If it is meant to be that i need to pay u back this life time ill do it. But i dont wish this to happen to me next life time. Make me a boy and an orphanage. Or give me a complete set of life of what i am having now. Fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml

I hate everything thats happening now. 7 months ago i thought it will be over. 7 months later it only get worst. Worst! How long u expect me to be filial? U r only 51 and im 27 my goodness sake. Omg. To think about it u r controlling my fucking freedom at my most active and fruitful youthful period. And to be thankful could you just control ur fucking anxiety?

1st time went to emergency room today fearing that she might suffer a stroke while we are having dinner. It was near to columbia so we went there, met the doctor and high blood pressure overshoot to 180/108. Waited for 1 and a half hour there and pressure was measured 30 min each interval. Blood pressure subsequently reduced. She was discharged. All doctors were telling the same fucking shit. Anxiety anxiety anxiety!!!!! Each n every fucking doctor! She is suffering from hormonal reduction and all its lacking off effect in some extreme ways and all other sickness but what really is killing her is her mind. I dun noe how to help her. I raised my white flag. I only have enough to send her to doctors and buy medication. Help her please. I dont wish to get involve in all the drama that comes along. Doctors cant help her, my friend couldnt help me. Ive devoted all my times for her and all her shits and my work. And u expected me to go commit into another relationship? How? Who do u wish me to care about? How do i make a decision on two people that i prioritize? Yes im thinking very far ahead cuz i dont longer feel like i have a future. The future that i dream of. Or maybe i dont deserve one.
:'(

Cant u tell ure suffocating me?
If yes why dont you be more thoughtful?
What do i need to do to make things right?
I just want more time n freedom to myself.
Emotional stableness and a peace of mind...
Am i asking a lot?

Why do i feel like im the only child?
Im too relied and depend on. Am i doing too much too soon and steering it the wrong way.
or that i over promised anything?

Sigh. Fml.
Save her body n soul.
Then u will be able to save me.