him to appreciate it like the way i did.

2016 could easily go either way.
Its either a forgetable wasted year with alternative of happy and sad memories. Going into year 2017 single and hostage free heart.

Or the year that changes everything... one that consist delayed decision, confused and painfull days as hell and some great times. Walking into 2017 attached, decision made and experiencing new partnership.

I think the former prediction has higher percentage in coming true. I have a habit of making the most out of even the worst case scenarios.
Hmmp. I still have hope and faith no matter how bad a situation is and it will go to the very end until i truly give up.

Its nearing and i really have no regreat this time. I have make the most effort base on the conditions that im facing. Its not up to me now. And im already doubting. I know its almost time to call it quit.
Delaying decision does more harm than cruel intention and cheating.

And before we ruin our friendship by decision you cant made with your unsolved puzzles and certainties on me, we could choose to be best of friends.

I tried. Maybe you have tried your hardest too.
Still it is not enough.
You dont love me enough.
Because love is suppose to conquer every doubts and fears.
That reason alone got me hit a new low.
It lowers my self worth.
Somehow im still not worthy.


Again. I care about your feeling more than mine.
I know that you could go further and see more years and things beyond now and it will only leads you to more exposure and perhaps you will finally find the one you truly and undoubtedly love.
What you need to do is to stay unattached, committed to your futures and make most effort to things you love now.

You have to be hardworking and stay clear minded.
Never be bothered by things not matter.
Be able to make wise decision steadfastly and steadily. You are only so young. Time is gold and the future awaits. Be more open minded while holding on to own life principles. Be fearless. Do know you are capable to deal with hardship, pain and lossess. Wrong decision never define you. How you come back stronger are the ones. With growing maturity god knows where it leads to.

You have my support!
While wish me lucks and hope the best for me to achieve my dreams too.

I know my ultimate happiness is a delayed one.
I hope by the time i achieve my enternal freedom and happiness, i will still be blessed with good health and enough wealth to see the world and find my own peace of mind.

Prior to everything else. Let me do just one more thing. Let's celebrate your birthday before the year ends. I still wish i could achive plan A with you.
But places always dont matter. It just add fanciness to people. It is always the person sitting next to you that brings value.

Then we walk into 2017. With good health and new memories and whole lotsa new worthy and beautiful expectation.

Its time to create a new 2017 resolution. Only this time the list will make much more sense and being attached will definitely be off the chart :)

2017 is the year to revive Jcdagreat.
Let 2016 be bygone.

Love. Joanne.

Oh yea. The gifts. Are funny and sweaty.
I hope you find a place to use them. Haha...
Merry xmas and happy new year.