Liar.
Liar.
Liar.

No. You didn't lie.
It was the promising figure of you in my head that lies.

So basically it isnt you.

It's deceiving.
At least at this moment i think you are misleading me. Either then or now.

If you have read me, then you are ignorant.
If you did not or could not, then...

Are you testing me or are you in the middle of settling some bothering issues?

If you are testing me then you are just being silly.
I have a bad ego issue.

You got me in an expectant consistence and then you take it back just like that.
I need to praise you for your swift unplug of emotion without the sense of guilt.

They said it is hard to trust a flirtatious man.
I thot i was different cuz i got the more real you.
And it was me you and us when we communicate.
i thought that was different.
I thought you were different.
True?

So u said some chatters wont take flirting seriously thus its okay. They wont misunderstand.
I never take it as a matter.

But it becomes one when i feel like i am too just a flirt partner.
I am no different with them. Or am I?
How do i tell? I was so certain that i hold a different position. I was.

One's position is valued not only when he thought of you in late mid night, when most people are lonely or genuine.
It is also measured when she crosses your mind when you are most busy or stressed, when you have an urge to share your feeling of both excitements and grieves. No?
You dont hide and go emotionally detached when you are not in the mood??

But then again, who am i to say this really?
Im in the wrongest position and these above mentioned qualities are not applicable at all.

Coming from a fresh bad entanglement of emotion got me even more insecure towards this alien topic of relationship. As much as i denied it, im pretty sensitive and i think a lot. A lot.
I often try to change by being ignorant and because of that i try not to be emotionally involve in a lot of stuffs and with people.

Im more confuse than ever and this is sickening.
I thought we highlighted communication as the key to make things clear. To clarify. Now what?

Tired?
Stress?
Or i make you mad in anyway?

If you are giving up already of which you told me that you will only do so if i give up 1st, please cut the drama short and do tell me. Or was it a lie? A joke?

I dont expect you to understand why i think or feel like that. Man has his way of behaving. Woman just have way extras.

Your clarity made me give in to believe you. Now i think it might just be merely flirt talking. This hurts me a bit. I wanted so much to trust that intangible promise. Every move i take took me some guts to execute it. It hurts my ego but i dismiss it. Cuz apparently i wish to try.

I have loved. But never been in a relationship. And we are not in one. Thus we are hanging somewhere and i dont know where i stand.

As much as i thought that i could tell if this is real or not, i am still doubting cuz somehow the out comes often proves me wrong. Will this be the same?

They say be you. Just be you. Dont have to know how to act or respond to attraction.
This is me. Insecure. Ego. Doubting. Would you be able to accept them?

I know u r not in the position to do what you should do.
But your assurance is fading and this caused me feeling uneasy.

I feel that you are even happier with another person as friend and colleague than with me... who is well... just me. Haha

Gosh. Reading this made me feel so wanting and desperate. Silly joanne. Silly.

What the hell...

Kk.

Yellow card.

Underneath these all, im worried.
I hope you are not facing anything stressful other than job. Apparently when you are not happy, you dont talk.

Im sorry if my doubts caused much trouble.
Im sorry if i have misunderstood all these and it was just purely my fantasy.
Im sorry if i have caused you any unnecessary rumours. I have never intentionally tell out what we had as a topic of conversation.
Apparently what we had is not suppose to see lights. I respect that but i dislike it.
Im sorry for my necessity of assurance. But anyway... its not needed now.
Maybe all these are just misunderstands.

So i dont expect you to do what you are not comfortable with.

Just dont keep me misunderstood.
Cuz the last misunderstanding i had cost me 1 year of heartache. It was my fault. It will continue to be my fault. Cuz i let them in.
I shouldnt have. Should i?

Nobody want to see my battle scars.
They dont like it. You know what, i dislike them too.
I cant believe that you will got me feeling the same, just like how they've treated me.

Got me teary.
Got me questioning.
Got me feeling out casted, unwanted.
Got me wronged. Lost.
Got me doubting myself again.

" Joanne, you misunderstood again.
  Joanne, you think too much again.
  Joanne, you mess it up again.
  Joanne, you gotta be kidding me.
  Joanne, you just never learned. Why dont you            ever learn? "

Well. If you want real, this is exactly how i feel
now. I know some are just over rated. Pure nonsense. Too much thinking. Too hardcore. Fyi, i can go crazier. Its normal. Pretty normal. I happen to voice out.
But yea.
Women, we got a way and away with all these.

Pls dont read me.
Pls dont read me.
Pls dont read me.

Sleep well and good night :(