My new manager said that i am lacking of bravery 3 days after he came into my branch. That was after i told him that i did not go for the HR interview which may or may not promote me as biz M after he asked my group about our direction in bank. You know opening speeches. At first i was like wtf... who are you to judge me while not knowing me? Who are you to tell me that? That was such a wrong accuse of him to me. He said opportunity goes to those who are prepared and has the bravery to take up the challenge. It makes a lot of sense. But hadnt he heard of the phrase of slow and steady win the race, the fact that im not even racing and the fuck i won an award for it? Doesnt that sounds as an accomplishment too?

I watch the Mtv production of The Ride, show that shows how a celebrity became a celebrity. Quite a few that i watched like Linkin Park, jennifer hudson, last time shows like taylorswift and beyonce. None of these people had it easy. They are lucky in a sense that their hard work got the attention of the big people. They dare to dream and work and back up with family support with gifted talents and equal harsh effort to horn the skills. So was i lacking of bravery? I dreamt of the darndest things... but whether i ever want it so bad? I dont know... 

Recently i wanted to do stretches again. My university years got me into continuous dancing performance and every freaking year ill be pushing my old bones to the limit. I used to be able to do a close split of 180° but i never quite manage to make it a perfect one. My tcher would be screaming... joanne, sit ur ass on it. But i never dare enough to do it... i think the closest one was around 30cm butt above ground. Ill be stretching again. I promise. I mean what would be the worst thing that could happen right? Maybe it could manipulate the fact that i am indeed a maiden. A fact that i begin to feel embarrassed in admitting. Cant seremban have at least a fucking contemporary dance school? 

Imagine me as a classical self guide musical note book. Rows and rows of scores... pretty for viewing alien to users and expensive in price. Placed highly on a book shelve, thick black and shiny. People passed me by daily. Majority will ignore me as they have no music sense and they do not need me. They see me as a waste of paper production cuz even if they need me, they can go on9 and google search what i had to offer. Faster cheaper and far more easier to understand. Conveniences. 

Still occasionally there will people who will curiously wander to my section and pull me out for a quick look due to my elegance. But the moment they look into the pages, they found me complex, printing too small, too heavy to hold, width too wide n cant fit on a music stand, too much for a youngster, too lousy for a professional, too pricey for a learners, too lacking for enthusiast. TMTH. 

I end up being stuffed back to the place where i belong and this routine got my edges rough and scratched. I stood proudly still. The thing now is not that i dont wanna try my best to find my best owner. I cant. I am written the way i am. The right one must come in and the compatibility must work its magic. I seek for appreciation and you seek for scores that feed your soul musically. 

While the book waits patiently for its master, there will still be enthusiast or passionate learner who wish to challenge themselves and try to read me. Im not entirely a close book. But i selectively complicates some scores cuz some thing are meant to be tough. There is no mountain high enough, no river wide enough and no valley low enough for a passionate achievers. You just dont fucking give up. You dont let go. You just dont. 

Adui... lol. I am a wishful learner. I wish i know how to read a music score... Ill just stay in awe with the beauty of the notes while not taking effort to understand them. However alien the languge it is to me, i could sing its melody. I just cant read. Am i making any sense here?

Sleepy dy.... sleepy since 10pm. Guess what im doing? Sigh.  

Korean boy say must mention his name in the blog. 

People tag him as korean boy when his name is handsomely spelled as Derrick. True to the tag he has got the face many boys and girls will die for. 

Very humorous boy and pretty charming i must say. Sweet in nature. Sometimes he think too much which something that resembled me but not from me. Haha. 

Happie mou?